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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Lethal Lottery 4 RP Board
March Madness
Author Message
Dolly Waters Offline
Always.



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
03-27-2017, 11:12 AM


Sunday, March 26th, 2017


The scene opens up to a vintage looking news studio where we see Dolly Waters sitting eagerly behind an anchor desk, decked out in her Kentucky Wildcats swag, with two of the most loathed sports commentators of all time: Dick Vitale and Bill Walton. They're watching on a little monitor sized television, the final game of the 2017 Elite Eight between Kentucky and North Carolina.

Dolly: "AHHHH! YEAH! OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Malik Monk for Kentucky just hit an incredible, spirit rousing, clutch three point bucket with two men in his face to tie the game at 73 a piece.

Dolly: "Oh, yeah! Overtime! Suck my clit Dick Vitale you nonsensical dried up dog tur- wait... NO! NO! GUARD HIM!"

Dick: "OH BAY-BE!" What I tell ya' bout da ACC? What I tell ya' bout da ACC BAY-BE?

Just like that, Luke Maye from North Carolina drains a wide open bucket with .03 seconds left on the clock, Dolly's face sags turning from elation to utter disdain and discontent as Kentucky in bounds the ball and turns it back over to North Carolina. The game is over. The chance for John Calipari's Wildcats to cut down the nets to 'One Shining Moment' is over. Dolly pounds her fist against the desk while the ever aloof Bill Walton, who is likely in the midst of an acid trip, begins rambling:

Bill Walton: You know, this reminds me a lot of my UCLA Bruins' runs to the Final Four back in the great years of '71 and 72' for North Carolina. This is their redemption tour, only difference is it wasn't a redemption for us in '72, we won it all in '71 and we won it all again! We were great, we could feel the air blowing us forward from our backs and the spirits of our Native Tribes, and the peace love and harmony in the air, and we had black players and we were all one: Keith Wilkes, and Larry Farmer, man! We were listening to the Dead, and we believed in being pro-choice! We would knock up cheerleaders all the time man, all the time. And the university, they'd pay for those young women to get safe, clean abortions.

Dolly pulls her head up from the desk to look at Bill with disgust, a portion of her hair frizzled and off to the side of her head. Dick looks on at Bill like he has a cock shoved up his ass, eyes bulging out of his skull with his mouth swung open, nodding in constant agreement to whatever horseshit Walton is talking about.

Bill Walton: But just look at this kid, Luke Maye- white guy. He's going to do great things, and I'm calling it now, this kid, this right handed kid, he'll be the future President of the United States.

Dick: Oh I'm telling ya' Bill Walton, a man who knows a thing or two about this sport bay-be, these kids, these ACC kids, they're not here for the name on da' back of the jersey, but the name on da'. Just like those boys from Cameron Indoor, DA' DUKIES bay-be! I'm tellin' ya'! Mike Krcyschniskiesd and Roy Williams, are two class acts bay-be! Even with da' NCAA unfairly trying investigate these clubs, which is just tragic- they still overcome da' odds!"

Dolly: Why in the fuck are you bringing up Duke? What in the fuck does Duke have to do with any of this? Who are you Trax?

Bill: Now Dolly, there's no need to get so frazzled and hurt about this, the Wildcats have nothing to be ashamed, they fought hard, it was a losing effort but they fought. they beat UCLA, who beat them earlier in the season, then they lose to UNC who Kentucky beat earlier in the season. On the other side of the bracket now is an SEC club, South Carolina who gave North Carolina everything they wanted earlier in the year. And now all of those players from Kentucky will go to the NBA and see their wildest dreams come true, while fans like you will have to suffer through the growing pains of watching a brand new crop of freshman enroll in Lexington only to see their inexperience cut their run next season short as well.

Dolly: Oh blow it out yer' asses you dried up old relics. Bill all you do is ramble about the past and your past success as if it is fucking relevant at all, no one gives a fuck about UCLA, or your old championship you won when the rest of the field was incredibly weak.

And Dick, you over excitable, one-liner spewing moron, you and your baseless conspiracy hogwash about how the NCAA is rigged against Duke and Carolina- would you shut the fuck up already? I mean why are you even a commentator? You were never a very good coach- you just say a bunch of dumb shit on television and everyone laughs because you sound like an autistic kid hollering about his fart bubbles in the bath tub.


Bill: WOW! You really are a fiery young mare, aren't you!

Dick: She's an absolute stud bay-be!

Dolly growls, she appears to be ready to snap at any moment.

Dolly: I just insulted you two buffoons! Why are you clinging to my ass now?

Bill: Well whenever I get insulted I just pretend like it didn't happen and bring up the past, it helps me escape from the self-realization of my mediocrity.

