Shaun Crowe
- vs -
Shade
Xtreme Rules match
JTC
- vs -
Xan Xavier Xander
Standard rules match
Equinox
- vs -
Mike Emmerick
ladder match for 1,500 of Girard's Xbux
Peter Gilmour
Michael McBride
- vs -
Ophelia McVeigh
Felix Braddock
Tornado Tag in a cage match
Winners get immunity from the C.Diff.
Whoever gets pinned gets injected with a medically resilient strain of C.Diff. MRCDIFF
MAIN EVENT
Unknown Soldier
- vs -
Ghost Tank
Champ vs Champ
2 out of 3 falls match.
Tank picks round 1.
Soldier picks Round 2.
Round three is a last man standing match.
If Tank wins, he wins the Xtreme Title! |
I WANNA ROCK!!!!!!!!!!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane spins out from behind the curtains at the top of the ramp, swinging his arms up and down to pump an even more raucous reaction from the already explosive crowd.
The Universal Champion and proprietor of the XWF struts down to the ring in his sparkling pink tuxedo with the massive Universal Championship belt slung over his shoulder as his music hits its crescendo. As the Megastar steps up onto the apron and parts the ropes to enter the ring, the crowd begins to chant his name… but as he reaches the center of the ring he motions for them to quiet down, even bowing to them, while he smiles broadly from ear to ear.
“XWF Universe! Thank you for the warm reception, and WELCOME to Wednesday Warfare!”
The crowd pops once more, and once more Loverboy motions for them to rein it in.
“But this moment isn’t about me. No, I’m not here to talk about myself or my upcoming title defense against Former 
Scully.”
The crowd laughs as Loverboy smirks and buffs out a smudge from his title belt.
“I’ll deal with all of that later on tonight, but right now… I’m here to talk about the MAY STAR OF THE MONTH!”
The capacity crowd erupts into cheers as Loverboy stands back to soak it all in. He stands and listens while the crowd chants different things, including “Reeve is awesome” and “we want Ghost Tank.”
“Well fans, the wait is over… let me introduce to you, the May, 2016, XWF Star of the Month… MAVERICK!!!”
The fans are stunned into silence as the X-Tron flares up into Maverick’s entrance video and “Warning” by Cymbals Eat Guitars starts to play. The camera focuses on the entrance ramp. After several seconds with no one emerging, the scene shifts back to the ring where Loverboy is laughing with his hands on his knees.
“SIKE! Don’t worry, dudes, I just knew he wouldn’t actually show up. Here’s the REAL Star of the Month…
GHOST TANK! AND HIS PRIZE IS $20,000 of Girard's money.”
Shaun Crowe
- vs -
Shade
Xtreme Rules match |
The ref calls for the bell, and Shade charges at Crowe, who tries to duck, but it caught by a massive knee to the jaw. Crowe stumbles and hits the mat. Shade is up on his feet delivering a barrage of kicks to the torso of Crowe. Shaun tries to get to his feet and is caught with a massive backhand from Shade, which sends him back to the mat. Shade casually turns around and walks out of the ring, while Shaun gets up to his feet and shuffles towards the ropes. He's pumping his fists and trying to get the fans to cheer for him. They don't, they boo him and begin to throw stuff at him. He seems unsure of what to do so he just throws his hands up harder. This earns more ire. Someone throws a chair into the ring, it misses Crowe. Someone else throws a Maverick Pillow Pal into the ring. What the hell, it's covered in shit, and jizz. This must have been used by Maverick before he lost his dick.
Just then Darth Vader's Theme Song Trap Remix begins to blast through the PA system as Crowe looks up to the top of the ramp. Frodo walks out wearing a big fur coat, some giant fucking sunglasses, and his trademark yellow thong. He's parading in some high ass platform boots, and walking with Crack's cane. Crack comes out chasing Frodo, but security tackles him to the ground and Frodo stands and watches the match take place below. Shade climbs back into the ring holding something behind his back. Crowe is charging at Shade. Until Shade pulls the thing out from behind his back. It's a mother fucking Sig Sauer McX assault rifle. Just like the one used to kill those queers in Florida. He is holding it directly in front of him and and aims it directly at Shaun Crowe. Crowe throws his hands up and begins to call for Frodo to help him. Frodo ignores this.
Shade begins to open fire directly on Crowe's chest. Crowe begins to scream out in pain. The gun is firing BBs right into Crowe's chest, and he drops to his knees and throws his arms into the air. He's screaming until the BBs stop flying, and then he collapses to the ground. Shade walks over and plants his boot right on Crowe's bleeding chest. The ref begins to count.
