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Dolly Waters · (11-03-2016)

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2016
Inside of the Hellevator

We see Dolly fuckin' Waters and Paul Heyman inside of the Hellevator which is currently taking them down to Hell for Doctor D'Ville's Xtreme Title Rumble.

"Alright Dolly, you ready to feast?"

*sigh*

"I suppose so, Paul."

Paul pulls his giant, mini computer-looking cell phone from his pocket, turns and faces Dolly with the phone.

"We're going to stream this on XWF dot com... we're going live in:

three...

two..."

Paul signals over to Dolly with his finger as our heroine prepares to body bag some hoes:

Hello XWF Galaxy! It's me, the most loathed and envied individual by the entire inept, shit-filled, sorry ass excuse of a wrestling roster; yer' reigning, unpinned, unsubmitted, greatest fucking champion of all time, Dolly Waters. Compliments of my manager extordinare, Paul Heyman, and the next President of the United States, Hillary Clinton, I am coming to you live from inside of an elevator to Hell.

This may be the first XWF promo ever shot inside of an elevator, let alone an elevator that's violently plunging into the depths of Hades. In the distance now I can hear the disembodied screams of billions of wondering souls as they're continually tortured and ass fucked for their sins.

Wow, imagine that, Dolly Waters is doing something inexplicably original and entertaining!

Okay back to the jagoffs at hand... a few of you who've been so unfortunate to be booked in this, what is sure as hell to be a full blown dumpster-fire of a match, with little ol' me, have decided to already speak up, and pretty much all I've heard is a bunch of boring baby-back bullshit.

Now I'm not going to have Paul do something gay like hold up flashcards with whatever your arbitrary, feeble ass names are on them like this:

GENERIC WRESTLING NAME #1

as I systematically flip through and bitch about each one of you, one by one, by one, by one, x1x1x1"

"By one, by one, by one..."

No, see we reserve that gay, cheesy type of shit for gay type of folk like Gaytor...

Hiya gaaaaay-tor!"

Dolly winks and smiles for the camera

Instead I'm just going verbally disembowel each and every fucking one of you, I might talk shit about you at the same time as I'm talking shit about someone else. FUCK! I may even lump two or three of you maggot-penis having nobodies together in proxy and call you something like BourbRenoAtor and remind each of you that even as a collective body of fags running a train on one another, you'll still be utterly fucked even harder once you step inside of that ring with Dolly Waters.

But since Chris Chaos, the latest and greatest dumbass to blurt out a bunch of hot garbage, decided to speak on me first, I'll return the favor. Hi Chris! How's it hanging? Still about two inches above your scrotum?

Aw-haww... you sorry little man you. See, Chris while you've been running around causing 'Chaos', real fucking original by the way. Ya' know, Chaos? Since that's yer' name and all, bravo dude!

Dolly claps for Crystal Chaos

While you've been wasting your time with that arbitrary bullshit, I've been far too busy with things of the relevant nature: winning matches, signing autographs, cashing fat-ass paychecks, oh and winning championship gold, something you haven't got a fuckin' smidgen of a clue about.

Yeah, yeah, yer' awesome bro, you attacked me after I just won the Hart Championship for no apparent reason... Isn't jealousy a mother fucker? It's all good though, because I give zero fucks about that little petty display of your affection toward me; see if I really wanted to be a bitch I'd go to Lane's office tomorrow and request a match against you on Warfare, where your Wildcard will be on the line and take that prize too. But I'll let you hold onto to the one mustard seed of relevance you have left.

The 253rd Selection in the XWF Draft Said:you have gotten very lucky here. You have been handed sub par competition on a sub par show.

Way to nail your own fucking coffin shut Mr. Irrelevant.

Don't you recall who my 'sub-par' competition was in my first match ever? The match where I first won the Television Title on that 'sup-par' show? IT WAS YOU! You and about four other buttercups who are in this match as well. But you're right, everyone I've faced, and everyone I'm ever going to face is 'sub-par' in relation to someone such as myself. Maybe you've had a sudden stroke of genius, and have finally realized just how hard you suck, and if not, you need to go rewind your own tape and take a long, hard look at the pathetic face that'll be staring back...

