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Hickster Will Fix Impact
01-10-2013, 09:51 PM
Post: #1
[Image: jesuschrist.jpg]

Goddamnit, folks. Had I known that we had a damn Nigzilla in the building I wouldn’t have been running Warfare in the first place!

I lost my damn job on Warfare, and my damn briefcase. Som’bitch.

Now we’re being told that some pretty boy and his negro servant from the network is running the show. What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

I ain’t blaming Shane Carver. Carver has been there for The Hickster through thick and thin. He had the Hickster’s back when no one else would. Carver is a good man in my book.

My beef is with the rest of Saturday Impact.

What the hell, Team Impact?

You see your boy, Jim Hickbilly, out there fightin’ the good fight, and you decided to stay at home? I don’t believe it! You should have had your pitchforks ready the moment Wallace WitaPRICK came out, and when you saw Captain Black Beard put his slimy hands on me. Hell, I better see that damn, oversized jigaboo hanging from the rafters by the time Impact does roll around.

This brand is so fucked up right now. I can’t even look at you guys. You’ve got a damn woman running around trying to compete with men. “Ursula?” How the fuck is this broad not assigned to the Catering division of the company, or giving me a lap dance during the show? That fucking spic should be cleaning my locker room in a slutty maid outfit. These women think they can just get in there and tussle with us dominant, male competitors. But the moment that one of them gets hurt, they want to start pursuing us with courtroom dates and legal junk. How the hell did it come to this point?

I ain’t a hateful person. I’m just a proud Christian boy who wants to bring tradition back to the world. I see the fans cheering me on, and begging for me to help the world rediscover its traditional ways. A “perfect world,” as NAZI said. A perfect world can be achieved, but not without us going back to what made us strong to begin with. And that is the foundation of humanity.

What is the foundation of humanity? It’s the groundwork of who we are and how we act. For the past century, our foundation as a white nation has been crackled to the point where it’s damn near just a pile of jagged scraps. It’s a damn pain for us proud white folks to walk on when a sharp piece from that broken foundation is diggin’ into your foot. Broken pieces that really dig into your heels like women’s suffrage, race equality, and them fucking homosexuals.

This foundation has been broken for a while now, folks. And it’s my job to fix it. But how can if only a select few are behind me? How can I transform some lazy nigger like Sebastian Duke or Angelus into a strong asset? The Hatriots need a strong army. Not some wimp-ass prick with eye shadow who’s gonna get his ass handed to him by some bitch wetback and some nigger who floated over here from Samoa. Get your shit together, Duke.

I ain’t mad, folks. I’m just tired of us losing. I feel like I’m paddling a damn cruise ship full of lazy niggers. Work with me, people.

Are you ready to pull your weight, Hatriots of Impact?

Here’s what I need: I need that bitch Ursula drugged and laid out in my dressing room. Hell, just knock that bitch around a little bit, and hog tie her. Women don’t mean shit in this world, and Ursula ain’t no exception. If they ain’t cookin’ Hickster a meal then they’re getting impaled by his enormous pecker. And I sure as hell don’t need Ursula cooking me anything.

I don’t give a shit what her response is. I don’t give a shit how she feels about it. All that matters is that she’s laying buck naked on my floor so I can tear through the flesh of her tight asshole. She is corrupting our fan base. I heard them cheering for her just the other night. We can’t have that wetback out there manipulating them like that. Let’s take care of her before she becomes a problem.

Grand Wizard—Make it happen.

NAZI—Make it happen.

All other Hatriots—Make that fucking shit happen.

I know we can make this show a better show to work on. Shane Carver is doing his part by donning the pointed hat, and making the show uncensored for us. The fans are there cheering us on for every step of the way. They believe in us the same way I believe in you.

All of us will need to make sacrifices for the greater good. Hell, I’m gonna be boning a damn Mexican. I’d rather be spending that time trying to hook up with my sister!

What else is there left to say? I’m disappointed in how this all turned out, but I know we can bounce back and make a smooth recovery.

As always—Remember that we perform out duties in the name of God. All death and suffering caused by the Hatriots is God-inflicted, and out of our devotion to Christianity. We wouldn’t do this if God didn’t ask us to. God asked Jim Hickbilly to lay waste to the niggers, the spics, and the homosexuals. And I’ll do just that.

SCENE: Jim Hickbilly's home which is somewhere in the good state of Kentucky. Jim is all alone, and dressed up all nice in his overalls.

“Dear Lord,” prayed Jim as he bowed his head on the pedestal next to his window. He places the palm of his hand on the cover of the holy bible as he prays out loud. “Protect us this Saturday as we go out to fulfill your mission. Protect us from the demons that haunt our planet, and let us tame them. We are a humane group, and will only apply the amount of force necessary to accomplish the mission.”

Jim closes out his prayer as a tear drops down his cheek. The man is very passionate about his vision.

Jim turned his attention to the envelope sitting next to the bible. It is addressed to him from XWF Headquarters in Chicago, Illinois. Shane Carver knew that Jim Hickbilly didn't have a clue as to how to operate a computer. So he would have his secretary send Jim announcements by post.

Jim unpacked the envelope and pulled out the announcement.

Replay:Blind booking! Simply start preparing for Saturday Impact and you'll be booked in a match. If enough people come I will book several random 1 on 1 matches. You guys won't know who you're facing though until you show up. People who jump right in and go at this full force WILL be given a title opportunity this month! This is your chance to TAKE the spotlight and start off 2013 right!

"Our supreme leader couldn't have said it better," said Jim as he placed the announcement down on the table. "Shane Carver and God have called upon me to step into the light this Saturday..."

Jim bowed his head, and closed his eyes as he began to feel the power of the holy ghost inside of him.

"God needs me to eliminate the evil doers."

And that is exactly what Jim Hickbilly will do this week. Women will be kicked back into the kitchen. And the black man will serve out his sentence as Jim's servant. Why? Because this is how God meant for it to be.

Daily verse:
11. And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle.

- Exodus 33:11

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