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2
3
Dewey Gobbelcoque: Your winner is Shade.
Frodo walks down to the ring and steps into it. Shade is holding the gun in the air, and is proudly turning to face the crowd at all sides. Frodo pats Shade on the back and then shoves him out of the ring. Frodo pulls the Crowe up to his feet, and the men look into each other's eyes.
"Eyyy, Frodoo. Yo. This shit is whack. Dude shot me."
"I know. But, listen I need you to do me a favor."
Frodo backhands Shaun, and Shawn begins to howl like a bitch. He stumbles back, and Frodo lifts the cane up, and jams it in Shaun's stomach.
"Get to the back, now! You do not let me down anymore. Got it!"
Frodo grabs Shaun by the ear and begins to drag him to the back. Shaun's howling can be heard all throughout the arena.
The masked wrestler who was previously announced has cornered both JTC and Xan Xavier Xander, and begins to beat them both in the with a massive dildo bat. JTC and XXX are down on the ground and twitching as the masked wrestler walks away.
JTC
- vs -
Xan Xavier Xander
Standard rules match |
Back in the ring Dewey is standing in the ring looking solemn.
Dewey Gobbelcoque: Because of a massive level of Faggotry from the combatants, this match has been cancelled.
Dewey is walking backstage trying to find the bathroom when he comes across the downed bodies of JTC and XXX. Dewey does the only logical thing, and drops his pants to shit all over them. Brown log after brown log fall from his asshole in between spurts of liquid brown goo flowing and hitting XXX in the face. When he finishes, he grabs JTC's hair and pulls it in so he can use it to wipe his ass.
Dewey Gobblecoque: Much better.
He turns and walks back to the ring.
Equinox
- vs -
Mike Emmerick
ladder match for 1,500 of Girard's Xbux |
The ref calls for the bell, and we have Mike Emmerick standing in the ring while Equinox stands there waiting for something. ME charges out and slams his body into Equinox's with a massive spear. Nox hits the turnbuckle, and thuds, harder than Maverick thuds when he tries to be a real man and not a nippleless bitch. His body begins to slump down, and then Emmerick has him grabbed and ready to go for a German Suplex right into the middle of the ring. Which shakes the entire thing, like Maverick shaking at the thought of fighting Frodo. Emmerick is up on his feet, and in a hurry is outside of the ring. He finds the ladder by Dewey, and stands there examining it for a second before picking it up and scurrying to the steps to get in the ring. Suddenly, a police siren is heard, and he stops dead in his tracks. Without warning, the masked wrestler charges down from the ramps carrying a steel chair. Emmerick sets the ladder down over the ropes and in the ring, just in time to get a chair to the back of the head. He falls down the steps and the masked wrestler begins to kick the living shit out of him and slam him with the chair.
As this is going on Equinox sets the ladder up, and begins to climb it. On the outside of the ring the masked man is making quick work of Emmerick's face with that chair, while Dewey laughs and watches. Until he notices that Nox is almost all the way up the ladder. Without thinking, Dewey bolts into the ring, and charges at the ladder. He runs as hard as he possibly can and slams his shoulder into the ladder, which knocks it to the ground, atop of the limp body of Equinox. Dewey begins to jump up and down on the ladder while laughing like a madman. The masked man grabs Emmerick by the wrist, and pulls him up to his feet before throwing him into the ring, the man vanishes into the back before Emmerick gets to his feet inside the ring, and grabs Dewey by the throat. He growls a low growl and then slams him to the side of the ladder with a mighty Choke Slam onto the toppled ladder. It dents it so hard that it barely opens as Mike kicks Dewey off and begins to set the dented hunk of metal up. He begins to climb it while it shakes and creaks underneath his weight. He grabs the case and jumps down on top of Equinox.
"Mia"
"Uhhh..." Girard knocks on the open door, allowing himself into Mike Emerick's locker room. While his manager Lázaro is nowhere to be seen, Mike Emerick is sitting on a bench staring off into space. However, this changes as soon as he hears Girard, snapping his neck towards him. Girard gulps in response before taking a quick gulp of an over-sized bottle of vodka he brought with him.
"Okay, so listen. I need that case, bad. I was involuntarily forced to cough up my money, and despite my
des cohortes' seemingly limitless pockets, they rely on me for funds. So, I'll make this quick, as I can see you're a very busy man..." Girard jumps slightly as Emerick's breathing gets heavier, almost as if he's telling him to get on with it.
"Uh, well... I need the case. So give it to me. Please." It's here Girard notices the case next to Emerick, and starts slowly walking towards it, however he stops cold when Emerick gets up, his remorseless eyes baring holes into him. Girard then becomes noticeably panicked, getting out before leaving,
"Okaythanksforyourtimegottagobye!"
