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Chris Chaos · (08-29-2017)

troll
trōl
noun
a mythical, cave-dwelling being depicted in folklore as either a giant or a dwarf, typically having a very ugly appearance.
synonyms: goblin, hobgoblin, gnome, halfling, demon, monster, bugaboo, ogre
"the storybook trolls who live under the bridge"

That is all Barney Green is. That troll under the bridge. The one we all hear about, know is there, but go out of our way to avoid because we don't want to acknowledge. Barney Green is just there, but has no real impact on daily life in the normal world one way or another.
Barney Green has many names. The Epitome of Cool, The Boston Brawler, Green Machine, whatever else he decides to tack on, but they are all just sirnames for the ugly, fat, lazy, disgusting troll who inhabits the XWF's darkest corners.

And he is both a giant, and a dwarf. How ironic is that?!

troll
trōl
noun
a line or bait used in trolling for fish.

Barney Green has thrown lures in left and right, but very few have bitten. Those who have bitten have quickly figured it out and gotten out of the situation before the could be caught. Barney trolls for attention like a fisherman trolls for his catch--hoping, wishing, praying that some day, somewhere, somehow, someone would actually pay the fuck attention to him. Fishing is about 15 percent skill and 85 percent luck. Trolling for fish is an even smaller skill number. Barney Green throws his lure in the water time and time again but has yet to catch a fish worth keeping.

troll
trōl
verb

make a deliberately offensive or provocative online post with the aim of upsetting someone or eliciting an angry response from them.

This is an interesting one. Barney Green claims he hates it when people post his baby dick photos to XWF related media sources, or to twitter, Facebook and snapchat etc. But, if you ask him for it, Barney will send you the photo himself. Barney on the bed, shirtless with more rolls than a bakery. Barney was the one who released they photos intially, putting them out there in the digital world then asked people not to use them. Why would he do that? Well, like the previous examples, Barney likes the attention. He knew full well that people were going to take such hilariously disgusting photos and spread them around like a wildfire. Barney knew all along. He claims it gets him mad, but it doesn't. It makes his scrotum tingle for people to be sharing it. Making fun of it. Barney would rather be talked about negatively than completely ignored.

How many times has he been banned?

All a ploy in order to build up anticipation for Barney Green's grand return.....

.....all 3 of them.

Barney doesn't care if you call him fat, he wants to. He gets excited by people discussing how terrible his life is. Barney Green is nothing but a troll.

Barney Green is a troll in every sense of the word. Every definition that could be and has been associated with the word, Barney Green fits. Hey, at least he "fits" into something.

After an extensive internet search, Urban Dictionary, ironically, pulled up the best way to describe Barney Green:

Troll
Before the Internet, there were the mythical Trolls of old who ate farmer’s goats.

Barney would most likely eat a goat, he wouldn't even need BBQ Sauce. But, that is not the one that fits him best.

According to Urban Dictionary:

All trolls are socially predatory creatures and when young are usually obsessed with their exterior appearances, while neglecting development of their blackening souls.

Their interior ugliness comes out as they age, and they, usually, let their outer appearances go to hell, so that they are easily recognizable. But, the young and middle-aged trolls will sometimes fool you with their charm.

All trolls are shysters and tight-fisted money grubbers who will screw you on any deal while making it out like you are the one coming out ahead. They will usually always greet you with a smile and a handshake. Sometimes, they will call you “brother” or “lady” to throw you off track.

All trolls are shit stirrers, lechers & trouble-makers.

If this doesn't fit Barney Green to a T, nothing does.

Barney Green is obsessed with his external appearance and he shoves it down our throats time and time and time again. He thinks everyone cares about it as much as he does. But while shoving his gross exterior down our throats, he let his soul go to shit.

Barney used to wear suits, as he said. He wanted to impress people, he wanted to look good. It was all a lie. Barney died more and more on the inside, and his soul got blacker and blacker and blacker. Like, Lexington Steel black.

His external appearance has long since went to hell and Barney tries to pull the wool over eyes with his smile, his charm and is "heart". He is easily recognizable---he is basically an elephant walking among people.

