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Chris Chaos · (08-28-2017)

BEFORE BARNEY'S PROMO "YOU CAUSED THIS"

PRE BARNEY/RANDI FIGHT

They walked out of the bedroom.

......"So what you are saying is that he hasn't tried to get intimate with you in over a year?"

"No, he hasn't wanted to touch anything that wasn't loaded with alcohol or didn't come in a can. He has been completely distant."

"That is a shame. A beautiful girl like you."

They walked towards the door. Randi's hair was a bit ruffled.

He opened it for her.

"Thank you for all the dirt on Barney. I won't be needing it , but it will be nice to have it all in the back of my mind while I am rearranging his face Wednesday Night."

"Just make sure he is done. Make sure he comes back to me. Make him feel like he has noone left, nothing left. Like I am the best option for him right now."

"Yes, a manipulative gold digging whore who maxed out his credit cards and fucked his estranged brother is his best option.......god this is too good....."

She smiled sheepishly. She knew how much she sucked.

As he opened the door, she walked by. On the way into the hallway he grabbed her ass. She smiled at him.

"I will send you an invitation to Barney's funeral.....I hope to see you there. I am having it fully catered from Zanzibar."

As he closed the door he smiled to himself. He had the inside scoop on Barney Green, and Randi still had more information that he was awaiting when she got back.

It was great being at the top.

LAS VEGAS

"So it appears I did something that Barney's heart has failed to do.....and that is run blood through all of his appendages. It is really boiling now, like a cauldron of fat emotion. Barney Green is so angry, he looked like he was about to cry. I could have sworn I saw a 1,200 calorie tear in the corner of his eye as he gurgled and burped through his latest disasterpiece of a promo.

I knew I needed to do something to get that blood boiling, to get that anger churning. It looks like Randi did it. But you don't "love" Randi, do you? You put up with Randi. She has caused you a lot of hardship in your life, hasn't she? She is the reason you are nothing more than a disgruntled recovering alchohalic that has a date with diabetes and literally zero motivation to do anything but die.

But I know who you do love........"

The sky was a blueish white. It was literally a perfect late summer day in the desert. Chris had flown out to Las Vegas to visit Tessie. Tessie, Barney's old girlfriend and first/only real "love".

"You don't want me to get your family involved? You don't even like your family. Tessie is the one you truly feel for......"

Walking a few headstones down he sees it. But Tessie never loved him. Tessie could never love an apethetic slob like him. Love is something that you cherish--you put up with someone because you feel a connection to that person and who they are. Money, materials, none of that matters with real love. Homeless people will stick together if they love each other. Love cannot be measured by dollar signs.

Tessie didn't love Barney. She ditched him when he went bankrupt like he ditches anything with the word "diet" in it.

She left the life-sized teddy bear, the worlds largest child, the gentle giant, for a man who put her in her place properly. Tessie kicked Barney to the curb because of his habits, his addictions, he shitty movies, and his overall entitled attitude.

Chris knelt down on one knee, running his hands over the name on the headstone.

Tessie was strangled to death a year after kicking Barney to the curb. The man who did it, Barney supposedly killed once he got out of prison on a technicality. Blonde hair, blue eyes or as Green put it, "The maiden with sparkling blue eyes" was now nothing but a maiden with with rotted out eye sockets and maggots for organs. She was nothing more than a skeleton. All because she saw Barney for who he really was.....

......the dumb bitch got herself killed because she was too stupid to take advantage of Barney like everyone else.

"You think me inviting your gold digging girlfriend to my luxury Gulfside condo was personal? Well, how about now? I am here at Tessie's grave.....I am here at the only memory left of the woman who treated you the only way you deserve to be treated....like the scrub you are. Maybe she knew you were gay all the way back then, maybe that is why she left. Maybe the guy she left you for had a normal sized penis......hell, Barney, even a "small" penis would look like a fire hydrant with pubes compared to the sesame seed you rock in your boxer briefs. Maybe he made her cream, Barney. Maybe he made her leave snail trails down the bed and her legs shaking as she thought about what real penetration actually felt like. She probably got smart with him one day and he wasn't a soft-serve bitch like you and he showed her who was boss......"

He rubbed the name again, sitting down.

"You're going to a special place in hell? Maybe you are. Because, in a weird way Barney, maybe you are responsible for her death. You made a film, made your money, but you couldn't let it go. You needed more. You needed the lights on you. You needed to best cigars, the finest champagnes, limos and attention. What did that get you? A shitty movie called "The Bus Ride". Elementary school kids could have made a movie with a more creative title.

Then you made another "The Plane Ride." Getting edgier here, Barn. I bet people were on the edge of their seats for that one. Real goosebump enticing shit.

Here is where it really gets good. "The Car Ride" was a porno, featuring you. Did you honestly think that was going to sell? You, shirtless and sweaty with that mosquito bite dick you have? Come on Barn. But, you made it because you needed it. You couldn't handle the fame, the success, and you needed more. Where has it gotten you? Living in some shithole Boston apartment with a gold digger for a girlfriend and a cpap mask to get you more than 45 minutes of sleep. Your company went bankrupt and she split for the door........she didn't love you Barney and she is right where she belongs. But, DO NOT tell me you loved her either--because you didn't. You loved the hype and the attention. Tessie died because of your arrogance......yet I am the arrogant one? I never want to hear that again from you Barney, you don't want to add liar to your already checkered resume, do you?"

Chris finishes rubbing the head stone, looking around the graveyard. She was buried in a nice place at least.

Looking back at the headstone, Chris continues talking.