Emerick then goes back to sitting down on the bench waiting for Lázaro as the camera returns to the action. Frodo is standing in the door, blocking Girard from leaving. He pushes him back into the locker room.
"So, listen Girard. You're my bitch. You don't get to act like this, or ignore the things I tell you to do. So, here. A little reminder of your place."
An uppercut sends Girard down to the ground, and Frodo places a shock collar around his neck.
"If you try and remove the collar, it will electrocute you. If you don't do what I say, you get shocked. You're my bitch, and don't forget it. And one more thing."
Frodo pulls out an industrial stapler, and staples Girard's nipples. He walks off to be elsewhere and places the severed nips of Maverick in his ear.
The masked man runs into the room and begins to beat the holy fuck out of Girard, and ME.
color=#483D8B]
"This is a bloody outrage!"[/color]
The camera pans in to see Charles Elton, the man who so long ago was the catalyst for the '#BoycottXWF' movement, struggling to get into the arena past security.
"I am an official guest of the Union! I demand entry!" he cries.
"You have no right detaining me here!"
"Sorry, kid. Boss said you ain't gettin' through for nothin'," the security guard gruffly replied.
"Hngh!" Elton threw up his hands and walked off, looking rightfully pissed.
Lighting up a cigarette, the cancer stick illuminated the nearby area, allowing Elton to see a shadowed figure walk towards him.
"Who's there?" he asks.
The mysterious figure said, "I can help you, you know."
Elton warily replied,
"With what?"
"Getting in to see the Union, of course. Don't think I didn't just see the altercation. Let me talk to the security guards," the figure replied.
"Who are you, anyway?" Elton wonders, holding the cigarette to the figure's face, revealing his identity.
"Do you believe me now?" he asks.
In disbelief, Elton nods before following him as the scene pans out.
Peter Gilmour
Michael McBride
- vs -
Ophelia McVeigh
Felix Braddock
Tornado Tag in a cage match
Winners get immunity from the C.Diff.
Whoever gets pinned gets injected with a medically resilient strain of C.Diff. MRCDIFF |
Michael McBride was walking around backstage of the area. He lit up a cigarette and took a drag from it. As he kept walking, he hear faint footsteps from behind him, like someone was sneaking up on him. Michael didn't let it be known that he had caught on to whoever it was. Michael took out his cell and made it seem like he had call someone.
Michael McBride: Hey what's up lass?"
As McBride was on the phone, he turned into a hallway. The Irishman could hear the footsteps pick up but as the mask man turned to corner to attack. He saw no one, which left him confused as he stood there, so the man turned and as he did.
WHACK!
The man fell to the ground holding his head and Michael McBride stood over him as he pointed a pistol at him. Michael didn't look too happy.
Michael McBride: Did you really think you could get me from behind? I don't know who put you up to this and I don't really give a fuck but I'll let you off with a warning.
McBride aimed his gun at the man's knee and pulled the trigger. The man screamed in pain and started to cry like a little bitch. McBride laughed as he walked off puffing on his cigarette.
The cage is lowered as McBride and Peter begin to flex and taunt the team of Felix and Ophelia while Ophelia fixes his make up. Felix sees this, and punches Ophelia in the face and charges at McBride first. McBride ducks under the oncoming arm of Felix, and throws a back kick that forces Felix into the cage. Ophelia is on the move to assault McBride, but Gilly pops up of nowhere with a devastating
GILMOUR CUTTER that rocks the entire cage, even curls it at the bottom. Ophelia is down, and Peter goes for a quick pin. He wants to end this so he can go back to finding Maria.
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Felix with a running drop kick to the face of Peter Gilmour. Peter collapses onto the mat, and Felix helps lift Ophelia up, just in time for a spear that sends all three men into the cage wall. Peter is getting to his feet as Ophelia shoves McBitch off of him and Felix. Ophelia is up and Felix is dusting himself off. McVeigh grabs The Terrorist and slams him to the mat with a big old power bomb. Felix chuckles at how fitting it was for him to be bombed. Ophelia walks over to Felix and they high five. Just as Peter is grabbing Felix to Powerslam him to the mat, and then he slaps Ophelia across the face. With his SUPER DICK. The fans in attendance are in awe as Peter just whipped his dick out and slapped it across Ophelia's face right there in the middle of Boston. The cage is shaking from the level of noise coming from the fans. Peter soaks it in as Ophelia wipes the dick smear off his face. Felix is up and in complete shock that this happened. He doesn't know what to do, which gives McBride the chance to sneak up behind him and slam into him and grab him for a swinging Neckbreaker. The crowd is absolutely loving the actions of Peter and McBitch.
