Bedtime in the lovely Payne household. As Hunter enters their dimly lit bedroom, Joy is relaxed in their king-sized bed, she is ready to be fucked. As it is an almost nightly ritual in the Payne home. A sudden jolt hits Joy’s eyes when Hunter quickly turns the light on with no warning. Now that the bedroom is more lit, you can see a lot of pink in the room. From the walls to the bedsheets, even the silky pillows are pink. Now, before you get the impression that this is a little girl’s room (Hi Dolly Waters), you should probably know that Joy LOVES pink. And just all girly things in general. Joy is laying down very seductively, and giving Hunter the “I want your big fucking dick inside of me” look. Unexpectedly, Hunter ignores the sexiness of his wife, and immediately begins an argument.



Hunter: Joy! What the fuck is this letter I found in the trash?!



Joy: Why are you digging in our trash?



Hunter: Don’t change the subject Joy! This letter is creepy as fuck!



Hunter unravels the wrinkled paper and begins to read the disturbed letter.




Joy… you are my muse… my inspiration…


Blah blah blah…


I hope this time you stay in the XWF forever because I can’t stand the idea of not seeing you anymore. I’d rather kill myself…


Blah blah blah… some gay poem… Blah blah blah…


Oh, my favorite part!


I was so infuriated when you were screwed out of the Federweight title, and I do consider it your title, because you did more work with it than that current “boyfriend” of yours. I don’t know what you see in him by the way…


Blah Blah blah…


I was really really really hoping for a response to my letters by now!
But I understand you are a very busy Goddess in the world. Even if I see you with a lot of free time on your hands when I look at you from afar...


Maybe we can exchange emails?
Or give me your phone number?
Or maybe if you want to meet up?
I just so happen to live locally now.


See you soon!
Your biggest fan, Alex




Hunter: WHAT IN THE FUCK?! When did this start?! Were you ever planning on telling me about this?!



Joy gets up quickly and lightly pushes Hunter onto the bed.



Joy: Okay, I didn’t want to worry you with this, but I kind of have a stalker right now… It’s just letters, but rest assured, I’m taking care of it!



Joy grabs the stalker’s letter, rolls it back into a ball, and throws it.



Joy: Now I promise, I’ll take care of this myself. Now we can either argue about this OR?







Hunter: No. I am your husband! You have to tell me things like this Joy! This motherfucker knows where we live! How many letters have you gotten?!



Joy: I don’t know, like maybe twelve?



Hunter: TWELVE?!



Joy: But I threw them all away!



Hunter: Great, so we don’t have any other evidence on your stalker. Smart Joy!



Joy: Look, this guy doesn’t scare me. He’s harmless… probably… Anyway! It’s past midnight, we can take care of this tomorrow baby okay? I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you!



Hunter: How?



Joy eroticly bites her wet lower lip, and gets on her fucking knees, and pulls down Hunter’s Adidas shorts.



Joy: By blowing your fucking brains out! Would you like that papi?!



THUD!!!





Joy: What’s that?!



Just as Joy’s mouth was about to engulf ALL of Hunter’s rock hard cock, a huge crash is heard downstairs. Successfully cockblocking Hunter Payne. Now in flight-or-fight mode, the couple springs up! Joy looking frightened as Hunter puts his clothes back on. Hunter then runs over to the closet and begins throwing shit on the floor as he digs and digs for something…



Joy: Oh no. You don’t think it’s…



Hunter finally pulls out a white shoebox, opens it, and OH SHIT! He pulls out an unregistered 9 millimeter gun. In the most badass of ways, he also just so happens to finish Joy’s sentence while he cocks his gun. Click-Click.



Hunter: About to be a shot up stalker motherfucker? I do!



Joy: Be careful Honey.



Hunter creeps outside his bedroom alone in stealth mode. After checking the dark surroundings around him upstairs, he notices whoever is in his house is downstairs. Even more vexed now, Hunter very slowly sneaks down his stairs. His heart racing, yet ironically, the anxiety is giving him a calming feeling, because Hunter knows he handles high pressure situations very well. Making his way towards the end of the staircase, Hunter can vaguely make out someone rummaging at the mini-bar Joy made him install a few months ago. In this freighting moment, all the married man could think of was ”Damn it! I told Joy that the mini-bar was a bad idea!” Finally, off the stairs and into the living room, Hunter pulls his gun and turns it sideways (like a thug) towards the mini-bar, unable to see a face because it was dark and the intruder seemed to be under the mini-bar counter. Hunter makes a game-time decision to see the face of the burglar before shooting them. Right as the words are leaving his voicebox, the intruder stands up to catch the barrel of the gun.



Hunter: FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER!



AHHHHH!!!

To be continued…









Right now!

Hunter: THAD?!



