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Kris Cruze · (08-29-2017)

Well, first and foremost I’d like to congratulate you Gabe. You have once again proven to be completely underwhelming and lackluster. And for once I thought I’d have an actual challenge ahead of me. I’ve managed to coast through life, even when I was fat, so I was looking for the better man.

It’s a shame I didn’t find him.

Instead, I find a man who is so generic and boring, I think his promotional video actually gave me cancer.

CANCER, GABE.

Like, fuck dude, really? What the hell did I just watch? If you’re gonna pull the trigger, do it, it’ll save you some embarrassment come Saturday. If not, quit fucking crying about it, goddamn. You’re like Edgar Allen Poe if he had AIDS, Cancer, and fucking Autism. Oh and before you pull the typical poetic metaphorical card on me, I’m already aware. I was just hoping if I talked about it, you’d actually do it.

Uneventful, anticlimactic, boring as fuck, man.

Those are terms I would use to describe you and the way that you record your videos.

Quote:People who suffer from it develop maladies that magically they can solve all their problems with one change. A deep nearly spiritual belief in immediately fixing one part, to correct the whole. It's a lot like forgiveness. At least, the basic human hope for it. Forgiveness tells us about ourselves. Our capacity to move forward through the treacherous peaks and valleys of this life.

That was your definition for Bullet Syndrome. Congratulations on pillaging Wikipedia and then making it sound ten times more interesting than it really is by trying to relate it to our situation. Because that’s pretty much your entire thing, isn’t it? Trying to spice yourself up to make yourself look better than you really are? Here is the actual definition of Bullet Syndrome according to Wikipedia, where I cited this information from.

“Silver Bullet Syndrome is the belief that the next big change in tools, resources or procedures will miraculously or magically solve all of an organization's problems. This assumption is almost invariably erroneous.”

Was that that hard, honestly?

Moreover, Silver Bullet Syndrome is typically attributed to large businesses or organizations, not to say that it can’t be applied to an individual, because it can. My question is, at what point did you feel that I was looking for a change? I made my intentions clear, confident and swift, as always. I never spoke of any of my attributes or fallacies as negative. You pulled this information from your ass because you wanted to use it against me, because you thought it sounded poetic.

News flash!

You failed.

You also felt it necessary to throw more incredibly inaccurate information in the following statement.

“But I don't need yours. The Syndrome can be yours alone. Doing well here won't fix Kris Cruze. There is no fix for what you are. Claim to be. I don't need to ask philosophical questions to make myself feel whole. All I need is a shield to deflect the fallout from coming back and hitting me in the head.”

You don’t need my forgiveness? Well fuck, I’d hope not, I hadn’t planned on apologizing anytime soon. I don’t typically apologize for the truth, regardless of how bad it hurts. No fix for what I am? Is that a shot at my love for cock, or my promotional videos, or what? You vague motherfucker, add a little clarity for Christ sake. I had you so fucked in the head that you couldn’t decide which point to try and denounce so you fucking thought it would be a good idea to be mysterious, and vague. Well motherfucker, it’s gonna cost you, because you just look

and untalented. Not being able to zero in on what you consider to be my inadequacies is more reason why everything I say is the goddamn truth. And no, Gabe, you ain’t gotta sit there and ask philosophical questions or any of that bullshit, you’re right. But that shield you claim to need to deflect the fallout? Motherfucker, I’m going to bury you. Mentally, verbally, physically, you name it.

You’re. Just. Not. Good. Enough.

“Kris Cruze forgets; that sometimes the sense he tries to make of the world has grown stagnant. It past him by. A trail of violent memories. Angst. He neglects to mention his own predicament. What... a surprise. Capturing the attention of an audience is an admirable talent. By the Grace of God, it truly is. He should learn it.”

Now you see, the logical answer to this, and the answer you’d receive from 99% of the roster would be “I never said a word about the world being stagnant or passing me by. You just assume that’s how I feel.”

But not me, bro.

OH NO, NO, NO!

You done got into a battle of wits with the wrong nigga, bruh.

You think you’re slick, hah!

I ain’t forget shit. What that says is that I, Kris Cruze talked about your past. That I try to make sense of you by using the past to my advantage, but it’s stagnant because it’s no longer the truth. Or so you claim. Passing me by means that I wasn’t around to see you leave your past in a “Trail of violent memories” and angst.

Do you hear that?

It’s the sound of KC lapping your tired ass every time he opens his beautifully crafted cockholster.

As for capturing the attention of an audience?

Fuck that. I captured YOUR attention, Gabe. I put you on blast and you tried to negate me, poetically, might I add, and failed.

So my goal was met the moment you put pen to paper, pal.

“Because being caught in what can never be are the things behind us, we as people, have been avoiding all along. Especially him. Tough conversations, filtered by our withholding as an easy way to spare feelings, higher emotions, because we know after knowing are lower reasons to retaliate. No one is right or wrong..”

Why in the fuck do you talk like that, man? This isn’t 1600, it’s fucking 2017. Your need for waxing intellectual and poetic is completely

. You use it as a defense mechanism and some kind of ploy to hope that your opponent won’t see through the shattered dreams, lies, and malicious intent you you objectively argue.