Ophelia helps Ophelia up to his feet, and then they both charge at Peter and McBride. Felix takes Peter down with a massive Elbow to the face, and Ophelia scoop slams McBride into the mat. The two high five, and celebrate by double pinning the downed forces of AWESOME. The ref isn't sure who to count, so he just slams down in the middle of the pins and counts them both at once.
1
2
McBride kicks out.
The ref is slamming his hand down for the three count, but right before it connects, Peter kicks out.
The Unlikely Duo is in shock as this is going on. And by that I mean, Felix is already updating his Twitter about how the XWF is holding the Union down, and Ophelia is trying not to smear his make up. Ann Thraxx McVeigh is on the outside of the cage screaming something at Ophelia as Peter gets to his feet, and grabs McBride by the head. Oh my god, in Peter's anger he's turned on his own teammate...Wait. NO!
PETER IS USING MCBRIDE AS A CLUB TO beat Felix Braddock down. The fans are losing it as Peter is just fucking everyone's day up. McBride's body is becoming battered and bruised as he's used to pummel Felix, and now Ophelia. Both members of Team Unlikely Duo are down, and yet, Peter is still slamming McBride into the mat. He stops and sees everyone is down but him, and then drops McBride. The crowd cannot help but love Peter tonight. Peter picks up Ophelia, and slams him right down on Felix's body, before going for the pin.
1
2
KICK OUT! Felix kicks out, and forces Peter off of both him and Ophelia. McBride struggles to his feet, and looks down at Peter before kicking him in the face. Ophelia gets up and spears into McBride. He picks up McBride and rams him headfirst into the cage wall, and then pulls him back and slams him in again. McBride is gushing blood, and Felix is up and on his feet. He grabs one of McBride's legs, and the pair begin to slam him to the ground in precision teamwork. Until Peter notices. He comes charging out and grabs Felix for a devastating
GILMOUR CUTTER. Felix is down, and Ophelia drops McBride to begin to lay into Peter with a barrage of chops and kicks that rock Peter's bad ass body. The women in attendance begin to weep as Peter's body is getting battered. Until he pushes Ophelia off of him and flexes, then they all spontaneously cum at the same time. Except Jen in Row 3, Section F. You know who you are, you Klon-Dyke-Bar, you. Shame on you, Jen. You took away from Peter's moment. Felix is up behind Peter, and begins to batter the back of Peter's Skull with a series of rights and lefts that sends Peter down. Felix mounts on top of Peter and begins to pummel the back of his head more and more as Peter begins to bleed from the ears. The women are now crying, except Jen. Fuck you, Jen.
McBride is up on his feet and corners Ophelia. He begins to lay into Ophelia with a series of punches and kicks and even spits in Ophelia's face. That's right, niggas, Michael McBride just spit into a nigga's face! Ophelia responds by wiping the spit, and make up off his face. Oh man, Ophelia is butt ugly under the make up, but that doesn't matter as he's getting super pissed. Holy shit, he's screaming and holding his arms at his side. This nigga is powering up like in Dragon Ball Z, his hair flies up and spikes up in place. It begins to turn bright red. Ohsnap, he went full Super Smashin. He charges at McBride and begins to smash him with a series of kicks to the face. WHILE STANDING IN ONE SPOT. His kicks are too fast and powerful, there's nothing that McBride can do to stop this. McVeigh has gotten too powerful. He's screaming, and holding his arms out, while kicking McBitch. Oh my god, his hair is now standing straight up, and it is as red as the flaming sun. He's Super Smashin Level 2. He lifts McBride into the air by his throat, and jumps up. Both men touch the top of the cage, and then McVeigh throws McBride down. McBride hits the mat, and then Ophelia charges at him. McBride counters with a Celtic Clothesline. The Clothesline from hell sends McVeigh to the ground. Michael pins him.
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DEWEY GOBBLECOQUE: Your winners are Peter Gilmour, and Michael McBitch
The cage is raised up and Frodo walks down to the ring with three syringes in his hand. He stops at the ring steps.
"Doy, grab Ophelia."
Dewey does as he's told, and holds Ophelia tightly. Frodo beings to approach him, slowly, as Ophelia is still super Smashin 2.
'Ok, so Ophie, you took the pin and you know the rules. You get the super Diff. The untreatable Diff."
Frodo stabs one of the needles into Ophelia's arm, and presses the plunger down.
"Release him, and grab Felix. We need to chat."
Dewey drops Ophelia and walks over to where Felix is, he picks up the Brit and holds him tight. Frodo approaches.
