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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Feedback wanted! Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback
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Vincent Lane Offline
Rock n' Rolling XWF Owner and Megastar
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#2
03-22-2017, 06:29 PM

(03-22-2017, 12:21 PM)DannyImperial Said: It's been awhile since I've written anything and I'd really like some solid feed back on my first roleplay here.

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=27047

Everything from coding/formatting, writing structure, character creation, grammar, spelling, descriptions and speech.

Please and thank you guys, hold nothing back.



I like the structure and the layout. It's unique enough in that anytime I see that format (assuming you repeat it) I'll know in a second it's yours.

I think you did a good balance with the birds chirping and the docile environs coupled with the clear psychosis if Imperial's character.

There was a lot to unpack in there as far as 'who is this guy,' and it might have been a little too dense with trying to get across all of the 'catch-phrase' type stuff all at the same time, though I do like that Imperial is already a very a recognizable face on the roster. He isn't like anyone else, and that's one of the best things anyone new can do.

The story arc is a bit schizophrenic, but I think that's to be expected in the case of a debut RP like this. There wasn't really a plotline to follow, more just a "look at this guy, what the fuck is he," and that's fine. You'll want to definitely always have some relevance in there as well as some direct (or indirect, if you can pull it off) trash talking towards any opponent. One thing that sets XWF apart is the heavy measurement of interaction between opponents, playing off of what they do and say to you. A lot of the game will be finding the slip ups in others' work and exploiting it. It can be a damn lot of fun to get someone floundering for a comeback after to rip them a new one, and we have some real maestros of emasculation among our ranks. If you go against a Dolly Waters or a Jim Caedus, you're going to get your feelings hurt. The trick is giving more than you get and making them follow your lead rather than the other way around.

I'd give this a solid grade and I'm assuming Scully will be pissed that he didn't end up getting an easy match-up.


Good stuff!
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[-] The following 4 users Like Vincent Lane's post:
Doctor Louis D'Ville (03-22-2017), Dolly Waters (03-23-2017), Imperial (03-22-2017), Tommy Gunn (03-25-2017)
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(03-22-2017)


Messages In This Thread
Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback - by Imperial - 03-22-2017, 12:21 PM
re:Looking for some much needed feedback. - by Vincent Lane - 03-22-2017, 06:29 PM
Looking for some much needed feedback. - by R A D I C A L - 03-22-2017, 10:55 PM
Looking for some much needed feedback. - by R A D I C A L - 03-23-2017, 09:05 AM
Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback - by Imperial - 04-25-2017, 04:49 AM
Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback - by JackCain - 04-25-2017, 12:03 PM
Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback - by Imperial - 04-26-2017, 01:39 AM



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