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The scene fades in and we see Tommy Gunn sitting on his front porch, an American Lager in his hand. To his right, a pile of empty beer cans.

Sorry about that folks. I just got done watching that Frodo Smackins promo and Jesus Christ. I haven't witnessed an act of self sabotage like that in...well....ever. And this place employs Peter Gilmour for fuck sakes.

Seriously Frodo do you not remember the last time you tried to engage me in a war of words? Do you not remember the verbal beating I gave you right before the physical one a few days later? Truth be told, and this is not hyperbole, you were without a doubt the easiest opponent I've ever faced. And I've faced complete fuckwads like Steve Stajan and people who are so God damn bad that I can't even remember their name. But you? Oh I'll always remember you. You're the guy that failed so miserably at putting me down both verbally and physically that I still get a good laugh about it. Not as good of a laugh as the one I just got watching that bullshit you call a promo.

I can picture you sitting there with a diamond studded dildo up your ass and a Spider Man mask on your face thinking "Oh shit son, I just got that Tommy Gunn fucker. I got him good. In fact, I got him so good I'm going to go and suck off every chick with a dick that I can find between here and Los Angeles to celebrate."

Gunn leans forward, takes a swig of his beer and then like he has done with all the cans piled to his side, he crushes the can and discards it. Just like he's going to do to Frodo, again.

"For the record Frodo, I don't think everyone is really dumb as you suggested. I do however think you are. Because you see only someone as dumb as you would try and engage me in the same way you did last time and expect the result to be any different. In fact, that makes you not only a big dumb dummy but it also makes you insane. Which I guess isn't much of a stretch since you would have to be insane to go on national television and threaten to rape people like you just did. Which, in case you didn't know is a felony. So on top of all the other nonsense that was in your bullshit laden promo you also managed to break the law. Way to go asshole.

But that's not really what we are here to talk about.

What we are here to talk about is how Frodo Smackins once again fucked himself right out of a match. And the best part?

The very line that Frodo Smackins built his entire promo around is the very one that's going to crush him.

frodo Said:Can we really trust this liar now?

Well Frodo, the answer is, who gives a fuck?

I never asked you to believe me.

Not once. Not ever.

And do you know why?

Because who cares?

This is a wrestling federation isn't it? We are here to wrestle.

Well, I am.

You seem to be here to cut shitty promo after shitty promo after shitty promo while also asking every male in the place if you can blow them? You know, like you did with me the day I showed up.

And you see that's the crux of this whole thing. You think you can beat me in a match based on what you say, or what you think you can prove but you see here in the XWF it doesn't actually matter if you are trustworthy. It doesn't matter if you are the most honest guy in the world or the biggest liar in history.

In the XWF it's about what you do in the ring that matters.

That being said, do you know why I find your statement above so hilarious?

Because it's dripping with so much irony I'm surprised you didn't slip and fall on it as you were saying it.

Case in point, when you called out Hysteria for never beating a member of Defiance. Except he did once. In fact he won a match over our current Xtreme champion. You know the one right? The guy whose face is so fucking punchable that they should use it on all punching bags.

And don't you dare try and play the "Well he didn't pin him so it doesn't count." card because you've thrown that logic back in Peter Gilmour's face just about everytime he's tried to skirt around losing a match. Fact is, Fernando was in the match as was Hysteria/LH Harrison/whateverthefuckhegoesby and at the end of the match the masked 's team won and the unlovable douches team lost.

So right there we have Frodo Smackins lying. He said Hysteria never beat a member of Defiance. But he did.

If Frodo Smackins would lie about something so trivial, something so stupid and inconsequential then what else could he have lied about?

Who knows.

Who cares? I don't. And neither should anyone else.

But let's remember this shall we?

On this day, Frodo Smackin's Lord of the Leeches spent an unbelievable amount of time trying to tell everyone that I was a liar when he himself lied, thus making his entire argument invalid.

Oh and Fuckboy, I'm really 30. Or maybe I'm 40? Wait no 35.