"The rules stated that the winning team was going to be granted immunity from the Diff. But, you did a much better job than Peter, so you get the Immunity and not him."
Frodo stabs Felix with the other needle and presses the plunger in. He then walks over to McBride and injects him with the Diff Treatment. McBride smirks, and Frodo hands him a Beretta 9mm. McBride aims it at Ophelia, and pulls the trigger. It clicks and doesn't fire.
"Like I'd give you a loaded gun. Pussy."
Before Warfare cuts to commercial, our cameras cut to backstage area and eventually swoop into the locker room area. Various wrestlers are all walking around naked with their dicks just flopping around. Looks like Peter Gilmour has nothing to be embarrassed about, and it appears that the rumors of the 'super dick' are true, since he's even putting Trax to shame. But we digress as the camera turns the corner and makes its way into the shower area. Here, Unknown Soldier and Greggo stand completely naked while the ghost of Benjamin Franklin stares on awkwardly admiring their bathing skills. Greggo drops the soap on purpose in front of Unknown Soldier, sticking his rear high up in the air, but before Soldier can react in comes former wrestler Jose Gonzalez, better known as Invader #1, better known as the guy who stabbed Bruiser Brody.
Unknown Soldier: "Holy shit, look out!"
Soldier dodges as the deranged man comes flying into the shower room area, wielding a knife and waving it around viciously. The psycho Mexican former wrestler goes directly to attack the ghost of Benjamin Franklin, who has now ironically shape shifted into the ghost of Bruiser Brody. He stabs at the space where Brody's eye lids should be, but since he is just a ghost the stabbing attempts just go right through him like he were nothing but thin air. This doesn't appear to phase him though as he violently continues stabbing with no regard.
Greggo, is still on the ground but is now unfastening the buttons on the pants of the ghost of Bruiser Brody. What the hell? Now he's taking off a mask to reveal. Holy shit it's Ric Flair! The Nature Boy himself! The real Greggo now, comes around the corner of the shower room with his hard dick in his hand masturbating profusely while watching Ric Flair suck the ghost of Bruiser Brody's dick, while that ghost is getting stabbed by Jose Gonzalez. What kind of twisted fucked up mess is this shit?
Unknown Soldier: "Thankfully I brought the ghost with me to Warfare to fend off these crazy attacking wrestlers!"
MAIN EVENT
Unknown Soldier
- vs -
Ghost Tank
Champ vs Champ
2 out of 3 falls match.
Tank picks round 1.
Soldier picks Round 2.
Round three is a last man standing match.
If Tank wins, he wins the Xtreme Title! |
The two competitors circle one another in the ring, the assembly of chains and meat hooks dangling in the center. The gargantuan Ghost Tank stands head and shoulders above Soldier, who uses his quickness to keep out of Tank’s reach.
Soldier moves in and darts back out, getting close enough to crack his foot against the tree trunk of Tank’s thigh each time. The leg kicks keep Tank wary, especially once Soldier hits one into Tank’s previously injured knee. Tank wobbles a bit after that, and Soldier rushes in, attempting to drag Ghost Tank down with a front face lock… but Tank’s overbearing strength allows him to muscle Soldier off and push him into a corner.
Trapped, Soldier absorbs several shoulder thrusts into his midsection, nearly pushing him through the ropes. Tank then pulls Soldier onto the top, sitting him on the turnbuckles. He sends a hard palm strike into Soldier’s temple, then a crisp chop across the X-Treme Champion’s chest. The crowd reacts with a “woo!” as the chop echoes through the arena.
Soldier sends both feet into the face of Ghost Tank as the bigger man moves in again, staggering him in surprise. Soldier then grabs Tank by the hair and slams his face into both of Soldier’s knees! Tank stumbles down to a knee and Soldier stands atop the corner at the ready, waiting to pick his spot… but Ghost Tank lunges forward, knocking Soldier’s feet off of the ropes and dropping him crotch first onto the turnbuckles! Soldier grimaces in pain as Tank stands and folds him onto a shoulder… MUSCLE BUSTER! The high impact maneuver leaves Soldier splayed out in the center of the ring, and Tank quickly grabs at the meat hooks, trying to tear into the flesh of Soldier’s back! Soldier squirms free, but Tank then wraps the hook and chain around his fist and begins to pummel the face of the champion, opening huge gashes across his eyebrows and forehead! He takes a hook and stabs it into the pale flesh between Soldiers shoulder blades, piercing him on the spot! The hook goes through, and Tank jumps the gun, trying to get the crane to raise early… with only one hook in his skin, Soldier’s body weight is too much for the single strap of skin to maintain him… AND THE SKIN RIPS AWAY! The hooks raise up a bit and Soldier falls to the mat, his back shredded open and a pool of blood forming underneath of him.
