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Static.

Static.

Static.

Static flashes on and across every single television screen, computer monitor, electronic billboard, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ALL across the world.

Folks watching the big game, women watching their stories, and children watching their cartoons are all in shock and awe as their regularly scheduled programs have been so rudely and unexpectedly interrupted.

The static does not last long, however, within a few seconds the screen is back, but unfortunately, it is not a familiar sight. It's not the ball game, it's not 'Days' or 'Guiding Light', nor Dora the Explorer. It's not the newsfeed on your social media browser or whatever disgusting fetish or habits the internet may support for you. On our screen at this moment we have an empty stage with a single table edge to edge with telephones ringing off the hook. Behind the desk is a single person, none other than the Jester of the KINGS™, himself, the Italian Cowboy, Cadryn Tiberius. He's scrambles around, picking one receiver up and speaking into it, slamming it down to pick up another, and even sometimes holding two receivers at once.

Behind Cadryn in the dim lighting is a large sign reading: "STEVE DAVIDS PARTNER TELETHON 17!" The scene pans away from it and reveals no audience, just empty seats from front to back.


Ring! Ring! Ring! It never stops and neither does Cadryn, working like a machine, slinging receivers like he was being paid. From the back walks KING Doctor Louis D'Ville, wearing one of the flashiest, pearl-white suits to date. He walks out to a loud applause from the non-existing audience and takes a bow at the edge of the stage.

Thank-you! Thank-you and hello, my friends! WELCOME to the first-EVER Steve Davids Partner-Search Telethon.

The Doc speaks in a kind, calm voice which somehow echoes over the constant, noise makers in the background. Cadryn continues slamming away phone calls as the meter in the back continues to rise for some reason. Are they collecting money?

The KINGS™ have come and already proven by my side that just as before, we are the bar in this FINE federation. We are untouchable. Unscathed and sit upon our thrones at the very top of the food chain. What does everyone do? They try to compete with the bar. They try to raise the bar. They try to surpass the previous best and create their own.

Doc shakes his head.

You see, there's a thing about being the best, you know? It means, nothing better. Top notch. Cream of the crop. You can't do much greater than the absolute BEST, but how they try. Looking back to even before the KINGS™ arrived, Doctor SATAN! dominated this shallow tag team division like no team prio to us. Of course, good things are never meant to last, and a replacement for him became evident. Even long after Doctor SATAN!'s title reign transitioned into the KINGS™', it's the same as it EVER was. Not without trying though, of course. First, the dreadful, unpredictable, uncontrollable AX3 steps forth claiming their bringing all this chaos and dominance to the battlefield. Yeah, I can see all of that. I haven't just proved once in recent weeks that they're a joke but twice. First, Mister Senator and I disposed of any hopes and dreams of AX3 being Tag Team Champions. Then, I destroyed everything that Chris Chaos has been holding on for the past six months in a matter of one, two, three simple, easy seconds. When the bell rung at the end of our session, that burning desire inside of him got doused in doubt and now he can go into each and every match from here forth thinking that PERHAPS an entire career of boasting and gloating could be a simple FLUKE. A lucky day for a young and rising superstar.

Doc paces around the stage, filling it up with the smoke from his cigar as he puffs away.

Which is what I do. Anyone that needs reminded that when MY good graces are present to just take a step back, I'd be happy to oblige. Chris Chaos built a career, won a UNIVERSAL Title, and claimed many, many victoms along the way... all the while riding the glorious white stallion of a single night. A single event. A single, oopsy daisy. I'm sure our battles aren't over, Mister Chaos. I'm sure AX3 isn't finished trying their best to make an impact around here... We'll be on stand-by.

Doc smiles and glares into the camera then looks back to Cadryn who is still wrestling around six to ten phones at a time.

How are we doing back there, Mister Cadryn?

Doc shouts back to his Jester, who throws a stiff thumbs-up in the air with a wink.

Excellent! In case you're wondering, friends, this is how all of this works. You're familiar with telethons, am I right? Just look at the bottom of the screen and dial TOLL FREE, 1-800-GON-SLAYN! That's 1-800-466-7526, and vote who YOU believe could have what it takes to be the partner of the KINGSLAYER, himself, Steve Davids!! As you can tell, Mister Cadryn back there has his hands full as the ringers HAVE NOT ceased since we opened our lines up just minutes ago! Let's see where our polls our!

Doc motions behind him to the big screen which flashes to different bar graphs displaying the results of the call-ins.

