A burning buffet of air slams against the camera, forcing the man holding it to stumble to the side. Tumbleweed rolls out of frame, and the faint cawing of a predatory bird of some sort can be heard through the crackle of the desert wind. The heat creates a shimmer in the air, a distortion of reality. A long, tar road opens out in front of the camera.

The purring of an engine cuts him off, and the silhouette of a vehicle appears at the top of the winding road. The vehicle speeds down the road, straight towards the camera, engine rattling in the air. In less than a minute, a dark blue sedan stops right in the middle of the road, not bothering to pull over. In the driver’s seat is a large man, baby pink gloves on his hand, blacked out sunglasses on and a pristinely tailored blue suit. He eases out of his seat, making sure to not scuff his shoes. He walks around to the back, and opens the door.

Danny Imperial steps out from the back, still naked bar his Television title and a similar pair of sunglasses on his face. He stands beside the vehicle, arms on either side of his waist. He inhales deeply, before suppressing a cough due to the desert sand whipping against his body. He exhales carefully, glancing about the desert.

Danny’s hands burst forth and spread out before the camera, wiggling his fingers.

Danny jiggles his head comically waving his arms.

Danny whispers this theatrically, expecting the camera man to dim at that moment. Rather the image lingers until Danny gets annoyed. His eyes narrow and he smacks the camera out of his face. From behind the frame now, he yells at the cameraman.

The scene fades out.

The scene returns in front of a gated compound. The car is stopped about twenty meters from the main gate and a uniformed, armed military guard is standing by the driver window. Another soldier, closer to the gate has his weapon aimed at the vehicle, hopefully with his safety still on. Danny has gotten out of the car, and seems to be clearly flustered.

Danny throws his hands up into the air in exasperation. He turns to Jackson, and with his body language seems to ask, what the fuck. Jackson hides a smile and tilts his head to signal Danny to get back into the vehicle. Danny pouts openly, wagging a threatening finger at the apathetic soldier before getting back into the vehicle.

Danny mutters some instructions to Jackson and the vehicle begins to speed off back to where they had just come from. After a few turns and more than a few gusts of sand, the vehicle slowed down in front of what looked to be a diner. The sign on the road read “Little A’Le’Inn” and had a plastic UFO posted as guard outside it’s glass doors.

With his signature ear-to-ear grin, Danny opens the door to his car and walks towards the two glass doors. The camera follows behind him as Jackson goes to park the car. Danny swings up open the two doors, still perfectly naked except for his title and his sunglasses. His free glutes flex and relax with every step, in full view of the camera.

He walks into the establishment, hands on either side of his hips and inhales deeply once more. This time, along with the sand of the desert, he inhales the sweet smell of crackling bacon fat and maple syrup.

Danny walks to the bar, propping himself on one of the stools. The twenty-something year old lady behind the bar turns and notices Danny just as he’s about to sit down. She takes in the full spectacle and her jaw slowly drops as she realizes she isn’t dreaming. She forces her mouth shut and comes up to the bar, stammering obviously.

Danny glances up at her, hand rising to his sunglasses.

He whips off his sunglasses and flashes her a stunning smile and a wink. Recognition washes over her face and her jaw drops once more. Realising he’s been recognized, Danny narrows his eyes and leans over the bar.

He lays it on thick and the cameraman almost throws up at the sight of this young, naked and obnoxious beyond belief individual trying so hard to flirt. He swallows his thoughts almost immediately when the girl clearly responds positively.

She giggles uncontrollably and rushes to the back to relay the order. She’s back almost immediately, with a jug of orange juice in one hand and a pot of piping hot coffee in the other. She sets both down in front of Danny, whipping him a glass and a cup, completely ignoring the cameraman.

Danny simply nods, keeping his gaze affixed to hers. She pours him both a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee. He slides the cup of coffee towards the cameraman, without averting his gaze.

The twenty-something year old, perfectly manicured, honestly quite beautiful girl shakes herself out of her stupor. Perhaps the revelation that Danny was just another deluded alien-fanatic destroyed his charm. Her eyes flicker to the camera and her look of weariness is replaced quickly with a sly smile.

Danny reaches over the bar and holds the girls chin in one hand. He pulls her face towards him, looking into her eyes.

Her eyes are wide and she shivers a little, either at the fact that Danny is touching her or the fact that Danny could just as easily snap her neck with his much stronger arms.

Danny smiles at her, releasing his grip from her face.

Danny’s demeanor alters just a little. He grits his teeth and forces out a smile.

The girl is too star-shocked to realise his change in tone.

The girl looks confused, tilting her head to one side before shaking her head as a negative.

Danny sighs, shaking his head in disappointment.

Danny turns his rotating chair away from the bar, completely ignoring the pleading look on the barmaids face. The camera follows him, keeping him in full frame.

Danny wheels his chair back to the bar, his pancakes and bacon having just arrived as he finished his monologue. He gives the barmaid a wink, melting any bad feelings she might’ve harbored from his earlier attitude towards her. The cameraman flicks his camera off, cutting the recording to dig into his own plate.