Barney is a shysters and tight-fisted money grubber, just ask him. He continues to show up to shows collecting paychecks while everything else around him falls to shit. His family, his health, his dignity. As long as he keeps getting paid he feels like he is worth something.

Barney Green isn't worth the gum on the bottom of a well-walked shoe, but he continues to push the fact to the XWF fanbase that maybe he is.....

THAT is why Barney Green is, without a shadow of a doubt, a troll.

I SEE YOU BARNEY

YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM CHAOS

Just when I thought it wasn't scientifically or anatomically possible for Barney Green to look any more like a potato than he already does.......he goes and gets an LGBT haircut. Maybe they will accept them as they seem to be an "everyone is beautiful in their own way" sort of bunch. Accepting of everyone. After I put you on the shelf after Warfare Barney you could work at a hardware store. You have the same haircut and the same lathargic work ethic of most of the dykes who inhabit those places anyway. It doesn't make you a hard worker to show up, Barney. It makes you a hard worker to get the job done.

I think your track record shows that that is something you can't do.

Finish the job.

Get it done.

No, instead, you put in just enough effort to stay alive while putting in just little enough to matter.

Not only does he not know when to put the fork down, Barney Green doesn't know when to shut up. He doesn't know when his time is up, his game is over, his skills have waned. He holds on to a tiny sliver of hope that someone might actually give a shit what he has to say, but is too punch-drunk at this point to realize that we are not laughing with him, we are laughing at him.

We are taking enjoyment in the pitiful life of Barney Green. It makes us feel just that much better about ourselves. Say what you want, Barney. Say what you need. It is all hot air, yadda yadda. You are a different man, an evil man. Yeah, we get it. You have done four promo's now, and all of them have said the exact same thing. I don't think you are capable of saying anything other than what you convinced yourself to be the truth. Why not branch out, expand your horizons? Oh yeah, that's right, that actually takes EFFORT. It doesn't take effort to be a human version of whack-a-mole. It takes effort to rise from that and be something. So, whatever fork lift you decide to use to get to the arena in Quebec, just know that the man who is there waiting for you has put in more effort to be the best than everyone else on this roster combined.

You want to talk about being evil? Barney, you don't have an evil bone in your body. All you have are broken ones. You don't have it in you to put me through the same hell I am going to put you through. You Barney have it in you to get out of bed in the morning. You're a broken down old man with a heart bigger than your brain. A burnt out windbag with D cups and nothing between the ears. You're stepping into the ring with a man who likes to hurt people for sport. You're a man who likes to get hurt for sport. Oh what a great combination we make! Barney, you just want us to feel bad. I think, and I am being serious here, I think you enjoy all of this. I think you enjoy the attention. I think you sit back and you relish in your role as a loser. You sit back and throw a dip in, smiling through your yellowing teeth as people watch your promo's about your sorrows and how shitty your life is. I think you pull us all in, tug at our heart strings, and make us care about you because we feel guilty for not caring. You sit back and rake in the paychecks all while putting on the image of being broke........

Barney, face it, you're nothing but a troll.

I see right through it. I am not like these moronic fans who think Barney Green is some sort of superhero. I see the scam, the jig is up. I am going to expose you for the fraud you are. You aren't evil, you just want us to think you are.

You keep bringing up me being gay. I am bisexual. I like both men and women equally.

So what you are saying is you like a nice firm dick in the ass but wouldn't say no to a set of tits in your face either? That is gay. The fact you like men at all, is gay. There is no grey area. I don't want to hear any of this liberal bullshit. You like men, you're gay. So Barney.....you're gay. There is nothing wrong with it, I just want you to be honest with yourself and with your fan base.

....all 3 of them.

I am shocked that you spent so much valuable breathing energy on me, Barn. I must have really struck a chord. I must have really made you mad. I could tell I had you upset when your sentences began not to make sense and your punctuation was rivaling that of a first-time English writer. Hell, John Bapiste Le'Croix is easier to understand and follow than you when you get upset Barney.

I am the guy who broke fuckin' barriers in this business.

Yeah, all you had to do was lean on them, Barn. Breaking barriers left and right. Well this week you are going to break the speed of sound because I am going to throw you off that stage and you will be dead before anyone hears you hit the ground.

