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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare Results
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Warfare Madness: 4/19/2017
Author Message
Paul Heyman
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XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#1
04-19-2017, 11:00 PM

[Image: WZlhz12.jpg]




XWF Wednesday Night Warfare
April 19, 2017
Hammerstein Ballroom
Manhattan Center
New York, New York






The broadcast for Wednesday Warfare goes live, starting backstage in the office of XWF H.R. Director, Jane , we see a frazzled yet still sexy Jane sitting at her desk on the phone.

Are you sure he's in the building?"

She asks someone on the other line,

"Okay, great, please ask Mr. D'Ville to come to my office right away."

Suddenly there's a static sound on the other side of the phone line,

"Hello? Are you still there?"

The florescent bulbs above Jane's head flicker, there's a sudden heavy stench of cigar smoke lingering in front of her face.

"Why, hello, Ms. !"

Jane startles and looks up to the filing cabinet on her left. She sees Doctor Louis D'Ville sitting there with his legs crossed, Tag Team Championships on either shoulder while puffing on a cigar.

"Mr. D'Ville! You scared me! How did you-"

Doc smiles and interrupts the nervous young H.R. Director,

"You said 'Right Away', did you not?"

Jane clears her throat, fiddles with her hair, adjusts her breasts and composes herself,

"Mr. D'Ville, would you please come down from there and have a seat d-----"

The lights flicker again and Doc is now sitting across from Jane at her desk, this time with a glass of scotch in his hand, the cigar is gone.

"So, what is it the good doctor can do for your this most FINE evening, my dear?"

Jane tries overcoming the goosebumps on her arms,

"We need to talk about the tag team championships, Mr. D'Ville"

She says while standing and looking at a picture of The Brick Squad hanging on her wall.

"The tag team division is one of the, if not THEE most important aspect of any wrestling organization. It exemplifies the meaning of teamwork and trust, something that while being the H.R. Director, I care deeply about. Let's face it, Doc; our division is floundering at best."

Jane turns and looks over at Doc who is indifferently swirling the scotch around in the bottom of his glass.

"I'm listening."

Doc smiles ear to ear and returns an icey stare as cold as his drink.

"The Tag Team titles must be defended... and no later than Saturday Savage on the 29th"

"Well as you know I'm without-"

Jane cuts him off,

"I understand you're partner is umm... well uhhh..."

She looks down toward Doc's crotch,

"Compromised. But Mr. D'Ville we have a plethora of unique and talented Superstars today in the XWF who could fill that void. So I'm giving you, sir, since I respect and value all the work you've put in for this company a unique opportunity."

"Yes?"

"I am going to let you choose your own tag team partner to replace Unknown Soldier- that is of course if said potential partner will comply."

Doc's grin somehow widens even further,

"BUT! You have until the end of tonight's Warfare broadcast to have a partner selected or else....

..............


..............................


.............................................................

I'm going to be forced to vacate your tag team titles."


The lights in the office begin to dim and fade in and out. A red haze begins to fill the open air like a thick fog... Jane sits still behind her desk, her eyes as wide as two moons.

"I guess I have some work to do then, hm?"

Doc winks and the room instantly flashes back to normal. The doctor and everything he brought with him was gone, which left Jane sitting confused behind her desk for a moment...

"Was I day dreaming?"






The scene opens to the announcers table of Wednesday Warfare in a packed and extremely ruckus Manhattan Center in New York City. We see the beloved Dewey sitting behind the table, his face drooping on one side- the crowd chants:


"THANK YOU DEWEY- *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP-THANK YOU DEWEY"



Dewey: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to WEDNESDAY WARFARE!


Dewey's voice is slurring terribly, his eyes welling up with tears.


"THANK YOU DEWEY- *CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP-THANK YOU DEWEY"



This will be my last time ever calling a show in the XWF, I have been diagnosed with a debilitating disease known as Bell's Palsy. Tonight Miss Jane will be announcing the new permanent commentary team for Warfare...

I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for some explosive Warfare action, so let's get this thing rolling!

Actually, we’re headed backstage once again!






Jane! Where are you going!?


Paul Heyman is heard, but not yet seen as the camera slowly zooms in on Jane ’s ass as she walks toward the buildings exit very quickly.


I hate to see her go.


Tommy Gunn appears beside Heyman as exits the back of the building.


I do love to watch her leave.

Where’s she goin’?

I don’t know. She had some sort of emergency.

We should probably tell Jefferson.

The money guy?

Certainly.

If she’s not here, he’d probably like to know that so he doesn’t have to pay her.


True.

He’s a better Jew than you are, and he’s not even Jewish.


Jane has left Warfare!?!?


Heyman looks at Gunn, like he’s hurt by the Jew comment as Warfare fades to commercial.





’F’ers, welcome back to Warfare! It’s been a strange night so far to say the least with Jane ’s ultimatum to Doctor D’Ville and her sudden departure!

Paul Heyman is currently en route to Jefferson Jackson’s office to let him know what happened!



We cut backstage to find Jefferson Jackson walking down a hallway towards his office. Oh, his way he passes by various backstage workers, caterers, ring technicians, a couple of audio video guys who are seemingly taking a break from producing tonight's live show. Everyone seems a little uneasy as Mr. Jefferson walks by, including Mr. Jefferson himself. JJ comes to a stop. There is a very annoyed look about him. He looks down to the ground and lets out a deep breath in a failed attempt to bottle up his anger. JJ slowly lifts his head up and surveys all of the employees who are just standing around not actually doing work. With a harsh tone, JJ begins shouting.


”What are you people doing!?”


Everyone snaps to attention, fear on their faces as JJ continues on after a short pause.


”I’M NOT PAYING YOU PEOPLE TO STAND AROUND!... GET TO WORK BEFORE I START DOING SOME DOWNSIZING!”


Everyone in the surrounding area stands there looking shocked at the fact that JJ is yelling at them. Most of them confused because they either don’t have any immediate work to do, or they are employed by an outside company and not actually XWF.


”I SAID GET TO WORK!”


With that everyone scatters. JJ shakes his head and sighs before continuing down the hall. Within no time, JJ makes it to his office. As JJ opens the door, Jim Caedus approaches him.

”Hey bossman, got a minute?”


JJ turns to greet Caedus with a fake smile.


”Hello Jim, what can I do for you?”

”Listen, man, I just wanted to ask… Do you have a recipe for banana nut bread?”


JJ seems to be caught completely off guard by the question.


”Um… what?”


”Yeah man, banana nut bread. Tommy Gunn told me that you make a hell of a cake brother!”


JJ closes his eyes and takes a deep breath while rubbing his temples...


”I have work to do Jim if you’ll excuse me.”


JJ starts to turn around, but Jim stops him by grabbing his shoulder.


”Boss, wait!”


JJ turns around revealing that the annoyed look from before is only becoming more prominent.


”What is it Jim?”


Jim smiles sheepishly.


”Listen, man, I just want to say that I think that you run a hell of a program over here on Warfare. I’m sorry that I’m not always a part of this show, but with me holding the TV title and the 24/7 case, I kinda have my hands full, but hey, listen, I’m going to start making the effort to appear on Warfare more often. I really dig how you guys have ribs in your catering too. All Kato ever gets is week old fried chicken and pizza.”


JJ throws his hands up in an effort to shut Jim up.


”That’s nice Jim, I’m glad that you’re enjoying yourself, but I really need to…”

”Before you go, boss, I also needed to let you know....”


JJ backs into his office with his hand up, trying to shoo Jim away.


”Tell me later Jim!”


JJ slams the door as Jim mutters to himself.


”I was just going to warn you about Graves…”


Jim turns and walks away as we hear JJ yell from behind his office door.


”WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH!?”


Suddenly we hear a loud crash, followed by another. The sounds of JJ screaming for mercy, and two men rustling around fill the air. Suddenly JJ comes crashing through the office door as it explodes off of the hinges. Graves steps out through the wreckage with a sadistic smile on his face. He is holding what appears to be a checkbook in his right hand and is gently slapping it into the palm of his left.

”What was it that you said to me the other day? If I threatened another member of management, you would send me to the unemployment line?”


Graves walks over to JJ, now standing straddled over him as he moans in pain.


”Well JJ, I took shit a step further… Now tell me what you’re going to do about it!?”


Graves waits for an answer, but one doesn’t come.


”That’s right JJ, you’re not going to do shit, and do you know why? Because YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO FIRE ME! AX3 is quickly becoming the biggest thing going in the XWF, and you know for a fact that if you try to fire me, Vincent Lane will have you by the balls!”


