Meet Bane Williams

Hey guys, so this was my first RP in about 2 years or so and I know that it will take a while to get back in the swing of things.

I'd really appreciate any help you guys could give me on how that I can improve and any suggestions on what you'd like to see from Bane in the future

Just so you know, always post a link to the rp you want feedback on but here is mine, hope its helpful. (:

First, I love that you provided a pretty detailed history Bane's background, it's always great to get background info.

To improve, I would say throw in more. Dialogue always helps, give us more of Bane's life. Introduce us to his family through a conversation between Bane and his family or something like that. Introduce us to some friends that may have influenced Bane along the way.

Another thing I would recommend is to use a spell checker. There weren't many spelling errors, but there were a few that could trip up the reader. But yeah, just more in my opinion. Throw in dialogue or a bit of action.. Something that happened that really defines who Bane is.

That's my feedback, hope it was helpful (:

RECORD:
4 WINS
2 LOSSES
0 DRAWS

There is a link, right at the top. Your feedback is appreciated though

I have checked over it again and there aren't any spelling errors jumping out at me. I don't have the use of a spell checker as my laptop is broken so I just post RP's from my phone.

Oh sorry I missed that lol. And I saw a couple, the one that stuck out to me most was the word organize at the end of the third paragraph.

RECORD:
4 WINS
2 LOSSES
0 DRAWS

(05-22-2013, 12:18 PM)ShawnHero Said: Oh sorry I missed that lol. And I saw a couple, the one that stuck out to me most was the word organize at the end of the third paragraph.

I'm not american though so organise is the correct spelling for me

Ohh okay well forget the part about spell check lol sorry about that

RECORD:
4 WINS
2 LOSSES
0 DRAWS