Hey! You! Blister cunt!

How many more of them mangy, nutritionalizcly deprived, numbminded drifters you willin ta take in yer anal cavity? Cuz this here ol river rat is a thinkin muddy waters might put it to Casey Anthony a bit better than Dingy the former milk box baby turned pussy whipped bitch.

Bend yah down and give the good ol mouth slappin and full on embodiment yer thirsty, stem cell slurpin outta live babies demented ass deserves, hun-nay gur.
I done had me a pint of the cheapest bucket bourbon this side the soup kitchen and aint et' food in bout three weeks now asides from a frozen bean burrito muddy found in the dumpster yester-day; you really think at babydicked illegitimate child of yers you been fuckin can do it like muddy waters?

Ain't a chance, sweaty pie. And I do mean sweaty! Got'dam baby!

The hell you see in rat boy anyway? Boy ain't got a lick of sense. You remind me of this ol, mildly attractive teacher we had in 5th grade who used-ta suck on the willies of them special aide boys......... one of which mighta' been muddy who busted up in her nostrils. Yeah, smutty-mcSmutterson- you bangin' tardies and shit. The fuck wrong with you gur?

Muddy waters gunna have ya drop his demon in yer nostril too ain't he whore? Why ya walking around struttin that belt and twerkin that flat ass like yer sewn up c-section wound don't stink or sumthin'. See this here where you belong, right down here in the Federweight gutter with the rest us bottom feedin', shit talkin do nothings.

Cause that's all you are now hunny. Simple fuckin bitch down here in the sewers susceptible at any time fer calypso to make you a mockery, or god forbid caedus, Jon blaq wonder ass on back here and make you suck a collective load of their man hood.

You ain't up to snuff hun, and it ain't the way ya look, it's the way you smell. Bitch all over you. Like you pitstopped over at TJ Max and emptied the demo bottle of 'I'm a dumb whore' perfume in yer' frizzy ass Tricia Yuthers hair.

Gettin ol Muddy worked up... the scent of shame on yer tard suckin ass is sensational, and the probability of you being able to overcome Muddy's manliness? Ain't a problem.

So imma just put it to ya easy girl while we slow dance to 38 special one good time.

Muddy bear hugs the simple bitch to the ground, drunken and unintentionally pins her...



1.




2.

OOC: I'm gonna hold off on this, seeing as how the last challenge was never formally resolved....? Not sure what else to do.

My fault, I didn't realize I hadn't officially called the last one.

Restart the clock on this one!

Kick out. And boy does Madison look torn on this one.

Heeeeeey, buddy? I can tell you're one of our people for SURE! **urp**

She gives a little dry heave as she backs away.

You're a real salt of the Earth American, aren't ya Muddy? That's as sure as the day is long.

Her face stretches into a thin, plastered on veneer of a fake smile.

It's always great to meet up with real Americans like yourself. The accent? Fantastic! The wardrobe? Straight out off the yellow tag sale at the Goodwill! That blithe informationless confidence? You just bleed red, white and blue!

Now, I'm assuming you get Fox News at your trailer. If you don't, make sure you get some tin foil and point the bunny ears straight up. Because we need people like you Muddy Waters, yes you! We need your pluck, your Southern down home charms and most of all, your utter void of anything remotely resembling a solid connection to reality.

I need you to listen real careful and I know you probably hate it when us Northerners talk fast and use those big words like from the CNN, so I'll say all this as slowly and simply as I can. There should be a place near your trailer park, or at least near the PUBLIC park, where you reside called a "Republican Party Headquarters". Now, Headquarters is just a fancy word for "base" like a military base. Except the people inside fight with words, not guns, so don't bring your pappy's pea shooter, heh heh....

Even Madison looks like she hates herself.

Tell them you want to register "Repu"....ehhhh, just say "G-O-P." They'll give you a form to fill out but if you don't understand it, that's ok! Just put a mark where they tell you to mark and sign it. Can't sign your name? That's ok too! They can accept a filth stained thumb print as a signature.

Next, I need you to tell them you hate abortions! Now, I know growing up your mom, in a Jack and Coke fueled rage, might have said you should have been one. But it's still ok to hate them because abortions are dead baby's Muddy and nobody likes dead baby's, right?

She's not sure about this one.

They'll give you a sign and with dead baby parts on it and drive you to a place called Planned Parenthood. And at that point, you just do what you do best, channel that impotent confused rage at anyone who comes near you and be sure to keep your hands out of your pants. And that's it!

She pulls out a red Make America Great Again hat and puts it on Muddy's head.

Welcome to the party. God bless America and God Bless you.

She hurls in the nearest trash can.

Awe, hunny bunny... is the scent unadultrafied freedom making yer hormones overreact? Or maybe it's the smell of that dead coon fur I've been curling up to at night that's making you gag harder than yer chunk-blowin diet routine.

Either way you've got'ta be the dumbest piece of Tomi Larhen knockoff shit I've ever seen. Skinny blond bimbo tryna enter the octagon with the real nut jobs of her industry, only to get her bitch ass knocked down at the first sight of her innate feminism.

Typical partisan hack job, too stupid ta' realize that folks like muddy waters could give two shits about an abortion or some scared fuckers need to open carry. I've done had me at least two youngins aborted, late term at that and I open carry this backhand fer rhetoric reciting con job cunts like yer self at all times.

Got'dam girly I'm feelin a tad remiss at this now, thinkin that maybe fer a second Muddy was coming after someone with some talent- not a political talking point with a pair of wildly mediocre c-cups. I mean ima' still suck on em after I knock yer stereotype baiting grill into the curb- then Muddy gunna pull a Mainstream media and divide and conquer that elephant cooter you got draggin around here.

But you needed this baby, you needed a real man, truly free man ta formally introduce you to the gutter, cause right now you ain't shit but a basic glittery dick tease bitch spattin off generalizingfied politics bullshit to make up fer yer lack of truly worldly views.

So sit down sleepin beauty, you ain't woke, bitch.

See muddy waters ain't gotta come out here toutin shit. Erry'body already knows I'm a worthless fuck, but at least I ain't gotta claim I'm something I'm not while sucking on a cock behind the scenes. Shit hunny, that's all you political hypocrites. You got Dennis Hastert written all over you. Thought about runnin fer congress? Sure you'd fit in perfectly with them worthless sum'bitches since you've already proven to be complete shit at this here rasslin' venture.

Go on and pull some more over stated southerner stereotypes up on ol muddy and compliment me fer' em. From now on imma' start calling you Linda, m'kay? Dumb cunt...

Muddy rolls Linda up for the pin.

Madison slithers out, and she just well....

You know what, fuck it! If I had known the only people vying for this thing would be trash bag rapists and people that smell like used tampons left in a hot car I never would have even bothered to pin that stupid clown that thinks he's space jesus or some shit.

Literally every person I have come across since I won this has barely qualified as a human being. And I mean that literally. If you sequenced their genetic code they would come out as some sort of cross between neanderthal and dog that chomps its own shit piles like it's all you can eat at Old Country.

Madison starts dialing on her phone.

Yeah, Giovanni? I need a skin peel, STAT. Jesus, its like I can feel them in my Goddamn PORES.

Madison kicks the title over to Muddy.

Here. Enjoy the rest of your days of basement dwelling mediocrity. Do us all a favor and forget the sun exists.

Yes, she has vacated the title. Muddy wins.

OOC: No disrespect Muddy, you're hilarious. I just want to move on. You probably would have won anyway, and I just don't have it in me to back and forth again and again.

Hmmm.

Winner and NEW Federweight Champion - Muddy Waters