Graves turns his attention to the checkbook in his hand.


”Now, if you'll excuse me. I’m going to take the company checkbook out for some fun. Seems only right that I get to spend some of the money that AX3 is lining your pockets with.”


Graves lets out an evil laugh as he exits JJ’s office. Just as he closes the door, he runs right into Paul Heyman and Tommy Gunn. Graves shoves the checkbook in his pocket quickly.


Micheal?

”Paul?”


The two exchange a nod and Graves walks off. Paul knocks on Jackson’s door and enters finding Jackson out cold on the floor.


Shit! Graves! I got to go after him!

Wait! I did tell him to impress me.


Paul starts to pace a little while rubbing two of his four or five chins after wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.


Kato and that new guy are on their way home from Savage…


Tommy looks at Paul.


Lane is on vacation like always.


Paul looks at Tommy.


left and Jefferson is oh so obviously napping so it looks to me...


Heyman puts a meaty arm around Gunn’s shoulders.


...That Warfare is lacking a general manager.


The typically stoic Tommy Gunn looks over at Paul and cracks a smile.


You know, we could get in a lot of trouble for this.

TOMMY GUNN!


Heyman yells as he stands in front of Gunn.


SIR!


Gunn stands at attention as Heyman pulls out a Cuban cigar and lights it up.


Let’s unleash a little… MADNESS!


Not to quote Joey Styles but…

OH!

MY!

GOD!

THE INMATES ARE RUNNING THE ASYLUM!!!!!!


Warfare fades to commercial.





Welcome back folks… um…. Paul Heyman has given his orders as tonights general manager and… we’re literally restarting the show!


[Image: 0IIAGCJ.jpg]




WE ARE LIVE! FROM THE SOLD OUT HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM AT MANHATTAN CENTER AND ‘F’ERS!

THIS!

IS!

WARFARE MADNESS!

Hello everyone, I AM Dewey Gobblecoque, and just for the record, its pronounced COKE! NOT COCK!

Folks, Paul Heyman is in charge and shits about to go down because that fat ass gives no fucks!

Moments ago, XWF cameras captured this!



The camera fades to the parking lot where we see Peter Gilmour. When someone yells out.


Hey Peter!


Peter turns around with no time to react. Robert Main blast him in the face with the Hart Championship. Peter crumbles to his knees still unaware who has just attacked him. Peter looks up and sees Robert Main standing over him. Robert smiles as blood starts to flow from Gilmour’s head. Robert drops the Hart Championship and waste no time. Robert connects with a huge knee strike sending Gilmour to the parking lot floor. Robert stomps Gilmour a few times with a sadistic look on his face. Robert grabs Gilmour by the hair pulling him up from the parking lot floor. With a hand full of hair Robert screams at Gilmour.


Maybe you will learn to keep my name out of your dirty mouth. King of extreme me ass!


Robert runs with Gilmour tossing him head first into the driver's side window of a Ford focus. The window shatters into a million pieces. Gilmour lays inside the car motionless. Robert starts to back away leaving Gilmour in the car bleeding. Robert shakes his head pulling Gilmour out of the car. He rolls Gilmour onto the hood hitting him with a few stiff shots. Robert climbs up onto the hood pulling Gilmour up. Robert picks Gilmour up and hits A Dead Man's Hand through the windshield. Robert rolls off the car leaving Gilmour a bloody mess on the dash of the car. Robert smiles as he walks away picking up his Hart Championship.


Gilmour is down! He’s hurt! And he’s up next here on Warfare Madness!


The bell rings, grabbing the attention of those at the show, growing restless crowd who has just endured 30 minutes of backstage antics.

DUKE GILLY MYSTICA TRIPLE THREAT

ENTRANCES


TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
Mystica
- vs -
Peter Gilmour
- vs -
Thaddeus Duke
-Falls Count Anywhere-



"We have a doozy to start the night off with folks! Two legends going up against a second generation XWF superstar. We have the X-Treme Legend Peter Gilmour facing a recently returning Mystica and the #1 Contender to the finest prize in the land, the Universal Title, Thaddeus Duke!"

"Ladies and gentlemen......"

"Let's get this underway!"

"The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Triple Threat/Falls Count Anywhere match!"

First eight chords of "Sick Sick Sick" by Queens of the Stone Age ring out as a pale blue mist leaks from the floor. Mystica walks in slowly, draped in a flowing pale grey robe, which he discards after he passes through the mist. He glares down at the ring, gives a slight smirk, and places his hands together in front of his face, as though locked in thought.

"Introducing first, from Liverpool, Merseyside, England!! Weighing 200 pounds.... Mystica!!!!!!"

After bowing his head for a moment, he walks calmly down to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope.

"Mystica has just returned from a long hiatus from the XWF and, needless to say, he's looked pretty impressive. Tonight will definitely be a true test in his return!"

The lights in the arena dim, then go to full black. We then hear the eerie sounds of a bell being tolled and then an explosion of fire emitting from the entrance ramp. The beginning of COMANCHE by IN THIS MOMENT begins as the heavy guitar riffs kick in and red strobes dance around the stage.

"His opponent, from Los Angeles, California...... Weighing in at 260 pounds...... Peter Gilmour!!!!!!"

As soon as the verse kicks in, we see Peter Gilmour and his lovely queen Mia Yim come out to the ramp. They smile at each other before going down the ramp hand in hand. Peter bobs his head to the song. They get in the ring together and Peter gets on the turnbuckle and throws up an "X" sign as pyro goes off above the ring. Peter hops down and hugs Mia as they wait his next victim.

Silence.


Darkness.



GUITAR! White light bursts through the darkness pointing straight up from the ring posts illuminating the vertical Illuminatus Iron Cross banners (white field, blue cross,) hanging from the lighting rigging above each corner of the ring. More guitar, the screen flashes to behind the current where Thaddeus is shown, hood up, rocking back and forth in anticipation and excitement.

Back to the mostly darkened arena. 'OKAY,' the arena lights pop on, strobing in blue and white colored lighting with Thaddeus Duke, hood up, standing on stage not moving.

"And their opponent, from Old Saybrook, Connecticut.... Weighing 210 pounds.... He is the #1 Contender to the Universal Championship....... Thaddeusssssss..... Duuuuuuukkke!!!"

GUITAR WINDS UP, CHORUS: The crowd cheers as he throws off the hood and walks to either side of the stage, pointing out toward the fans. He backpedals toward center stage and then heads toward the ring. Once he can reach fans, he slaps hands old school style, going from side to side. He runs up the steps and pauses, looking at his admirers before hopping over the top rope into the ring. He makes his way to each corner, giving the Bret Hart "I love you" pose. Once all four corner are done, he hops back to the outside and takes selfies with fans at ringside. Mostly kids and teens.

The three meet in the ring now as the bell sounds.

"Peter with the obvious weight advantage here... And he's doing his normal shit talk no-less.."

Peter gives it to both Mystica and Thaddeus at once, mocking them both in the center of the ring. They both look at one another and share a different sides of Peter's face with a drop kick! Peter stumbles back into the ropes and bounces from them only to be knocked to his back with a double clothesline! Peter rolls out of the ring out of dodge and is fuming! He rips and pulls at the ring apron at the outside while his maiden tries her best to calm him down! The action isn't quite over though! Thaddeus and Mystica shrug at each other in the ring as Mystica springs off the ropes and runs towards Peter on the outside! He flips over the top rope and lands on Peter's shoulders going for a hurricanrana! Peter holds! He pulls Mystica back up and powerbombs him on the ring steps!

"Ouch! Peter just threw Mystica back first down on those ring steps! What a vicious powerbomb by the King of Xtreme!"

Thaddeus didn't waste the opening though. He attempted something similiar and spring to the outside hitting Peter with a cross body! Thaddeus springs right back to his feet as the crowd does the same! Mystica slowly begins to stir and crawl away from the action trying to gain his bearings back. Duke keeps his eye on his and gives Peter a swift kick to the side of the head as Pete just reaches his hands and knees. He makes his way over to Mystica around the corner, but he was waiting for him! He springs up and nails Duke in the face with a flying knee! Duke staggers back, Mystica grabs him and throws him into the barrier! Right as Mystica turns around Peter is there and knocks him down with a big elbow!

"Wow! The action is back and forth here right away, fans!"