A man with nothing left to lose in his life but everything to gain.

Isn't that funny, didn't you say in previous "Diary of a Fat Man" entries that you had nothing left to accomplish? That there was nothing to gain except shutting me up? God Barney, you're as inconsistent as spaces between your stretch marks.

Just because I made your current squeeze squeal and visited your "love's" grave, you want to bring Jenny into this? Well, asshole, if you've been following XWF in any capacity other than what Roxy Cotton's panties look like you'd realize that Jenny and I are having our issues. We are separated, at the moment. Don't think that because I helped her on Savage that we are suddenly hopping in the sack again. That was more about sending a message to my next victim, John Holliday, than it was saving Jenny Myst.

But lets say in some alternate reality where Barney Green wasn't a total waste of life, and Jenny was in the position to pop a squat on that pencil eraser you call male genitalia.....she's blonde Barn, she would have a hard time finding it even if she was looking at it. She is used to a baby's arm holding an apple......not a baby's finger dangling apple seeds.

If THIS is the monster inside Barney Green, he is more suited to be the lead villian on a kids TV show on Saturday mornings. This is far from a monster. What I see whenever your fat face comes on the 60 inch 4k TV, is a human being who has been pushed beyond the limits of the human anatomy barriers. I don't see a monster who strikes fear in anyone except behind the drive-thru box at Taco Bell.

That dirty angel fills my mind with rage and anger

Which is it Barney? An angel or a demon? You live your entire life in an alchaholic blur. You don't know what you are anymore. You just talk to talk, say things to say things. I don't even know if you can spell Barney Green at this point in your life. Your brain has to be mush at this point. Why am I even bothering? This is a total joke......

BUT

There was ONE thing that you said that rubbed me the wrong way---kind of the same way you your junk....your not supposed to go flat finger up and down---never mind.

What you said was the bit about Jim Caedus. How in the ever loving fuck did I screw HIM over? If I screwed him over, Barney, I would be the Universal Champion right now. If I screwed him over I wouldn't be 0-3 vs. him. If I screwed him over I wouldn't have told the world that even though I hate his ugly guts, I respect the hell out of him for being as tough as he is. You see, Barney, I give respect where respect is due. One of these days, I WILL beat Jim Caedus, but until I do, nobody on this planet can say I screwed him over. Get with the fucking program and try to pay attention to the language we have all agreed on here. You just sound stupid.

Barney.....

I am going to rip you to pieces. People have been telling me for months now that I don't have it anymore. The old Chaos is gone. They said the same thing before my first blood match with Thaddeus Duke and I busted him wide open. His blood stained the mat. Duke is twice, maybe three times the competitor you will ever be. I left Graves laying in a pool of blood. I have been in some of the most brutal and intense matches in company history and I have never felt better. I have no qualms with disembowling you in front of the world. For me, it is a pride thing. For me, it is going toe to toe with the "hardcore legend" and showing that I can get just a evil as he can. For me, it is about proving that I am someone to be taken seriously. For some reason, and I am confused as to why, you are that barrier that I need to surpass. If I can lay Barney Green out, I will be the new tough guy. It is kind of a joke, honestly, that YOU are the pedestal. But hey, I don't make the rules I just break them. And I am going to break you, finally. I am going to take you to hell, bring you back, then take you there again. Unlike your Irish Brother Connor McGreggor, there will be nobody there to stop your plight when you get in over your head.

Two Irish failures in the course of 5 days.

One loudmouth and one troll. The only difference is at least McGreggor is still considered to be the baddest motherfucker in his sport. When I am done with you, there won't be anything left of you to judge. Barney Green will be what he should have been years ago---an afterthought.

YOU brought this on yourself. You called me out. I wanted to retire you so that you can't infect the rest of the roster with the stench of perpetual failure, but that was shot down. So, injuring you for good was the next best option. You called me out, I was fine with ignoring you. Just remember when you are choking on your own bile and blood that Barney Green wanted this.....and now Barney Green got what has long since been coming to him.

I am Barney Allison Green from Boston and I am taking the trash out with me.

You are Barney Allison Green and for once in your miserable existence you should have taken the smart road and not shown up.

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