Shit, I guess I can't go out and punch your fucking face in now because no one knows how old I am?

How do you like those apples bitch?

Gunn get's up off his nice comfy seat and walks over to a small brown box on the ground. He unfolds the top flaps and pulls out a six pack of Yuengling. He pulls one of the cans away from the rest, taps the top with his fore finger a few times and then cracks it open. He takes a massive swig and then once finished whips his mouth with his forearm.

You know a few days ago when John Madison called me up and begged, begged me to come back to the XWF I couldn't help but laugh. I've been away from wrestling for a while now. In fact it will be a year exactly on the 23rd of February but I've still kept up with the place a little bit. Enough to know that ratings are at an all time low. Which I guess makes sense since the federation has only aired one fucking show on time since it came back from it's little hiatus. Hard for people to tune into a program when they have no idea when it's actually going to air. Wednesday Night Warfare, but wait...is it on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday? Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck cares?

Well someone does. John Madison apparently because that shit covered crackhead has decided to dust off his GM shoes and give it another go. And what is the first thing he does? The crazy fuck puts me in a match with a douchetool who wears a mask, an old guy who is one hard shit away from a heart attack and a mystery partner who could either be really good, or he could be Peter Gilmour. Actually, I take that last part back. Peter has beaten Frodo like 46 times so in this match he might actually be useful.

And to top it all off, to really seal Madison's fate as a bang up GM he has us facing a team made up of the aforementioned Frodo, Christopher Isles, some guy, or thing named Tush and Mason Prince. Seriously, what the fuck is a Tush? It sounds like something you'd clean your taint off with.

Now I'll be honest here for a second, I know next to nothing about the people Frodo is hoping and praying can carry him to victory like so many others before them have but I'll see if I can make a point or two here anyway.

Mason Prince is a former Xtreme champion, a bit of a delusional one at that because for the longest while the guy actually used to tout around some bullshit record as some badge of honor. Yeah, this guy used to count every time someone unsuccessfully pinned him as a victory. I think he had some streak like 23-0 or some bullshit. Imagine that, a guy claiming a victory when all he had to do was kick out of a pin. He didn't actually have to pin anyone, save for whoever he took the title from but this guy was racking up wins left and right despite no actual successful pins taking place. Of course he has since smartened up a little because he's removed any trace of that fraudulent record but I'm sure since honestly is so important to Frodo and he is no doubt going to be chirping in Mason Prince's ear in the week leading up to the match that Mason take his buddies advice and he'll do the stand up thing and admit to this atrocity. And if not, we can always just remind him of the time he was successfully pinned by a woman. So much for being an "Xtreme" champion.

Next we have Christopher Isles, what is there to say about Christopher Isles? He's a former Intercontinental Champion so I guess that matters right? Not really. Look at the list of assholes and cocksuckers to hold that title. Sebastian Duke. Game Girl, Christopher Isles, Ghost Tank, Morbid Angel and Ginger Snaps.

Hmmmm....now if that's not a list of some of the most worthless pieces of shit to ever grace an XWF wrestling ring I don't know what is.

Sebastian Duke? As John Madison likes to point out, he's a .

Game Girl? Do I really even need to talk about her?

Christopher Isles? Well he lost to Ghost Tank which is something that I think maybe one other person can claim. I actually watched Tank and a partner of his choosing lose a handicapped match to some in face paint. And yet somehow, he beat Christopher Isles. So already Christopher Isles has made a case for himself as the worst wrestler ever.

Now I could go on and talk about the two most recent IC champs but that's another story for another day perhaps. Instead I'll just skip on over to Tush.

You know what, on second thought no I won't.

I'm not even going to bother talking about Tush. Not today. I got other stuff to do. Like take a massive shit.

No, not cut a Frodo-esque promo, I mean literally. I need to go use the toilet.

Gunn polishes off his beer, crushes the can and tosses it into the pile before walking through his front door and disappearing out of the camera's focus.