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Chris Chaos · (04-20-2017)

"Deep down, I'm just a West Virginia hillbilly"---Brad Pasley

Coming Soon ^

The Boston Aquarium is one of the most famous in the world, and one of the largest. There are so many different species of animals here, from fish, to birds, to mamals to.....people.

All sorts of interesting kinds that come in all shapes and sizes. From all different backgrounds, different parts of the world. Species that would never co-mingle in the wild, would never have to survive in the food chain against one another. Creatures that didn't belong in the same space but were thrown together in a casserol of diversity for the enjoyment of the mindless pawns who observed them daily.

They were a bit like the fans who come to wrestling shows, always looking for something interesting to happen. One fish eating another, blood and guts and ripped skin everywhere. These pawns were looking for the next trend, for the new flavor of the week. Then they see it, they ohh and ahh, but move onto the next exhibit.

There is one creature, however, who stands out above the rest. The shark. The apex predator--an animal whose lure eclipses a measley tank. An animal that these pawns fear because they know, whether directly or indirectly, that not a single one of them could last a minute with it in its own environment.

As Chris watched the shark move about the tank in all of its predatory glory, he thought about about elements. All of these XWF superstars, they swam around him in circles---heading somewhere fast but really going nowhere. Only existing because he allowed them to exist for at least another day. But that could all change in the snap of a finger or a crunch of a jaw....

"Look mamma! What kinda fish is that?!"

Chris looked down at the sign with all of the color photos of every one of the tank inhabitants. He scrolled with his eyes until he found one that looked like what the little snot was pointing to.

BLACK DRUM---Pogonias cromis

His eyes continued to scan. He was noticing a trend here, just needed to find one that made sense. He read the little bio's next to each fish's name.

SPANISH MACKEREL---Scomberomorus maculatus

WHITE GRUNT---Haemulon plumierii

ATLANTIC POMPANO---Trachinotus carolinus

Finally, about halfway down, he saw a fish that fit what he was looking for.

HOGFISH---Lachnolaimus maximus
---Like many wrasses, the hogfish is a sequential hermaphrodite, which means it changes sex during different life stages. The hogfish is a protogynous, "first female" hermaphrodite: juvenile hogfish start out as female and then mature to become male. The change usually occurs around three years of age.....

---Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He could think of someone whose a hermaphrodite. He started off as a whiny bitch and then "grew", "matured" and got a pair of balls all of the sudden.

-----Hogfish social groups are organized into harems where one male will mate and protect a group of females in his territory.

YES! He knew this person very well. Protecting a female that has stumbled into his territory all of the sudden, even though when it came down to him or her she would be shark bait before he could close his gills. Yes....someone who protected a bitch, just like him....

Yeah, a hogfish. A West Virginia hogfish.

After scrolling to the end of the list, and seeing nothing interesting, he went back to the hogfish. Pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket, and a sharpie, he leaned onto the table with the fish photos. He wrote:

HILLBILLY BITCHFISH

Hmmm he needed a scientific name, you know, for educational purposes.

He taped it over the Hogfish bio with a piece of double sided tape he had in his pocket as well. Peeling off the back.....stick......yes.

Ahh, yes.

HILLBILLY BITCHFISH---Cadryn Tiberius

Walking away, he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. Dialing a number, he put it to his ear.

"Hey sugartits....how is the shopping going? Good...good....hey when you get done, comedown to the Aquarium. I want to show you a new species I just found.....I think you'll find it....TRANS-scending."

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"Cadryn Tiberius is all serious now. How adorable. With this makeover comes a new attitude, a new sense of entitlement, and a new sense of false-hope. Everyone has been licking his ass, telling him how proud they are, but never telling him the truth. Never telling him just how boring he has become. At least when he was killing cereals and complaining about his dick mittens being hastily thrown into a lost and found bin, he made people chuckle. He entertained. Now, he couldn't entertain a down syndrome kid on adderall. But these fans, they cheer for you because you are the hero that this place lacks....the one bright light in a city where the bad guys always win and the good guys finish last. The last hope for normalcy. But I don't think you can even cheer for you, can you Cadryn? Do you even know who you are anymore? How many more failed endeavors are you going to embark on before you realize that you just aren't cut out to dance with the devil? This is a dog eat dog business, and you're a chiwawa in the same yard as mastiffs. You are bound to end up dead or digested. Perhaps both.

