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JackCain · (08-22-2017)

The camera sweeps down a suburban street, on the outskirts of New York. The night is still, with no rain or wind to disturb the serene atmosphere. One thing is curious though - there are no lights on in any of the homes. It's not late enough for people to be in bed, but no glow emanates from windows, no illumination from street lights, and there are no cars in the street.

But in one house, a faint, almost sickly light almost apologetically coats the curtains with a dim glow. The camera zooms in, peaking through the window to find a poorly lit lounge, devoid of furniture apart from a moth-eaten, ragged couch, a coffee table, and a picture frame sitting on top of it, facing away from the camera. Positioned on the edge of the couch, looking at the picture, is Jack Cain. On the table next to the picture frame, is a Beretta 92F handgun.

[Image: Jon-Bernthal.png]

I used to live here.

The camera pivots behind him. The photo frame has a picture inside - a group photo on a summer's day, with four people in front of a row of trees. One of them is a younger Cain, dressed in summer clothes. Next to him is a woman with short black hair wearing a pale blue dress, and next to her, and older man and woman, dressed very old fashioned, but respectful.

That's Karen, and that's my mom and dad. That's a time when things were perfect. When everything was as it should be.

I look back on days like that and think myself lucky that I ever experienced something as good as that. Having a family, someone who loved me, someone who I loved in return, knowing the value of having human contact that didn't involve hating people or hurting them.

And - this is gonna sound stupid - I actually liked that. I'm a sucker for a hard luck story when it comes down to it. and I had the hardest luck story of all - the ugy who had a loving family who threw it all away because he couldn't control his temper, and he pushed people away.

And when you're just tryin' to do the right thing, when you're just tryna'... be the best you can be, and live up to what other people expect of ya, then that's the time you fail - and you keep failin'.

I guess that's why Karen took pity on me in the end. It wasn't physical attraction - I ain't Ryan Reynolds after all - but she always told me it was because I stood up for what was right, and did what should be done, rather than what was easiest.

So I guess... she just felt like no one else would love a guy like that - not in today's world anyway, so I became some she could admire.

And admiration? That ain't love. It's an emotion borne out of pity, of the need to show sympathy to someone who you don't think can make it on their own. Karen wanted me because she felt that there wasn't anything that could make her hate me - and she'd been in that situation before.

She'd had prick boyfriends, guys who treated her like shit - one of them even beat her to within an inch of her life - so I tried to do everythin' to make sure she was looked after, cared for and had someone who would never let her down.

So what if I found a few of these guys? So what if one of 'em is still pissin' in a bag ten years later? So what if one of 'em now draws disability cheques on the grounds he's got no fuckin' legs anymore? That my fault?

No, it ain't but that's why she left. She went because I changed from being a man who did the right thing, to a man who did the right thing for her. Whether she knew it or not, I was doin' all that for her. I hurt people who hurt her, and that was, to me, the right thing to do.

But then I realised, that I wasn't doin' any of it outta love.

It was all down to admiration - well, not quite - adulation really. And you know the difference? Admiration is when you believe in someone but that perception can be changed. You can't or won't change adulation. Adulation comes when you can;t see the wrong from right. Everything you do is praised, no matter how fucked up, or filled with mistakes it is. People love you nonetheless.

Problem is with that, is that people often don't stop you from doin' something wrong until it's too late.

My mom and died cried when I said I was joinin' up. They didn't want me to go. My dad even told me on his deathbed that the only regret he ever had in life was that he didn't stop me turnin' into the man I am today. He idolised me, so he didn't wanna tell me when I was goin' wrong, because he didn't want to have to question his own son.

Adulation - the belief that someone can do no wrong.

But y'know, I really needed to be told it was wrong - because joinin' up - goin; off to war, killin' those people, watchin' guys my own age, and younger, die on some Godforsaken sand hill, made me even more angry. More angry than I was when I found the guys who hurt Karen.

So I hurt people.

Lots of people.