Cry Baby Chris Said:You have two belts, what makes your overzealous ass deserving of another?

See what I mean? Absolutely pathetic.

I will admit though, this is getting a bit unfair isn't it? After I take the Xtreme Title in Doc's little rumble, in two weeks Luca and I will be taking the Tag Straps from Doctor SATAN! Jesus Christ! I'll have more weight in championship gold than my entire friggin' body's worth! All the while you'll still be clawing in the damn dirt, like a dog sniffing for fossilized turds trying to find your first belt.

Awwwe Said:You see Dolly, I respect you

That's interesting, because I don't respect you, like not even in the least. Your dumbass could get run over by a train tomorrow and I would be thankful for the opportunity at a good laugh. I'm going to annihilate you, and in the worst way possible, by being the one to cause your insecure ass to fall short of your goals once again; and then I'll sit back with a big ol' bowl of popcorn while I watch you moan and cry like a little bitch who tries redundantly inserting himself in random situations just so he's not forgotten.

This jackass says he want's to be Universal Champion so bad it makes his pussy throb, but the only logical way for that to happen would be for him to somehow get lucky and win this rumble, and be fortunate enough to carry the XTreme belt long enough to earn a brief case, because let's face it; even if you do hold onto your Wildcard, there's no way you'll walk out of that elimination chamber still as champion... Scully is better than you!

But with all of that said Chris decided to tell Trax, a former Universal Champion who's in this match:

Quote:I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU A PASS

So you were going to cut your own dick off to spite your asshole? Idiot. Thank's for keeping the 'dumb blond' stigma alive and well. So with that, on behalf of smart people with blond hair everywhere, i'd like to say FUCK YOU MORON!

Trax may be a worthless has been champion lusting after his former glory, but what on earth makes you think you could win this match while 'giving him a pass'? That's Kitt Kennedy level shit bruh, bruh!

Hey Kitt, why are you even still here? I'm being serious dude. No one here gives a fuck about you, and you have no chance of winning this thing. I know you haven't spoke up yet, and you're probably still terrified of the thought of having to venture down to hell but you may possibly be the least apt of any of these cockmongers in this shindig to win. Go do something entertaining for once and go hang yourself from the ceiling of the Heavy Metal Weight hallway.

If it weren't for that fat fucking slob Robbie Turd-Slurpin' Bourbon, I would have four, count it four victories over you, at a point you'd think even the most dense minded wankers would get a hint that they just don't have what it takes. I mean you let that weirdo Bitch Doctor Bear Grylls beat you down so bad that Ol' Man Johnson felt bad for you and reversed his decision... HAHAHA! That's possibly the gayest victory of all time. Nevermind, Kitt your folly is actually a joy to watch, just keep doing you bro, it's fucking working out great!

You people, and this match are sooo not even worth my time, I mean you can lump damn near half of the entire field into a toilet full of hoes I've already shat all over: Hunter Payne, Gaykob Gayvis, Nico LeGay, Isabella RavenCunt... I mean at what point does Vinnie Lane step in and call mercy?

I have a theory. The XWF knows that I'm an absolute megastar, the most vicious, most despicable, most dominate wrestler of all time. They know the more I'm involved every week the better the product is, and the better the product is the more money comes raining down, giving Jefferson Jackass something to do beside being an absolute idiot for once. And of course, they know they can't stop me... nobody in this godforsaken company can stop me; the only way that happens is if I one day wake up NOT the callous, cunning little cunt that I am and decide to gift you sorry fucks a reprieve from my destruction.

Every bit of this is moot, because if I really want this win down here in Doc' fantasy world, I will easily take it... But hey, I am a thirteen yearold with a short attention span, so who knows!

Listen up homos, we're nearing our stop so I'm cutting this short. But believe you me, this won't be the last you hear of Dolly Waters before we step into that ring together. So count your fucking stars, because there wont be a cold day in hell on Saturday, just this cold dame making things look elementary as always.

The Hellevator bell dings and the doors slide open as the feed is lost.

To be continued...

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