Rock Hill, SC - April 4th, 1990



Devastated

That’s how I feel fight now. I’m trying to hide the pain from my friend, from my family, from the world. My dad picked up on the fact that something was wrong yesterday after school. I came home and sat in the den listening to sad love songs all through the night. I know that I shouldn’t take Ashley's rejection so hard, but I can't help it. I feel like I have found the one thing in life that I want the most, but it doesn’t want me. It’s not just that she said no, it’s out she did it. I don’t think that she was being intentionally malicious, but she couldn’t have possibly done a better job of ripping out my heart and shredding it.

Not even a word. Not a single word, just a head shake and the words “That’s so cute” mouthed as she tried to hurry away from me. That’s so cute, what did that even mean? Did she think that it was cute that I would even consider the possibility that she might say yes? That’s how I took it. Like I’m some sort of lesser being, not worthy of love or affection.

The worst part about all of this is, as much as I just want to hide under a rock right now, I can’t. I have school today, and that means that I’ll be forced to see Ashley again. I’m nervous and sweaty. I don’t know how she will interact with me. Will she ignore me? Maybe she’ll sit with her friends, tell them how big of a pathetic loser I am while they giggle amongst themselves. Or hey, maybe there is an off chance that she will talk to me, maybe even apologize for yesterday. Maybe, just maybe having a day to think it over will change her mind. Maybe I still have a shot!

Well I’ll give you one guess which scenario turned out to be correct.

She didn’t talk to me at all in class, didn’t even make eye contact. I picked up on her body language today, so I didn’t try to talk to her either. Later in the day I did walk by a couple of girls who were staring at me and snickering. I’m sure Ashley had told them about my lame attempt to pick her up the day before.

Jesus Christ! I needed to talk to someone! I met up with CJ at lunch, and I told him everything that happened. He could tell that I was down, and like a good friend he tried to build me up by saying things like, she’s not good enough for me, and she doesn’t know what she’s missing. It was nice of him, but I wasn’t buying it. Even though she had crushed my soul, I still saw her as an angel, nothing less.

Over the next couple of days the pain hurt less and less. I was on the road to recovery, and soon enough everything was going to be ok. I began to realize that Ashley telling me no wasn’t the end of the world. A fact that was exemplified when Debbie, another girl that I was quite smitten with at the time, actually approached me wanting to go out.

Debbie had a beautiful soul. She remains one of the nicest, sweetest girls that I have ever known. Going out with her was great, and over the next couple of weeks, everything just seemed to get better. I had my best friend, and now I was also dating a beautiful girl who actually cared about me.

Nothing could bring me down right now, or so I thought…


Present Day


”NO! That’s not right!”

This guy, I swear that he’s going to make me punch a kitten!

”GRAAAAAVY, you have a tight ass sugar buns”

Oh, perhaps I’m in another situation that I need to explain. That’s not Cadryn. I’m feeling a little lost without my buddy. Before we hooked up, all that I ever did was sit in dark rooms, talk to my wife, and generally be boring. Since I met Cadryn though, he helps liven up the party. We go on misadventures, we come off interesting, and most of all, we have fun. That’s a large part of my life that I’m being denied right now, and as much as I would like to go find Cadryn and slap some sense into him, I feel that it’s best that I just wait, and let him come back on his own. So say hello to the Kevin Bacon lookalike that I’ve hired to fill in for Cadryn in the meantime. Cadryn resembles Mr. Bacon a lot, but I can’t afford, nor would I even know how to contact the real Footloose star.

”Cadryn doesn’t say sugar buns, it’s sugarbear! Also, he hasn’t commented on my nice tush since January! We don’t do that anymore.”

”Listen pal, I don’t even know who this Cadryn is, I’m a Kevin Bacon lookalike, I can do Kevin Bacon!”

Kevin Bacon jumps to attention with the same wild and excited look in his eyes as the character had in the movie Footloose as he exclaims…

LET’S DANCE!

I begin waving him off though, this is not what I want, not what I paid for.

”WAIT, NO, STOP, STOP, STOP!”

Kevin Bacon abruptly ends his recreation of the iconic scene, and instead just stares at me with a disinterested and annoyed look.

”Come on, can we try this one more time?”

”Okay, fine. Do that rant that you were telling me about, and I’ll chime in when needed.”

”Buronan, do you think this shit’s funny? Cadryn is literally out of control! The poor kid just found a girl that he can love, and now he is pushing her away because of meth! I stopped by his house and tried to talk to him, but guess what!? He wasn't there! Natalie said that they had gotten into a fight the night before, and afterwards he left. She said that he was muttering something about getting revenge in me! Revenge for what!? What lies are you feeding him right now? Does winning Lethal Lottery really sit higher on your list of priorities than Cadryn’s own health? Or is this all just a part of your plan to get into my head? Are you trying to throw me off of my game heading into this match?

You must be a real sack of shit, Buronan! To prioritize a match over a partner! Make no mistake though, no matter what games you play or what my tag team partners true intentions are, I will be winning this match!

I expect you to try and call out the fact that Gilmour and I don't having the strongest bond at the moment, and if you do, you won't be lying. Gilmour is a waste of flesh, and I'm not putting any faith in him not stabbing me in the back the first chance that he gets. He claims that he wants to move in to round 3, so he'll probably play nice until after the match, but even if not, I'm more than capable of winning this match all on my own!

I'm not underestimating your ability in the ring, Buronan, and I know damn well what Cadryn is capable of bringing, but I also know that I have an iron will, the likes of which is rarely seen in any sports competition. My drive and determination to succeed carries me much further than pure talent ever will. I don't give up, and I don't surender. If you plan on getting past me, then you're going to have to kill me, and to do that, you will need to accept the fact that you may die yourself.

And Cadryn, I get that you aren't talking to me right now, fine, whatever, but I know damn well that you are watching these promos. This may be my only chance to try and talk some sense into you. See, you think that smoking meth is somehow making you better. A better person, wrestler, I don't know. I don't know what's going through your head right now to be honest, but I do know that you want to win. I know that your drive and determination actually does come close to my own, but apparently somebody forgot to tell you that winners don't do drugs!

Meth isn't the answer, Cadryn. It's not going to improve your life, or wrestling skills in any way! What it is going to do is give you a false sense of security. It's going to make you feel bigger and badder than you really are. That sense of false confidence will end up costing you this match. When you come in unprepared for the fight that I'm bringing, and you end up getting your ass busted! Make no mistake buddy, I don't want to hurt you, but I have to. I have to show you, and the world that drugs are not the answer. I have to show you that when the dust settles, and this is all over, it'll be me there at the end, to help you back up.

I'm in the midst of a career revival. I'm on top of my game, and I'm beginning to prove that I'm a better performer now than I ever was before. With this match, I'm also going to prove to you, Cadryn, that I'm the best friend that you could ever have! Because even though I, just like you, want to win this whole shebang, I also want to save your life in the process.”

Micheal turns and looks at the Kevin Bacon lookalike who is, at this very moment just sitting there playing on his cell phone.

”Dude, you didn't chime in at all!”

”Yeah, I wasn't feeling it.”

”Okay, you know what, you're fired!”