(OOC: Really sorry to flake on you like this, Caedus. I had planned to do more this week. Just got tied up. I enjoyed reading your RPs.)


Note: When we last saw Muddy Waters he was participating in the filming of a documentary about the life of his daughter, Dolly Waters, the former XWF Hart Champion and now publicly shamed child prodigy accused of doping allegations.

Through a series of unexpected events, the film crew followed Muddy to some backwards holler in along the foothills of Kentucky to find a woman named Flora who Muddy may, or may not have impregnated back in the early two-thousands.

After an intense scuffle broke out between Muddy and Flora's husband, Matthew Mcconaughey Dalton Senior, from the mists of the trashy trailer park scenery arose young Stand by me:Cory Feldmen Dalton Waters who we're all now led to believe is the slightly older brother of Dolly Waters.

The camera crew pans in closely to the overwrought face of young Dalton Waters; tears welling up in his slightly crossed eyes as he removes his thick reading glasses to wipe away the foggy lenses with his shirt before placing them back on his face.

"Maaaaama!? Hows both these men post'ta'be ma'daddy?"

The young boy cries out to Flora (his mama) who's hot boxing a Misty cigarette and fiddling around with her government cell phone.

"Damnit Dalton Junior! Can't ya' see at' Mama is busy? Yer' a'gunna' have ta' pick which one you want ta' be yer' paw."

I: Excuse me, Flora? Do you have any documented proof that Muddy Waters is actually the father of your child?

F: Proof? Ya' want some proof mutherfucker?!? Here's tha' danged'ol' warts he gimmie!

Flora pulls down her Tweety Bird pajama pants exposing her disgustingly bulging cauliflower twat that likely hasn't been saved since the onset of puberty. There's a horrific odor flowing from what we believe is the greenish puss spewing out from the tip of one of the vaginal warts.

The documentary interviewer turns his head and instantly begins to vomit on camera.

F: Oh it aint at' bad you pussy! Are ya' queer or sumthin'?

I: I need to go pra-pra [vomits some more] pray.

The camera crew focuses back over to Muddy and Dalton Senior who continue rolling around on the ground, furiously pounding one anothers face as they scream out unearthly and unintelligible obscenities while arguing over who is the rightful barer of Dalton Junior's seed.

"STOP IT!"

Dalton Junior's squeaky look voice lashes out.

Muddy and Dalton Senior stop fighting and look up at the young boy who's now holding a crossbow, shifting his sights back and forth between the two men as he trembles with anxiety. He became confused during the scuffle and is having a hard time differentiating between the two men.

"I CAINT TELL WHICH ONE OF YOUS IS MA REAL DADDY NOW! THA' ONE WHO RAISED ME UP AL MA'LIFE!"

Muddy and Dalton Senior look nothing alike.

Muddy tries commanding the boy to lower his weapon:

"Boy put at' damn crossbow do-"

But Dalton cuts off his words by aiming the it directly at his face.

"I'MA NEED YOU ALL TA' PROVE TO ME WHICH ONE IS MA' REAL PAW!"

This should be easy for Dalton Senior since he really is the person who raised Dalton Junior, so he answers first:

"Son when you was a baby I used ta' lull ya' ta' sleep wit Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dalton Junior's finger slips and the crossbow dart hurls into Dalton Senior's chest as he falls to the ground.

"PAW!"

Dalton Junior runs over to Muddy and hugs is leg as Muddy indifferently lights a non-filter cigarette looking on at Dalton Senior whose rolling on the ground writhing with pain and likely dying.

Just then an unmarked government vehicle being escorted by two sheriff cars pulls up in the gravel driveway in front of the trailer, Flora grabs her mangy little puppy, cradling in her arms as she awkwardly runs off into the trailer smacking the her head against the door frame in the process. Two overweight sheriffs pursue her. Emerging from the government vehicle is a hoss looking black lady with short hair dressed in a suit. The documentary interviewer wipes away the vomit from his mouth and approaches her.

I: Excuse me, miss? We're filming a documentary here. May I ask who you are?

BL: My name is Jatoya Bond, Child Protection Services.

She flashes a badge.

BL: We've been observing the conditions of young Dalton here for months and we finally have no choice but to intervene and remove him from the custody of his mother. Now if you'll excu-

I: Ma'am, wait, miss... if you would, TOTALLY off of the record, could you possibly tell us who Dalton's biological father is?

The woman looks at the camera and frowns a bit before covering the lens with her hand, but the camera is still rolling and picks up her vocals as she speaks softly enough for Dalton Junior not to hear her:

BL: Dalton's real father was man named Big Wolf Daddy.

