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Chris Chaos · (06-07-2017)

WE THE PEOPLE

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

The Equalizer. It makes people equal. There is a line drawn out on a piece of paper. It didn't matter what order you came in below the line, only that you were below it. There was one name above the line. CHRIS CHAOS. Below was only a line of victims. There was no ranking system when it came to victims. Only that they were all the same---equal.

.......Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

Chris was one known the change the landscape. The rip up from the ground the roots of order and decency, causing those around him to suffer simply because life as they knew it was no longer life as they wanted it. These people were pursing their undeniable rights, and Chris, in one fell swoop, would take them all away. Equality wasn't given, equality was earned. As Chris looked at all the names below the line, all the victims, he knew they were all finally what they always longed to be......equal.

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —

Many have tried, and many have failed. Many have risen up against the tyranny of Chaos, and they have all failed. Even those that have won a battle or two, have lost a subsequent battle. There was nobody on the list, below the line, that belonged above it. There wasn't a single person who had overcome the chaos that hadn't had the chaos overcome them. Never once had there been someone that chaos couldn't beat, even if they had beaten him once. The only name that lies on that list is someone that is no longer employed. Dillinger. After that, the list is all the same. Doctor D'Ville, Thaddeus Duke, Robbie Bourbon, Trax, Gabe Reno.....they have all weathered the storm, won a battle, but have all also been a victim. They tried to overthrow the tyrannical government and they, for all intents and purposes, have failed.

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He did what he wanted, when he wanted, where he wanted, to who he wanted. Public good? There was no good in the XWF community. There was only chaos. He was the catalyst to the turbulent environment that has been created here. He interfered whenever he saw fit. Just ask Jervis Cottonbelly, perhaps the most innocent victim of them all. Laws and rules didn't matter to him. Only that he came out of the shit storm smelling like roses, fuck everyone else.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

It didn't matter who was in charge. JT Matthews, Paul Heyman, Theo Pryce, Jane

, hell even Vinnie Lane himself. He refused to let them make rules to bind him in the chains of politics within the wrestling world. Unless it benefited him, he wasn't trying to hear it. This was HIS company, as far as he was concerned, and nobody would tell him otherwise.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He hasn't allowed a rise to power for anyone on the undercard. Look at Cadryn Tiberius. He has jumped around from stable to stable trying to find someone to stop the chaos. He has failed. Now he will go in solo to a match vs. Robert Main and will lose. Tag teams have come and gone. Small names with some talent have been shadowed by his presence, never leaving the cellar of cards because he was the entire damn show. He has refused to allow the laws of the suits to benefit anyone other than his immediate "family", his band of brothers that he put together......a band too stupid to see when they were being used. They used him, he used them, and the XWF benefited from ticket sales and merchandise. Sometimes.....they bad guys are what is best for business.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

AX3. Uncomfortably evil. Robert Main, with his Howard Stern haircut and his Rambo attitude, is arguably the most talented member outside Chris himself. The only one who is actually going to be something. Jenny would get there, in time. Other than that.......Micheal Graves---who he was sure he had seen before on Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" and Jim Caedus who wiped warm milk off his dirty beard with a confederate flag napkin.......these two were uncomfortable for everyone. He had banded together the 4 most controversial figures, including himself, and one hot piece of ass to keep the male viewers interested. They weren't clean cut, but they were effective. Effective in doing exactly what Chris needed them to do......providing a shelter while he trained, rested, trained some more and created a path of chaos that would lead him to where he is today........the next Universal Champion.

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He could go on for hours. Every passage of the "Declaration of Independence" had something to do with his reign as the top superstar on this roster. To get into all of them would be redundant, and he didn't want to be redundant. That is what Thaddeus Duke and his board game army and Jim Caedus with his food stamp ass rape promo's were for. He had to be fresh and unique.....leave the boring, tired and downright sad routines to them.

His Jeep pulled into a Wal-Mart parking lot in Dothan, Alabama. He would see if the "people", Jim's people, were really as independent as they claimed 241 years ago. He would see if these people really didn't need leadership. He would see if these people didn't need a little disorder, a little chaos, to survive.

Oh yes, today was the day of reckoning.

He pulled into a parking spot and shifted his Wrangler into P. This was going to be entertaining and sad at the same time. Like his competitors in the 60 Minute Iron Man Match at High Stakes, these poor people had no idea what was about to hit them.

Chaos had come to town.

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"Well, look who decided to join the party. And look who decided to try and throw together a cogent argument and try to counter and retort everything I have said......Mr. Tough Guy himself, Jim Caedus. I mean hell, he was referencing so many different promo's and interactions, it was like trying to listen to someone read a military inventory report. And listening to him loosely try to tie together my promo's and counter them.....Jesus, Jim, stick to your strengths. Stick to ass rape lines and chest puffing. This intelligent talk just isn't for you. But I find it funny how you use the word "hypocrite" and the word "contradicting"---neither of which I'm convinced you fully understand. I HAVE studied you Jim, inside the ring and out of it, and I have seen or heard every promo you've ever done for this company. This promo, the most important of your career to date, was quite possibly your worst. 6 titles. 3 double champions and one pathetic excuse for a Universal Champion.

