Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Hunter Payne · (10-06-2016)

In an attempt to talk to the majority of Dolly Waters’ 14 ½ fans. Hunter Payne was able to book a very special gig on a show that her fans watch. Just a quick right turn, and we are here!

♫ CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET, HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET ♫

Joy still angry at Hunter, decided to travel separately to Sesame Street. With no objections from Hunter, because he foresaw the hours of car arguing, crying, and domestic abuse. Joy may be small, but she can pack a punch, literally. So perhaps avoiding the rainbow of emotions that is Joy might be a good thing right now. Only problem is, this bitch hasn’t texted him back! Rude as fuck! So he decides to embark on his adventure without her. Hoping perhaps that she is already on Sesame Street waiting for him.

Hunter walks onto Sesame Street, checking out their new digs since they moved from PBS to HBO. It certainly looks a lot less ghetto than it was back when Hunter watched it as a kid. HBO has definitely decked this place out. All the classic stuff is still there though. There’s a sidewalk, apartment doorsteps, and an actual street, even though the camera won’t ever let you see it.

Hunter begins casually looking for Joy, by turning his head in every direction and seriously over-exaggerating things, like looking under nearby boxes and shit. Thinking in his own head where she could be, Hunter feels a light tap on his leg.

Elmo: Excuse me! Are you lost?

Hunter Payne is abruptly poked by Elmo. Hunter kneels down to acknowledge the little guy.

No Elmo, actually I’m looking for my wife, Joy. Have you seen her?

Elmo places his hand (paw?) on his chin, and begins to ponder about what he saw today.

Elmo: Joy… Joy… Joy… No, Elmo has not seen a Joy today. Sorry. What is your name?

Hi Elmo. My name is Hunter Payne.

Hunter shakes Elmo’s small furry hand.

Elmo: Hey! Elmo has an idea! Elmo will help you look for Joy. Does Elmo’s friends want to help look for Joy?

Elmo talks with his face shoved into a nearby camera, it feels weird being on the other side of this.

Elmo: Yay!!!

Hunter and Elmo start walking down Sesame Street, searching different sets… I mean, searching all down and throughout the street. Every few seconds yelling “Joy!” and “Joy!” out loud as if she is a lost pet. Looking inside every box, behind every door, inquiring inside every giant bird nest along the way. Eventually Elmo flags down the nearby Big Bird. The Big yellow Bird is in the middle of talking to a bunch of neighborhood kids.

Big Bird: Hi Elmo!

Elmo: Hi Big Bird! This is Hunter. Hunter and Elmo want to know if you guys have seen a woman named Joy around here?

Big Bird: No, I’m afraid we haven’t. But, we need some help too, maybe you can help us out Hunter?

Sure Big Bird. What do you need?

Big Bird: Well, right now I’m teaching everybody about all the different jobs they can get when they grow up. So what is your job Hunter?

Well I am a professional wrestler Big Bird.

Big Bird: Wow! What’s that?

That means I get to talk trash about people, travel the world, I get to beat up little punk-bitches… Oh sorry!

Hunter covers his mouth after cussing, forgetting he was talking to a 6 foot yellow bird on a kids show with a bunch of kids watching.

Big Bird: No it’s cool. We’re on HBO now.

Fosho.

Big Bird: So what are you doing this week?

This week I get to win a championship. A championship kids, is a belt made of gold that you get for beating the last person who had the belt. This week I wrestle Dolly Waters, she’s a little kid just like you guys. Only difference is, she is a bad kid. She doesn’t go to school, and she misbehaves, and I’m not even sure she knows how to wrestle. She won the championship by simply standing there and letting everyone else wrestle. And even if she does know how to wrestle, she sure as hell doesn’t know how to trash talk. Seeing as she is yet to say two words about Hunter Payne. Then again, she probably knows better.

Unexpectedly, a trash can lid popped open from a nearby trash can! Out comes Oscar the Grouch! He has a tablet in his hand and looks annoyed.

[Image: oscar-the-grouch-opens-up-reason-why-he-...sh-can.jpg]

Oscar: What is this crap?!

Oscar chucks the tablet towards the hard sidewalk pavement. Hunter picks it up to examine the damage. It has a few scratches, but nothing too serious from being thrown on the cement floor. Hunter now looks at the screen to see what kind of content would make Oscar the Grouch act this way.

Oscar! It’s only a Dolly Waters Paul Heyman promo!

Oscar: Well I don’t like it!

Nobody does Oscar. But just because you don’t like something or someone doesn’t mean you should throw your stuff. No. You should take and throw their stuff instead!

Big Bird: No...

Relax Bird, I got this!

Hunter sits down crisscross next to Oscar the Grouch, so he can better explain it to them.

See kids, it’s all about hurting people. That’s one of the reasons I am a professional wrestler. If Paul Heyman makes you angry, and you go and throw your tablet, that only hurts you. Whereas, Dolly Waters and Paul Heyman made me angry, so instead of breaking something of mine, I’m going to break them. I will defeat her, take her championship, throw it over my shoulder, and leave the new Television Champion.

Oscar: So if someone annoys me, instead of breaking my own things in anger, I should just find them and break some of their things in anger?

Exactly!

Oscar: Well then, I should get ready. I have a lot of things to go break.

Hunter hands the tablet and the trash can lid to Oscar, and back into his trash can home he goes. Just as Oscar exits, The Count enters the fray. Pimp cape, monocle, and everything.

Count: Remember kids, the word of the day is X. For uhh, umm…

Xtreme! As in, I am going to take Dolly Waters to the Xtreme this Saturday Night!

Nice save by Hunter Payne.

Count: And the number 15.

As in the number of minutes I get to beat the shit out of that walking mistake made by two white people at a local rock concert, Dolly Waters. Hopefully she won’t be too busy disappointing her parents to show up. Count? Do you know how many seconds it takes for Hunter Payne to be crowned the new Television champion?

Count: Let’s see, 1… 2… 3! 3 seconds! HA-HA-HA!

That’s right! In fact, that reminds me of a song we can all sing…

Joy?

Hunter suddenly sees Joy far down the street, so he runs down the street where he sees Joy with Cookie Monster of all people. Joy and Cookie Monster are consuming a lot of cookies. Hunter looks back and sees that only Elmo followed him. Everyone else is busy with their musical number. They finally reach Cookie Monster’s cookie stand. Joy looks different, Hunter notices immediately.

[Image: sesame-street-cookie-monster-clipart-opoI1U-clipart.png]

Elmo: Hi Cookie Monster!

Cookie Monster: Hi Elmo! Try cookie!

Elmo partakes in the cookie eating as Hunter attempts to have a conversation with Joy.

Joy, are you okay? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Are you still mad at me?

Joy continues to eat the cookie in her hand as she talks to Hunter.

No, I’m not mad…. I’m like, really happy… And hungry… Look! Cookies!.. Oh shit! I think I’m high…

Cookie Monster! Did you gave my wife edibles?!

Cookie Monster: It’s okay. We on HBO now! Nom-Nom-Nom-Nom! It’s a good weed cookie!

Elmo: AHAHAHAHA! Weed cookie makes Elmo feel funny! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Well, there goes the neighborhood!

Hunter tries to keep Joy upright as she is fucked up. This being against Hunter’s Straight Edge lifestyle, Joy might have done this on purpose, to get back at Hunter Payne. Regardless, we are out of time. As the camera begins to zoom out, all you see is a worried Hunter, a hungry Joy, and Elmo and Cookie Monster laughing their asses off.

♫ CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET, HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET ♫

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Our Visit to Sesame Street
Author	Message