Peter takes a minute to gloat, then takes both of his opponents by the back of the neck. He tries slamming their heads together, but Mystica and Duke both block it and nail Peter in his fat gut with a double punch! Peter slouches down and they both go behind him and pick Peter up in the air.... down he goes in a double belly-to-back suplex! Peter rolls over his head a few times and ends up in the middle of the ramp. Duke gets to his feet first and nails Mystica in the face with a closed fist. Mystica takes it like a champ and returns a swift kick to te side of Duke's left leg! Duke takes another swing at him but it's evaded and answered witha swift kick to Duke's right leg! Mystica begins alternating back and forth and gets the upper hand as Duke takes each kick one after another until Mystca wears him down to one knee! Mystica grabs Duke by the head and swings him down hard wit a swinging neck breaker on the metal ramp! He goes for a quick cover!

One!!






Two!!!







Peter breaks up the pin as Duke kicks out!

"He's not getting by that easy!"

Peter grabs Mystica and pretty much throws him off of Thaddeus up the ramp and drops a hard elbow on the chest of Duke. He springs right up and grabs Mystica again as he's getting to his feet, but Mystica spins around and lands a spinning toe kick right on Peter's nose! It explodes in a splatter of blood like Peter was shot in the face with a paintball gun! He wobbles on his feet back and forth dazed for a moment as Mystica finishes the job with a round house kick! His leg bounces off, but Pete remains on his feet! He asks Mystica for another!

"Is he nuts?!"

Mystica spins around again and cracks Peter across the head with another one! Peter's head bobbles a few times and he face plants! Mystica feels the momentum rising and turns to pick up the pieces when he gets speared by Thaddeus Duke back down onto the ramp!

"Wow, none of these guys can get an upper-hand here. When one starts to, one of the other two jump back in! Unbelievable"

Thaddeus gets up and grabs Mystica from under his arms and starts dragging him up the ramp. They reach the top of the stage and Duke lets go of him and kicks him in the back of the head. He picks up Mystica, throws an arm over the back of his head, and lifts Mystica straight up in the air! He holds him for a few seconds then drops him back down with a vertical suplex! Mystica flops flat on his back on the stage and Duke goes for a cover!!



One!!!







Two!!!







Mystica kicks out after two! Peter is beginning to stir on the ramp; he looks up and sees his two opponents now on the top of the stage and begins working back to his feet. Back up on the stage, Duke has Mystica up on his feet and is guiding him backstage.... They go behind the curtain and the camera follows them closely behind. Duke hurls Mystica into a garbage can and it topples over throwing it's lid and what little contents that were inside across the floor. Duke picks up the garbage can and holds it over his head, but gets kicked from behind from Peter before he can swing it down onto Mystica! Peter grabs the garbage can that Duke dropped and holds it. He looks at both Mystica and Duke.... Mystica is upright on his knees... Peter smiles and throws the can over Mystica's body!

"Oh, man... What's Pete have planned here?!"

With the garbage can fit nicely over Mystica's body, Peter grabs a steel chair close by and folds it up. He measures Mystica up and smacks the side of the garbage can!

"Ouch!"

Mystica falls lifeless to the side and Peter gives him two more shots with the chair while inside the can! He turns around to give Thaddeus a piece too, but gets hit with an enzegurie as he turns around! Thaddeus managed to kick the chair right into Peter's skull! He falls onto the garbage can and motions for he referee to count Mystica down!


The referee drops into position, but stops and points....

Thaddeus slaps the ground.....


One!!





Two!!!





Three!!!












The official taps Duke on the shoulder and points.....

"Mystica's lying on his stomach inside that garbage can! There's no count his shoulder's aren't even down!"

Duke jumps to his feet, obviously pissed off, and kicks the side of the can with Mystica still inside. He turns around to find Peter still a bit incapacitated from the kick and kicks him again, too! But Peter blocks it by grabbing the foot and twisting it! Duke remains on his feet and tries for another enzegurie, but Pete ducks it! Duke stays on one foot but is swung around.........



GILMOUR CUTTER!!!!






"Duke just got flattened out!"

Pete looks over to Mystica who is just slipping out from inside the mangled garbage can and runs over to him! Pete jumps into the air and lands a running sentan bomb on the garbage can!!!

Lucky for Mystica, he JUST managed to escape it's grasp!

With him free from the garbage can, Mystica rolls to safety while Peter finishes the job on the already crushed can! All three men are scattered in pieces across the floor now... Gilly sprawled out across a flat garbage can, Mystica barely moving, and Duke stirring!

"All three men are laid out here backstage in the opening match in the historic Manhattan Center here at Wednesday Warfare!"

The three men begin stirring at the same time... And all manage to reach the feet just the same.

"Oh my Gawd.... It still looks like some chick on her period sat down on Peter's face.... His nose is fucking shattered!! What a fucking bad ass!"

They all stare at one another and let their arms rest to their side as they slowly follow each other further into the back.

"Now where are they going?!"

Mystica walks backwards, facing his opponents while Peter side steps and Thaddeus limps behind. They reach the catering area, there's a steel overhead opened which leads into a trailer which was the surplus of steel chairs apparently. A lot was going on backstage, even after the beginning and early goings of the show and people are everywhere! They all scatter and drop what they were doing to make room for the competitors staggering through.

Duke grabs a metal platter filled with rolls from one of the tables on his way by and frisbies it directly towards Peter's face and nails him in his already broken nose! Gilly's eyes tear up, but he plays through the pain as if it wasn't even bothering him. He screams at his opposition and encourages them both again to come at him! Mystica moves into attack Peter, while Peter evades Mystica, Duke nails Peter in the chin with Better Than You! Peter ducked just at the right time for Duke to land it perfectly under his chin! Peter staggers with his mouth agape and blood just flowing out of his face! Mystica steps back as Duke nails Peter again with Better Than You! Gilly snaps to his back, and as Duke gains his footing.... He gets his with a standing Mystikick!!! Thad's out on his feet! Mystica grabs him and throws him into the trailer full of the carts of steel chairs and closes the door!! He covers Gilly!!!





One!!!
















Two!!!



















Three!!!!!!!




"Wow! Mystica took advantage of this back and forth match up and found an opening! What a match this was!"


WINNER: Mystica



Mystica wins it here in a great match here on...

Sigh.

Warfare Madness!

Coming up next, a fatal 4 way featuring Drezdin! Stay with us!



Warfare Madness fades to commercial.







The screen flickers to a dark room, lit only by a swinging light bulb. At the epicenter of the shot is a wooden chair, illuminated, with a peculiar thing strapped to it.


OINK.


The pink occupant of the seat struggles against some thick rope, holding it into its position. Drool drips from its snout and its hooves flail in the air wildly.

“Hello, my friends.”

The back of a white doctor’s coat is seen, tears around the arms where muscles bulge through them. No distinguishing features betray who the wearer is, and the frame cuts off perfectly below the neck.

“There there, my friend, the Doctor is in.”

The man, wearing white latex gloves, extends a hand out to the swine, trying to calm it down. The pig refuses his gesture, only increasing the sound of its whine.

“The Doctor is only trying to find out what’s wrong-“

The pig jerks his head towards the man’s outstretched hand, attempting to take a bite out of it. The man pulls back quickly before sliding a finger into each of the pig’s nostrils, using them as a claw to jerk the pigs head up violently. With a far more sinister tone now, he whispers to the pig, just loud enough for the camera to pick up.

“I’m only trying to help, your little trotters. You can either be cooperative, or you can turn into dinner. Well… Hehe, your dinner reservations are already booked, if I may just say.”

The pig stops struggling, seemingly aware of the change in tone and intention of its captor.

“There you go, my friend. Bravery, I commend it. Now hold still here…”

The man removes a stethoscope from around his neck, placing the ear pieces into his ears and lifting the metal sensor to the body of the pig. As the cold metal touches the sweaty frame of the pig, it jerks a little but doesn’t make too much noise. He moves the metallic piece to different points along the pigs body, pausing at each spot for a few seconds.

“My friends, it looks like we might have a problem here. There seems to be something wrong with this friend of ours. He seems to suffer from a severe case of bullshit. Bullshit, verbal diarrhea and the delusion that he is some form of doctor. The delusion that his opinions matter, that he terrifies us and that he’s still relevant. I wonder how we’ll save him."

The man lets out a giggle, simultaneously flicking out from one of his coat’s pockets. With the press of a button the blade swings out, glistening from the light of the singular bulb. He takes one hand, giving the bulb a push, casting shadows of all shapes and sizes through the room. With the other he slashes towards the pig, seemingly wildly. The light happens to shine away from the pig at that exact moment.

