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Hunter Payne · **09-06-2016, 02:51 AM**

Recently married, Hunter and Joy Payne decided to drop by and see what became of the promotion they spent so much time in. Looking for a feeling of nostalgia they decide to challenge the Federweight Champion, Calypso!

Hunter: Calypso! You punk-ass bitch! You fucking pussy! I will end you!

Joy: Hey Hey Hey honey! Try to keep it PG please…

Hunter: Hmmm… Calypso you 40 year-old virgin looking motherfucker!

Joy Payne sighs…

Joy: Ahh, fuck it!

Hunter: We’ve been gone awhile, and to be honest, we have done absolutely no research on who you are? Maybe you can fill us in? I mean, we assume you wrestle? But, we’re probably wrong. Why are you here? More importantly, how are you a champion? I mean, are you like somebody’s bitch? Does Dean McGovern let you hold his championship as he enters you? Or did you just so happen to be blowing the last champion while a referee decided to stop by and count it as a pinfall?

Joy: Babe, maybe he’s just a metrosexual pansexual transsexual? I’ve noticed this place is littered with them now.

Hunter: It doesn’t matter. Fuck this guy we know literally nothing about!

Joy: Other than his horrible fashion choices.

Hunter: And that whole child molester look he’s got going for him.

Joy: Yeah. Haha, he makes Peter Gilmour less creepy. He even makes Frodo Smackins look less rapey.

Hunter: Damn Joy! We been here 2 minutes and you’re gonna get me in fistfights with the whole damn roster!

Joy: You know you love me! And so do those perverts unfortunately…

Hunter: Fucking savage! Nevertheless, back to the pervert at hand here. That fucking Calypso! Honestly, you Calypso are just a small part of a bigger problem here. It just goes to show the state of the company when Chesters like this are running rampant through the promotion. When I was here, XWF stood for Xtreme Wrestling Federation! Not Xenophobes, Whores, and

!

As Hunter Payne utters his last sentence, Joy unexpectedly slaps the shit outta Calypso! As the momentum of the slap twirls Calypso around, he hooks right into Hunter Payne arm…

PAYNEFUL BOTTOM!!!

Hunter Payne covers…

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The Blue Tango · **09-06-2016, 06:39 AM**

A stroll down memory lane, huh? Well, Calypso is flattered. You, bro, are the first to step outta the woodwork and challenge for the Federweight Title! Ya know, you sure had a lot to say about the champ after admitting you have done NO research on him. A pedophile? A rapist? Creeper? Peter Gilmour?

Dude, including ANY of those previous words in the same BOOK as Calypso is crazy. Especially the lattest. Especially considering that stupid maneuver you just cracked me with.... The Payneful Bottom? That's the end result after a magical night where the wifey straps one on right? Speaking of the lovely lady, bro, the next time you come out here, leave the bitch at home, eh? It was bad enough I had to sift through the shit coming out of your mouth, but some bitch filling the holes with her whore-nonesense? Spare us. I know you two have a strong history together and, trust Calypso, he's glad you've managed to put all that shit behind ya and tie the knot.

To be honest, the bitch is a saint considering the amount of joy she's spread across the world already. You're a very lucky dude.

Calypso kicks out majestically.

Hunter Payne · **09-06-2016, 05:03 PM**

Joy: So the creepy stalker pedophile rapist knows more about me than I know about him? Shocker. Hey babe, maybe I should have pinned him? Considering how much he talks about me.

Hunter: Nah, I’m not letting you touch this weirdo. As a matter a fact, you should go wait at the local school around here. I have a hunch Calypso here isn’t allowed 1000 feet near a school. Look dude, I know how much you would’ve loved for the Payneful Bottom to have something to do with anal sex, so sorry to disappoint you, but it’s actually what we call in the business a play on words. See, Rock Bottom? Payneful Bottom? Same move, different user, so you change the name. What’s your finisher called? The Cosby? When you drug somebody, then rape and pin them. Is that how you won the Federweight title? By Cosbying someone?! That’s pretty low, you sick fuck!

Joy: A whore? You wish I was a whore. So I could give losers like you the time of day. Sorry I don’t prance around here like the other XWF town whores…

Hunter: Please don’t name names…

Joy: Like Lyianna Hooker-chev, Roxy Pussy Rotten, Ophelia Easy-Lay, and Vanessa Hurts when she’s pissin’ Gibson!

Hunter: She named names! Damn it. Sorry Calypso. Side Bar!

Hunter Payne pulls Joy Payne to the side

Hunter: Do you mind trying not to outcast us from the ENTIRE roster babe?

Joy: Do you really see yourself ever being friends with those whores?

Hunter: Fair point, but can we focus on the creep at hand here please? One freakshow at a time!

Joy: Fine!