At least he lived up to the ass fucking stuff though. And he's right, there is no way to counter it. Other than to call it gay, unoriginal, and pointless. Your act is tired, Jim. I said it once I'll say it again. Over-aggression mixed with redneck rage and teenage vocabulary. Not to mention not-so-vague underlyings of homosexuality and gender identity issues. The Big Dick Daddy. Please.

Thaddeus Duke isn't much better. So bland, so boring. So, un-chaotic. The Universal Champion has to be cutting edge, they have to be unique. They have to have an edge about them and be able to switch it up in the snap of a finger. You see I can go deep, I can go comedy, I can go intense. I can kill someone, then do a stand up comedy routine. I do what keeps people interested. The Universal Champion has to keep people talking for weeks, months, years, decades.......centuries. If he thinks for one second that anyone gives a squirt of piss about his fathers bowel movements--er--troop movements, he is sadly mistaken. It is boring, doesn't matter, and has zero effect. Hell he would be better off doing a bowel movement report. At least that is fresh. Pun intended.

Thaddeus is intent that this little "army" he runs is real. His kingdom of make believe that has never once helped him. Maybe he truly is a little kid. He has the delusions of GI Joe's, make believe army's.....his entire life is a watered down version of "Risk". It is like a little girl who fantasizes about Barbie dolls, dream houses, Ken's and pink plastic Corvette's. Just look at Dolly......actually, nevermind. Hers are filled with chains, concrete walls, sodomy and begging. Bad example. Use the example, but with normal girls. Thaddeus, which I can't decide is a more stupid name than Sebastian or not, is living in nothing more than live action video game. He is LARPING. Hell, Thaddeus gets enjoyment of of cap guns and water balloons--but give him the real thing and he would stand out like a

trying to write computer code. Let me ask you, Thad, when has this army ever come through for you? Where were they when I split you open and left you to bleed out on Warfare? Where was this "army" when Doc threw you off the scaffolding into a pit of hell? Where were they any time you needed them? They were non existent. Why? Because they don't exist.

How about this, Thaddeus, if you can show me one, just one, legit "soldier" from this "army" at the Pay Per View, I will never mention it again. I'll even shake your hand. If you can show me one legit "soldier", which you won't because you can't, than I will even go as far as to praise you as the boy-king you would really be. But like I said, you won't, because you can't.

So let the army thing go, Thaddeus. Change it up, your act is more tired than Jim's incest redneck bit.

Look at me, Thaddeus. Look what I do. Your boring routine has gotten you nothing. My chaotic nature has gotten me in position to make history. To be the Universal Champion twice in less than 10 months. What have you done in the last few months? You've busted your ass, beaten competitors who are, according you, "below you", and won matches---one of which was over me---that people really didn't expect you to win. What have I done? I have broken rules, intentionally interfered in matches where the stipulations strictly prohibited it, attacked management, and caused a complete upheaval of every ounce of order on this roster. I have caused sheer chaos. I shouldn't be in this match, I should be suspended. Without pay. I should be sitting in my luxury beach condo watching Jim Caedus vs. Thaddeus Duke for the Universal Title, but I am not. Do you know why? Because the XWF NEEDS me. They NEED chaos. It was all part of the plan. AX3, the interferences, all of it. I knew damn well that Theo couldn't sit back and let such a lackluster Main Event of the biggest PPV of the year be just between you two scrubs. Even when Caedus was attempting to "fire" me from AX3, I wasn't sweating it. I was going to be in Vegas either way. I was either going to be in the match, or I was going insert myself into the match. Plan B. Either way I was going to be the name social media was buzzing about when High Stakes went off the air.

So Thaddeus, it would be in your best interest to bring this "army" you continue to bore the audience with, because they may be the only ones who can save you. If I were you I would bring this army of yours, because if you don't........."

He runs his hand through his hair, and his face get's more serious than we've ever seen it. His voice is a low grumble.

"I am going to eviscerate you. I am going to rip your stomach open and rip out your intestines and feed them then to you, then watch you digest your intestines with your remaining intestines, then rip those out too. I am going to shatter and break every bone in your body, then set them, cast them, then break them again. Into fragments. Into dust. I am going to beat you and break you mentally, emotionally, physically. I am going to feed you your eyeballs and give you your own blood to wash them down with. 60 minutes is a long time, Thaddeus, and it is going to feel like an eternity for you. I could go the Jim Caedus route and say I am going to rape your anus until you feel my big dick in your throat and crush your nuts with my bare hands.....but that is just gay......just like Jim Caedus. Plus, what I plan to do is much more ruthless than the big dick daddy could ever come up with. Jim Caedus's deliverance re-enactment is going to look like simple gay foreplay compared to the soul shattering pain that I plan to inflict. Thaddeus I would bring that "army" of yours with you to the desert because when High Stakes ends.....you won't have a title, you won't be the number one contender, and you will never be the same again.....all you will have left if this army of rejects, they will be your only solace to your failure."