At #4 at a whopping 4% we have..........

#4 Outlaw Brian Harris 4%

The fans have spoken, my friends! Coming in at #4 is none other than impressive XWF rookie, the OUTLAW BRIAN HARRIS! Impressive! Very much so, indeed! Will he beckon to the call? WILL HE REACH OUT AND GIVE STEVE DAVID'S WHAT HE VERY MUCH NEEDS?! Suspenseful.

Doc stares into the camera.

Let's move on shall we? On to #3!

The big screen above does some flashing and makes some fancy computer noises as it calculates the next name.

At #3 with 15% we have.......

#3 Barney Green 15%

I almost swallowed my gum. NOW we're talking. Not only are we dealing with an insane, X-Treme legend, folks. We're talking about a former XWF World Champion in Barney Green. Mister Davids, I must say if you're search must continue after today, the little hope you had at even competiting for the Tag Team Titles against the KINGS™ someday just blasted into oblivion.... I can't think of a single person on this XWF roster that would match up quite as well to the KING SLAYER.

The screen behind Doc and Cadryn begins flashing and making funky noises again. Doc smiles and points up to it.

And we're ready for #2!!!!

It flashes a few more seconds then....

#2 Peter Gilmour 29%

UNREAL! Talk about eating my own words or my own boot! Open mouth, insert foot, Good Doctor!

Doc laughs.

What's a better fit than the X-Treme Legend?! An X-Treme GOD! Nothing matches up better than a self-proclaimed KING SLAYER than a self-proclaimed KING, am I right? You've both been around well-long enough to have a decent history and I'm SURE, damn near certain, that you two could build up enough momentum to at least carry your fake asses down to the ring for the KINGS™ to kick.

Doc takes a deep breath and looks up to the screen one last time.

I cannot even begin to fathom what a success this has been today. THANK-YOU XWF'ites for making this special day that much more so.

Doc humbly smiles into the camera.

So let's move onto .......... #1!!!

The screen flickers and fades and makes twice as loud noisy noises this time. It takes a few more seconds than normal..... Than BAM!

The invisible audience explodes at what has popped up on the screen above them and Doc does his best to talk over them!

Unbelievable!

Doc sells in a celeboratory voice!

The results are in! The PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!

#1 Stone Cold Steve Austin 61%

Would you look at that?! The Texas Rattlesnake has been chosen by the XWF UNIVERSE to come to the XWF and SLAY THE KINGS! Let's bring him out and hear his thoughts!

Glass shatters and in a poof of smoke Stone Cold Steve Austin appears on the stage. He looks bewildered and confused as to how he ended up there, but that didn't stop the doctor to approach him and greet him!

Mister Austin! I'd like to welcome you to the first EVER Steve Davids Parter-Search Telethon!

What the hell? Where am I?

I JUST told you! The XWF UNIVERSE has spoke and have chosen you as ONE of the possible delegates to be his future tag team partner!

What?

Doc frowns.

None of that, please.

No you old bastard, I mean what?! I'm retired, Stone Cold doesn't give a damn what kind of little tele-program bullcrap you have going on here. Who in the HELL are you anwyay?!

Doctor Louis D'Ville! At your service!

Doc takes a bow.

Well, doctor, to hell with all this! Where's the door?!

Stone Cold begins searching around the stage and eventually makes his way stage left to exit.

Just a minute, kind sir!

Doc holds his hand out and points over to a small table that appeared from thin air. On top of it sits an ice-cold Steve-weiser. The can is actually labelled Steve-Weiser.

Join the good doctor for a drink first, won't you?

Austin looks over to the table and cocks his head to the side in confusion. Intrigued he walks over to it and opens it, examining the label.

I think there's some compensation involved here, don't you?

He says pointing to the name printed on the side of the can.

Well, of course!

Doc smiles and produces his own drink from thin air and raises it up. Stone Cold pushes the can against Doc's drink nearly shattering the glass and spilling the contets of both containers about. Stone Cold pours the beer into his mouth from above his head, Vintage Stone Cold, and lets it mostly pour down over his mouth, chin, and shirt. He starts shaking his head and spits the liquid out all over the floor and gasps and coughs.

Problem, Steve-O?

Stone Cold breaks to his knees and can't control his coughing.

You're damn right! That shit tastes like goddamn Kerosene!

Indeed!

