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Cadryn Tiberius · **04-27-2017, 10:35 PM**

I might get grounded…

1:55 a.m April 28th 2017. As the rain subsides, and the humidity rises, the fog starts to set in. Visibility is less than desireable, and the temperature still remains in the upper 60’s. As the skies clear and the moon shines bright, we find Cadryn sneaking around the outside of his parents house, looking for a plug in. It appears that his phone is almost dead, and he feels it necessary to cut yet another award winning promo, seeing as “Mr. Sex” as he referred to himself, has cut something that mere words just can’t explain. We won’t go as far as to say it’s Michael Graves weird, but it’s definitely out there. As Cadryn finally finds a plug in, he drags a white, plastic, lawn chair to his position next to the outlet, and begins to set up to record. As it stands his beautiful wife Natalie gave him explicit instructions not to work while they are home visiting. Obviously, Cadryn being the badass rebel that he is decided to defy her. And by that we mean that he is going to whisper into his phone furiously and pray to God that he doesn’t wake the beast, otherwise, he’ll get grounded. And by grounded, we definitely mean castrated…

Cadryn: What in the ever loving fuck was that, Danny? Christ, boy, it’s like you wrote that entire promo with your dick in your hand. I mean, seriously? I’m not sure who Deidre is, but shit, dude. It all sounds like a terrible time. It’s funny though, Danny. You seem offended that I had no idea who you were, like your name is some type of sexual gospel that I just haven’t heard of. To the point that you had to reiterate your name, and how it is some type of “clever” play on words. Well, I’ve got some bad news, dude. I still don’t know who you are. I still don’t see you, and damn sure don’t fear you. You speak so confidently about my inability to attain a “hot babe”. It’s fairly obvious you’ve never looked at my wife, bud. She is the most beautiful goddamn creature on this earth, and that’s some real gospel for ya. The reason you’re stuck laying pipe to some 95 year old Golden Girls cosplayer is because you ain’t got a damn clue on how to treat a woman. The way you talk, the way you act, it’s despicable. I oughta’ cut your balls off and feed em to ya, partner. You got no business talking to a woman like that, have some respect. But, I get it, that’s your thing. You’re the “epitome” of sex, and all that other horseshit that you want to pass off as truth. At least Mezian had the courtesy and the intelligence to realize that he will be stepping into the ring with a fucking legend. You try and make jokes about my record, talking some shit about how I couldn’t take a match from a book. That’s funny, bud. As it happens, I’ve taken 6 victories, 5 losses, and 1 draw. I’m man enough to admit when I didn’t get the job done, and that has been 5 times so far. But, let’s look at your record shall we? Oh, wait, you ain’t got one. I’ve got merit, and credibility to back up my record. You have some “Suave” lady killing bullshit agenda that has no merit or credibility. You honest to God, have no idea who you’re fucking with, son. The Essence Of Excellence eats dudes like you week in and week out. I’ll run over you like the other 6 men I’ve defeated in my short time here in the XWF. The only one reeking of defeat after Saturday will be you and Mezian. And, truthfully, Mezian seems like a good dude. I feel bad having to bust his ass, I really do. But, you, Danny, oh buddy. You seem like the type of dude that needs his ass whipped all over the arena and then some. You’re the type of man I despise. The pussyfooted, limp dick, cockjockey that spends all of his time demoralizing women to build up his own self esteem. I bet you’re the type of dude that goes to work at Mcdonalds, and when someone brings back their sorry excuse for a McChicken and throws it in your face, you race home to beat your wife cause it was somehow her fault. You’re quick to comment on my stamina, as if you know anything about my career. Because, if you did, you’d know that my matches always go the distance. And I never give up, regardless of the outcome. As for looking sexy, anyone ever tell you you look like the

carbon copy of Chad Smith, the drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers? If they haven’t I’ll gladly be the first to lay that heartbreak upon you. And no, Danny, ain’t nobody trying to think about that little baby dick you got there. Shit, I should just start calling you Lappinky. That’s a much more fitting name. You don’t want to get into a dick swinging contest, bud. I’ll smack you so hard in the mouth you’ll shit blood.

Suddenly the front door swings open, and out walks Godzilla. And by that, we mean Natalie in her lime green robe. Cadryn didn't realize it, but he went from whispering to yelling and it woke the beast! She immediately spots Cadryn yelling into his phone, and begins charging towards him like some sort of Tampax Predator! Cadryn spots her, drops his phone, and pretends to be asleep. Yep, that’s right. In the yard, in the middle of the night, his only defense is to pretend to be asleep. There might still be a little bit of Cereal Killer lingering around in that brain of his..

Natalie: CADRYN LESLIE TIBERIUS, WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU BEFORE WE LEFT THE MALL TONIGHT, HUH?

Cadryn: Damn, baby. Why you gotta say my full name? Ain’t nobody ever been a badass with a middle name like that. Shit..

Natalie grabs Cadryn by his hair, and begins dragging him up onto the porch and towards the front door.

Natalie: Get your ass inside, before I whip your ass like your name is Leslie.

Cadryn: But, my name is Leslie..

Natalie: Exactly.

Natalie draws back and lands a gruesome right hook into the side of Cadryn’s face, stunning him, and forcing him to the floor of the porch.

Cadryn: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!

Natalie: I done told your ass. Now get inside before I get really mad…

Cadryn: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK TOUGH WHEN YOU BEATIN’ THE BRAKES OFF MY ASS FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE?!

Natalie: Well one of us has to be the man in this relationship, now get inside and get to bed!

Cadryn: Damn baby, that’s cold..

Cadryn walks inside and assumably goes to bed…

Or at least we hope he did…

Natalie is scary as hell…

Damn…

(To Be Continued..)

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