Tank wraps a chain around Soldier’s neck and cranks him backward, twisting his spine into an inhuman angle. Soldier grasps desperately and finds a different hook dangling, and he grabs it, turning it around and slamming it into the eye of the behemoth Ghost Tank! Tank immediately lets go of Soldier and falls to the mat, grabbing at his wounded eye. Blood seeps out between his fingers as he clutches at his quickly swollen socket.
Soldier recovers and crawls to a corner as Tank remains on his hands and knees, still pawing at his ruined face. The blood pouring from his eye socket flows into his mouth and nose, causing him to cough and choke. Soldier pulls himself to the top rope… THE DARK STAR!!! Soldier drilled Tank with that shooting star DDT while Tank was still on his knees!
With Tank flat on his face, still covering his injured eye, Soldier grabs the assortment of hooks and straddles the big man’s back… and he jams the hooks into the old wounds and scars from the last time Tank suspended himself! Tank’s skin offers no resistance to the hooks as he does this to himself fairly often, and Soldier gets all of the hooks in without any problems… He motions to the operators who lift the crane above the ring… and Tank is suspended by his flesh from those hooks! He isn’t even struggling to escape, in fact, as he is still preoccupied with the eye.
| Winner of the first fall – UNKNOWN SOLDIER |
The match pauses while Tank is lowered back down to the ring. Doctors attend to Soldier’s back as well as Tank’s face and manage to apply a pressure bandage to his head, covering his wounded eye. The bandage immediately seeps through to red, though, and Tank shoves the medical professionals away as he and Soldier head to the elevators for the next round of their match.
The next few minutes are awkward and silent as Tank and Soldier share an elevator ride to the top of the arena together, snarling and staring one another down in anticipation of the next phase of their match.
Finally, the duo emerge out onto the roof of the building, where we see the large lightning rod antennae sparking and glowing in the rain outside. How the XWF was able to ensure there would be a thunderstorm this night, no one is fully sure.
The referee comes out of the elevator behind Tank and Soldier and tell both men to stand eyes to eye in the middle of the roof. Once they do, he claps his hands together and produces the double long, double thick phallic and metallic dildo with its long coil of wire heading off to the conductors for the lightning rods. As soon as he drops it to the concrete, both men jump at it and try to wrestle it away from the other.
Crash!
Lightning strikes just then, hitting two of the antennae at once and causing the dildo to spark off huge blue arcs of electricity, throwing both competitors off of it. Ghost Tank’s face is a twisted smile! It’s like the electricity makes him horny!
Soldier looks down ad sees his hands burned to a crisp, the smoke rising from his burned palms. He sniffs at them and seems to approve of the scent of his own skin cooking. He reaches back and rips away the bandaging covering his back wound and wraps it around the base of the dildo, giving him some ability to handle the white hot Steely Dan. Soldier runs at Tank, but Tank catches him with a thundering clothesline that sends him backflipping to the concrete! The dildo clatters down and rolls a few feet away, and Tank pulls Soldier up and gives him a massive choke slam into a nearby air conditioning unit!
Tank retrieves the dildo and carries it over to Soldier as another lightning strike sends sparks through the night sky. Tank rolls Soldier over onto his belly and starts tearing away at his trunks, ripping a hole in them and grinning sadistically as the dildo hums in his hand with electric power.
Soldier lifts a leg and kicks Tank right in the family jewels! Tank lurches forward and drops the dildo, and Soldier flips over, catching it! Soldier jams the dildo right down Ghost Tank’s throat just as another lightning strike crisscrosses the sky, and we see smoke begin to emerge from the ears and nose of Tank as his eyes roll back into his head!
Tank collapses onto his back and… it looks like he’s fully erect from the electricity coursing through his body! Soldier nods in approval at the tent pitched in Tank’s trousers, then tries to flip the juggernaut over… but his boner acts like a natural kickstand! Soldier settles for getting him onto his side, and then tries to work the clothes away from his rear end while yanking the dildo from Tank’s mouth.
OH NO! Ghost Tank catches Soldier with a sudden choke hold! He grips Soldier’s throat in his vise-like grip, getting to his feet and holding the X-Treme Champion off of the ground, his toes barely scraping the floor! Tank wrests the dildo from Soldier’s grasp and begins whipping him across the face and skull with it. Each strike emits a low hum like a light saber… or maybe Tank is making the noises with his mouth, there’s no way to be sure.