Dick: Yeah, bay-be! When I get insulted I just holler out yeah bay-be and talk about things that don't make sense because I'm too dense to understand the magnitude of da' situation! OH BAY-BE! DIS DIAPER-DANDY IS ON FIRE!

Dolly: How in the fuck did I get pitted with the two biggest on earth?




...some hours later...


A sleeplessly irritated looking, possibly mid-rag, Dolly Waters tosses down her phone on the news anchor desk and let's out a brief chuckle. With her right elbow planted on the desk top, head leaning on her right hand, Dolly taps the fingers of her left hand across the table. She's likely just finished catching up on a weekend's worth of redundant garbage from her two opponents in the Lethal Lottery- and let's face it- anyone who had to suffer through those mind numbing tribulations of trite teeter-totter between two tuberculosis sufferers would probably be feeling a mite , or ready to engage in a merciless killing spree.

Dolly practices patience though, she knows what's on the horizon, and she isn't in the least bit worried about the odds that are starting to heavily stack against her- it's becoming oh so obvious that a team of two grown man, one man who's a champion, one man a former albeit pathetic champion are getting worn out while trying to keep pace with our young studly beast.


So... we have some breaking news folks:

Dolly let's out a long sigh while sounding very unimpressed and lacking enthusiasm.

Jim Caedus actually uploaded a promo without a title including some suck-ass play on my name.

Woooo.

No: 'In hot Waters' Or: 'A fish outta' Waters' Or: 'Playing with sex Dolls'

Good job Jim, way to finally TRY being anything other than the world's most lovable idiot. But sadly, all you did was continue to moan on and on about the same old pile of bullshit that you've already buried yourself in- feelings all fucking hurt because I've "bit your style", oh please you pansy ass, how about you go dig through the fucking XWF website some more and try pulling up some more useless facts to support that claim- I bet you can't- because Dolly Waters has made an albeit brief career here of ripping up little cock slobbering Sasquatch brained good-fer'-nothings like you since day one .

But hey! No need to get ahead of myself, right? Let's go back and reexamine your first disaster you uploaded over the weekend. 'Dead in the Waters' ah yes, that's more like your typical cliche pink-footed concoctions. Very fucking clever, Jim, that's some Dick Lederer level shit you Pun of a Bitch, you!

It's pretty fucking obvious to me, while watching this little 'Jimmy Flew Over the CooCoo's Nest' adaptation that you've completely lost your mind, haven't you? What's even funnier is I pointed to this since the very inception of our back and fourth, that Jim's paranoia, his mental instability, his insecurities in the end will be his ultimate undoing- buddy boy it's unfolded ever freaking perfectly if I do say so myself. You're even starting to believe that somehow your partner is in on this, and that Trax knew all long that I wasn't actually Buronan, or that Buronan was me, or whatever, fuck, it doesn't matter- you're more confused than Cadryn is over his sexuality. You two are busy arguing over auras or whatever in the fuck, and I'm just sitting back laughing wondering firstly: what in the fuck does an aura have anything to do with our wrestling match? Secondly: Who gives the goodest goddamn in the first place? Has Trax's "aura" sensing bullshit ever helped him before win a match? I don't know- but I'm sure he'll' be quick to dig up the past and give me an example of where it did in some result that 90% of the fan base probably skipped over just to watch his arm being raised.

This is all really fucking pathetic boys, I mean... don't I deserve something better than all of this? You two pussy-footing around, instead of bashing me on a slew of possible relevant talking points you could easily invoke, all you've done is bashed your own thick centered Clovis-man craniums against the wall until you've concussed into a state of delirium believing that what you're doing is somehow going to throw me off of my game. Dumbasses

For the moronic life of you, Jim, you can't seem to figure out how to combat anything I've said against you in any logical way so you've just started up and digging for bullshit online like a TRUE basement dwelling conspiracy theorist. And what have the results yielded you? Nothing. Nothing of substance- oh but we do have this one shit nugget that your shaking hands have mustered out of your water pan that you've mistook for being a gold after biting down on that fossilized feces.

The birth date on my moves list on my roster page. Gee. It's fucking wrong, right? Crime of the century!

"Oh boy by-golly-Dolly I'mma' run with that to the bank cause I can't find anything worthy of ripping you over becasue I'm a fucking who doesn't know my ass from the hole in my head!"

Folks, the Private Dick mouthed mole man really feels like he's unearthed something groundbreaking and life changing, so let's all jump up and give him a cookie or another huff of paint shall we? I mean fuck me, for as much as I ripped on Trax for being a dumbass, not even he was dumb enough to try using this meager malarkey as a major angle in his attack against Dolly Waters. All in all, it really shows just how fucking terrible you are, Jim. That you're so ill equipped to combat me that you try scrambling to find any piece of the eight piece kid puzzle that's left you so fucking confused that you waste all day trying to build a ladder to the sun just for your ass to get burnt, once again, like I've burnt you this entire time.