"How many times is Barney going to say "I am who I am"? How many times is he going to beat it over our heads? I get it. You are who you are.........and who you are flat out sucks in every way imaginable. I actually regret taking this match now because ever since I agreed you haven't shut the fuck up once. You've been rambling on and on and on. The stories.....ohhh the stories. You're like one of those old men in the cigar shop who tells you from behind a newspaper how good he used to be at baseball. That is you Barney, the broken down old man who has nothing left to do but tell stories. The difference is, those are stories of the glory days. Yours are stories of failure. I have never seen someone embrace failure as much as you do. It is baffling.

Chris put his face down near the dirt, whispering as if he was talking directly to the wretched corpse of Barney's ex squeeze.

"Tessie.Tessie, Tessie, Tessie.....not only do you have the name that an old shut-in would name her lap dog, but you actually gave time out of your day for Barney Green. Such a generous and stupid thing to do. But even someone as clueless as you saw the total failure that Barney Green is....and you made your move.

But how is he now? He is no better off.....in fact, he may be worse off. You ruined him, and now he has no interest in fixing himself.

But don't worry, he's still fat. He is still very fat. He still sucks at wrestling and still has no motivation to improve his lifestyle. He is still the man that would rather declare bankruptcy and upend his entire life, taking the easy way out instead of getting off his cottage cheese ass and changing his life for the better. He doesn't make movies anymore, as far as I know, so thank god for that......

.........Speaking of God, you never found him did you, Tess? You looked into that mans eyes as he pressed his hands on your lying, disloyal windpipe and you asked "God" to save you, didn't you? But he didn't. You saw your life flash before your eyes and you saw Barney Green and his pudgy smile, didn't you? Well maybe if you weren't so self centered and loved Barney for the sad sack of redundant protoplasm that he is, maybe you'd be here watching him getting his ass kicked today.

Chris stands up.....proclaiming that he has to piss. But, just when it looks like he is going to desecrate the grave, he turns.

"Don't worry, Barn. I am not going to give little Tessie here a golden shower. Quite frankly, she isn't worth my urine."

He turns and pisses in the space between the her grave and the one next to hers.

"She isn't worth my urine Barney. She isn't worth the piss of a former Universal Champion. Any and every association with you makes her just as big of a joke as you are. The best thing she did in her life, her only true accomplishment, was leaving you. So, in essence, her only real, true, undisputed accomplishment was dying.

Because of you and your incompetence.

I hope you can live with that."

Walking away from the grave-site, Chris began to talk to the XWF camera that was assigned to shoot this classic.

"Barney I hope you are watching this, I truly do. I hope you are so mad that your face is more red than it usually is. I want you to get so mad that you start to get chest pains. I hope you get so mad that you start to pull some of that Jew fro out. That is the ONLY way you will have a remote chance against the most dangerous man in the business. And even then, your chance is slim to none.

You show up to arena's with no shoes on, an Irish flag, some washed up hockey player that nobody remembers jersey on. The crowd cheers, they eat it up. Then what do you do? You lose. You get people's hopes up that maybe Barney Green with finally win a match. You talk all this bullshit about the monster being let out, the evil within you coming full frontal. But just like an actual Barney Green full frontal, you come up a little short. You're nothing but a troll.

Nothing but a letdown.

You let down Randi. You let down Mark. You let down Tessie. You let her down so badly she left your ass and ended up as maggot food--and I think you keep taking beatings because you feel guilty that you weren't a better person overall. You feel guilty that your inadequacies as a human being killed your first love. You feel guilty that you couldn't save her---because you were too consumed with yourself.

Oh well.

But I am the selfish one? Yeah. That sounds about right Barney.

You must be fucking

]

[color=#32CD32]The sickness. The sorrow. That madness. The insanity.

[shadow=blue][i][b]All reasons you have allowed to consume you. You're a weak minded person who would much rather go with the flow than work to change. Fighting is your muse, and pain is your pleasure. You cared so much about people talking about Barney Green and caring about Barney Green and respecting Barney Green that you never took the time to actually find out who truly did. Then you have to whine to the XWF roster about your shitty life and your self-inflicted past and hope we all tell you to keep your chin up and that we are here for you. You haven't changed. You sit home in your dimly lit Boston shack and relish in us thinking your a loser. Talking among ourselves about you being a loser. You're just as selfish as you've been.

I am who I am.

A troll.

You're right, there is no turning back from this. One of us is going to have years taken off our careers and most likely both with have years taken off of our lives. I am willing to go there to prove a point. You claim I don't know you? Motherfucker, you don't know me. There isn't a man on this roster as dangerous as I am. Go back and watch---the proof is on the tape.

Barney Green you are nothing. You've always been nothing and you will always be nothing. The only thing in this world you are good at is being good at nothing. You talk with a lisp, you're voice is much to high for a man of your stature, and I think I've covered the baby sweater button you call a penis enough. This match is going to be violent, dangerous, brutal---and I wouldn't want it any other way.

This will be a bloodbath full of chaos and mayhem.

You see, Barney, we are in the business of winning matches and building a brand. This isn't UFC, being the best fighter doesn't matter. Being the best entertainer does. You can't even entertain anymore, Barn. It is always the same thing with you---you will "rise above" and the "demons inside have been awaken" and you "love pain"....but every single time you claim you are going to win a match you lose.

You're nothing but a troll.

The technical definition of a troll:

a mythical, cave-dwelling being depicted in folklore as either a giant or a dwarf, typically having a very ugly appearance.

Doesn't that just fit you to a tee?

Tessie, Foley.....how come everyone who has any extended history with you always seems to die? Randi will probably be next.

Then I will kill your career on Warfare. You can join your beloved Tessie in the bowels of hell........

I can see it now:

Barney Green, 1984-2017
"The man with the hardest working colon in the business."

Yeah, something like that.

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