Nate Higgers shouts from his canoe as he leans over, staring deep into the murky water of a lake near his home in Tyler, Texas.
Click the motherfuckin' link I told them boys in production to put up on my promo here this week. That right there should be a good enough reason why we shouldn't be havin' no more got damn monkeys than we need around here.
And since we already got one in the White House, it seems like NO-BAMA's little cousin Chimpo is precisely one monkey too many around these parts!
What, you don't like readin'? Here's a quick excerpt.
Do you blind-as-a-bat liberal FUCKS get it now? Do y'all LIKE AIDS? I mean, I did once, back when it was GRIDS and it was apparent that God and Jesus Christ was just usin' it as a way to get rid of all the THUGS and QUEERS in this beautiful country... but then y'all rapists and shit crossed it over into regular people and now anyone'n get that shit.
Look y'all. I didn't bitch when y'all made me get Mexican blood on my hands. I got that shit tested lickity split after Hunter Payne's Modelo-infused Spaniard juice got on me, but I didn't raise a stink. Now y'all got a god damn monkey in here? Are y'all serious? Are y'all that god damn reckless with peoples' fuckin' safety??
In an instant, Nate whips out an AR-15 from the canoe bottom and points it at the water, firing off three quick rounds while the camera shakes as its operator ducks for cover.
A few seconds later, three dead fish bob to the surface and Nate scoops them into a dingy red and white cooler with a Marlboro logo on the side.
That's good eatin' right there. Get them bad boys fried up with some breadin' and wash it down with a sixer of Bud Light. Yes sir, that's a blessed day right there.
Anyways.
Y'all XWF jackasses signed a fuckin' chimp. No, not Trax, I'm talkin' about an actual respectable creature from the wild. Y'all don't give no fucks whatsoever about the health and well being of y'all's employees, and it's downright disgustin'.
Y'all want some AIDS, go get y'all some AIDS, but not on my watch, boy. That damn monkey's gettin' taken the fuck OUT on Saturday night, and when there's ZERO AIDS in the XWF outside of Peter Gilmour's hypodermics, y'all can thank me.
No if you'll excuse me, I gots to eat. See you on Saturday, Chimpo.
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