A brief pause.

As the light swings back to the seat, a rope appears to be on the floor. Realizing its close shave from death, the pig hops off the chair and trots off living behind the echoes of its wails.



What the hell did we just see?


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.





We’re back here live on Warfare and… excuse me, Warfare MADNESS. Again I’m Dewey and this is my last show so please, someone out there in TV land give a crap about that!


The following contest, is a fatal four way elimination match! Three douche canoes are already in the ring, so their opponent!





From Saskatoon, Saskatchewan! Standing 7 feet two inches and weight 3 hundred 35 pounds! DREZDIIIINNNNN!



FATAL 4 WAY
Bjorn Loser
- vs -
DREZDWIN
- vs -
Wayloser
- vs -
Bitch Redloser
-Elimination Match-



The bell rings with the one man and three losers in the ring, ready to fight when suddenly…


XTREEEEMMMEEEE!


Oh God!

I guess Paul Heyman is going to join us here on… well… you know the show!



Paul Heyman emerges from backstage with Tommy Gunn carrying his sniper rifle.


Gentlemen, if I could have your attention here for just a minute. Tommy works rather quickly so it won’t take long.


The 1 man and 3 losers in the ring stare up at the stage where Heyman stands several feet away from Tommy Gunn who is setting up a bipod beneath his rifle. Gunn lays camo over his head after lying down on his stomach.


WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!?


Heyman looks down at Gunn.


Gunn looks back at Heyman.


Heyman places the palm of his hand over his forehead and Gunn turns his head face front and stares through his scope. An homage to James Gandolfini.












...POP...


...POP...


...POP...


Tommy Gunn fires off three shots in quick succession. Losers 1, 2 & 3 drop to their backs.





OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!


Drezdin!

As you were!



Heyman and Gunn make an unceremonious exit as Drezdin looks on. Drezdin looks down at his opponents and wisely drags them near each other. Drezdin lies across all three men and the referee goes down for the count.


1!














2!














3!














1!














2!














3!














1!














2!














3!


DREZDIN WINS! DREZDIN WINS! BY GOD ALMIGHTY DREZDIN WINS!


WINNER: Drezdin



Warfare Madness fades to commercial.





As Warfare Madness returns, the cameras fade into the parking lot where Cadryn Tiberius gets out of a car that pulls up to the Manhattan Center. The newly refurbished Tiberius fixes the lapels on his jacket (which he wore with jeans and his cowboy boots) and walks into the arena. He has a giant smile on his face. He had flown all the way in from his ranch home (the tickets were paid for, as was the car transport), because he had recieved a voicemail message from Jefferson Jackson's secretary regarding "a title push".

"Mr. Tiberius, this is Megan Goodstuff, the new secretary appointed to handle affairs for Mr. Jackson. He has been very impressed with your improvement as of late and since XWF is in New York again for Warfare, he figured he would invite you to meet with him regarding competing for a title next week on Warfare. He would love to have you, if you'd oblige. If you plan to come please call back and let me know so I can put it in his scheduele book."


What title was he talking about? He had left a message with Ms. Goodstuff, hopefully she got it. She sounded cute too, maybe he could......no, that's not right of him to think. She's probably a damn college kid!

He walks into the back area, down the halls, but can't seem to find the office. He stops to ask an XWF production employee where JJ's office is.


"Cadryn! Whattya doin here man? You aren't booked tonight?"


He looks at the mans name tag with squinted eyes.


Cadryn: "Hey, yeah, Russ, I am here because I got a call from Jefferson Jackson's new secretary, Ms. Goodstuff. She said something about putting me in title matches in the near future, invited me to come by and talk to him in person."

"Congrats man. You deserve it! You've been on fire lately. This place is kind of a maze, but you're close. JJ's office is down the hall and to the right."

Cadryn: "Thank you, kind sir."


He walks down the hall and see's JJ's door, with "JACKSON" listed on it in blue letters. He knocks. No answer. Then knocks again. A muffled sound from behind the door says, "Come in".


Just before he opens the door, an audible breathing is heard. Russ comes running down the hall. "Cadryn! What did you say JJ's secretary's name was?!"

Cadryn: "Ms. Goodstuff"


He looks around nervously, before saying....."umm.....Jefferson only has male interns."

Cadryn smiles. He shakes his head.

Cadryn: "Maybe she's new, sounded young. Look, this is a huge opportunity for me. Don't sweat it. I'll be fine."


He pats Russ on the shoulder with a smile.

Cadryn opens the door, shutting it behind him and you see the back of a big leather chair.


Cadryn: "Mr. Jackson.....you wanted to see me?"


No response from behind the chair.


Cadryn: "Mr. Jackson?"


Suddenly there is a sound as if the door locked from the outside.


"Oh, it's Mr. Jackson, alright, and yes, I've been waiting to see you."


The chair whips around and Chris Chaos is sitting in the chair. Cadryn's eyes go wide as Chaos launches across the desk. The camera gets knocked over and goes black. The camera picks back up outside the office. There is a lot of crashing and banging going on inside. After a little bit of this, the door opens. Chris walks out, wiping a small speck of blood off his lip. Jenny walks on screen.


Jenny Myst: "Hey, where have ya been? I was parking the car."

Chaos: "I had some business to take care of. We're good. Come on babe, I've got a tag match."


The two walk a short distance when they pass Jefferson walking in the hall past them, sipping his coffee.


Chaos: "Jefferson! Hey man! I stopped by your office, looking for you! You need a maid man, place is a mess."


He pats Jefferson on the shoulder with a cocky smile, his head gyrating side to side.

The two walk away and Jefferson enters his office. He walks in and immediately drops his coffee, his mouth hung open. The camera show's Cadryn laying on Jefferson Jackson's desk. There are papers strewn everywhere and several items of furniture misplaced. His shirt is ripped and his face is bloodied. He is breathing heavy and barely moving.

On the ground by where Chris and Jenny just were, a name tag lays on the tile floor. It says "M. Goodstuff".


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.






We’re back here on Warfare Madness and ladies and gentlemen, it is an honor to bring to you all the NEW announce team for Warfare!

It’s an honor to announce retired referee Old Man Johnson, and XWF legend, Luca Arzegotti!



The new duo makes their way to the announce table as Billy Joel plays a stupid song on his even stupider piano. Old Man Johnson picks up a headset and takes over the white font…. What? Luca Arzegotti unceremoniously rips Dewey’s headset from his head and places it on his own.

Without a mic, Dewey can barely be heard: “Guys I don’t have a headset.”

Luca pulls Dewey from his chair and shoves him away, taking his seat at the table.

Without a mic, Dewey can barely be heard again: “Guys I don’t have a chair.”


Get out of here, Dewey. No one liked you anyway. Luca says as Dewey quietly walks away.

Why you gotta be so meme Luca!?

Wreckt ‘em!

XWF fans! Warfare Madness returns NEXT with tonights main event!


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.






Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome New York's own five time Grammy winning, multi-platinum recording artist....

BILLY JOEL!!!!!
[/i]



Oh how Xtreme!

Sarcasm is my gimmick, Johnson. Get your own!



The Camera moves away from Tig in the ring and slowly makes it's way up the ramp where the stadium has gone completely dark aside from a lone spotlight shining down onto The Pianoman himself, Billy Joel sitting underneath the Xtron behind a full sized piano.


♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬


As the crowd quietens, Billy, wearing his dark shades begins hammering away on the keys of his piano- playing a beautiful solo...

♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬


Suddenly spotlights behind him expose his guitar, bass and drums players... they band kicks into a familiar tune:
[Image: billy-joel-songs-wedding-2.jpg]
♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

"GOTTA' CALL FROM AN OLD FRIEND WE USED TA' BE REAAAAAL CLOSE."
♪♫♬
♪♫♬
♪♫♬
♪♫♬
♪♫♬
♪♫♬


♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬

"SAID HE COULDN'T GO ON THE AMERICAN WAAAAAY"



Suddenly the music stops and Joel's head flings forward smacking against the top of his piano, splitting him wide open!


Oh good somebody stopped this bullshit.

You don’t like Billy Joel, Luca?

I don’t even like myself.


Joel falls to the floor as the lights cut back on in the stadium... Hart Champion Robert Main is standing over top of the sixty-seven year old singer. From Main's left, Michael Graves jumps on top of the piano with a microphone in his hand, behind them, Jim Caedus is harassing the terrified band members as they cower down to his mighty beard.


"What is this crap!?! The XWF Universe doesn't want washed up old stars like this clown and all of the clowns in the back dressing room!

