Okay, you guys actually had me going there for a second. Let's all have a good laugh and give Alexis and Justice a round of applause for pulling the wool over ol' Luca's eyes for a little bit with this obvious ruse they're pulling. No one spits fire this fucking weak unless it's "a prank, bro" so just give it up and get to spitting the real fire.

Oh shit they aren't joking, are they?

Now that's some funny shit right there. These two absolute cucklords are trying their very hardest to say something damaging about Austin and I, but they just can't. It's heartbreaking, really. My heart is shattering into a million billion pieces with every fucking word that comes out of their mouths and yeah, a whole lotta words are coming outta their mouths. Fuckin' rapid-fire bullshit. Like a whole lotta cap guns. A bunch of loud noises and smoke, but no fuckin' bullets to be seen.

The orange cap means it ain't a real firearm, shitheads.

#Gitgud.

Or don't. Really, it's of no real consequence to me. I'll just as easily front hand, back hand, front hand, back hand the shit outta both of ya whether you show any competence or not.

But, listen to me talk! I only started recording because a momentous event just took place, well it took place like a day ago at this point I don't fuckin' know or care, all I know is that it happened.

Justice Drake opened his mouth.

Now, for those of you who aren't in the loop with the kind of astounding fuccboiosity of Justice, let me sum it up for you. He's like your fucking cousin. The one you're pretty sure is a product of incest, but since you're not from the south you can't ask that question without getting a couple of odd looks. So, at all the family gatherings, he stumbles over to you, waving his arms like a dude with Parkinson's having a seizure talking about some dumb shit that you couldn't follow even if he could form a fucking sentence without swallowing his fuckin' tongue.

Like, seriously. He'll just be talkin' his head off to you and the cousin you actually can stand to be around for more than five minutes and you two just gotta stand there like



He's the kind of fuccboi that ruins your already minimal enjoyment of family gatherings. Even more than your crack whore aunt and conspiracy theorist uncle (AKA the fuccboi's parents).

So, you can understand why this is a big fuckin' deal to dat Luca boy. Picking on the mentally challenged is my favorite way to pass the time.

Hit me, Justice. Hit me with your best shot.

Maybe with a little more me next time. And some more Austin too. Easily the best parts of your promo there, man. The parts you weren't in because you were too busy reminding everyone what we said like people'd actually forget anything I've ever said.

Shit, let me test that.

Ahem.

Hello XWF Universe, it's the New Sensation himself, Justice Drake.

You're welcome fuccboi, it's your first real quotable. I expect some fuckin' royalties.

I know, I know. I keep on coming back to me when I should be responding to Justice Drake but if you've seen that hot mess, can you blame me? What is there to talk about when it comes to Justice? That he's fucking stupid? That he's delusional? That he's this, that, the other thing, and the other other thing? Well I could but I think if I went quotable by quotable and refuted his ramblings, it'd turn out even more redundant than his promo already was.

So, let me pick out my favorite bits.

Like when he called me an assclown and "the most insignificant member of CCWF's team" then practically in the same breath told us he was on a mission and not even I could stop him.

Make up your mind, man!

Am I an assclown?

Am I insignificant?

Or am the big obstacle? Your biggest test? The man that could very well stand in your way, but you'll somehow overcome?

Or, are you saying those things aren't mutually exclusive?

That, even if I were an insignificant assclown, you're so fucking useless that you'd still be the underdog?

Brilliant.

And I'd love, love, love to see those brainstorming sessions you mentioned. The ones where you and Alexis are, as you fucking put it, "working out and planning the match out" because I'm almost certain that planning part consists of Alexis flinging checkers pieces at the wall, still hoping to hit Austin and I, who are still nowhere near the fucking room by the way, while you ride a tricycle around the perimeter of the room, lookin' like that puppet from the Saw movies.



Sorry James Wan, I don't mean to drag your A1 cinema into a discussion regarding Justice Drake, but shit happens.

Like those last couple Saw movies amirite?

God dammit! Now I'm talking movies and not Justice. You all have to appreciate how hard I'm trying to keep on topic when it comes to this waste of skin, right? So, you know what?

I'm done.

With him.

I'm onto greener pastures, oh wait fuck Alexis isn't much better.

But see, there's something I can easily pick at with her.

Like a fucking scab.

She likes to talk about what I decide to tell the nerds at the XWF to title my promos, so it's only fair I return the favor, right?

Right.

So, without further ado, I give you the most precious fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Alexis Riot's, "THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!"

Screaming necessary as fuck.

The moment you have all have been waiting for.

Pfffffffffffffffffffft hahahahahahahaha Jesus fucking Christ way to go.

Gold star.

A1.

It makes sense that went over her head, considering she can't fucking make a valid point to save her life. Or, even just say one sentence without looking like a spastic.

I was complaining about being in the co-main event?

I mentioned having four matches in twenty-fifteen like an accomplishment?

Nah, the opposite, actually.

I was bragging about getting it that high. Didn't think I had to spell that one out for you, but here we are.

My lack of matches in twenty-fifteen? A showcase of how valuable I am. I don't need to wrestle regularly.

I show up, I bring in the money.

Because, and I'm not sure if you know this, but this is a business.

Where people make money.

Again, I could pick through everything she says with a fine toothed comb but oh my fucking God I don't have the time or the patience to go through with that so again, a few highlights.

Like her claiming the XWF is a real shithole if any other fed wouldn't let me enter. Sounded so much better in your head, right? Let me fill you in on a little secret, toots.

This is the top of the mountain. Austin and I? We're in the clouds.

Let's see, other great moments?

Her, confusing the games we're playing? Acting like she's the one playing chess?

Her completely failing to comprehend that yes, I am a hypocrite, a sell out (though I didn't. I don't got any morals to compromise, so none have been), a lot of shit I called her out on? No shit, princess. That's kind of my thing. You're the one who's got the moral high ground, right? You're the crusader fighting against 's tyranny, right?

So, why the fuck did this come out of your mouth?

Alexis Riot Said:Plus Fernando, from what authority do you speak talking about the title like that when you never have even held it? In fact, in your "amazing" career, you haven't EVER held a major accolade or even a XWF championship!

Before the part where you supposedly started using Austin's logic against him.

See, that's thing I don't get about you types. You claim the moral high ground, you cling so hard to your ideals, only to betray that very same ideology the second you wanna spit fire with the big dogs?

You don't know how to preach with fucking conviction so you don't even try.

Like, if the XWF is the shithole you insinuate it to be, because, I don't know if you know this, but claiming the only reason someone who's better than the best in a given federation is because nowhere else would let them in, insinuates that, why bother to save it from the CCWF?

Like you claim is one of your reasons for even being here in the first place.

Just admit you're cashing in on the anti-CCWF hype to boost your own career and you are what you hate.

A corporate tool.

A sellout.

Just like me, only remarkably less talented.

Remember, just because the pot's calling the kettle black, doesn't mean the pot's wrong.

So, guys, go back to your plotting and planning sessions.

You know the extent of Austin and I's planning for this match?

I shot him a text earlier asking him if he was bringing the bodybags or if that was my job.

No joke.

That's it.

But look, here's a visual representation of what Austin and I have been doing to you all week!



And it's gonna keep on happening.

Over.

And over.

And over again.