Doc pulls a match out from his coat pocket, strikes it, and tosses it onto the Rattlesnake! He immediately engulfs in flames and begins screaming and running across the stage!

Ahhhh!!! You sumbitch!!! You sumbitch!!!

Cadryn looks on in horror as surely one of the superstars that he grew up watching burns to death in front of his very eyes.

I wonder how he knows what kerosene tastes like...?

Doc snickers and walks back to the table where Cadryn set up shop. The phones have, of coure, finally ceased which makes the program a little bit more bearable without the constant ringing in the background. Doc sits half on the table and looks into the camera again.

You see, in the long run you should SURELY know by now that it matters not who faces the KINGS™. Do you think you're trying something NEW, Mister Davids? My fellow KINGS™ aside, do you realize who you're screwing with? Of course you don't, because the past two years that I've been whispering in the shadows... Waiting for at the very least a pulse... But never got it. Even going out of my way, off the clock, to find you a tag team partner... Whether I think it's a waste of time or not... Have I even received a thank-you? Newp. Stupid King Slayer. Hm.. King Slayer. You know, I've been asking around about your little tag there here this week... It's origin and what not... King Theo informed me on a bit of it's history.

Doc pulls out a huge, I'm talking HUGE, book and throws it down on the desk. The cover says "HISTORY OF THE XWF". Doc opens it up and begins leafing through it..
Let's see... King Slayer... King Slayer.... AHA! There we are!

Doc points with his index finger to a single line of the tiniest text on the page. He pulls a magnifying glass from his back pocket and examines the line closer. He frowns and looks back up to the camera.

It appears the stories are true! Looking back to your hay-day here as UNIVERSAL Champion... the ONLY thing I see that could be even related to you slaying anything is that cash-in. Well, IMPRESSIVE, champ. Really. Especially losing the title in your first defense against who? Oh, a KING.

Doc shakes his head as what remains of Stone Cold Steve Austin remains burning on the stage. Cadryn continues to stare a blank stare down at the crispy corpse until the Doc appears beside him, snapping him out of it.

Mister Cadryn, why not share with the UNIVERSE one of your fine songs about the King Slayer, hm?

Cadryn looks like a 9 year old on Christmas morning walking down stairs to see a room full of presents, his entire family, and fucking Santa Clause, himself, standing there waiting for him. Priceless.


He jumps out of the chair and spins around in one motion transforming into the JESTER! He leaps onto the table and dances a jig!

Steve Davids may be one, a Slayer of KINGS! But remember, he will, how much trouble that brings!

Doc smiles.

Very nice.

Cadryn spins around again transforming back into the Italian Cowboy and sits back in the chair with a dreamy look of content on his face.

Trouble, indeed, Mister Davids. After Savage this Saturday, you may think twice about embarking on the journey through the tag team division... After all, if you can't get through one KING.... Hm? What would be the point of trying to take on more? I'm good at this, Mister Davids. I've taken false profits, I've taken fake kings, I've taken those who hold onto that ONE special evening and use it to carry themselves to new heights... And just like for YOU.... I'll be up there, looking down, waiting. The second you see daylight, guess what? A boot to the face and back down you will go.

The past couple of years, you've avoided me. Even after catching MY attentnion with that stupid name just a SINGLE month after I claimed the KING OF THE XWF crown. Now, you're going to find out first hand why I deserve EVERYTHING that I claim and why I'm entitled to SO MUCH MORE. You've had your fifteen minutes of fame, sir, and it's defined your entire image. Allow me to redefine it when I cast the final blow and shatter your armor. Allow me to give you a NEW name when you lie in a pile of yourself rethinking your last couple of steps. Allow the DOCTOR to cure what ales you. You ask how I can call myself such when I would rather inflict pain than to heal? Well, my friend, it goes to show how blind you truly are. It's best to just experience a session rather than discriminate against such, because without truly experiencing it.... You just cannot know. Know this. After our session Saturday, you WILL walk away a new man. You will be different. And all of this silly nonsense you've been blabbering on about will be put to rest... Thus preserving your health in the long run.

Doc smiles into the camera and looks back at Cardyn who is still sitting in daze...

Heed the warning signs that I'll be smacking you with this Saturday, Steven, they're your last hope. Now, before we go... Let's look at the names that didn't make our list today... The less than 1% category.

Big Foot -1% Barney the Dinosaur -1% David Letterman -1% Bruce Jenner -1% Chris Chaos -1%

Static.

Static.

Static.

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