Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 12:53 AM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
A special visit from a special friend
Author Message
The Engineer Offline
Man of Peace



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#1
05-28-2017, 06:34 PM

The shot opens on an ornate hallway. A bust of founding father John Adams is to the leftmost side of the screen, and above that, a huge portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Seated on the other end of the hallway is none other than The Engineer. The seal of the president of the united states is emblazoned on the rug that he has just tracked mud all over. And then it hits you.

Mother of God, Engy is in the White House.

Madison stands in front of him, waggling a finger at the man like he's some kind of ADHD riddled child. Well, if the shoe fits....


Madison: Now I have a very, very important meeting with President Trump. So you are going to sit there and be a good boy.

See now that's reality. This is what Engy is hearing.

Madison: Engy, go find Ivanka's room and smell all of her panties. You can even take some if you want. She'll probably think that's awesome and want to marry you.

Engy brightens.

Engy: Okay!

Madison stops short, a little perturbed by the eagerness of his reaction. Nonetheless, she perseveres.

Madison: I mean it. Don't leave this chair. Remember, that magic bracelet I gave you will tell me if you move even a foot from this spot. If you do, I will press a big mean button that will give you a big shock. You'll probably piss yourself. Which, given that you usually smell like piss probably isn't a HUGE disincentive, but still...

Engy lifts up his hand, which does indeed have a tracking bracelet snug around his wrist. But that's not a problem, because this is what he heard.

Madison: Remember that pretty bracelet? Ivanka will love you forever if you give it to her. So you should definitely take it off and bring it to her. And murder that cuck Jared Kushner while you're at it. He was never good enough for her. And you definitely have a bigger penis than him.

Engy nods affirmatively.

Madison: I'm going to assume you listened to and understood everything I just said, because I'm already late and I need to assume that right now. Don't fuck up and end up in Gitmo.

Engy: What's a Gizmo?

Madison: 'Kay, bye....

Madison rushes down the hall. House bet on the amount of time it takes for this to go south is about 10 seconds, any takers?

Engy: I gotta get this off to give to Ivanka!

He tries to pry it off, but to no avail. He gives a little squeal of frustration, like a pig trying to wedge itself through a hole in a fence that's just a little too small. So he does what any sane, rational person would do and proceeds to bite some flesh off the meatiest area of his palm and thumb.

Engy: Gah....FUCK!

Blood mixes in with the mud on the carpet. Finally, he manages to sever a flap of skin just big enough to slide the bracelet off. This, of course, causes more blood to gush down his forearm, but he seems to have failed to notice. He holds the gore stained ring of metal above his head triumphantly.

Engy: Yes!

????: Ooooooh, good job Engy!

Engy: Who the fuck is there?!

????: It's me Engy....

This steps out from behind the bust of John Adams.

[Image: 87f077f05c345aa1e9e5ad147d3b89e7.png]

Engy slaps his cheeks in surprise, smearing his face with his own blood.

Engy: Oh shit! Pinkie Pie, whats up? Hey, lets walk and talk cuz I gotta find Ivanka Trump and marry her.

Engy makes his way down the hall, Pinkie Pie prancing next to him. This feels like one of those hallway scenes from the West Wing on acid. All we need is Allison Janney dressed as the Goblin King and we would have a lunatic trifecta.

Pinkie Pie: So Engy, me and the rest of the ponies have a super top secret message for you from Pony Command. We know your about to start in XWF and we have a mission for you that will effect the fate of the entire universe!

Engy: Whoa, usually I'm drunk before getting to heavy shit like this. **Breathes deep** Okay, lay it on me.

They pass by a room that says “Top Secret Russian Intelligence Room (tell no one!)”

Pinkie Pie: Okay, here goes. The universe is dying, expanding faster and further each day until eventually its just gonna break like a rubber band that got pulled too far. God is too weak and feeble to stop it. So we need a different God to step in and save the day.

Engy: What about Islam God?

Pinkie Pie: Nah, he's a nonce and a kiddy diddler. We need an old God. A god of endless vengeance and righteous fury. A God that has the balls to do what needs to be done to restore order and true morality to the universe. We need AIWASS!

Engy: Aiwass sounds pretty sweet. So what do I do?

[Image: 21035-bloodchainsawequestrian_psychopinkie_pie.jpg]

Pinkie Pie: BLOOD, ENGY! WE NEED BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Engy: You had me at the first blood!

He smears some of his own blood on the wall as they round a corner.

Pinkie Pie: Sacrifice. Mutiliation. Make the rings and halls of XWF run red with the life essence of your enemies. And start with this Thomas Righteous guy. He seriously thought Fox and Friends was a Saturday morning cartoon show. That level of stupid alone deserves some serious murderin'.

Engy: Yeah, I fuckin' hate that guy! Talkin' shit about me because I don't do my own promos, like hes all better than me and shit! But then he was all like, “I'm targeting you specifically.” Like that's scary. But I really just got a huge boner thinking about separating his face skin from his skull.

Pinkie Pie: That's exactly what we're looking for! Now granted, the guys you're facing this time are just the shlubs. So they're blood won't mean as much. What we really need is the blood of the impact players in XWF, the champions. You know, the people everybody actually gives a damn about. Hey buddy, you doin' okay?

Engy's hand is pooling blood on the floor more quickly now. His eyes flutter and he wobbles a bit.

Engy: I must just have bad brains today. I forgot to take my pills. It's cool. Lets keep goin.

Pinkie Pie: Ok! I mean, it's pretty obvious you're gonna win the Fatal Four Way. You could probably just cut a fart into a mic and out promo those guys. So we always gotta be looking ahead to the next biggest challenge. Stay focused on climbing that ladder unlike those other times.

Engy: Hey, whadya mean?!

Pinkie Pie: Oh, come now. You and I both know you sometimes get distracted. Remember that time you tried to make friends with that handsome boy who looked suspiciously like Zac Efron?

Engy: PEOPLE THAT PRETTY SHOULD BE GIRLS!

Pinkie Pie: And that other time you thought that porn star was your wife and that she cheated on you and aborted your child, and then you challenged her to a title match and she tricked you by pinning your hand to the canvas with a barbed dildo?

Engy: **Sigh** Yeah....

Pinkie Pie: Okay! So no more distractions this time! Ya gotta stay focused. Can ya do that, Engy!

He leans against the wall, eyes still fluttering as he continues to lose blood.

Engy: I can, and I will! For you Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie: YAAAAY! We love you Engy! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Engy: BLOOD FOR....for.....why am I so sleepy....?

Pinkie Pie's eyes roll back in her head, and she dissolves into ash and hellfire. Engy slides down the wall to a seated position. He holds the bracelet out in front of him.

Engy: Sorry Ivanka...no more...'stractions....

A short time later....

Secret Service Agent: We found him slumped over in the hall. He had lost a lot of blood...

We're outdoors now, and Engy is being loaded into an ambulance in the background.

Madison: God dammit Engy!

Secret Service Agent: He was drifting in and out of consciousness, muttering something about a “Pinkie Pie” as well. And Ivanka's panties. This will, naturally, have to go in a report. Sorry.

Madison: Yeah fine. But when you do the report just leave the word Trump out of it. God knows Donald won't bother to read anything that doesn't have his name in it.

Engy (from the gurney): BLOOD FOR AIWASS!!!!

End!

[Image: 9QBn3eQ.jpg]





Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 2 users Like The Engineer's post:
(05-29-2017), Mezian (05-28-2017)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)