Tank wraps the thick cord of the electric dildo around Soldier’s neck, then grips him in both hands, running forward towards one of those massive antennae! DOUBLE CHOKE BOMB INTO THE ANTENNA!!!! The structure loosened and points off of the building at an angle, allowing Ghost Tank to shimmy out onto it, dragging the limp carcass of Unknown Soldier behind him!
Tank looks like King Kong as he scales the antenna, even going so far as to throw Soldier’s body over his shoulder while he moves up and up… finally, at the uppermost point of the antenna, Tank uses some of the slack to attach the dildo to the end of the pole and then, in a feat of unparalleled dexterity and might, he holds on to the antenna with one hand and impales Soldier asshole-first onto the dildo with the other! Soldier is being ass-fucked by a 12 inch electrified dildo… and lightning strikes once again!!!!!
Both men are electrocuted, but only Soldier has the dildo firmly inserted into his rectal cavity as stipulated by the rules of the match! And… he seems to LIKE it!
| Winner of the second fall – GHOST TANK |
The match is tied at one fall each, but Tank is suddenly swaying back and forth on the antenna due to the electrocution he just suffered… Soldier as well has come loose from the dildo’s anal grip, much to his disappointment.
BOTH MEN TUMBLE SUDDENLY FROM THE ANTENNA!!!!
The two opponents both fall lifelessly, but the cord around Soldier’s neck stops him a few feet down, merely hanging him by the neck and letting him twitch and swing back and forth. Tank, however, continues to somersault all the way down into the parking area outside the arena!
GHOST TANK CRASHES INTO THE ROOF OF A CAR!
The roof implodes and all of the doors as well as the hood and trunk pop open as the nearly 400 pound Ghost Tank crashes into it from the roof of the building! The windows shatter into a snowstorm of safety glass bits and… sex toys and shit filled condoms pour out from the back seat?
THAT’S FRODO SMACKINS’ CAR!!!!
Both men might be DEAD! The referee has no choice but to start a ten count…
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
Unknown Soldier is twitching at the end of his noose!
6!
7!
Ghost Tank’s fingers are moving! They’re both somehow alive!
8!
9!
SOLDIER PULLS HIMSELF UP ONTO THE ANTENNA! HE’S GOTTEN UP!
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ghost Tank was unable to escape the wreckage of Frodo’s destroyed 1969 Chevy COPO Camaro! But he does manage to get up merely one second later!
| WINNER of the third fall and STILL X-TREME CHAMPION – UNKNOWN SOLDIER!!!! |
Tank sees Soldier atop the building getting his hand raised by the official, and he flies into an uncontrollable rage! He yanks the door of the Camaro off and starts smashing it into the ground, then hurls it off to the side like a Frisbee! Tank has lost his mind as well as this match!!!!
Frodo and the masked wrestler are in Frodo's office standing there.
"Ok, no one figured out who you were, so go ahead and take the mask off."
The masked man removes his mask and reveals himself to be
![[Image: Sd41orWv.jpg]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/733871449572790272/Sd41orWv.jpg)
"Whatever. You're going to be the guest referee at the Hart title match, and the IC title match for Leap of Faith next month."
After the ring is cleared of debris and the house lights begin to come up, we hear the voice of “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane come over the PA.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa… don’t go home just yet, wannabes!”
Loverboy walks down to the ring again, this time much more serious and without the music and fanfare.
“Now… I told all you dudes at the top of the show that Warfare wasn’t all about me, and that was the truth. BUT. I also told you that I’d be discussing Scully and his actions last Warfare, and ladies and gentlemen, THAT is ALL about me.”
The crowd swells and starts cheering for Loverboy as he once again stands in the middle of the ring, this time holding his Universal Title high over his head.
“You see dudes, I might be the owner of the XWF, but before then I was its champion, as I still am today. In fact, it has been nearly an entire year since I won this title from Doctor D’Ville last August. Scully… you earned your shot last Warfare, but you showed your true colors by doing it with outside interference and relying on underhanded tactics to secure your victory. Some people might look at that as a justifiable means to an end… hell dude, I’ve been there. I’ve done that.
But one thing I’d never do, dude, is show the amount of disrespect you did when I came into this very ring and held your hand up in the air like a man. Ever since you turned your back on the XWF fans and started listening to Archie Lawson and his Union rhetoric, you changed, man. So before I announce what I have in store for you next Warfare, dude, why don’t you come out here and look me in the eye and answer me this question… WHY?”
Loverboy lowers his microphone and stands, waiting, staring at the entrance ramp.
Suddenly "The Unions" theme music hits the P.A as Vinnie Lane sighs in annoyance. Scully walks on to the ramp in a cocky manner with microphone in hand and a chorus of boos echo the arena. Skull smirks and slowly puts the mic to mouth, his music fades. Before he can speak...