After Hunter Payne’s client, All-American linebacker, Thad Castle screams his lungs off like chick, Joy books it downstairs. Hunter, realizing there’s no real threat here, quickly holsters his gun in his waistband (like a thug). However, that didn’t stop Thad from dropping glasses from the mini-bar in his state of terror.



Joy: THAD?!



Hunter: Thad, I almost killed you! What the fuck are you doing here?!



Thad: I WAS MAKING MOJITOS!



Joy: He means why are you here, breaking into our house Thad?



With the situation not as intense as it was, Thad decides to finish making his Mojitos.



Thad: Well I had a problem and since you’re my agent now, it’s also your problem. By the way, you’re gonna need a new backdoor brobeans.



Thad casually decides to make his way to the couch with his two Mojitos in hand.



Hunter: Next time, instead of breaking and entering, why don’t you just call me or text me?!



Thad: I don’t have my phone. That’s part of the problem… Oh, and do you mind me crashing here tonight? I think some people are looking for me.



Hunter looks at Joy as she mouths the words “NO” to him, but he decides to let Thad stay anyway.



Hunter: Sure Thad. You can take the couch you’re sitting on. And we will fix your problem tomorrow. And Joy, we are also gonna fix your problem tomorrow.



Thad: What’s her problem?



Hunter: Oh, someone has been stalking her and I’m barely finding out about it. So tomorrow I’m going to try to find him and kill him.



Joy: You aren’t killing anybody Hunter!



Thad: I’ll do it.



Hunter: Yes! See hun? I told you Thad was a team player.



Joy: Only question is, how do we lure in a stalker?



Hunter: Hmmm, I got it!

To be continued…











Right Motherfuckin’ Now!

Less than an hour later and we are still in the living room. However, Hunter is now hiding in a dark corner of his staircase, Joy is right beside him, and Thad is wearing a tux. They begin to gameplan in Hunter’s corner.



Hunter: Okay, so here’s the plan again. The stalker is going to come to the door. Thad you will pretend to be our butler. Joy, you stay upstairs no matter what, and what is the one thing you will yell down here?



Joy: Give me a minute. Make yourself at home.



Hunter: Right. And remember to stay upstairs, because it’s gonna get ugly down here. Then, Thad you lead him to the mini-bar counter and say?



Thad: Have a seat, I’m Thad Castle and this is To Catch a Predator bitch!



Hunter: Perfect! Then once he realizes what is happening, I come out and beat the shit out of him!



Joy: Umm, I only went along with this elaborate and unnecessary plan because you promised to give me your gun. So hand it over!



Hunter pulls his gun out of his waist (like a thug) and obediently gives it to his wife. She then starts to head back upstairs.




DING-DONG!





Hunter: This is it. Places people!



Thad takes a deep breath and walks over to open the door. It seemed like an eternity, his hand reaching for the doorknob, twisting it, and pulling it open. Looking forward to see the freak on the other side, and let’s be honest, we all expected Frodo Smackins or Bearded War Pig or another one of those sick fucks, but to everyone’s surprise (especially Thad’s) all that stood there was a very petite young woman, who is glued to her phone. Leaving Thad extremely confused.







Thad: Can… Can.. I help you?



Alex: Yes, I am here to see Joy. I saw her status update. “Hunter is not home. Wishing my penpal Alex was here. <3 So I’m Alex and I’m here, so where’s Joy?



Thad: But… But… You’re a woman?



Alex: Yes.



Thad looks very puzzled, so let’s stop and give Thad just an extra few seconds to figure this out…







Thad: OH! OH! That is… Awesome! HEY HUNTER! IT’S OKAY! IT’S JUST SOME CHICK THAT WANTS TO FUCK YOUR WIFE!



Alex: This is a trap!



Suddenly the small female forces her way in by shoving a still pretty shocked Thad. Hunter also comes out from the shadows of his staircase and the both stare at each other in anger for a few moments.



Thad: HEY HUNTER?! DOES THIS MEAN YOU’RE ABOUT TO HAVE A THREEWAY?!





PPPSSSSSSSS!!!






Thad: AHHHHHHH!!!!!



Alex just pulled out a bottle of pepper spray out of nowhere and sprayed poor unsuspecting Thad. Thad is now screaming and rolling on the floor in agony.



Thad: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!! YOU BITCH!!!



Hunter: Joy! Throw me my gun so I can shoot this crazy bitch!



Alex: You don’t deserve her Hunter! Never have and you never will! I’ll be back for my Joy…



And just like that Alex takes off into the darkness of the night, as Thad continues roll on the floor in pain, and Joy eventually comes down to hand Hunter his gun. We end with Hunter giving Joy a disapproving look not only because of the mess she got them in, but also the uncertainty of their future now with a stalker at large.