I didn't give a shit. I slit throats, blew people up with grenades, shot them point blank and from fuckin' miles away, strangled 'em, garroted 'em, ran 'em over. Hell, some I even beat to death with my fists for the fuckin' enjoyment of it.

I needed to be stopped from doin' that.

So when I came home, I became a guy I didn't want to be, but more importantly, who the people around me didn't want me to be.

So Karen? She left, because she didn't have that adulation - she saw what I'd become, so she understood that for her to have a better life, she needed to leave.

She was smart.

But my mom and dad, they went to their graves full of adulation for me - thinkin' I could do no wrong.

When in reality? I'd done more wrong than most'a the men on this Earth - I couldn't see it, but they could, yet they said nothin'.

Cain picks up the gun and chambers a round. He presses the barrel against his temple while he continues to look at the photo.

Jim? We've been gettin' along well - we're both Motherfuckers, we've helped out Robbie, but it seems you got your own shit going on with him now - somethin' that I ain't part of.

But I look at somethin' the two of you have in common - all these people, they cheer for ya.

They fuckin' love ya.

I saw the end of King o'the Ring, through the part of my face that wasn't leakin' blood, and I saw Robbie win his match with Chaos, and the crowd cheered.

I saw you beat Blingsteen. I saw you on top'a that ladder, and I saw people cheerin' singin' your name.

Adulation - for both of you.

That ain't love though Jim. These people, they don't love ya. They don't love Bourbon.

They idolise ya. They want to be the... the guy who has the title, the guy who lives the billion dollar lifestyle, the guy who gets the chicks, the guy who gets up in the morning because he knows, he fuckin' KNOWS that when he walsk into a room, people sit up and take notice.

But they don't love you for you, Jim. They love ya because of what you represent.

I know you're more than that, but them? They ain't got a clue. They just see... the glitz, the glamour, the gold.

Because that's all they wanna see Jim. They don't wanna see what makes you tick. They don't fuckin' care! They want the show, they want the night out, they want the entertainment.

Well life ain't fuckin' like that.

Cain once again regards the gun barrel and presses it against his temple.

Life is shit Jim - and unless people tell you life is shit - unless they stop givin' you this adulation that they constantly pour into your soul - they will keep feedin' you lies and falsehoods.

And they put you in such a state of euphoria that you fail to see just what's important anymore.

You? You've got your Heavyweight Title, you've got your fans, you've got your limos, and your press conferences and your paparazzi, and you believe that all that is because people are interested in you.

They ain't.

They want the glory that comes with you - they want their adulation rewarded with success, they want to be associated with a winning brand. I'll give you that Jim - you are a winning brand, but you gotta know these people are just trying to find vindication for themselves in you - and that adulation will blunt your edge.

It'll make you complacent.

It'll make you think you are loved, when you're not.

Cain takes the gun away from his temple, throws it on the floor in disgust, and picks up the photo frame again.

Love is relative.

Cain sets the frame down, and slips the picture out of it. He carefully folds the photo into four quarters and places it in his pocket.

Jim, I don't wanna do what I'm going to do. Hell, I might not even beat ya, but what I have to do is show all those people out there that they should love you for what you are, not idolise you for what you're worth.

And if that means kickin' the shit out of ya, then that's what I gotta do.

Don't take it personally. Don't think it's malicious. It's not for you - it's for them. They should see that adulation ain't rewarded.

It's a millstone around a man's neck, and it'll pull him down into a pit of despair so fuckin' bad you'd need to climb for a million years to get outta it.

I'm gonna save you from all that Jim.

Call it a personal favour - because all adulation does is blow up in your face.

Cain gets up and walks out of the house. As he walks across the lawn he reaches into his pocket and reveals a small grenade. He pulls the pin, tosses it into the house, and walks off into the night.

[Image: tumblr_o4duu56WjT1uewdrio2_500.gif]

[Image: tumblr_o4duu56WjT1uewdrio2_500.gif]

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