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Feedback wanted! Danny Imperial - Roleplay Feedback
03-22-2017, 01:21 PM
Post: #1
It's been awhile since I've written anything and I'd really like some solid feed back on roleplays here.


Roleplays
Spoiler: Savage 4/8/17 vs Vasquez Won
Spoiler: Savage 4/17 vs Dr Psycho Won
Spoiler: Savage 4/22 vs Jim Caedus vs Mr. Tidbits - Television Title LOST
Spoiler: Savage 4/29 vs The Monster of Htaed - Television Title WON
Spoiler: Warfare 5/3 vs Mystica - Hart No.1 Contender WON
Spoiler: Savage 5/6 vs Thomas Nixon vs Jack Cain - Television Title LOST
Spoiler: Savage 5/13 vs The Bitch Doctor - Singles




Everything from coding/formatting, writing structure, character creation, grammar, spelling, descriptions and speech.

Please and thank you guys, hold nothing back.


LATEST ROLEPLAY HERE

Danny Imperial's - Nightmares

The Unchained Prince

[Image: werwolves-eyes-for-Jason-Momoa.gif]
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03-22-2017, 07:29 PM
Post: #2
(03-22-2017 01:21 PM)DannyImperial Said:  It's been awhile since I've written anything and I'd really like some solid feed back on my first roleplay here.

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=27047

Everything from coding/formatting, writing structure, character creation, grammar, spelling, descriptions and speech.

Please and thank you guys, hold nothing back.



I like the structure and the layout. It's unique enough in that anytime I see that format (assuming you repeat it) I'll know in a second it's yours.

I think you did a good balance with the birds chirping and the docile environs coupled with the clear psychosis if Imperial's character.

There was a lot to unpack in there as far as 'who is this guy,' and it might have been a little too dense with trying to get across all of the 'catch-phrase' type stuff all at the same time, though I do like that Imperial is already a very a recognizable face on the roster. He isn't like anyone else, and that's one of the best things anyone new can do.

The story arc is a bit schizophrenic, but I think that's to be expected in the case of a debut RP like this. There wasn't really a plotline to follow, more just a "look at this guy, what the fuck is he," and that's fine. You'll want to definitely always have some relevance in there as well as some direct (or indirect, if you can pull it off) trash talking towards any opponent. One thing that sets XWF apart is the heavy measurement of interaction between opponents, playing off of what they do and say to you. A lot of the game will be finding the slip ups in others' work and exploiting it. It can be a damn lot of fun to get someone floundering for a comeback after to rip them a new one, and we have some real maestros of emasculation among our ranks. If you go against a Dolly Waters or a Jim Caedus, you're going to get your feelings hurt. The trick is giving more than you get and making them follow your lead rather than the other way around.

I'd give this a solid grade and I'm assuming Scully will be pissed that he didn't end up getting an easy match-up.


Good stuff!

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03-22-2017, 11:55 PM
Post: #3
Very good...


Good luck.
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03-23-2017, 05:08 AM
Post: #4
(03-22-2017 07:29 PM)Vincent Lane Said:  

I like the structure and the layout. It's unique enough in that anytime I see that format (assuming you repeat it) I'll know in a second it's yours.

I think you did a good balance with the birds chirping and the docile environs coupled with the clear psychosis if Imperial's character.

There was a lot to unpack in there as far as 'who is this guy,' and it might have been a little too dense with trying to get across all of the 'catch-phrase' type stuff all at the same time, though I do like that Imperial is already a very a recognizable face on the roster. He isn't like anyone else, and that's one of the best things anyone new can do.

