Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 11:47 PM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Ooooh Rah!
Author Message
The Engineer Offline
Man of Peace



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#1
08-25-2017, 07:11 PM

The scene is set in the den of Madison's palacial estate. Engy is sitting on a couch, discarded Mountain Dew and Cheeto's bags are everywhere. Before him is a massive flat screen television and a video game console. Engy turns around on the couch to address the camera.

'Sup Jack. Saw your last promo. Gotta admit, didn't understand it worth a damn. I mean, I comprehendeded the words ok, but, like....what you said was kinda stupid.

Madison steps into the frame.

Caveat: Engy and I both respect the hell out of our American armed forces, regardless of how much we may run down Jack Cain in this promo. Ok, go ahead Engy.

Holy shit, were you there the whole time?!

Uhhhh, ayyyupp.

Seriously?! I didn't see you at all!

Madison shoots Engy a sidelong glance.

Hey buddy, remember when you said you looked at the eclipse and told me you did wear those special sunglasses I gave you?

Uh huh.

Were you full of shit?

What glasses?

Madison face palms.

I'll schedule you another appointment....

Hot nurse this time, PLZ! Anyhow Jack, you said some stuff that was dumb and didn't make sense, so seein' as how your an army man I thought I could get a better idea a how you think if I played me some Call of Honor.

Engy holds up a video game controller. And yes, it's Call of HONOR, because I am just not willing to fuck with Activision's legal team thanks. Engy hits a button on the controller and the game springs to life.

Engy's right about one thing Jack old buddy, your promo was 100% Grade -A straight belched out the anus HORSE SHIT! You wanna talk about freedom? Okay hon, let's talk about freedom. You want to run down my political persuasion? You want to paint us as some jingoistic dictator's in training? Because if you knew the first thing about conservatism you'd know that we are the party that values freedom of choice. Moreover, we are the party that holds people accountable for their choices.

Just because you think it's so goddamn wonderful to have the freedom to fuck up your own life, doesn't mean other people do. No, Jack, because the fact is most people want both the freedom to fuck up their life and then they want a get out of jail free card for their own stupid choices. Progressives want to give them that out and conservatives don't. Bottom line. You want to be a drug addict? We're not holding your hand and walking you to the free clinic, just so you can OD again. You want to have a million kids when you aren't financially capable of supporting them? Too fucking bad, no hand out for you. Have some goddamn foresight next time.

You see Jack, people like us believe in freedom so much that we're willing to let people fuck up and live with the consequences of that freedom. We're willing to let people DIE for that freedom. Because what is the rush of true freedom without some risk? Without risk, we're nothing but a nation of coddled infants with no self control and no sense of the future, shitting our cribs and bitching for another suckle of Uncle Sam's teat.

And as for your accusation that we're spreading ignorance, I'm surprised that someone as cynical as you didn't already realize this, but it's not like we're summoning this shit out of the ether. All this disaffection and rage that we're seeing, I got news for you. It was already there. Hiding, but definitely there. We're just giving it a voice. Or do you think those people shouldn't have the FREEDOM to speak their minds? Heh.



Madison what do I do?!

Madison looks towards towards the screen. Engy's solider character is standing in front of the casket of a fallen comrade. A prompt on the screen reads “Press X to show respect”.

Press X!

Which one is X?!

The one with the X on it!

Awwwww....what's happening?!

You took too long so instead of showing respect your tea bagging the dead solider.

Engy's character does indeed have his balls in the dead solider's mouth. Madison turns back towards the camera, and as she does so she grabs a thick file from a table just out of view. We can plainly see that Jack Cain's name is on the file. She holds it up, smirking.

Pays to have friends in high places.

She opens the file and begins to leaf through it, making exaggerated grimacing faces.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such brutality, Jack. Now was all this really necessary?

She closes the file.

Although I have to admit, your work shoving hand grenades into various orifices borders on creative genius. However, I take issue with your stance that America has somehow changed for the worse, like our causes today are somehow less noble than they used to be. Like we don't “fight the good fight” like in the good old days. It's a common refrain. And honestly, you're half right. We're not fighting Nazi's anymore. The enemy today is much more subtle. They don't helpfully wear flashy Hugo Boss uniforms and walk around seig heiling. And yeah, sometimes a civilian, or two, or a thousand gets clipped. But when your fighting an ideal and not a government, that's just the cost of doing business. You of ALL people should know what I'm talking about.

And yeah, fuck it, sometimes we go to war for oil too. But I bet you'd be the first one bitching when you can't fill up your massive Humvee dick surrogate at the local Mobil. War is the lifeblood of this nation, Jack. It keeps people employed. Hell, it kept YOU employed. And now you wanna act like you're too good for that? Based on your age you were deep in the shit in some of the most controversial conflicts of our times. Were you in Iraq, Jack? Because I got even more news for you, you spilled some serious blood for oil. And based on your file you had one hell of a good time doin' it. So don't you pull that moral high ground buttfuckery with me, asshole. Your hands are just as dirty as ours, if not moreso.