Step one Jim: The Lion shaped piece fits over the lion shaped hole in the puzzle.

Step two: The Jackass shaped pieces fits over the jackass shaped hole.

Step three: The knee shaped piece fits right into your flimsy little jaw when I send your fucking meth rot teeth flying out of your skull at Lethal Lottery.

You dope sick moron. Did you try looking at my birthdate on my actual profile? It's correct, and don't worry you touch-sensitive tard, I didn't edit it; but in the end it doesn't really fucking matter anyway , I mean what makes you really think that anyone other than a paranoid schizophrenic gives a flying fuck about that anyway? It's moot motherfucker, because whether I'm twelve (the younger the better for your sick fantasies I'm assuming), or I'm thirteen, I'm still dragging your ass through the mud every time I get in front of one of these cameras and you're sweatin' all over your keyboard to dig through to find the answers as to why. I already told you fool, I'm fucking better than you- and that's it. And just for being the lazy, non-thought provoking hack of a promo cutter that you are- I am going to beat you within an inch of your life you piece of shit. You think I can't do it? Go back and study the actual tape genius instead of burrowing through the Heavy Metal Weight activity as if that bullshit is at all relevant.

Saying I committed perjury? How? You pointed to my roster page you , and you can call that an application all you want bitch, but at the end of the day why don't you please, for the life of whatever sensibility you have, PLEASE tell us what section of XWF.COM you found it under? Did you find it under "applications"? Fuck no. So fuck off. I committed perjury's ass. You're literally running around North Korea with a 2 foot tall communist dicksucker who manipulates and lies to his country and kills anyone who hurts his ego. Lying. Manipulator. Homosexual. Jim and Kim fit in perfectly together as paranoid peas in a pod tangling with the wild web of conspiracies they've weaved in their dense little heads. Jim trying so fucking desperately to climb over the 2x2 wall to find something of meaning to attack me with, but he's too fucking dumb to even do that! JIM! HURRY! You better attack the "some hours later" tag at the beginning of this promo and say:

"wait a second duuur dat was a lot of hours later Dowlee is Wying again buuuur!"

No one cares . You talk about me dumping the Federweight strap in the commode? That hurt you feelings too huh, snowflake? God you're a crybaby bitch. Yeah, I fucking did it, and from the looks of it some of the shit flakes have dusted onto your shoulder. It was getting a wee bit unfair for me to keep holding onto that thing, and I wanted to leave it for the wee brained bozos to tussle over just like that wee sized gimmick stealing jumping bean who was smart enough to take that belt from you. The belt belongs to the bottom feeders, and you holding onto it- that's fine, I could really fucking careless, but maybe this just shows that Caedus is trying to follow in Dolly's footsteps. Maybe that's why he keeps finding it necessary to claim I'm "copying his style" Insecurity is a motherfucker.

Garsh! I'm so humbled though Jimmy. You mindless scab. Go on and beat your chest over you contracting AIDS from whatever piece of hick trash you got Muddy's sloppy seconds from. Flora aint my momma' motherfucker, just a two-bit whore, and while my momma' is only a step or so above that filth- you sure aint turnin' any heads by acting like bearing my seed is some sorta accomplishment. All you'd do is fit the obvious billing, bitch. Being the father of a daughter who is smarter, more successful and less drug dependent than you. But yet, since you wanna' play Daddy in house since you fucked up so bad at yer' first go of watching over your child- then how about I give you an opportunity to actually teach Daughter a lesson, paw?

Take me to the fucking woodshed and beat me with a switch you piece of shit, if you think that's what it'll take, because right now, all of this bullshit you've put forth against me- it's NOTHING- you're NOTHING! I'm done playing nice with you, so while you pander on as you may with Dick-tator of a country who's people despise him, remember this: if you're gunna' come at Dolly Waters, you better be swinging to kill. Not like some faggoty fake viking model who's addicted to taking selfies and is self conscious over how many views he gets on Tinder.

I aint perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I know who in the fuck I am, and at least I aint gotta' dig around for a bunch of useless garbage to try and frame my opponents as inferior. You've proven it so adequately yer'self bitch.

Now, as for another inadequate cock sucking scab, we have Trax.

Yer' fucked compadre. You've really been fucked this entire time, but you only again solidified it by cowing out:

"by bringing up Trax losing the Universal Championship, she thereby directly brought up Trax losing to Vinnie Lane"

Are you huffing paint with Caedus or something while y'all blab on and on about the power of auras? How many times does it take for you to get it through your thick fucking skull you you zit juice spewing cunt that I never directly brought up a fucking thing... DIRECTLY. Go on and try and deflect, OJ, but I'm not going to hold your words with some criminal doctrine like Caedus has so feebly attempted to do with a minuscule date on a roster page. Everyone has seen the tapes.

