*squeak*squeak*squeak*squeak*squeak*squeak*squeak*squeak*

The telltale report of a lively mattress. Otherwise, darkness. You hear the heavy breathing of someone, the muffled moans of another.

You hear sex.

Mr. Sex: OH YEEEEAAAAAH!!!!

The squeaking stops with a triumphant roar.

Mr. Sex: Woooh! Now that's having some sexing!

The lights gently fade up, and we see Mr. Sex laying in bed, beside him a woman looking to be about 80 adjusting an adorable little old lady wig and resetting her dentures, which are coated with the white viscous result of Mr. Sex's sex. Mr. Sex gently turns and gives the octogenarian a kiss on the cheek, and we see his hand snake down the sheets to her pelvic region, not far away a very dark and wet imprint formed around Mr. Sex's penis. The old lady squeals.

Mr. Sex: That's right, Dierdra, I'm not finished with you yet!

Dierdra: Oh my! This reminds me of the night I did lines off of Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinatra before they spit roasted me for three hours straight.

Mr. Sex: THAT IS SO SEXY!!!

Mr. Sex's sex drive, his ferver, can not be stopped as he puts fold after fold of Dierdra's wrinkled neck into his mouth, attempting to make a hickey on the Silly Putty ™ like substance. His hand hit's the mark, Dierdra's aged, wizened, and oh so experienced labia. He spreads her lips gently, and lets his finger creep slowly downward to find her aged and unusually moistened at this age, post menopausal clitoris. Dierdra lets out a long hollow moan.

Mr. Sex: That's right, you're a hot babe! Tell me more about dudes you boned in the sixties!

Dierdra: Oh, I gave JFK and LBJ blumpkins!

Mr. Sex: Salacious! I am feeling my penis become engorged again with lust and need and desire to plow your less than fertile, feel-free-to-spunk-inside-me loins.

Dierdra: I can do all sorts of tricks with my plastic hip!

The massive Mr. Sex flips Dierdra over and lifts her old lady ass high in the air, the lips of her vagina sagging and agape from years of existence. He takes his position behind her and slides his erect penis inside, and we hear Dierdra moan again. Mr. Sex farts, but that happens in sex.

Mr. Sex: Oh yeah, round five, baby. I hope you took your Centrum Silver!

Dierdra: I'm going to think of this while baking for my grandkids!

Mr. Sex: Sexy!

Mr. Sex continues to thrust his penis in and out at Dierdra and looks up at the camera.

Mr. Sex: Oh, hello. I see you've come to visit me while I sex up a hot babe. Well, at this time I'd also like to address my opponents for Savage Saturday Night while I savagely ravage Dierdra here.

Dierdra: William? Is that you?

Mr. Sex: Quiet, dear.

Mr. Sex smirks as he looks at the camera.

Mr. Sex: Alzheimer's must be kicking in again. I swear, it's like fucking a photo album, all those repressed memories coming out, it's almost like a...

Mr. Sex bites his lower lip as his penis hits the right spot.

Mr. Sex: ...roleplay.

Now, I saw something from Cadryn Tiberius, and all he had to say was he didn't know who I am. Well, buddy, when it comes to Mr. Sex, it's all in the name. Cadryn Tiberius couldn't get a hot babe to save his life, couldn't get laid if he was the golden egg up a goose's ass, and couldn't take a match if he ripped one out of a book of them.

Dierdra: Are you putting something up my ass?

Mr. Sex: Not yet.

Dierdra: I swear, if you pop in my mouth again I'm going to puke.

Mr. Sex: Sexy. Now Cadryn, you want to act like you're the Essence of Excellence? Did I hear that right? Because besides lube, old lady butt, and my own manly funk, all I can pick up is the Stink of Defeat.

Dierdra: Vince Lombardi was a foot man!

Mr. Sex: That is so sexy! Cadryn Tiberius, when I get you in the ring, I want you to remember this. I want you to remember the eighty year old woman I'm laying pipe in, and how she has twice the stamina you do. I want you to remember how sexy I look while Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard and Mr. Sex gave her a bone. I want you to think long and hard, like my impressive and manly member, about what it takes to push weight around the world, and why Mr. Sex is here in the XWF.

Because while I give Dierdra a sweet, hard dicking...

...you're fucked.