THE XWF UNIVERSE WANTS ENTERTAINMENT!

THEY WANT ARROGANCE!

THEY WANT AGGRESSIVENESS!

THEY WANT ASSHOLES!

THEY WANT A. X. 3!!!!!!!!



Axe body spray, on sale at Wal-Mart. 4.99

Always low prices!

Always!


The crowd boos and starts pelting the group with trash as Robert Main picks Joel up sliding his hand into the top of the piano.


”YOU PEOPLE BOO, BUT YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT AX3 ARE THE MOST ENTERTAINING PART OF THE XWF!”


Luca stands at the announce table and starts chanting: THANK YOU GRA-AAAVES! clap, clap, clapclapclap


The crowd continues to boo, somehow even getting louder.


”ADMIT IT! ALL IF THE CHAOS THAT WE'VE CAUSED TONIGHT, ALL OF THE CHAOS THAT WE WILL CONTINUE TO CAUSE, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE! THAT'S WHAT YOU IDIOTS PAY FOR!

WELL, AX3 AIMS TO DELIVER…

DO IT ROBERT!



On command, Robert Main slams the piano lid down across the hand of Billy Joel, possible breaking Joel's fingers in the process. Billy Joel collapses to the floor as the members of AX3 laugh and the crowd boos.


”Speaking of Chaos… more specifically Chris Chaos. Don't change that channel, because tonight AX3 PROVES WHO THE REAL CHAOTIC FORCE IN THE XWF IS!


The crowd begins chanting “YOU SUCK” causing a sinister look to befall Graves.


This crowd is rude! Graves is giving a speech!

We’re in New York!

...


”OH YEAH!? I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENTERTAINING ENOUGH FOR YA HUH!?


Graves jumps down from the top of the piano and motions for Caedus and Main to help him. The two men come over to Graves as he motions for them to lift up Billy Joel. They do so as Graves gets into position.

ALTERNATE ENDING!!!

Would it not have needed a first ending in order to have an alternate?


The three men send Billy Joel crashing through his piano with an assisted powerbomb! Graves, Caedus, and Main soak in the crowds heated reaction, smiling as the slowly back away from the Carnage the just caused.


Billy Joel is down!

Somebody get the medics!

I thought you didn’t like Billy Joel.

Hmmm?

Oh. No. I got a splinter from this shit TABLE!


Warfare Madness will return!


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.







Warfare Madness resumes and the cameras are backstage with Steve Sayors who’s standing outside an office door. The door has duct tape all over it spelling out “Madness GM”.


Johnson, Luca, I’m going to try to get a word from Mr. Heyman about the goings on tonight on Warfare!


Have at it Steve!

Goings on.


Just as Sayors goes to knock on the door, it bursts open, cracking Sayors in his head and busting him open. Sayors being the professional that he is, carries on his duties as blood pours from his head and nose. Tommy Gunn and Paul Heyman exit the office.


Mr. Heyman could I get a word?

Watermelon.

No. I mean...

I know what you mean, Sayors. Ask quickly, I have something I need to deliver to the production truck and I need to make an appearance in front of these great fans!

Jane left. Jefferson Jackson was taken out at the hands of Micheal Graves. Tommy Gunn shot three XWF competitors. AX3 has been running roughshod all over the show and even took out Billy Joel!

The question is, how do you intend to reign in control tonight?


First of all Sayors, stop trying to drum up a story that doesn’t exist. Gunn took those guys out at my request and they were rubber bullets. They’ll have a hell of a headache in the morning but that’s the least we could do for them wasting everyones valuable time.


Paul’s voice lowers significantly.


The most important thing though, Sayors, is I unleashed Madness on Wednesday Night Warfare and I believe this with every fiber of my being and every chin on my face, that it so sorely needed it! Warfare is the flagship show and episode after episode, Savage is upstaging it in terms of compelling drama!

That’s my legacy.

That’s what I give to the XWF fans when I am here.

Drama!

Now turn around and go cry in a corner of that lame ass bitch Billy Joel before I have Tommy here, do something you’ll regret.


What about the ultimatum from Jane to Doctor D’Ville? Does it still stand?

I don’t over rule… I…

I enhance.



Heyman and Gunn leave Sayors standing in the back, dripping blood.


Madness was definitely unleashed.

Every chin on my face!

Was that funny to you?


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.







Welcome back, to Warfare!

Madness!

Luca you were a Madness guy back in the day weren’t you?

I dunno I forget.

Such… insight…

Meme event time fuckers!







This is a tag team match, set for one fall. Introducing first, they are two members of AX3, Micheal Graves and XWF Television Champion, Jim Caedus


Graves and Caedus are on the ramp, arms up, as the smoke pillows around them. The lights are a mix of green, white, red, and purple. Domination is ringing through the speakers. Caedus has his TV title belt over his shoulder and both men have their black AX3 tee shirts on. They walk around the ring and each one goes up separate ring stairs. In the ring they form an X logo with their arms and Jim takes his belt and holds it over his head.

Just then, the lights go dim.

The Lights begin to flicker on and off at a slow pace, gaining speed until they are almost seizure causing for about ten seconds. Suddenly they shut off leaving the arena completely silent and engulfed in darkness. Then dark purple, queen's purple, and crimson red pyro's begin to erupt down the rampway toward the ring, fans erupt in excitement, "Boo's, Cheers, and Mainly drunken slurs enjoyment. The X-tron flickers on...





While the video plays on the large screen a man dressed as a priest known as Father Slathe walks out from behind the curtains at the top of the ramp way, his arms out looking for praise as he casually walks down the rampway with a cigar lit in his mouth dangling below his thick and long black mustache.


Introducing next, from the land of the unknown, and being accompanied to the ring by Father Slathe.......Mr. Tiddddbittsss


Making his way about halfway down, he stops and takes a large drag on his cigar, letting out a couple smoke upside down crosses before licking his lip and lower mustache. Father Slathe then walks over to an unlucky fan with a lady friend and proceeds to put his cigar out on the male's forehead, stunning him long enough so that Father Slathe can force a sloppy wet tongue included Kiss on the fan's also unlucky lady friend. Most the time they almost faint in disgust, but kind of are aroused from the tickle of the stache. Father Slathe then quickly bolts to the ring sliding underneath the bottom ropes with the fan quickly in pursuit. Father Slathe in the ring climbs to his knees and hands palms together faces the outraged fan begging and pleading for forgiveness. When suddenly the music stops, Father Slathe starts chuckling out loud with a devilish grin. The Lights shut off once again but quickly come back on, a very sharply dressed Mr. Tidbits stands in the ring with his head slightly tilted to the left staring a hole through the fans back with the black eye sockets of his leather mask. The crowd begins to scream "Behind You!" just as the male fan turns around, Mr. Tidbits begins an onslaught of fists backing the fan into a bare turnbuckle before grabbing him by the throat and Military pressing him over his head and sending him flying over the top ropes and smashing to the ringside floor. Mr. Tidbits then dusts his shoulders and hands off, before returning to his master, Father Slathe, to await his command to destroy.





Chris Chaos's music hits. The crowd rumbles, not really cheering or booing.


And finally....from Clearwater Beach Florida.....he has asked to be introduced as the "Face of XWF"....being accompanied by "The Diva of the Damned, Jenny Myst, CHRISSS CHAOOOSSSS


Chris walks through the smoke at the rampway. He has his long trenchcoat with the buckles (Rated R Superstar Edge) and no shirt. His ring tights are Red and Black. Jenny has a tight red skirt on, barely covering her business.

The two get about halfway down the ramp when Chris breaks off his hands with Jenny, and runs into the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and sticking his tounge out with a crazed look. The lights come back on and he folds his coat, handing it to Jenny on the outside.

Tidbits is looking at Jenny, his head cocked to one side. She looks at him and gulps a little, her gaze soon averts away. Chris says "I got this" to Tidbits, and enters the ring. Across from him is Micheal Graves.

He waves to Graves, to looks straight through him.




MAIN EVENT
Chris Chaos & Mr. Tidbits
- vs -
AX3
Jim Caedus & Micheal Graves
-Standard Tag Team Match-




The two circle for a minute, before locking up. After about ten seconds, Graves shoves Chris into the corner and Chris stands back, shocked at this new aggression. He grins a bit. He comes out and is met with fists by Graves, and the two and back in the corner. After 5 or 6 punches, Chris reverses, and now Graves is back in the corner. A Chris drives his shoulder into the gut of Graves a few times. Chris goes to whip Graves into the corner, but brings his knee up instead, forcing the air out. A snapmare takedown and a head lock. He points at Caedus and yells "LOOK AT YOUR MAN NOW. THIS IS MY COMPANY"


It’s true. Chaos bought it on eBay for an opened twinkie from Heyman’s stash and a pack of McBrides cigarettes.

