Welcome to Shove It, the only place where you'll find poop stuffed into bottles and crows that eat people! We go to our announce team who will be keeping us up to date on all of tonight's happenings.


Gaylord Cockchafer: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I am Gaylord Cockshafer and backstage is my right hand man, Balaque Negar.

We get some split screen action which shows Negar backstage holding a microphone.

Balaque Negar: What's up, Gaylord? I think that we have an interesting night ahead of us. Rumor has it that there was dissension between Trax and Riot.

Gaylord Cockchafer: I can see that being the case, given the performance that we saw from her on Warfare. That girl lost to a match that involved Peter and the Iceman. Huh, Macbeth too. Wow, all them cute jokes about Peter's dick being stuck in a vacuum and look what it got him!

Balaque Negar: Speaking of vacuums, I've got some breaking news on Maverick. Get a load of this motherfucker!

The camera team catches up with Maverick who's hunched over with medical tape all over his ribs. There is a doctor present who is urging Maverick to forfeit the match. He warns "you'll never walk again!" but Maverick pushes the little man down by his face. As Maverick makes his way through the curtain and down the ramp, the audience is hassling him over his injury.

"SUCK IT UP!"

"FUCK YOU, TITLE SHITTER!"

"LUCA'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

One fan even throws a beer bottle full of piss and a big, brown turd that nails Maverick in his injured ribs. Actually, several more fans throw the turd in a piss bottle at Maverick. The front of the bottle has a little label with Maverick's face.

Gaylord Cockchafer: Those bottles were being sold for a buck a piece at the souvenir stands. It's just another way for Madz and Ferngotti to humiliate this poor kid, and these fans are eating it up. It's like we take pleasure in making Maverick suffer, even I want to throw something at Maverick. Is it wrong to say that some children deserve to be beaten?

Luca Arzegotti VS Maverick For Luca: X-Treme Rules, No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere For Maverick: Standard Rules (can be DQed/counted out) Winner moves onto the Triple Threat Match Kingsley can assist Maverick or tell him to go fuck himself Fernando can assist Maverick or tell him to go fuck himself Madz can assist Maverick or tell him to go fuck himself

The bell rings and right away, Luca and Fernando attack Maverick. They're not even going to try to disguise this as a fair fight. King Madz is on the outside, just watching the wreckage. Fernando holds Maverick's arms behind his back and Luca runs into him with a kick to the ribs. Luca keeps his iron sights locked on Maverick's ribs as he slings himself off the ropes and comes down on Maverick with a double foot stomp. Meanwhile, Fernando is kicked up in the corner checking his Twitter feed.

Luca picks up Fern by the waist and puts him back down with a releasing German suplex. Luca goes straight to his feet after the move and looks down at Maverick, taunting, and nudging him in the ribs with his boot. Luca slowly reaches down to grab Maverick by the waist and lifts him up for another German suplex, but Maverick pries apart Luca's hands mid-air. He then goes behind Luca and gives him a back stabber!

Fernando notices and goes after Maverick but Maverick catches him with a back body drop that places Fernando on his ass on the outside mat.

Maverick rips the bandage off of his ribs and begins to strangle Luca with it! The referee threatens to DQ Maverick so he lets go. Just then, another piss filled turd bottle smacks into Maverick's head, leaving a brown smudge on his temple. It came from King Madz and Fernando's direction.

Maverick's face fills up with anger as he picks up the bottle and then smashes it over Luca's head! Little pieces of glass, shit, and piss are stuck in Luca's bloody face.

The referee calls for the bell! He has to disqualify Maverick for breaking the rules that were assigned to him!

Maverick shrugs and leaves the ring. He steals one of the souvenir shit/piss bottles from a little boy in the front row wearing a Thunder Bolt X t-shirt, and pours it all over Luca's face. Maverick leaves the ring and rips out the black padding that covers the concrete floor. Fern and King 2 Madz try to ambush him but he smacks them both with the empty bottle. Maverick then pulls Luca out of the ring and gives him a brainbuster onto the concrete floor! Maverick walks away and throws the ring steps on top of Luca before heading up the ramp.

Gaylord Cockchafer: I don't blame Maverick one bit. A man can only keep so much shit bottled up... Well, on that note, we now know that Luca will be the third competitor in the triple threat later tonight. Now, yes it was a short match but the gash above Luca's eye is no joke. We'll see how those stitches hold up in a match where Tush and Dick will surely be flying at his face.

We return from a commercial break with Balaque Negar who has a breaking news story.

Balaque Negar: The XWF fans are still shocked by what they saw transpire just moments ago. We do have an update on Luca's condition. He is able flex all ten fingers and recite the Russian alphabet backwards with no trouble. However, when we gave him a test over synthetic division, he was only able to complete 19 problems in the 3 minute time limit that we had given him. Therefor, by the order of King II Madz, Luca will enter the triple threat match at any time of his choosing, whenever he feels like he's operating at 100%. It's the only fair way, according to them.

Gaylord Cockchafer: Wow, I've never heard of that one before. I suppose our hands are tied, though, and we have to listen to the boss. Well, we got another match to get to and it should be a fun one.

Drezdin VS Shade VS Reverend Tholomew Plague Triple Threat 1,000 Xbux for the winner

Shade enters the ring last where Reverend and Drezdin are waiting. Shade is still shoe-less which might hinder his performance tonight if he's not careful. Before the referee rings the bell, someone in his ear piece orders him to go under the ring to retrieve a bag. The referee does as he's told and takes the bag inside of the ring. The voice in his ear tells him to empty it all over the ring and he does... it's thumbtacks and broken glass! Damn, that's not going to go well for Shade at all.

Shade does the best he can by avoiding the thumbtacks and glass as he navigates through the ring. Reverend tries to pull him into the tacks but Shade fends him off with a side kick that catches Reverend in the cheek. Reverend manages to fall away from the tacks and glass. Drezdin comes after Shade next but Shade scoops him up and power slams him onto a thick pile of glass and thumbtacks! Drezdin rolls out of the ring in agonizing pain.

Shade sizes up Plague, now. Kicks Plague in the gut, and drives him into a pile of thumbtacks with a tiger bomb! Shade runs up to the top rope and comes crashing down onto Plague's sternum with the 360 double knee drop! Shade holds himself on top of Plague for the pin.

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Drezdin breaks up the pin! And now he's kicking away at Shade. But hold the fuck on...

Shade's Crow swoops down to the ring from the rafters and begins pecking away at Drezdin! Drezdin is freaking out like most people would as the crow pulls out pieces of flesh! Drezdin punches the crow, knocking it out of the ring. But Shade comes up behind Drezdin and gives him a German Suplex onto the thumbtacks!

Plague runs up to the top turnbuckle and this time lands onto Drezdin with a double foot stomp! He pins Drezdin.

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Plague goes to break it up but he's blocked by the crow which rips out his eyeball with his mouth! JESUS! The referee paused his count for a second because of that shit.

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Gaylord Cockchafer: Ouch! Someone better retrieve that eyeball so that Plague can pop it back in! Unbelievable win for Shade which just made him 1,000 Xbux richer. Maybe he can buy himself some new shoes with that money, or feed his damn bird. Folks, we'll be back after this brief intermission for the tournament matches and the tag match featuring Trax, Riot, Ophelia, and Macbeth!