Joy and Payne return to the showdown

Joy: Are you kidding? This isn’t even a fucking contest! Look at this fucking guy! How the fuck can you not beat a guy who dresses like he’s about to pick up on some 5th graders and take them to a rave afterschool?! He talks like he hit his mid-life crisis 20 years ago and just copied what he heard the kids say back then, but never kept up with the current trends, so he’s stuck in some limbo where he seriously tries to act young, but his style and vocabulary is still old as fuck!

Hunter: Wazzzzzzzzzuppppp???!!!! 2000s’ Throwback!

Joy: Seriously? If you can’t kick this guy’s ass then you never should have been wrestling in the first place!

Hunter: Fine Joy! Fuck! Sorry Calypso, my wife says I have to kick your ass now. You’ll understand when you’re married.

Hunter Payne proceeds to throw haymaker bombs at Calypso until he is on the floor and his face is all fucked up (I mean, worse than it was before). Realizing he can’t win by TKO. Hunter Payne picks him up and hits another Payneful Bottom and covers…

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The Blue Tango · **09-06-2016, 08:34 PM**

So much for leaving the bitch at home.

You seriously don't see where there lies a problem here? She's distracting. You can't stand there and speak your mind more than ten seconds without her opening up her dick garage and changing the damn subject. How the hell do you put up with that gremlin?

Here's some enlightenment for ya, bro. My knockout blow is called, THE CLAP! You know, that thing you treat everyday that just SHOWED UP outta nowhere. You and your wife are totally faithful to each other so there's no clear explanation where it came from. That's a play on words too.

And it would take a special kind of moron to not realize you're ripping off the ROCK BOTTOM. A SPECIAL kind. You know I only brought it up because it followed all of the pedophile talk? It cracked me up pretty hard.

You know, I wasn't really looking forward to much creativity outta ya anyway. You can't even make it through a whole spiel without the whore gallery sitting in the driver's seat beeping the horn and swerving all over the fuckin' place. Is that part of being married too? Damn, spare me, dude.

Calypso kicks out mysteriously.

Hunter Payne · **09-07-2016, 04:32 AM**

Hunter: You know, this entire back and forth we’ve been having, not once have you denied these serious rapist and child molester accusations brought to light here. Make me wonder, just how much hearsay those accusations are? If someone accused me of a crime, I’d at least deny it! But nah, not Jared fucking Foggle here!

Joy: Wow! He really hates me… Oh wait, does he not understand how a manager works? You’re not supposed to like me being here!

Hunter: We got bigger problems here, this dudes “knockout blow”…

Joy: “Blow” being his operative word! Ha!

Hunter: His “knockout blow” is called “The Clap”, this wannabe Brock “campus rapist” Turner named his finisher “The Clap” and seems… proud of it? Are you proud of giving people “The Clap” Big Ben Rapistberger?

Joy: Wait… Were you just born with “The Clap”? Or did one of your unconscious rape victims give it to you?

Damn! After a wicked BURN like that, Calypso simply falls down from the trauma, Humbly, Hunter didn’t want to cause any more damage to the recent burn victim, so he decided to just pin him again and put him out of his misery.

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The Blue Tango · **09-07-2016, 02:07 PM**

Now, wait a minute.

Back and forth?

The only back and forth that Calypso's been doing here is with his right hand just waiting for something to get going here.

So yeah, we didn't have a WHOLE lot to say about the pedophile, slash, rapist thing. What'd you expect? Your little..... back and forth?

No I'm not!

Yes you are!

No I'm not!

Hook, line, and sinker, right?

Don't be fucking absurd, dude. First of all, I fucking love kids. Second, I love bitches, too. Joy, baby, don't think I hate you. It's just you talk too much. If you would just shut the fuck up here and there and let the man try to win the title, I think you'd help him out a little bit more. I know you're his manager, sweet cheeks, but you're no Paul Heyman. I don't mean to name drop, Pauly, but Jeebus..... If you could see this shit, bro....

Seriously, dude, it was great that you stopped in and all. Take yours crazy-assed bird, take your stupid nostalgia fantasies, and go get fucked. You can throw your stones all you want brother, but when all the windows are already knocked out.... You're wasting your time bruh.

CALYPSO! kicks out and kicks Joy Payne in her cootch and sets her up for THE CLAP!

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **09-08-2016, 11:57 AM**

CalypsI thought he kicked out, but didn't.

New Federweight Champion: Hunter "Captain Sensitive" Payne

Hunter Payne · **09-09-2016, 01:13 AM**

Hunter: Thanks Gollum!

Joy: YAY!!! WE WON! YAY!!!!!

Hunter: I don't know how I feel about winning a title with Sid Feder's face on it.

Joy: Look! His eyes follow you around the room.

Hunter: No. His eyes are only following you around the room... That's creepy.

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · (09-09-2016)

"Hunter looks like he smells kids underwear at the Gap..."

Hunter Payne · **09-09-2016, 03:27 AM**

Whereas Frodo actually buys his underwear from the kids section at the Baby Gap.

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