Guys no. Its not true.


After about 30 seconds, Graves begins to turn, getting to his feet. A few elbows to Chris's mid section breaks the hold and he whips Chris into the ropes, launching him in the air with a back body drop. Caedus is smacking the turnbuckle, asking for a tag. Graves gives it to him. Caedus comes in and Chris is back up. He gives him the "bring it on" hand symbol but as the bif man advances, Chris rolls out of the ring. Caedus doesn't look amused. This is when Tidbits stops looking at Jenny (he had been the entire time) and his head snaps towards Caedus. Caedus shakes his head as though saying "you aren't getting this title."

Chris sees this and grins. He gets back up on the apron. Caedus advances and Chris jumps back down, the crowd boos. Jenny walks over and the two converse. When the ref gets to an 8 count, he slides back into the ring. Caedus is there and begins to stomp him. Chris gets to his feet through the stomps. On the outside, Slathe is stalking Jenny, who has chased her around the ring.


Aw shit! Slathe bout to get him some!

Slathe is a creep!


Chris and Caedus exhange blows, but the bigger Caedus begins to get the upper hand, knocking Chris into the corner. Lifting him up by the throat, he sits Chris on the top turnbuckle. Grabbing him around the waist he delivers a HUGE fall away slam to the former Uni champ. Chris grabs his back and writhes on the ground. Caedus tags in Graves. The two of them begin to stomp Chaos until Caedus steps out and Graves takes over. Graves gets on a knee and locks Chaos's arms behind him and puts his knee on his back and pulls. Tidbits is reaching for the tag. After about 20 seconds, Chaos begins to get to his feet, and flips Graves over his back. Graves bounces up and Chaos whips him into the ropes, then flies off with an ariel clothesline. Graves is down. Meanwhile, on the outside, Caedus jumps down because Slathe has grabbed the TV title belt. Caedus grabs a chair and pursues Slathe, who runs around the ring with it. Tidbits reaches for the tag. Caedus catches Slathe, drops the chair, and wrestles the belt away from him. He goes to hit Slathe with it, and Father Slathe ducks it, running past. Chaos powers into a tag, and Tidbits steps in. But then, Chaos stands up behind Tidbits. He looks at Graves and the two grin at each other. Just as Tidbits walks towards Graves Chaos clubs him in the back of the head. Tidbits stumbles forward into the arms of Graves who hits a massive snap suplex.


What a headlock!

That was a suplex, Luca!

...

I am both shocked and dismayed!

Well you can’t be both, Johnson! You be shocked and I’ll be dismayed!

Chris Chaos has turned his back on his partner!

Somebody record this so Mr. Bigtits knows what happened tonight because he’s about to be on dream street!


On the outside Jenny grabs Slathe by the robe top and spins him around, slapping him hard. He stumbles back. Caedus has the chair and lays out Slathe. Caedus slides into the ring with the chair. Graves takes Tidbits and lifts him up.


GRAVE CONSEQUENCES!

He got WRECKT!


Tidbits its out cold. Chaos signals Caedus to come have a piece. Caedus puts the chair vertically into the ribs of Tidbits. The ref calls for the bell and it rings.


This match is over!

Jenny wins!

She wasn’t in the match!

We all win!


Jenny goes into her purse, which is seated next to Tigs on the chair, and pulls out two sets of pink fuzzy handcuffs.


Jamie’s gonna get her some!

Guys, is Arzegotti the best we could find? Seriously?

Her names Jenny!



She walks up the steps as Robert Main comes out of the crowd. Main grabs Slathe and rolls him into the ring. Jenny grins as she waves the handcuffs in front of a downed Tidbits. Caedus picks him up.....pushes him towards Chris. Chris punches Tidbits who falls back into Caedus, and Caedus punches him also. Tidbits falls. Main hands Caedus his TV title belt. He motions to stand him up. Chaos stands him up. The bell continues to ring.


Somebody grab the hammer from the timekeeper! We heard the bell the first 60 times!


Caedus drills Tidbits between the eyes with the Tv Title belt that he will be challenging for at Savage.

They lift Tidbits back up as Jenny saunters around the ring with the cuffs. Shoving Tidbits back into Caedus. Katabasis !!!

Chaos picks up Slathe. He knees him in the gut and encourages Main to hit his move. And he does. Dead Man's Hand!!!!!

Chaos begins to stomp away on Tidbits. Security runs out from the back with Jefferson waving them on from the ramp. Chaos and Graves roll out of the ring and begin to lay out security members with punches and uppercuts. The crowd boos.


Did Heyman send them out?

Doubt it. That guy loves this stuff.

Oh wait, maybe I was on Madness.



Jenny and Main handcuff Slathe to the ropes with the fuzzy handcuffs.

When all the security members are laid out Chaos and Graves get back into the ring. Graves holds Tidbits by the head ad Chris lays into him with punches and the same on the other side with Main holding Slathe.

Chris lifts up Tidbits. He signals for the chair. Main slides it to the middle of the ring. Chris puts him on his shoulders.


EQUALIZER ONTO THE CHAIR!


He points and Jenny then handcuffs Tidbits to the ropes. Chaos has a hammer and fires the big part into the forehead of Tidbits. Chris gets on one knee and begins to punch Tidbits. Graves grabs the chair. He puts Tidbits leg in the chair. Graves climbs to the top rope. He jumps off the top rope and Leg Drops the chair off the top with Tidbits leg in it. He rolls around grabbing for his leg but being cuffed can't go far. Chaos grabs Tidbits head and forces him to watch as Main has the brass knuckles and hammers away on a now bloody Father Slathe. Slathe goes limp. Caedus shoves Tigs off her chair and throws it into the ring. Also, a garbage can. Caedus puts the can on Slathe's head and Main takes the chair and drives it into Tidbit's neck.

Chris and Graves are on the outside re-knocking out the awakening security crew. JJ is signaling for more. Main jumps off the top rope. DROPKICK ONTO THE GARBAGE CAN THAT HELD SLATHE'S HEAD!

Both men are laid out and limp. Chris goes under the ring and grabs a can of spray paint, shaking it. He signals to Jenny, who licks her lips and pulls the handcuff key out from between her boobs. She uncuffs both men and AX3 drags them to the middle of the ring. Ripping off Tidbits shirt and ripping a hole in Slathe's robe, Chris spraypaints

A X 3 on Tibits back and then #1 onto Slathe's.

The five of them stand in the center of the ring. Jenny in the middle with Graves and Main on one side and Chaos and Caedus on the other. All of their hands are raised in Unity. Tidbits and Slathe are motionless in the ring. The crowd is booing and throwing cups and toilet paper rolls into the ring.


The damage has been done!

Mr. Bigtits has been decimated!

It’s Tidbits! And Chris Chaos has joined AX3!



Warfare Madness fades to commercial







Jim Caedus, Robert Main, Micheal Graves, and newly revealed member, Chris Chaos are seen walking out of their locker room, laughing and celebrating the beatdown that they performed on Mr. Tidbits earlier. Chaos leads the pack down the corridor as Graves and Main exchange a high five. Graves suddenly stops in his tracks realizing that he forgot to grab one of his bags on the way out of the locker room.

”Shit, I'll catch up to you guys, I have to go grab something.”


Robert Main jokingly laughs at his comrade.


”Your memory man… do you want me to head back with you?


Graves smirks while shaking his head no.


”Go in man, I'll be right behind you guys.


Robert begins to walk backwards towards the other members of AX3 while keeping his sights set on Micheal.


”Alright man, bit I'm riding with Jim and Chris then. We'll see you at the club.”


Graves nods before turning and walking back down the corridor to the locker room that they had just be occupying earlier. Graves looks around the room searching for his bag. With the bag nowhere in site, a confused Micheal begins opening each locker one by one. Getting frustrated now, Micheal slowly spins around in place looking for any sign of the missing bag. Suddenly the sound of water spraying from a shower head catches Micheal's attention. Micheal cautiously walks over to the door leading to the showers. Steam is already beginning to fill the room as Micheal peaks in, wondering who could be in there.


”Hello?”