You’re referencing the voicemails on my phone and the fact that I am avoiding them. You’re right, I am avoiding them, and for good reason. But that reason, for now, has no bearing on what we’re doing. Seems to me like you’re grasping for straws at this point, and I’ll just cut you off before you grab one. Also, quit trying to spin every point you make about me into some broad generalization meant to captivate an already uninterested audience.

Ain’t nobody give a shit about your views of the world.

No one is right or wrong? I’m right and you’re wrong, simple as that. Oh, but you wanna get deep with it again, huh? Does it make your dick hard to talk about this shit, I mean, fuck, the next thing you say is:

“ Everything is objective based on who or what you may choose to care about that day. There are no moral absolutes; only what happens, then what follows”

Oh okay, so instead of just saying “Everyone has an opinion” you once again had to give it some extra bullshit to make it seem more intriguing, though again, it isn’t.

Moral absolutes?

This is getting to be too easy.

There most certainly are absolutes.

They are an opinion of what you believe to be true, and not what society believes to be true. Therefore, you as a singular entity and not as a product of society is more than inclined to have a moral absolute.

"I pulled the trigger."

Fuck, I wish…

Oh and your dehydration analogy is shit, by the way.

It took that much talking and for what?

No reason, other than to try and seem poetic again. But here, I’ll go ahead and translate for the viewers at home, seeing as I see through the bullshit parade you call talent.

You say that you were miserable in the XWF before, and that all you could think of was how you let it happen. You realized there was no future here for you so you exited the company in a poor fashion. Then you continue to speak of your failure, and that your parents had known it long before you did. So you went elsewhere to try and get the job done, and you say you met some old enemies from before, and no one so far has been able to take you out. And you think to yourself, maybe I’m better than this and you felt compelled to leave. But you had no motivation, no drive, you just wanted to give up. You finally had the reality check that you’d been dreading and it took the wind from your sails. And at this point you knew you had to rectify the situation before it was too late.

It’s amazing how boring you are once you subtract the false bravado and laughable attempts at poetry.

“Could anyone nail the coffin shut on me for good?”

I assure you, my good man, I will do just that!

“I entered XWF at a time when the deck was reshuffled with bits of new talent added to the plain names of old. I excelled.”

You ain’t gotta lie to make friends.

You like to whine, don’t you? Apathy, prophetic loathing, you name it dude, you try it all! Goddamn I ain’t never been so fucking bored with somebody as I am with you right now. You just keep going on and on and on about the same shit, trying to spin it into something you don’t think I’ll catch.

I caught it,

, and I always will.

I’m a catcher. Dicks, shade, your shitty poetry in motion, like Ash, I catch’em all.

“Kris Cruze spent so much time trying to find ways to tear at the parts. Meanwhile, the whole is standing right in front of him.”

By that you must mean a whole lot of narcissistic, irrelevant bullshit that just filled time with no real rhyme or reason.

Yeah, that’s definitely what you meant, dickcheese.

“Prodding at a past means you are not focused on the future. A future that will invest in you if you give up front, Kris.”

Oh, I am very much focused. Focused on dismantling the “completed whole” back into parts, and then reassembling it in a way that makes you look like a complete failure. And thus far, I’ve done just that, Gabreno. You said that sticking my nose into a filthy tape vault was not the way to prepare for you. How the fuck else am I supposed to prepare then? I don’t know you, I’ve never met you. Why would I enter a battle without the proper information. You then go on to claim that I have feared you longer I would admit publically, but privately I was quick to admit it?

WHO THE FUCK WOULD I TALK TO ABOUT A GUY, THAT I’VE NEVER MET BEFORE?!

It’s not like I was here when you were, dipshit. I just got signed like a week ago, or something.

Fuck.

“A whimper when the powers that be said you would be the centerpiece of a meal I would be starving to feast on.”

NIGGA HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA TELL YOU, I DON’T KNOW YOU?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE AFRAID OF SOMEONE I’VE NEVER HEARD OF?!

I’m not sure how Chaos ever lost to you. He had to have been sick or some shit, cause this is unfucking real.

The shamble I will leave behind is the English language?

Pot. Meet. Kettle.

Simple yet effective.

And it’s been very effective thus far, Gabe.

“What other fun charisma-less antidotes might you recite?”

You accusing me of having no charisma should honestly be the new definition of irony.

Somebody call Webster cause we gotta make some changes.

“Refocus "God's Gift" before he is made King Jester of all condom protesters”

King Jester? Doesn’t the XWF already have one of those? That’s the guy that follows The Kings™ around making everyone laugh. You must be confused again, it’s okay, it happens.

The rest of your video is honestly just more and more dribble, dressed up in its Sunday best looking for a home in the realm of creative relevancy.

I’d suggest you quit now, and save what little bit of dignity you have left.

If you continue to confuse Kris Cruze with your poor attempts at mockery you will force my hand, and you will not like the outcome.

Quote the gayman, nevermore.

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