I see right through you, Cadryn. This is a case of jealousy. The ONLY reason you visited Dolly in that hospital room is because you wanted what Graves had. You wanted a little bit of that Kentucky Tom Boy poon. Look at it from the view of everyone with any brain cells---you didn't change to this new "hero" persona and this intense I-fight-the-good-fight bullshit until Graves kicked you to the curb. You got so jealous that he chose a 90 pound teenager over you, you lost it. You idolized Graves, you know it and I know it. Do you think its a coincidence that he got more intense, and so did you? He changed his look, and so did you? You may be fooling those toothless hicks in West Virginia that you call your fans, but you aren't fooling me. You have ridden on his coattails for a long time. You mattered in this company because of him. But he is better than you, and you know it. So when he discarded Dolly like a used maxi-pad, you had your in. You could have just a little piece of the man you idolized for so long. You went to visit Dolly, not because you cared about her well being, but because you wanted to hang on to a small shred of the only reason anyone gives a squirt of piss about Cadryn Tiberius. You know it, I know it, the world knows it.

Cadryn The Cowboy Said:And I know, Chris, you seem to think this is the house that Chaos built.

In fact, cowboy, I KNOW. What was this place before I came in and turned it on its ear? Sure, they were a fully functioning federation with a good reputation, but I gave them a bar. I set the tone, brought it to a new level. I elevated some of the names on this roster that have become "top tier". Graves, your boyfriend, is where he is because I pushed him there. Hell, Micheal Graves is undefeated in singles competition since our little tango at Savage back in February. The only reason it isn't a clean sweep is because Gilmour dropped the ball. But I guess you will claim that you and Dolly's win over him and the "God of X-treme" counts. Fine, then, dicklips, he is 3-1 since facing me. What was he before? On a severe losing streak and on the brink of leaving the company, that's what. Thaddeus Duke....he lost to me and the next Warfare became Xtreme Champion. The at Lethal Lottery won AGAIN and became Number 1 contender to the Universal Title. I was on the logo for Lethal Lottery, both the tournament and the Pay Per View. Need I go on? I make competitors better, Cadryn, I bring out their A game. The bar that I have set has made this roster one of the best in professional wrestling history. Hell, I even made DOC better. He has not been pinned since losing to me. Are you sensing a trend here? So before you put your suspenders on to hold your big boy pants up, you better check your facts, jack. What have you done? Made it to the finals of a tournament. Oh boy. Nobody remembers a loss, they only remember a win. As far as anyone is concerned, you weren't even in it. But I suppose you want a trophy? A pat on the back? Maybe a cookie? How about some cereal.....you know deep down you could really use some nice sugary cereal. Because that is all you are. A gimmick, a fraud....and on Savage I will make you better too. I will bring out your A Game and you will come out of this match vastly improved. But what else I will do...I will expose you for what you really are.......a mid-carder, and that's being generous.

You attacked me to make yourself feel like you matter. Then I left you bloodied on Jefferson's desk. I am always a step ahead. You claimed you wanted my attention, you've got it now. You've poked a bear, a hungry bear, and now that bear is going to chase you down.

Cadryn The Cowboy Said Said:But, when you're in line at the grocery store attempting to get the balance on your food stamp card, I'll be there for you.

What in the ever loving fuck are you talking about? I have one of, if not the biggest, contract here. Ummm.....I really can't even begin to comprehend the lunacy I am hearing. Maybe West Virginia has twisted your brain up worse than I ever could.

Cadryn The Cowboy Said:I'll shake your hand and I'll offer you a spot at my table, Chris. Because that's what real men do.

No, that's what pussy boy beef farmers do. It takes a man to kick someone when he is down, Cadryn, but it takes a bigger man to kick him again. And that is what I am going to do to you. I am going to kick your head completely off your shoulders and send you packing back to that section 8 cesspool of a state you come from. And when I am done....I will kick you again. Because I AM the bigger man.....in every way shape and form...just ask Jenny, my, what did you call her, a pathetic excuse for a woman? At she's a W-O-M-A-N. While your watching Spongebob and coloring with your new best friend she is making moves and rising the ranks. I think even Jenny could beat you. Why am I even wasting my time?

Cadryn The Cowboy Said:Honestly you're more suited to be the poster boy for autism. No, wait, I lie. That’s an insult to people with autism everywhere. You are definitely the poster boy for bleeding vaginas everywhere, though.

By the way, nice comeback,

.

I can't wait to swat you off me like a mosquito Saturday night. You've infected this company with your "charm" long enough. It's time for a New Era, and in that era, country boy, there just isn't a place for things like you."

He puts a mirror up to his face.

"Now THAT'S a REAL head of hair."

Opening the takeout menu, he browsed for a bit before deciding on Hogfish Taco's.

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XWF RECORD: 28-7-2
XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION: 1x

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