The camera opens to the bedroom of Reeve Gordon, who stands at the edge of the bed he shares with Chastity... He ruffles her hair gently as she sleeps like a baby. He leans over and kisses her on her rosy red cheek, before gazing over his shoulder at the open window... A shining star shoots across the sky, as he smiles brightly. "One day, my dear... you and I will rule the XWF, together. I wish I may, I wish I might... be myself once more, and bring on the fight, No more Mr. Nice Guy..."

Reeve lays in the bed, cuddling next to his girlfriend, as the sounds of "Return To Oz" by the Scissor Sisters begins to drift through the speakers... Reeve softly falls into a deep slumber, a dream filling his mind--

- - -

We open to a farm, cast in a monochrome hue. Sarah Gordon, cousin of Reeve, sits on a bale of hay, with a thistle sticking out through her beautiful lips. The sounds of wind spiraling ahead can be heard, the sure sign of an oncoming twister... Sarah spits out the thistle and hollers to her family-- "HEY!!! Y'all need tah git'cher asses out here an' intah the cellar, there's a GAT DAM tornado out'chere an' it's about tah TORE UP this shack! HURRY UP YA BUMBLING BUTT-SNIFFERS!!"

The scene heads inside where Sarah sprints in to find her folks... despite finding no one. "What in the..." SUDDENLY, the tornado rips through the house... somehow not killing Snow... Snow is shown in a very terrible piece of stock footage, consisting of a small, toy house hovering above by overly visible strings. The 'house' drops to the ground/stage floor, and we cut to Snow's bedroom, where she yells out; 'OOP!!'.

Snow heads out of her room, where we find an open door, out of the monochrome boredom... where we find a yellow brick road leading out of a bright, dazzling arena belonging to the XWF, only a fancy, otherworldly XWF that's all Dark Crystal/Never Ending Story and shit. Snow walks up to the ring, which is decked out with a golden canvas and ruby ropes... within the ring there's a pair of ruby glitter boots. Snow slides into the ring.

"Reeve... I wish you were here. I sure as hell ain't in Oklahoma anymore!! XD "

Snow pulls the boots on, and heads forth on what could be the adventure of a lifetime.

- - -

We find a yellow brick road rolling through beautiful lush, green hills. The song continues to play as we find the young woman of about 25 skipping along, wearing a pair of dark blue overalls and some shimmering, ruby red work boots. She whistles the tune to herself, till she hears a call... "HEY!! A little help over here, huh?" Snow gazes across a fence, to find a scarecrow on a post. Only difference between this ol' boy and your average scarecrow is the fact that this particular fella can talk.

Reeve the ScareCrow: THESE DAMN ROACHES!! I'll tell you right now, these damn things have infested me!! Can you grab a few buckets and flush them out with some high quality H2O?!

Snow: Why sure stranger, sorry about this situation ya got yer self into, but don't you worry yer pretty lil head, you've got a friend in me, and I'm on the case!! TRUST!!

Sarah heads off to a nearby house, delapitated and devoid of human occupancy. She decides to use might, and KNOCKS the damn door down. She finds, oddly enough, an unopened package of Dasani bottled water. She deadlifts the package up, using all of her hardcore, southern lezzy strength. Snow then marches to her friend and kicks in to hyper drive as she floods out the bugs with bottle after bottle. I know, far fetched, but this is a dream based off the Wizard of Oz, so gimme some slack, eh?

ScareCrow smiles once he's been cleansed, Snow removing him from the post so he may be free. "Thank you, ma'am... what's your name, if I might ask?" Sarah smiles brightly, "The name's Sarah Gordon, but you can call me Snow! ^__^ "

RSC: Well, that's a lovely name you have there, Snow, the names ScareCrow, and I'm hoping to go to the Wizard of XWF to get a few brains sewn into my big, fat noggin!

Snow: Well, I'm headed there myself, so's I can grab a one way ticket back home. I know Oklahoma may not be the richest of the fiddy states... but it's my home.

RSC: I feel ya. Well, there's no time like the present... let's roll out!

The scene fades out on Reeve and Snowwy Gale heading out for Emerald City.

- - -

"IF ONLY I HAD HEART!! BUT SOMEBODY CAME ALONG AND TORE IT APART!! AND, AND--"

'SHAAAAAAADDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!'

Demi the TinWoman stands on a stage, serenading the judges before her... she's competing on Oz Idol.

Simon: FUCK YOU!!

Paula: No, fuck you! This bitch can't sing worth SHIT, and I should know, cuz a lotta people said the same about me!! So N'YAH!! British twit.

Randy: Yo, dawg, I can tell that shizz wasn't your best, next year, hit us up with somethin' YOU, you know, somethin' high on drugs and drunk off its ass. ........YOU!!