I pointed out a scenario where some worthless ass-hat won a title by cashing in a briefcase, then lost it that very title the first time they ever defended it.

You couldn't help yourself but to point out that it was YOU who was that worthless. AND YOU'RE STILL DOING IT YOU NUMB-NUTTED MOTHERFUCKER! So while you sit there leading that Special Ed class of hopeful future drama club flunkies into committing millions of dollars worth of copyright infringements, how about you wake up and smell the coffee for once in your life, dude?

You going back and pointing out that me and Luca fell short to Doctor SATAN! is the exact type of rubbish I'm talking about- while you senselessly assert that you and Caedus would be able to pull off such a feat. Luca took a shit, and had he not, there's a very high probability that he and I would have knocked off the champs, so don't even try and spin that as cleverly as you may to try and impugn my credibility as a competitor. My track record speaks for itself. You? You try crafting so stupid little case against me by pointing out that my father is a piece of shit? WOW! Great fucking work there bucko.

What did any of that have anything to do with what's going to happen once we finally step foot in that ring together? How in the hell is that going to help you once this little "pint sized" warrior comes barreling at your dome with The Running Waters knee strike? You have a mentally unstable partner who is a paranoid skitzo, and now you've led him to believe, for whatever reason (again reason isn't a big part of Jim's makeup) that you actually knew who I was when I was disguised as Buronan and you pandered to the eccentric persona I portrayed and dressed up as Deadshot. Seems to me like you've got a bit more to worry about than just Dolly Waters, and since you've wanted to try and discredit everything I've said since the beginning you're without a single clue on how to fix this mess you've gotten yourself in. And the big problem here, with you, with Caedus, is that neither of you are willing to admit just how correct I was about everything in my First Take.

You're unable to look beyond the past so it's blinded you. Caedus is a fucking paranoid nutjob who thinks that a date error is important. Fuck guys, the pendulum keeps swinging back and freaking fourth on which of the two of you is more fucked, and honestly- it only took little ol' "not important" Dolly Waters to flick the pendulum on this mundane metronome that is you and your partner. I've yet to see anything from you two even resembling a strategy, and yet you all want to try and burn my words to the ground for actually having one? Fuck me running. Trax your strategy has been thus far implying that two teenagers are sexually engaged- that's just fucking sick you creep. Caedus, his strategy has been somehow laughably worse.

I'm so "irrelevant" yet I'm all you two blather about. That's what's so fucking funny! I'm supposed to be relevant to you both right now, but you all can't help but acting like you can look past me as if it's some sort of foregone conclusion that you two have this thing wrapped up. I haven't claimed that you're not important, either of you, and I've said a lot of shit. But you two are the most important people alive in my world right now, because you're the two standing in the way of my reaching wrestling immortality. I'm not overlooking you, I've just looked at you, saw your weaknesses, pointed them out to you both and have watched you all drowning my words. Fuck! Even you all arguing against one another, you're both arguing about Dolly Waters... so much for me being so irrelevant.

The month of March is almost over, and we're down to the Final Four. Every bodies bracket is busted because they never saw this coming. The Buronan, haha! Must have been like a 12 seed, but little did they know that I was really just a sleeping giant. Goliath in a David mask. That's the madness of March, and I'm not just talking about Caedus going off the deep end with Kim and his three personalities, I'm talking about the unthinkable happening. I'm talking about little ol' Villanova hitting the game winner at the buzzer. I'm talking about the overlooked South Carolina dropping 60 points on Duke in the second half. I'm talking about Dolly Waters rising up from the ashes, shocking the world and winning the 24/7 Briefcase at Lethal Lottery. My Kentucky Wildcats may have let down our home state in the Elite Eight, but the true pride of Kentucky, Dolly Waters is going to finish this and bring home the gold.

I aint going no one and done either. No matter the outcome, Dolly Waters is here and here to stay and that spells big fucking trouble for everyone on this roster. Including people who get so tangled up in worrying how a thirteen year old spells enunciates words as if it has any fucking thing to do with winning a RASSLIN match, or a neurotic dipshit who is contradictory enough to spend time hanging out with a murdering demagogue but gets pussy hurt over killing a pussy.

Dolly Waters aint going down without a fight, you better believe it, bitches. Go on and try comparing me to the Wildcats who lost on their road to glory, it wont matter- I aint a fucking wildcat- I'm a lioness, a blood thirsty beast who wants nothing more than to tare you two apart physically, it's already evident the mental damage has been done. When the smoke clears, and all that's left is the result, no matter who is the winner, I'm going to be damn sure to leave you both with something to remember me by for the rest of your miserable lives, an ass whoopin' you'll never be able to shake.

Keep the hits coming boys. I'm still just getting warmed up.

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
2x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

my loves:
[spoiler]
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