The story arc is a bit schizophrenic, but I think that's to be expected in the case of a debut RP like this. There wasn't really a plotline to follow, more just a "look at this guy, what the fuck is he," and that's fine. You'll want to definitely always have some relevance in there as well as some direct (or indirect, if you can pull it off) trash talking towards any opponent. One thing that sets XWF apart is the heavy measurement of interaction between opponents, playing off of what they do and say to you. A lot of the game will be finding the slip ups in others' work and exploiting it. It can be a damn lot of fun to get someone floundering for a comeback after to rip them a new one, and we have some real maestros of emasculation among our ranks. If you go against a Dolly Waters or a Jim Caedus, you're going to get your feelings hurt. The trick is giving more than you get and making them follow your lead rather than the other way around.

I'd give this a solid grade and I'm assuming Scully will be pissed that he didn't end up getting an easy match-up.


Good stuff!

I appreciate that very much, I do see how I might have rushed the first one out. Could've worked a little more on it and stretched it out so it isn't quite as dense, as you put it.

I do plan on keeping up with the format, if its pleasing enough to most people, I wasn't sure if there was too much going on there with the screencaps and the videos and stuff. Back when I first found myself an Efed in 08/07 I recall the roleplays being a lot simpler.

I was hoping to go on more of an offensive in my next roleplay. I thought it was vital that people got to know my character for himself rather than as an opponent, before I set off to rip Skully a new one.

I'd like to think I'm generally quite a non-aggressive individual, so I'm excited to learn as much from these veteran shit-talkers. Thank for the feedback!

(03-22-2017 11:55 PM)RADICALRENO Said:  
Very good...


Good luck.

I appreciate the seal of approval, I would appreciate some hard feedback though Big Grin Still thank you. I think if I do lose this match, it'll be good to know how my roleplays come off anyways.

The Unchained Prince

[Image: werwolves-eyes-for-Jason-Momoa.gif]
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03-23-2017, 10:05 AM
Post: #5
Win the match.

Then I will give you detailed feedback.
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03-24-2017, 10:38 PM
Post: #6
I'm really liking the persona of your character. You nailed the promo style in my opinion. Knowing it is the first of hopefully more soon, I don't really want to critique the little amount you mentioned your opponent. I suck at criticism! Constructive or not. Like Lane said you have a unique layout. Really liked the video of the sounds of your scene. Really helped with pulling me there. I have a feeling you are going to shine. Keep at it.

[Image: tzaJpcU.jpg]
Death before Dishonor...
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03-25-2017, 10:25 AM
Post: #7
(03-24-2017 10:38 PM)Mr. Tidbits Said:  I'm really liking the persona of your character. You nailed the promo style in my opinion. Knowing it is the first of hopefully more soon, I don't really want to critique the little amount you mentioned your opponent. I suck at criticism! Constructive or not. Like Lane said you have a unique layout. Really liked the video of the sounds of your scene. Really helped with pulling me there. I have a feeling you are going to shine. Keep at it.

Hey that's great, thank you so much. Positives are good too, its nice to know that the background sound and format are working, those are two things that add wonders to a roleplay I think. I'm no coding maestro, so I've just been using what I saw on one of the older code guides I found on the page.

And yeah, I hope to explore the character a lot more and I'm working on a more critical piece, focusing more on Scully as a character.

The Unchained Prince

[Image: werwolves-eyes-for-Jason-Momoa.gif]
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03-25-2017, 11:30 AM
Post: #8
Can't wait for you to post it.

[Image: tzaJpcU.jpg]
Death before Dishonor...
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04-25-2017, 05:49 AM
Post: #9
Byump.

The Unchained Prince

[Image: werwolves-eyes-for-Jason-Momoa.gif]
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04-25-2017, 01:03 PM
Post: #10
I loved the Destiny's Child promo (only one I've had a chance to read yet. I liked the wild nature of it - really got across your man is unpredictable and that he could be a threat to anyone. Enjoyed reading it.

[Image: JackCain.jpg]
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04-26-2017, 02:39 AM
Post: #11
Thanks, Jack, I think I took a little step away from his unpredictability in my previous few roleplays, it felt good to be coming back to that aspect of Danny.

The Unchained Prince

[Image: werwolves-eyes-for-Jason-Momoa.gif]
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