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JimCaedus · (03-04-2017)

"I Said It's Mine"

-DoubleTree Suites, Anaheim, CA 10:20 PM PST

'Look at that...he's tryin' to deadline bomb you. May as well prep a blind promo.'

Indeed.

...................................

"Ain't that just like a mick to fight dirty? Fuck you for making me say that, McBride...and fuck you for making this half mick have to snap off your dick and feed it to you. So you're gonna try bombing my ass eh? I love it...no matter how many times the competition watches my game and my ability, the next bitch always thinks he's gonna outsmart me. You leave me no option but to bash your blarney stones into oblivion.

Yeah, you have a list of impressive accomplishments. You also have more losses than you do victories and unfortunately for you, since you thought you'd just swoop in with a bottle of O'Douls up your ass and take me by surprise, I'll have to reach down your fuckin' throat, pull the bottle up out your mickey fuckin' mouth, use your trap to pop the cap, down it, then flip you over and shove the empty up your Celtic cooze for ANOTHER loss. I better see in a nickel in my hand after the match too, fuck-o, deposit gets a return and I'm the kinda customer who'll jump over the counter and whip your ass for that nickel. If I'd do that for five cents, the fuck you think I'd do to keep the TV Title around my waste? Bend over and present my rusty asshole? Punk motherfucker, guess again.

Who the fuck do you think you're trying here? Yeah, you're Michael McBride and you've been in the XWF long enough to attain what you have and granted, it IS impressive and I respect you for it; but I'm not some weak willed, drained, dumbass, dipshit nobody, Mikey, I'm the CURRENT XWF Television Champion. The man who's been pushing himself to compete at every opportunity. The man who thus far, knock on wood, has been successful in making an impression, turning heads and competing more than once a week quite regularly. In fact, this is my THIRD card I'm competing on this week. I'm also the man with the strap that apparently may hold a brand new key to even greater accolades in this promotion if the current topic of an 8 week run earning a higher title shot becomes rule around here. You know what that means don't you? That means if I lose to you tomorrow night I miss out on that opportunity. HELL with that. You wanted this psychotic piece of shit to get nuts? Now I'm nuts and I'm gonna FUCK you up, I don't give a good goddamn WHO stands in my way.

I don't care whatever it is you're planning to say. You gonna stab a fellow Irishman in the back and argue against my summation of the people while you effectively betray them in the process? Fuck off. I'm not full Irish, go right ahead. You gonna talk shit about my halfbreed blood? Suck my cock, couldn't care less. You gonna throw together some lame ass insults and threats? Pussy, I wouldn't care if you brought that AR-15 to the ring, you don't scare me. I'll snatch that shit outta your faded, too slow to respond funky fingers, yank your urethra apart for barrel insertion and blow your motherfuckin' balls off from the INSIDE."

'Nice one.'

"No, I'm not fully Irish, I'm not fully German, not fully evil, not fully good... In fact...I'm fully NOTHING but the XWF TV Champ and Jim motherfuckin' Caedus. FYI...being fully Jim Caedus has alone been enough to crush craniums so far hasn't it. That was rhetorical, keep your mouth shut and listen, limey slave. The number for your massive melon just got called up, tough guy, I'm happy to serve you with katabasis to the skull and send you off riding a hospital bed in a coma for a year or two. Got a bonny lass back home? While you get fed through a tube I'll be feeding her through my own, then you can wake up and go back to your cottage on the emerald isle and see just how much work she put in on this prick when she sucks you inside out. Then I'll walk back in, put you in a coma again, splatter your static ass and play Irish Washer Woman while I make the cunt clean up the Michael McMess with her fuckin' tongue. You picked the wrong man to mess with. I was willing to play this with mutual respect like with Nixon but that wasn't good enough for you. Fine with me, I'll kick your ever smokin' stupid ass from one side of that ring to the other, fish hook you up the anus, pull out your lower intestine and swing you around before I slam you head first into the ringpost and crack your head open like an egg. I don't think they'll be saying 'Mikey Likes It' when you're eating dirt,

. Fuck McBride. I'm Jim Caedus and When Irish Eyes Are Smiling they'll be in my stomach dissolving after I pulled 'em out and ate 'em."
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