Chris's voice changes, his hands leave his hair and he takes a deep breath.

So, Thaddeus Duke has been chirping like birds in the woods. 5 shoots already, and it's not even Thursday. Someone a little anxious, eh? Sounds to me like someone is panicking. Like someone has to validate not just to the XWF fans but to themselves that they are actually worth a glass of warm piss here. I've sat back, methodical, and learned my lesson. Reno put out what like 8 or 9 for Lethal Lottery? It got to the point where we were doing them just to do them. No substance. So I am going to sit back and let Thaddeus spew his verbal load and led Caedus sit here and talk in circles and puff his chest. I am going to do what I do best. Let these two perform the verbal Special Olympics. That's not me. I have a more.....chaotic approach.

Speaking of "special".......

The Redneck Riviera's Poster Child Said:"You wanna mouth fulla hot cum?"

Although this was simply a flashback, not trashtalk designated for either Thaddeus or I, it pretty much sums up many of Jim's promo's for the majority of the time he has been here.

The Redneck Riviera's Poster Child Said:"...consider yourselves fucked."

The Redneck Riviera's Poster Child Said:".....it appears prudent to throat fuck the attitude outta you first."

The Redneck Riviera's Poster Child Said:" and suck you inside out through your own urethra. "

Need I continue? Yes, lets.

The Redneck Riviera's Poster Child Said:"I've figuratively fucked you up the ass with one swing."

Now, these seem to be blatantly gay, am I wrong? I mean I would expect better venom from a virgin teenage computer nerd whose only pussy has ever come from behind the confines of a screen then when questioned about it begins to snap......but not from a Universal Champion. Not from OUR Universal Champion.

These seem bad, folks, but they are only ONE promo. Jim has a habit of bringing out his inner gay like Thaddeus has a habit of flaunting it in front of us like that parade in New York. Let's go back to May 21st, in a promo for Warfare.

The Redneck Riviera's Not-So-Ambiguously Homosexal Poster Child Said:"Jimmy Balls" will be beyond ballsdeep in the other white meat."

Same day, same gay confession promo......

The Redneck Riviera's Not-So-Ambiguously Homosexal Poster Child Said:"Motherfucker I'll grease an IED up your ass, text my dick pic for detonation"

How about May 11th?

The Redneck Riviera's Not-So-Ambiguously Homosexal Poster Child Said:"A: It doesn't imply a huge cock, I don't talk about my cock size with the exception of my using the whole baby dick setup as a lure to entice earlier opponents to piss me off"

But these are just recent examples. Hell there is so much gay stuff in Jim's promo's I had to clean my ears with hospital-grade sterilized cue tips just because I had the misfortune of hearing it. Let's go back to February.

The Redneck Riviera's Not-So-Ambiguously Homosexal Poster Child Said:"I'll be collecting your balls as a keepsake and trophy"

"That is all your promo's have ever been, Jim. A mouthful of hot cum. It feels good coming out, but you are going to regret it later. Just ask Dolly what a mouthful of.......nevermind, that isn't a thought I want to think about. Graves's deformed dick.......that's more up your alley, you two seem to be buddies. That is all your promo's are and have ever been.......a salty surprise that ends up getting swallowed away, digested and shit out later.......

Jim you wanted to point out that when you confronted me verbally during my altercation with Paul Heyman that I didn't respond......very good, very very good."

Chris slow claps.

The reason I didn't acknowledge you then Jim is because you didn't matter to me. I wrote you off as some macho gay dude who I'd rather avoid because I don't want some sort of incurable anal disease. God knows what animals you've been sticking that "Big Daddy Dick" into. But Jim, the point is, you didn't matter to me then, and you barely matter to me now. The ONLY reason I even acknowledge your existence is because you hold a belt I was screwed out of, a 20 pound piece of metal that I feel is rightfully mine. After I kick your ass and take it from you, you are not only going to be another name on my victim list but you are going to fade back into obscurity with nowhere else to go but down. You hold MY belt, and after you lose it, you can go back to the trailer park and rot away with the other low life scumbags you've grown up with. Jimmy my boy, keep it warm for me......because Chaos is coming.

....and not in the way I'm sure you'd enjoy."

CHAOS IS EVERYWHERE.

CHAOS IS UPON US.

CHAOS IS COMING.

WE.

THE.

PEOPLE.

XWF RECORD: 33-10-2
XWF Universal Champion: 1x (soon to be 2x)
XWF Trio's Champion: 1x (Current)

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