After all, THIS....


She holds up the file again.

....looks like a hell of a lot of freedom of choice to me.

Madison turns back to Engy.

So are you gonna say anything or what? Because according to some people it doesn't count when I talk.

Yeah, yeah, gimme a.....FUCK!

Engy's playing the game online, and just as he respawns he gets sniped. You can here a gaggle of prepubescent voices over the live chat, all insecure bravado and embarrassing vocal squeaks.

HAHA, !

Fuckin' noob!

What?! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S A AND A FUCKIN' NOOB!

Aaaaaand, he respawns and is brought down yet again.

Fuck!

Respawn. And dead again.

FUUUUCK!

!!

How about one more for good measure? Ok, sure. Splat.

FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Engy whips the controller at the screen, causing it to crack. The image dissolves and a spark issues from the split in the screen before it finally dies.

You're paying for that one.

Okay, yeah, I got stuff to say.

Coasting off the fresh anger of getting pwned, Engy spins around on the coach to face towards us.

Jack, I tried to be nice to you! I really, really did! But you never wanted that so fuck you! And it's sad, Jack. It's sad because I'm your opponent and I showed you more niceness and respect than your supposedly friend James Raven did. Yeah, I saw that too! James Raven said you couldn't wrestle, basically said you was worthless. Good friend you got there. So when you say bad stuff about Madison, and say she's makin' me walk down a bad road or whatever....

Engy reaches back on the couch and pulls out the Xtreme championship.

Does this look like a bad road to you? Jack, you don't know what the fuck your talkin' about. Madison brought me to XWF. She helped me sign all that paperwork and shit, she gets me booked in good matches. Dude, I can't even use a microwave without supervision, you think I coulda got here all on my own? DUH! It's CUZ of Madison that I'm free to do the stuff I wanna do, which is kick ass and fuck ass. But only girl asses and not dude asses contrarian to what you may a heard!

Oh snap, he's even using the theme. Good job buddy.

Thanks! So yeah. But lets talk some more about your friends Jack, cuz we just found out my friends are pretty cool. Yours just treat you like SHIT. What's James Raven done for you lately? Aside from tell you how much you suck. You know how some girls get beat up by their dudes and they keep goin' back to get beat up some more even though that's kinda ? That's you dude. Or least, that's you if you don't bail on the Motherfuckers right now. You wanna stick around and get treated like low man on the stripper pole?

Totem. It's totem. But don't let me slow your roll.

Oh. Well, anyhoo. Okie dokie, Jack. Don't join America First, but at least stop bein' James Raven's BITCH. But I dunno. Maybe you ain't strong enough for that. Maybe you don't got the balls to make your life better. Because maybe big scary Jack Cain, who killed like a bajillion people in some desert somewhere, maybe he's afraid of bein' HAPPY.

Engy points at the camera to accentuate this.

Ya know, you said that it was cuz of people like me and Madison that you stay angry. But that just sounds like a big bitch-boy cop out to me. That sounds like your blamin' other people for your problems. Cuz if there's one thing I learned lately, its that you can't let other people stop ya from bein' happy. Maybe my parents were abusive death cult assholes who poured donkey blood on me and called me a . Yeah, that sucks. But that don't mean they get to control me bein' happy FOREVER. I ain't gonna let that fuck up the good stuff I got goin' now. But you? You just say everybody sucks and give up like a big old slobbery PUSSY. A stinky nasty fishy bushy....

We get it.

....PUSSY! Jack Cain the pussy. But you probably think that me bein' happy makes me the pussy right? That if I ain't angry I ain't as mean as you no more. But ya see, that's the real SCARY part.

Engy leans in towards the camera like he's divulging a big secret.

'Cuz it turns out that happy Engy is EVEN WORSE then unhappy Engy. Just ask Trax and Seth Feder. Oh wait, you can't cuz nobody's heard from 'em since King of the Ring. Happy Engy puts people away for GOOD. Because unlike Jack Cain, happy Engy's got somethin' REAL to fight for.

Happy Engy's fightin' to stay happy.

Happy's the best drug on Earth, bro. And I've tried all of 'em. Maybe you should give it a try sometime.


Engy pantomimes dropping a mic. Madison looks sincerely impressed.

That was positively COHERENT. I'm very impressed!

I told ya those smart pills are workin'!

Baby steps, Engy. You still almost blew up the house putting popcorn in the microwave for a half hour.

I'm angry at numbers.

Mmmm, yes, I'm aware. So how about we go to Wal-mart and get another one of these obesely huge TV's?

SHOTGUN!

Well, you're sure as HELL not driving.

No, I mean I wanna buy a shotgun.

You HAVE been a good boy lately. I think that can be arranged. And I heard an Isis terrorist just joined the roster. It's kismet I tell you.

Engy leaps over the couch and towards the stairs as the promo cuts to.....FIN!

[Image: 9QBn3eQ.jpg]





Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 2 users Like The Engineer's post:
JimCaedus (08-25-2017), Theo Pryce (08-30-2017)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)