"USA. USA. USA. USA"
The fans are chanting for their country as Loverboy fist pumps with the chants. Skull then rudely interrupts...
"US are Gay, US are Gay.. Shut the fuck up, you bunch of Cunts!"
"Boooooooooooooo"
"Boo hoo. Just shut up. Listen to your pathetic selves, booing the Scullanator, chanting for your country, the country of fifty shitty states. Here we are in Boston. Boston is Massachusetts’ capital and largest city. Founded in 1630, it’s one of the oldest cities in the U.S and the one of the dirtiest. What a shithole?!"
An eruption of boos fill the arena and Skull simply smiles. Skull encourages them to boo louder as he gestures "come on" with his hands. They respond and the arena gets real noisy. Skull shouts over them and they eventually stop...
"Loverboy Vinnie Lane, Mr. Universal Champion.. I'll answer your question. You really want to know why I attacked you after you came in the ring to congratulate my victory? Because I fucking can and I did! You think I give a fuck that you're the Champ? Do you think I care that you own this joint? No.. Cuz you don't. The Union own the XWF bitch!"
Scully turns his head to the curtains. Archie Lawson walks out with Ted and Dave beside him. Felix Braddock and Chris Macbeth step from behind them. Archie points at Vinnie Lane, Macbeth and Braddock stand either side of Scully as they make their way down to the ring...
Loverboy drops his belt on the mat and rolls his tuxedo sleeves up, trying to keep an eye on each of the Union members as they make their way around the ring. Ted and Dave climb onto the apron and run forward, and Loverboy easily dispatches them both with a pair of clotheslines.
Felix Braddock rushes Loverboy from behind and hits him with an ax handle, then starts hitting him with body punches, moving him towards the corner… but Loverboy turns things around and tosses Felix into the buckles! Felix catches a strong right hand to the jaw and collapses into a seated position, but before anything else can happen Chris Macbeth spins Loverboy around… AND EATS A MASSIVE SUPERKICK!
Macbeth hits the canvas hard and Loverboy turns back around… right into a face full of Universal Title belt, courtesy of Scully!
Loverboy is laid out, and now all of the Union members are getting in kicks and stomps on the fallen Universal Champion! Loverboy can do nothing but try to cover up as best he can, and soon enough Braddock and Macbeth are pulling him to his knees by his arms while getting in more cheap shots to the barely conscious megastar.
Scully grabs Loverboy by his blond bangs and is screaming while shoving the belt into his face.
“This is MINE! This belongs to the UNION! To the QUEEN!”
Scully then makes an exaggerated hocking sound and spits right into the champion’s face before grabbing him by the throat and getting him into position… SCULLANATOR!!!!
Loverboy is down and out, and the Union keep putting the boots to him until all of a sudden…
Dewey: THAT’S GHOST TANK’S MUSIC!!! AND THERE HE IS!
Ghost Tank, flanked by both Abaddon and Shade, rush down to the ring and start to clean house on the Union!
Shade takes out Ted and Dave with a double DDT and then engages in a brawl with Braddock, both men falling out of the ring and rolling around in a scrum on the floor… Abaddon meets Macbeth with a hard shot to the jaw and then those two also fall through the ropes and begin to exchange blows at ringside… Scully sees Ghost Tank squaring up to him and starts to back up, but Tank drills him with a gigantic spear!
Scully rolls out of the ring clutching his ribs and pointing back up at Loverboy, who’s still on his face in the middle of the squared circle, and Ghost Tank who leans menacingly over the ropes at him, leering. Scully grins and gestures around his waist, signifying his lust for the gold, as the megastar slowly starts to stir and sit up.
“Way to prove me right about you, dude… but you didn’t let me finish my announcement! Scully, next Warfare’s main event will be you against…. Ghost Tank! AND Abaddon! In a handicap match. Good luck, .”
As the crowd cheers for the announcement, Scully starts throwing a tantrum and losing his mind on the ramp. Lawson and the others have to restrain him from rushing the ring on his own, and as the Union vanishes behind the curtain Ghost Tank looks down at the fallen champion and reaches down… to grab the Universal Title!
Tank looks at the belt and smiles before extending a hand to Loverboy, who seems reluctant for a moment before finally gripping the massive paw of the Hart Champion and getting helped to his feet.
Ghost Tank nods at Loverboy and then looks down at the belt once more… then pushes it into Loverboy’s chest before walking out of the ring and rejoining his partners, heading off down the aisle.
Warfare goes off the air with a battered and confused Vinnie Lane standing in the ring cradling his championship like a baby.
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