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Surprise Princess!!
02-15-2017, 12:01 AM
Post: #1
(A white room.)

(Just white.)

(What do you see?) 


(There is nothing.) 

(Ok there's white walls.)

(But nothing else.)

(Just white.)

(That is...)


(Justin Sayn wondered into the scene. He notices the camera, and looks around confused and disinterested.)

Are you kidding me right now!?

(Justin throws his hands up in frustration and stares into the camera with a fake upset look one his face.)

I thought I was done with this! No, nope. I'm leaving!

(Justin walks off screen.)

(A large wooden hook, like the ones you see in movies that pull bad performers off of a stage, well it pulls Justin back into the view of the camera. He stumbles he falls, he sits there and looks defeated.)

I guess I don't have a choice.

(Justin stands up and dusts himself off.)

So here we are almost to the big day. The kick off to Lethal Lottery. As we all know I've taken a little stroll down Hollywood and gave comedy the good ole' college try, what you didn't know is that I came to Texas a week early and tried the same thing here. Let's just say it didn't work out so well. Hollywood seemed to love those jokes that I stole from, but Texas just seemed to love throwing beer bottles at me, and calling me names. Now it would seem that I perceive myself to be a man of many talents. So I've made a few mistakes here and there, but hey who doesn't. I have had my own psychiatry practice, but we all know how that panned out. Just look at the goofs I've dealt with. I gave stand up a go and let's face it that's a toss up there ladies and gentleman. I'm still working out some kinks, but hey can't fault a man for trying. Right? Well now that brings us to the here and now. Lethal Lottery; this awesome little tournament we have here in XWF. Partners completely random and who is my partner none other than Boomer Finnigan. Awesome, cool, maybe even great. Now our opponents on the flip side of the coin being Nico LaVey and Mysery. Well now boys and girls isn't this just such a cute little team. We have on one hand Mysery. Mysery, Mysery, Mysery. What else can you say about such a man. I guess all I can say is after his loss in this round. It shall be Myserable. Hahaha.. See what I did there? Okay maybe I should just stop with the jokes huh? No? OK, well I mean I've always heard that Mysery just loves him some company, but wow this must take the cake. You see what we have here are two individuals standing in my way. This tournament is an opportunity I've been looking for and you can bet your sweet asses boys that I'm here to win. You see I don't care who I have to go through to get to where I'm going. If you are in my way then I will simply plow right through you children straight to the top. Because the top is where Justin Sayn belongs! It's not like I can sing or dance. I tried the comedy thing and thought I was doing well, but then I realized that all of my applause were being piped in over a speaker system. Awesome... So without any other career to seek out, I'm just going to have to stick around and try to actually kick somebodies ass. 

Now with that being said. It may seem that I may be a write off in this little shindig, but I assure you I'm here to stay, and I love nothing more than having to deal with a wannabe hard ass such as Mr. Nico LaVey. I mean come on really? The last we heard from our dearest Nico, he has touched down somewhere in Japan to fight in some who really gives a fuck tournament. Hell for all we know it's just a make-believe tournament to make him feel better about himself.

(Sayn throws his arms in the air.)

Watch out folks we have ourselves a real bad ass here. I mean come on man if you're going to make something up to make yourself look cool, how about a nice little pillow fight with Lucifer himself. Hell, I'd even buy the damn pillows.

(Sayn pulls out his walet and opens it up, turns it upside down and shakes. Nothing falls out.)

Ok, I won't be buying the pillows after all, but I can say this. Mysery is one of the few guys in the XWF who has less talent, and even less motivation than I do. Lets look at facts ladies and gentlemen. I've had two full weeks to work up some promo material for this match. Two full weeks to try and get someone, hell, anyone invested in this match. I'm sad to say that I've failed. I've instead spent all of my time looking for a new career path to follow because frankly, I don't want to get my ass kicked anymore. Gotta pay the bills though right? So while I've been touring the local Texas comedy clubs begging for a laugh, Mysery has been... well I don't know what Mysery has been doing. Sitting in the shadows and brooding I'm sure. It's like oh hey, stereotypical edgy goth kid, go! Except this one doesn't go. He shows up less than Sting, the guy he bases his look off of. If he thinks hiding in the shadows and not speaking a word is going to be his path to the top here in the XWF, then he's as dumb as I look. This business is all about selling. If you can't get people to give a damn, then what's the point of even trying? Oh wait, I get it now. You've already realized all of this, and you're not trying on purpose! I've watched a lot of promos for Lethal Lottery, and one that sticks out was a promo that our Television Champion put out in response to my former patient Cadryn Tiberius. Jim said that he was going to try harder to lose than Cadryn and Killjoy. Well that's all well and good Jim, but if you even face Misery one on one, good luck out sucking him!

(Sayn does some sort of shuffle, as if he is trying to make a point that he's a clown telling jokes.)

Then there's Nico LaVey. I touched base on him a little bit earlier, but I feel that Nico deserves his own full rant. Unlike his partner, or mine for that matter, Nico has decided to show up. Nico through up some promo material for this match, and it's obvious that he is fully invested in winning Lethal Lottery... That is the name of the Japanese death tournament that he entered in right? No?.. Well then Nico may just be in for a bad day. Because while Nico has been off playing pretend and doing his best Van Damme impression, I've been right here in the heart of Texas... telling jokes and giving old ladies strokes.... Don't ask. The point is, I'm here, and since I'm out of options and can't find a way out of this shindig, I guess I'm trying. I'm putting forth the effort to win, Nico is putting forth the effort to look like a make believe hard ass. I'm doing my jumping jacks, he's filming a short for Americas funniest home videos. The worst part about the whole thing is that Nico is convinced that he has round one in the bag. He's so convinced that he isn't even pretending to give a shit about me or Boomer. Well let me tell you something about Boomer Finnigan. Boomer Finnigan is one of the toughest SOBs you'll ever have the pleasure of being able to say you got your ass kicked by. He's 5 foot 10 and 206 pounds of ruthless pent up fury just waiting to be unleshed on the unsuspecting fools at Lethal Lottery! He may look like a putz, but looks can be deceiving! Look at me, I carved off half of my face in a tear fueled rage, you'd think I was a crazy sum bitch, ready to bust some heads and snort some meds. However I'm actually a well adjusted mild mannered former psychiatrist that is being forced to work for the XWF because... You know I'm not sure why I'm doing this. I guess it's because Wal-Mart won't hire a guy who looks like this. There's probably a lawsuit in there somewhere. Oh well, XWF ladies and gentlemen, is an equal opportunity employer! That's why a couple of retards like Nico and Misery can not only have jobs here, but also be entered into something as prestigious as Lethal Lottery.

(Sayn throws up two middle fingers and walks off camera. The giant wooden hook makes a return and pulls him back into view, but this time Sayn breaks it and throws the piece to the ground.[/color]

No I'm fucking done with this promo! LaVey and Mysery I'll see you in the ring, when Boomer Finnagin shows you who the toughest sum bitch in the XWF is, and I ride his coat tails to the next round!

(Fade to static)

Undeniable TV Champion!

[Image: XCNcCKb.jpg]
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