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Unknown Soldier · **06-21-2016, 10:54 PM**

Sirens, alarms, and even tornado alerts are going absolutely crazy as our scene opens up. The screeching of all three of these sounds combines stuns the ear drums and almost cracks them with such a distorted sound. A camera, with the logo Fox News channel 666 in the lower left hand corner, opens up for our personal viewing pleasure and directly in front of us. The scene being filmed through the camera lens envelopes to a sight of a police officer stringing yellow police tape off a section of the highway blocking off what appears to be a giant apartment complex. A scantily clothed woman with enormous tits. I mean really, really fucking big titties, steps in front of the camera and begins reading her programmed speech off a teleprompter behind the camera.

Big Boobed Bimbo: "We're here at the scene of the crime, where it appears that ISIS has struck, yet again, striking destruction and fear across our great country once again! Last week, terrorists struck at some snobby

stuck up queer bar in Seattle, killing a few kids simply because they were making a little ruckus at the bar. It appears now that these ruthless animals have chosen to strike a grouping of college apartments. Once again, where a few college kids were trying to escape their rigorous studies to enjoy a little party celebration. These here innocent young adults were molding their minds into our future generation! It would appear that terrorists are just jealous that Americans get to have a little bit of fun, rather than praying in the sand five times a fucking day. This particular terrorist must have had it out for rich people we believe by looking at the evidence from the crime scene.

This sick bastard slaughtered many innocent people like a savage beast, the culprit was said to be enormous in size and dressed up like some kind of gay ninja with cat eyes, who was also supposedly wielding a scythe and ironically asking everyone who was screaming at the time if they could actually hear their own screams. Which is a really fucking stupid question to be asking someone when they are literally screaming in your face, but these degenerate terrorists are certainly not the most absorbent tampon in the box. It's an absolutely horrible sight to see out here Soldier, it's practically a rip off of some Friday the 13th slasher movie, but as you know that can be pretty disturbing. Now, back to our lead anchor Unknown Soldier in our main studio!"

The scene cuts to Unknown Soldier behind a desk, shuffling around some papers ready to give the nightly news to the eager audience.

Unknown Soldier:

"Thank you Big Boobs, now, for tonight's top story. How fucking

is Ghost Tank? Well, let's see here folks, the man finally admits that his ability to insult me is comparable to that of a six year old out on the playground at recess. Verifying even more to me how big of a bitch he really is that he still doesn't have the balls and confidence to at least stick up for himself. Good job Ghost Tank, you finally realized what the problem is, the next step after admitting you have a problem is fixing it. Which you got a long ways to go before you'll ever be able to twist tongues with the best of 'em. Like little ol' me.

First of all, I don't need a damn lesson in sexual education so don't sit here and try to excuse your poor parenting as some sort of new age hippie sort of way to raise a child. Don't try to sugarcoat the fact that you're raising your daughter to be a big time whore just like the rest of the family. Do you really think that's fair to her? To be forced into your sexual and twisted fucked up lifestyle choices at the age of fourteen? Hell the opening to this segment bit was just an ironic joke, but I'm starting to think you might actually have more things in common with a Muslim terrorist then I thought if you think orgies with fourteen year olds is a common and acceptable occurrence. I even went as far to say sixteen, but you took the pedophilia up a peg and lowered it to fourteen. First rule of debate, don't give your opponent ammunition to work with and you just fell flat on your face with that one, dumb ass! I also don't need a fucking recap of your most recent matches either and how you won the Hart title. You said it yourself, that thing is trash compared to my Xtreme Championship so why are we even bringing that back up. Thank you again for defending my argument, dip shit!

Yeah, I do know what it feels like to have to wait to get a title shot. Do you know how long I've been waiting for Vinnie Lane to poke his little fucking gopher head out of the ground so I can pin him and take his title with my briefcase? Other than informing Vinnie that he's a gigantic pussy, even looks like one decked out in pink, have I demanded anything? No, you lose again

!

Gilmour is like a 13 time Xtreme Champion, you haven't won it once. That would be like me saying I'm a better golfer than Tiger Woods even though I haven't won any major golf tournaments and he has 14. So you better get better at your math, because last time I checked 13 is better than 0. You're only the King of having your head shoved Xtremely far up your ass. Only in your case tomorrow night, it's going to be a huge metal dildo!

Oh wow, then your next attack is my corpse paint and appearance. Where do I even start with you, because you look like a balding troll that was too ugly to even get cast in the Lord of the Rings! Maybe you might stand a chance at getting cast in Game of Thrones in one of their gay porn scenes. Nice try

, I wear make up and I love it. You'd suck electricity dick if it would let you, we all have our own fetishes, right Ghostey!

By the way, the only wrecker of shit around here right now is the C-diff disease that is breaking it up in everyone's bowels and turning it into diarrhea. You ain't wrecking any shit, ever. Unless you want to compare the words coming out of your mouth to diarrhea, which is the only thing I'd agree with you on. Also, I'm well aware of what the word 'literal' means, maybe you just weren't paying enough attention to both me and Peter's match last week, along with the forming of my sentence as well in my previous promo to understand. Did you not see the amount of blood spewing from the slits of Hillary Clinton and Maria Brink that night?

It was LITERALLY as big as the ocean full of blood. Which is LITERALLY the words you used in your first promo this week. Those two red rag hens filled up that arena until it almost exploded like a boiling pot of water! That was the main event last Warfare, were you not paying attention? Probably too busy pleasuring yourself with your Hart title to notice when two real men are having a real match filled with period blood! It doesn't really matter though, because just like Peter I'm going to put you to bed for good and end all your nonsense. I'll just end this little rant by mocking you and your feeble attempt at attacking my repetitive use of the number six hundred and sixty six. Can you count that high yet, Ghost Tank? Can you count to......"

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Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Ghost Tank is a Terrorist!
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