Demi cries her eyes out to the back, where Nick Cannon and Jerry Springfield are making out. They stop and stare at Demi, who yells "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They stare blankly for a few seconds... before heading back into swapping spit. Demi runs out of the building, only to find Reeve and Snow.

Reeve: Oh my, darling, what's your problem?

Demi: I just put ALL of my heart into singing, and I wiped out. All I want is to be a pro singer, live my dream, and score more drugs..... can either of you help me?

Snow: Well, we're heading to the Wizard of XWF to pick up a few things... I'm sure a fine lil thang like yerself wouldn't be much of a problem if we was tah ask fer a contract, ya think?

Demi: LET'S ROCK!!

Snow: Hell yeah!!

Reeve: Starting to think I shoulda stayed stuck up on the pole with bugs using me like a motel...

- - -

We re-open, this time to 'Club OZ', where Kid Kowardly is fueling up on courage, bottle after bottle. He motions for the barkeep...... "Yo, wassup? Enjoyin' the brewskies?" Kid replies, "Lovin' 'em. Uhm, could you tell that punk ass BITCH over there to get his ass over here so I can KICK IT?!" Barkeep retorts, "Now, who on earth do you wanna pick a fight? This is a fine little shop I've set up here, and I'd hate to see anything bad happen to it... what's the meaning?"

KK: I'm tired of him eyeing me!!

Barkeep: HE'S BLIND!!! He can't "eye" ANYTHING!

KK: Like I care, the dude's got these fucked up contacts in, he's SCARY DAMMIT!

Barkeep: ....They're not 'contacts', he's BLIND, dumbass!!

KK: That's the last straw, he's DONE!

Kid Kowardly knocks his stool over and rushes at the poor blind bastard, but almost as soon as he does so, the bartender yanks him off... The bartender then tosses Kid Kowardly on his ass, where he begins to throw a tantrum. "I'M THE BEST DAMN THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THAT STUPID BAR!! I'm so fucked up these days... I don't know what to do....." KK procures a picture from his pocket-- that of his deceased girlfriend, Christina. He frowns to himself, gazing up at the stars above... he finds a shooting star; "God... wherever you are... I pray that Christina is with you, and that she has found sollace at your hands... thank you. Amen."

Demi, Reeve and Snow skip up to KK, finding a tear or two running down his face. Snow calls out, "Hey, sir, what has happened to you? Why are you so glum, chum?" ......Kid Kowardly looks up at the three friendly pedestrians. He smiles slightly, "My life has been hell ever since I lost my girlfriend in a car crash, when she was on her way to see me. I can't believe I led her to her death, when she was the most important thing in my life... I want her back so damned back, I can't shake it, my life will never have the same color without her touch, her voice. I'm sorry, I must be boring the three of you..."

Demi: No! You have a story to tell, I admire you. Can we bring you along with us? We're headed for the Emerald City and--


SUDDENLY, a nearby brick wall smashes to bits as the Wizard of XWF makes his prescence known--




Vinny Oz: WHOA, whoa, whoa... I don't care if this IS a dream, this promo is TEN SECONDS away from deadline, we're gonna have to wrap things up REAL quick if you don't wanna fuck up things for yourselves again. Kid, your girlfriend's dead. Get over it. Demi, you couldn't get a contract outta me if you gave me a BJ AND a million bucks. You're a faded, flash in the pan star, and I'm GLAD your time's over. Go sell some eyeliner. Reeve..... get your happy ass to the arena, and so help me GOD if you stick your nose into another match it doesn't belong? YOU'RE FIRED. .......And Snow. Pretty little SnowFlake-- You want a ticket home? Here, I've got something for you, AND your friends--

He steps aside and four women take their moment to be seen-- Minxs, Ann Thraxx, Christine Nash and Alexandra Callaway: The Four Wicked Bitchez of XWF.

VO: If you want your home so damned much, you're gonna have to EARN IT.... Nuff said.

Snow: Boys and girls...... let's DO THIS!!!

- - -

"First off, Gabe, I'm no 'nobody'. I have history in this business spanning back some 16 years... don't tell me who you are, tell me what you can do, better yet, SHOW ME. And as for my name, I chose it as an homage to an icon here in the XWF-- Alexandra Callaway. She took me to school and proved that EVERYONE can learn a lesson or two. You may think you're tough as nails, a boy with a big, bright shining future... but you have a long journey before you, my friend. Bring all the strikes you have, all it takes is a Scorpion Deathdrop and one Deathlock to make you TAP... I've studied, I've practiced, I've polished up my game over the years, and I've brought myself to a spot in the game where I'm ready... this is not the end of the line..... It's the beginning.

"IT'S SHOWTIME, BOY!!!"

--you were there--

|there's no place like home|