A video arrives at XWF headquarters, wrapped in leather. The production crew admire the pattern on the leather and pull out a disc and a note saying "PLAY ME." Head production assistant Kris Griffon gets the ok from Director Mike T. Jones, exclaiming"Can't hurt the ratings any more than they are already." As they slide the disc in, the crew waits for the right moment to play. The director sees how dull the Lane promo is getting with the crowd and cuts it off before it ends.

The video starts off with a wide angle of a field a four cages. A narrator's voice begins to speak in a welcoming voice as if hosting a show.

[/color]Narrator:Greetings Fuccbois, and welcome to Heartless Animal Slaughter. Throughout the program, we will be discussing the countless ways to torture and dismember small helpless crea...Do I have to really follow the script? This is barba.......

LeStrange: Can it words. We are paying you aren't we so just keep calm and carry on.

Fine...Ahem...Harmless creatures. Together with the assistance of my most gracious host, and no help from that double dunk teabagger, Austin Fernando, we will demostrate only a few ways to inflict serious, demented torment on helpless victim

The view switches to a small cage housing a small kitten, of the munchkin variety. Mountains loom in the distance and Adam Wednesday enters the picture, placing duct tape on the cage before scribbling something on it with a magic marker. LeStrange sneers as he makes his way into the loop, questioning Adam about his actions.

LeStrange:Adam, dafuq are you doing?

Naming them.

For fuck sake Adam, don't go getting all attached when you know how your gonna be after.

I know, I figured make it more personal, turmoil of the soul type stuff.

Idiot, I swear you are the most person i know. Fuck, what you name it anyway?

Austin.

As in Fernando, alright. I take back half the stuff i said about you.

Which half?

The person part, your still a fucking moron.

LeStrange walks over to the cage and opens it up. He removes the kitten and snuggles it. Fingers stroking it's chin, it lets out a feeble mew and purrs loudly.

Awwes, how adorable you are Austin, your soft fur, those bright blue eyes, and the warming up feeling of your purr. Fuck that shit, in the blender you go. HA. Looky here pussy. Life is full of down trodden events that make a person just wanna give up and crawl under a bridge to rot. Lucky for you, I have taken that freedom from you.

Fernando, your sack tapping days as a Luca double dipping fruitcake or numbered. A suit like you, holding the Xtreme strap is just a god damned testament to how frail the competition here is. You swiped a baby from a fourth world country because lets face it, riding that knick knack tic-tac isn't worth the copious amounts of cash and crack to allow a third world whore to be knocked up. I mean come on, fuckers are lining up to crawl into bed with you for a shot at that title. Pity. But I shouldn't be surprised, you keep your ass smoother than butter on a bald monkey to fool the peons behind you into thinking your a bitch. NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!! You've always been a bitch. Look at those dick sucking lips of yours, bet you couldn't wait to try them out as a freshman on the senior varsity team all jacked on steroids and Adderall. And look at your frame, I may be a fat, greasy sideshow freak, but atleast i have a shape. You are one diet away from being a void. Go lift a macaroni noodle instead of getting your mom to help make pictures with them and maybe, just maybe I'll consider you a threat.

LeStrange motions to Adam to set the blender on puree. As he does, the kitten mews it's last and LeStrange plugs the blender into a generator. Instantly the machine comes to life as Adam looks away shedding a tear. The cracking of bone and shredding of tissue is heard as a geyser of blood erupts from the top of the blender. Finishing the process, LeStrange removes the container and has a sip. Looking satisfified he feed the sloshy remains of the kitten to the animal housed in the second cage.

On to the next. I think I like this whole naming thing Adam. What do ya got for me next?

Adam wipes tears from his face and turns around.

[/color]Dafuq is wrong with you, man up.

The pup's name is Gotti.

Perfect. So lil pup, you like that kibble, its cat. Tasty, isn't it Gotti. You know, it's fitting, seeing how Luca carries Fernando like his mom carries loads of semen in her stomach. The only thing worse than a suit with a loose asshole is the big ass forehead with enough space to advertise said asshole. And to make matters worse, that alter boy face has probably seen more preacher dick than the Vatican. Even Adam appears to be more man than you. I don't know whether to give you a ring to toss in a volcano or send you on a trip with Fivel back to the old world. I'm done with ya. What have we got for the little fucker, Adam.

Theres this nitrogen shower thingy. Picked it up at a flea market already loaded and every thing.

LeStrange turns the valve on the machine and a nitrogen mist fills the cage. Every trickle on the puppy sends it shivering more and more. Five minutes pass and frozen peices of the animal begin to break off, and its yelp is enough to echo for miles. LeStrange laughing the whole time while Adam drops to the ground in the fetal position. Silence fills the area and LeStrange stops the flow of freezing liquid. Once the smoke settles, a morbid ice statue of the once precious creature lies in a curled position in desparation to get warm. Seconds later, LeStrange heaves a hammer and shatters the pupsicle before he utters the words Verdict, GUILTY OF BEING A RICHY FUDGE PACKIN .


Next

The view switches to a large rabbit sporting a red cap and blue overalls, and a collar tightly gripping its neck attaching it to a tree. To the left, a wooden sign that reads "Small Game Girl" etched into the plank. Adam walks off as he cannot bear witness to the events that will soon follow.

Ahhh, Game Girl. You are gonna mistake taking me lightly little bunny. You hop around your forest of delusions pretending to be big game only to be passed over for Bambi. Daniel Boone wouldn't even consider making a hat for his young child or use your meat to feed a local begger. Soon girl, no cheat codes, no changing the difficulty to cream puff, no power glove can save you from the harsh reality of crashing down to the mat, your spine shattering and you brain become mashed potatoes smothered in your very own gravy. L1 L1 L1 L1 R1 R1 R1 R1 L2 L2 L2 L2 R2 R2 R2 R2.

LeStrange reaches for some jumper cables rigged up to 12 diesel batteries and clamps the positive to one of the rabbits ears. The expression on his face exudes pure lunacy as he clamps the negative on the other ear. For a split second, the rabbit squeals before violently exploding, blood and gizzards spreading over a 75 foot radius.

That was shocking....NEXT.

The last animal seen is a Guinea Pig, but before LeStrange gets any words in, the network pulls the feed. The director rips the disc from the player and shatters it as an assistant whispers in pure shock.....

What the hell did we just do?


END.[/color]