Micheal stands there for a moment, awaiting a response, but one doesn't come. Micheal carefully takes a couple of steps into the shower room. That's when he spot it through the steam. His gym bag is sitting in the middle of the room on the floor. It beckons him to come collect it, but he's smarter than that. Micheal realizing that this is a trap backs out of the room. Once back in the locker room Micheal turns and rushes for the door. He wildly swings in open in an effort to catch up to his AX3 friends before they leave the arena. When he does, he almost doesn't notice the figure standing on the other side, but when the familiar voice softly says;


”Hello Micheal”


Micheal is caught off guard and his eyes grow large as he stumbles back and trips, falling onto his ass. The figure walks into the room and we find out that it's Dolly Waters and she seems to have brought a barbwire baseball bat to the party.


”What a shame, Graves… seems as if you’ve slipped and fell down.”


Dolly says walking closer to Graves as he scoots backwards on his butt,


”Now wait just a second, Dolly!”


He pleads holding his hand out while a sick smile grows on the XTreme Champion’s face,


”Listen, we can talk about this! Don't do anything drastic! Chaos… it was Chaos! He put me up to a it, I swear!”


Dolly chuckles while slapping the bat in her hand, the barbed wire ripping into her own flesh. Dolly is clearly off from her rocker.


”Oh the people we trust. Tsk, tsk.”


Dolly wildly wields the bat up into the air and smashes it down onto Graves’ leg, it almost sounds as if his shin bone cracks as he hollers out in excruciating pain. Dolly rips the bat away from his leg and does to swing it again, but Graves hobbles up to one leg and shoves her out of the way as he drags himself out into the hallway.

Dolly smiles, and like a cerebral predator stalking her prey, she eases herself out into the hallway.


”Oh come on “Gravy”, dontcha’ wanna play?”


Graves doesn’t even look back as he continues to hurriedly crawl down the hallway. Dolly slowly walks down the hall behind him, twirling the bat around with a playful smile on her still battered face.


”Where are you going “Gravy”? I thought you were into this hardcore shit? Don't tell me that big bad Micheal Graves is afraid of a little girl?”


Graves glances back to see that Dolly is trailing about 15 feet behind him. He realizes that she is just toying with him and that the real beating hasn't even started yet.


”Chaos!


Dolly skips down the hall, catching up to Micheal pretty easily. She smiles wide as she cracks the bat down across the small of his back. The barbwire rips away at his shirt and skin as he cries out in pain. Dolly continues to stand there smiling, toying with “The Dark Warrior”. Graves, more determined to escape his pursuer, hops up to his feet and begins to walk away at as swift of a pace as his limp will allow.


Caedus, Main, help! Get off off of me!


Unfortunately for Graves, the other members of AX3 are nowhere to be found. Dolly decides to continue her pursuit and giggles as she cracks the bat into the thigh of Micheal's good leg, causing him to tell out in pain and crumble to the floor. As he rolls over to his back Dolly has just finished sprinting up to him, twirling the bat, raising it into the air and smashing it down all in one motion.

The bat slams into Graves' hand, his fingers bend and crunch into unnatural directions.


"OH GOD HELP ME!"

"Not so fucking tough now are we?!?"


Dolly digs her knees into Graves' chest and starts grinding the barbed wire into his face- within a matter of seconds blood starts rushing from his forehead.


"YOU WANNA' KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A WATERS IN THE ASS, MICHAEL?!?"


Dolly stands and grabs the barbed wire end of the bat, gripping it tightly. Her lips snarls as soo looks in utter disdain over Graves who has his mutilated hand held up trying to mutter through a pleading cry of mercy.

Dolly smashes the end of bat directly into his noes, his entire body jerks hard as blood flies up from his face.


"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A WATERS IN THE ASS, MICHEAL!"


She smashes the bat down on his nose again.


"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A WATERS IN THE ASS, MICHEAL!"

"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A WATERS IN THE ASS, MICHEAL!"


Dolly keeps smashing him over and over in the nose with the bat... Graves' body finally stops jerking in reaction to the blows. His face is unrecognizable. Dolly tosses the bat down and grabs at her waist with he torn up hands, pulling her jeans down to her knees, squatting over Graves' face and pissing all over him.

Dolly wipes herself with the end of Graves' AX3 shirt and pulls her pants up spitting on Graves' face for good measure.


"Don't worry Michael, you're not dead... yet. Most idiots who play with fire don't get so lucky. Once you recuperate, if you do recuperate- you're ass is mine."


Dolly tilts her head suddenly, tightening her face with a psychotic looking smile as she waves to the possibly brain dead Graves with her bleeding hand. She blows him a kiss and then skips off down the hallway, leaving Graves for dead.


Warfare Madness fades to commercial.





When Warfare Madness resumes, Old Man Johnson is staring into the camera, wiping sweat from his brow.


This show is fucking intense!

Who’s fucking in tents?


The arena falls dark.


Oh what the fuck!

Afraid of the dark, Johnson?


The X-Tron flickers to life…











JUNE 2, 2017



















LIVE!



















SAM BOYD STADIUM



















LAS VEGAS, NEVADA




















WARFARE



















SAVAGE


















PAUL HEYMAN AND THE XWF PROUDLY PRESENT!



















































[Image: qQ5bjq2.png]



Warfare Madness fades to commercial.





XTREEEEEEEMMMMEEEEE!


Luca, here comes Paul Heyman!

I thought I smelled lard.

We’ve called one match, Luca Arzegotti. It feels like we’ve been here four hours!

The benefit of being me, is they already know who I am, Johnson.


Heyman makes his way out to the stage and the crowd roars. New York is Paul Heyman country, and he definitely feels their love tonight. Tommy Gunn stands behind Heyman looking out over the crowd.


Ladies and gentlemen… my name….

CROWD: “IS PAUUULLLL HEYYMAAAANNN!”


Heyman smiles.


I think we’ve overran our time slot by like 45 minutes, so surely Jefferson Jackson will hate paying that check next week!

Earlier tonight, the lovely… volllllluptuoussss… Jane gave an ultimatum to Doctor Louis D’Ville. You all know how I just love stepping on toes...



The crowd cheers.


I’m just not going to do that.


The crowd no longer cheers.


To my faithful fans here in NEW YORK FUCKIN’ CITY! All is not lost.

NO!

See, several months ago on XWF99.com I found myself in a pissing contest with CHRRRIIIS CHAOS and I threatened him. In fact, while it was certainly directed at him, it was, perhaps subliminally, directed at the ENTIRETY of the XWF roster as a whole.

See…

I called CHHRRRRRIS Chaos a big fish in a really small pond and I threatened to release the sharks!

I THREATENED TO RELEASE THE SHARKS AND I’M TELLING YOOOUUUUU!!!!!

That’s EXACTLY why I’m out here!



What the hell is he talking about, Luca?

I don’t really know. Any time someone with authority talks I just kinda glaze over.


Tonight, while AX3 and others were unleashing Madness upon Wednesday Night Warfare, I was hard at work. See, I was hard at work signing a few big names… a few SHARKS… if you will… to lucrative XWF contracts!


The crowd cheers, even though they have no idea what the actual fuck is going on.


Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to inform you, that these men just happened to be hanging out in NEW YORK FUCKIN’ CITY while I was on the phone with them! I’m here to inform you, that these men… are here at the Manhattan Center!


Heyman’s theme strikes up as the fans cheer wildly for Heyman’s announcement. Heyman and Gunn make their exit.


That’s an earth shattering announcement from Paul Heyman!

He didn’t announce anything, Johnson! Knowing Paul Heyman the way I do, and its very little mind you, he’s just taking credit for something someone else did!


Warfare Madness fades to one last commercial.







We’re back, folks, and it’s decision time for Doctor Louis D’Ville!

I think the suits are making a big mistake, meng... They’re basically giving Doc a free pass to start clean WITH the titles.. Crazy..

If you missed it, Jane gave the good doctor until the end of this show to pick a new partner to take the over the other half of his tag team championship, otherwise, the titles would be stripped!


The lights suddenly go out and the arena fills with an eerie red glow.


Hello darkness!







Doctor Louis D’Ville slowly walks out from the back, dragging both XWF Tag Team Title belts behind him. He stands at the top of the ramp and like everyone in the arena blinked at once, Doc appeared in the center of the ring holding both titles in the air. He drops them to the ground and produces a microphone from inside his jacket pocket.


“Hello, my friends!”


Doc smiles and winks out to the crowd as the chant the three words with him.


“I guess there’s been a lot of chitter-chatter backstage about the future of my XWF Tag Team Titles. New teams forming, new alliances being made, olive branches popping up all over the place.