I: His name was Big Wolf Daddy?

BL: He had it legally changed to Big Wolf Daddy some years back. He was an old biker gang meth dealer. We recently found his body partially decapitated in his home in West Virginia.

I:.....

BL: You're not from these parts are you?

I: California.

BL: Whole 'nother world out here in the hills and the hollers. Now if you'll excuse me.

As the sheriffs call for medics to tend to Dalton Senior and Jatoya places Dalton Junior in the back seat of her car, we can see the documentary interviewer berating Muddy off camera.

"You stupid asshole! You led us out here on a fucking wild goose chase for absolutely nothing! You've got to be the most , contaminated water watered down piece of shit, sorry ass excuse for a father I've ever met! Are you sure that Dolly's REAL parents weren't abducted by fucking aliens and she mysteriously floated down your sewage drain in a basket like Moses?

How can it be, that an incredibly gifted, borderline genius little girl like Dolly end up in the care of such a resounding dumbass? All the while she's unjustifiably rotting away in an Indonesian prison cell and you haven't so much as lifted a single finger to help her! SHAME ON YOU MUD-"

Muddy decks the interviewer directly in his mouth, knocking the much smaller man back on his ass as the camera crew stops recording.

"See ya' on 30 fer 30 ."

---

---

We see Muddy Waters walking into a dark interview room carrying a bottle of pills and holding an icepack on his neck. The room has a television screen and two chairs, and in one chair sits the XWF's very own Steve Sayors.

Steve: Muddy, good to see you again.

Muddy: You too Steve, it's been awhile. Hey, say yer' still bangin' at' broad wit tha' worms crawling out her pussy?

Steve clears his throat, and Muddy winces a bit from his soreness as he sits down in the chair opposite from him,

Steve: Muddy, do you know why I asked to speak with you today?

Muddy: Not really.

Muddy opens the bottle of pills and begins dumping several of them back into his mouth.

Steve: Well, we wanted to get your thoughts on your match this week. The rematch against Jim Caedus, only this time it's for the Television Championship.

Muddy spits the crumblings of the chewed up pills all over Steve's face,

Muddy: YOU MEAN I GOTTA' FIGHT AT' SUMBITCH AGAIN!?! At buck is one tough customer!

Steve nonchalantly wipes away the pill residue from his face and nods.

Steve: Yes... and I can see you're still recovering from your last battle with Caedus. So, Caedus uploaded recently a short vignette and then had some choice words for you in a promo. Let's take a look at the vignette first shall we?

...Five minuets and two seconds later...

We see Muddy, his face buried into his hands sobbing while making a vast array of slobber-esque, clacking and gargling sounds. He raises his head, as a slimy string of snot hangs from his nostril; his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he cries out:

Muddy: JIMBO!!!!!! [moaning cries] I'M S-s-soooo SARRY BRUDDER! AHHH!

For some reason Muddy violently grasps his nipples,

Muddy: AINT AH MAN IN THIS HERE WORLD ORTA' GO THROUGH SUMTHIN' LIKE THAT! GODDAMN XWF! HOW DO YOU FUCKIN PEOPLE FILM ERRY'THANG BOUT A MAN'S LIFE LIKE Y'ALL DO?!? YER' SO HURTFUL STEVE!

Muddy becomes increasingly erratic as he sobs out, almost painfully. Steve reluctantly reaches out, briefly touching Muddy on the shoulder trying to comfort him- but Muddy jumps back up quickly, gripping his nipples even harder now.

Muddy: AHHHH! MA' NIPPLES ARE SO SENSITIVE AND TINGLY!

The camera zooms in on the bottle of pills sitting next to Muddy... it's estrogen. Why in the fuck is Muddy taking estrogen?

Steve: M-Muddy? I know that was hard to watch...

Muddy: HARD TA' WATCH STEVE?!? IT WAS FUCKING UNBEARABLE! THE FUCKING CLICHES STEVE!!! SO MANY FUCKING CLICHES!

Steve: Muddy, I need you to try and compose yourself and focus for a few more minuets. I'm going to play the promo he cut on you, and then I'll need you to respond... okay?

Muddy sniffles and soaks up the tears with the back of his hand.

Muddy: A'ight den...

...Six minuets and eleven seconds later...

Autism speaks commercial Said:I'm going to tare you a new rectum

Muddy: AWWW HELL NAW BOO-BOO!!!

Muddy snaps his fingers and twerks his neck back and forth like scorned black woman just before lunging from his seat and attacking the flat screen TV hanging on the wall, ripping it from the wall and smashing his fists into the screen over and over, bloodying his knuckles as Sayors looks on in horror.