“It’s a beautiful sight.

“Very different from before when Unknown Soldier and I walked strong hand-in-hand like the unstoppable, reigning, defending champions that we were. Back then, the tag team titles weren’t worth ANYONE’s time.

“I can’t help but agree. Stepping forward and challenging Doctor SATAN! would have truly been a waste of time, as we proved to each team that DID challenge us.

“But NOW..... Well, like I said, it’s nothing like it was before. Doctor SATAN! appears to have dissolved into just... DOCTOR and teams are sprouting up everywhere to challenge me for my titles. Which brings us to right here, right now.

“Ms. has threatened my championship status if I do not comply with managements demand that I find a replacement partner. Well, aren’t WE opening a can of worms now? Hm?”



Doc grins widely and leans on the ropes facing the stage.


“Well, I’ve found a replacement. In fact, I’ve found plenty just in case we find ourselves in this type of predicament again...

“My partner was INDEED one of the best, my friends. An irreplaceable soldier, without a doubt.

“But.

“Why settle for a soldier, when you can have a king.”



Say what?


Doc points up the ramp with his microphone as three men in suits slowly walk out from the back and the crowd goes lights up.


No fucking way!


“Kings, would be more accurate...”






























Theo Pryce, “The Senator” John Samuels, and John Madison all stand at the top of the stage looking around them.


So what is this? They’re all the Doc’s partner or what?!

That’s what he said, Old Man!

You’ve got to be kidding!


Doc continues standing in the ring, laughing, while his fellow KINGS remain on the stage soaking in the XWF Universe for the first time in a long time. The show goes off the air to the deafening cheers from the XWF crowd.


We’re finally out of time!

AngleMania has finally reached its conclusion!

THE FUCKING KINGS ARE BACK!!!!!



[Image: X0l39y0.png?2]



Warfare Madness FINALLY fades out!





Special Thanks!


Jane

Jefferson Jackson

Theo Pryce

Micheal Graves

Chris Chaos

Jim Caedus

Danny Imperial

Vinnie Lane

Doctor Louis D’Ville

Robert Main
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"Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves
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XWF FanBase:
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#2
04-20-2017, 05:38 AM


BEEP...



BEEP...



BEEP...


Cameras catch up with Micheal Graves, who we find laying in a hospital bed. His face is completely bandaged, red and brownish blood soaked into the bandages, specifically where is nose is.

BEEP...



BEEP...



BEEP...


...

Yep, we aren't getting a comment out of him today folks.
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War is just an All You Can Eat BUFFET...



XWF FanBase:
Some men, some teens, few women

(the villain you love to hate; has cult following)


#3
04-20-2017, 08:27 AM

After the severe and war-like violence, Ax3 conducted on Father Slathe and Mr. Tidbits. Cloaked followers of The Truth rushed the ring with a stretcher. First securing Father Slathe to the stretcher and with a neck brace, four of them begin to rush Father Slathe backstage. The other three proceed to cut the fuzzy cuffs from Mr. Tidbits and lift him to his feet. Slowly holding him up while they make a hasty exit, trying to catch up to the others.

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Death before Dishonor...
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XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#4
04-20-2017, 01:39 PM

Peter Gilmour was seen in the trainers room getting stitches in his nose after getting it broken during his match with Mystica and Thaddeus Duke. Maria Brink is there watching on and doesn't look happy.

Maria: He will pay dearly for this.

Peter swats away the doctor as blood still goes down his face.

Peter: ROBERT MAIN YOU"RE A FUCKIN DEAD MAN! Mystica.. you got lucky bitch!

Peter flips over the table and begins to leave with Maria but the cameraman stops him.

Camerman: Peter, what you think about the KINGS OF WRESTLING coming back to the XWF?

Peter just looks at the cameraman and smiles wickedly. What does this all mean? We'll see next time as Peter and Maria leave the trainer's room and walk down the hall.


ooc: Good show all and welcome back to Maddy, Theo and Luca for returning. This is gonna be EPIC! Though IC I still hate all of you.

[Image: yPandTo.png]

SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
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King of Kings
Management Lv. E-Rex



XWF FanBase:
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(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#5
04-20-2017, 02:28 PM

OOC: Thanks Peter. It's good to be back.

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Whatever you are, be a good one.



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#6
04-20-2017, 02:29 PM

(04-20-2017, 01:39 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: Peter Gilmour was seen in the trainers room getting stitches in his nose after getting it broken during his match with Mystica and Thaddeus Duke. Maria Brink is there watching on and doesn't look happy.

Maria: He will pay dearly for this.

Peter swats away the doctor as blood still goes down his face.

Peter: ROBERT MAIN YOU"RE A FUCKIN DEAD MAN! Mystica.. you got lucky bitch!

Peter flips over the table and begins to leave with Maria but the cameraman stops him.

Camerman: Peter, what you think about the KINGS OF WRESTLING coming back to the XWF?

Peter just looks at the cameraman and smiles wickedly. What does this all mean? We'll see next time as Peter and Maria leave the trainer's room and walk down the hall.


ooc: Good show all and welcome back to Maddy, Theo and Luca for returning. This is gonna be EPIC! Though IC I still hate all of you.


OOC: Gee thanks Gilly

[Image: WWF-JBL_1506347856131-768x431.jpg]

1X - GOAT.
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#7
04-20-2017, 02:44 PM

OOC: Gilly is Neonero in disguise
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#8
04-20-2017, 02:48 PM

[Image: wljblamerica2.jpg?quality=100&w=650]

[Image: WWF-JBL_1506347856131-768x431.jpg]

1X - GOAT.
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#9
04-20-2017, 02:53 PM

I'd love that if I could lol
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Trash Talker Skywalker



XWF FanBase:
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(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#10
04-20-2017, 03:04 PM

ooc: holy shit, AMAZING card you guys!

[Image: chM1Ri0.gif]

[Image: pz4P3Ut.png]
Shout out to Gator/Noah Jackson for this kickass banner

[Image: aFZyFWU.jpg]



~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


---Love Me, Like Me, Hate Me. No Worries---

Gator's Archive💙
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In Loving Memory of Captain Dick Powers

Gravy's Archive💙
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Shout out to Gravy for these kickass banners

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the man with the SUPER DICK



XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#11
04-20-2017, 05:40 PM

(04-20-2017, 02:44 PM)Paul Heyman Said: OOC: Gilly is Neonero in disguise

umm who is that lol

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SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
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#12
04-20-2017, 08:44 PM

OOC: Just a whiny Brit, Gilly. He hated Samuels and I lol'd when we revealed Titan (who neonero loved) to be Senator.
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Mr Killjoy Offline
Who wants their trap silenced?



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty; many likable qualities)


#13
04-20-2017, 09:15 PM

Awww, all this circle jerkin' going on, stable recruitments and creations, or rather recreations. It's all cute and all but Kings and AX3 refrain from riding around on your collective high horses just yet. I've damn near single handily threw spanners in the works of past XWF stables such as CCWF, Hatriots and The Union, I pride myself on being a bit of a one man team wrecker.


With that said...D'Ville , pay attention to the next Warfare.I'm going to be there with something I'd like to publically propose.

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Banner created by Gabe "The Radical" Reno

XWF Career accomplishments/Highlights:

One Time XWF Universal Champion
Two Time X-Treme Champion
One Time Intercontinental Champion
One Time World Tag Team Champion
XWF All Time Top 50 inductee
One Time 24/7 Briefcase Holder
Intercontinental Royal Rumble Winner
Captained the winning team "Team Dominance" at War Games '15
Lethal Lottery IV Finalist
July 2015 Superstar Of The Month
March 2017 Superstar Of The Month
October 2016 Promo Of The Month "Changes"



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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick Offline
Waves don't die.



XWF FanBase:
Women and gay men

(physically attractive male on every level; can seduce you; that disarming smile; those bedroom eyes)


#14
04-20-2017, 09:31 PM

It's good to be back, XWF. Y'know, when the idea that I be a commentator was proposed, I was a bit skeptical. I really only came around to it while I was playin' a game of one-on-one with Paulie. Fuck yeah that Paulie. I know, shit looked like this:

[Image: TRTO75R.jpg]

Don't let the fat kyke fool ya though, he's got a killer jumpshot.

Anyway, I figured it best to lend my talents to the other side of the commentary desk. Give my stamp of approval to the cream of the crop as it were. And of course, be the only sane man in this fuckin' circus.

Ciao.

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