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'Insert Stupid Name Here'- Some thoughts on two assclowns
12-30-2015, 12:59 AM
Post: #1
"Hello Rioters!" Alexis says, all smiles. The video seems to be taken on a handheld camera, almost like a V-Log of sorts.

"For those who still don't know who I am, let me introduce myself, I am Alexis Riot, and I'm your currant, reigning, undefeated, undisputed X-Treme Champion!"
As she says this she holds up her championship, the gold shining brilliantly, its reflection revealing the camera in fact is being held by Alexis.

"I'm going to cut to the chase, the Riot revolution has officially begun, and it's beginning not with a whimper, but with a bang! You see, me and fellow revolution member Justice Drake will be facing off against two of the CCWF's biggest dickheads, which is saying a lot considering we're talking about the CCWF here, in a tag team match! The winners will get a shot at the Tag Titles currently held by "Mr. F'N Dominance" Trax and if Justice and me win, we get Mr. Human Trash himself Shane Carver in a cage for ten solid minutes! Me and Drake will get to do to Carver what everyone in the XWF has wanted to do for years, kick the motherfucking crap out of him! And who's standing in the revolution's way of making Carver suffer?"

Alexis's smile then disappears, her face turning deathly serious, "Austin Fernando and Luca... you know fuck your last name! I'm just calling you Luca bitch! Anyway, these two fuckers. I have some things I'd like to say about them, so I hope they're watching this. I know I watched the things they've said about me and Drake so far, funniest shit I've seen this week, but it seems like nobody is getting the joke! Don't worry though my friends, or enemies depending on who's watching, I'll show you the true humor behind what Fernando and Mr. Meme Queen have said and also show you guys that they are nothing but complete, insecure, fakes."

"Let's start with Austin Fernando! Man I sounded WAY too excited there to talk about this dick. First of all man, nice little set up you had there in your video! How much did that throne cost? Couple hundred? Couple thousand? I guess Shane does pay you guys well with what money that Vinnie Lane doesn't blow on his drug addiction! Perfect illustration to show that, in the immortal words of Will Farrell, "You sit on a throne of lies!"

"Sorry about that Elf reference guys! It's the end of December and I wanted to get my little holiday spirit out of my system before the year is over!"

"Back on topic, let's look at some of the things you said. You say you've dominated EVERYONE in your path? Cough, cough, Cyren, cough. In all fairness though you did have a pretty successful year, I can't argue with facts. You have beaten all the people you said you did in that little promo, but while you have beaten them, you seem to have neglected to sayhow you beat them. Don't worry Austin! I'll help with that! Let's start with the first name you mentioned, Avery."


"Who? Like dude, the crickets didn't even chirp there during my awkward silence, that's how unknown this "Avery" guy is! He might have been big back then, but this is present day XWF. No offense to Mr. Avery, but he is old news! The fact you're still holding that as an accomplishment is sad. I did watch the match though, and you did dominate, but I hope you marked that date on your calendar because that was the last ever match on an XWF PPV that you ever won cleanly. Now I know what you're saying, "I BURIED BOURBON IN SHIT CLEANLY! NO INTERFERENCE AT ALL IN THAT ONE YOU X-TREME HOE!" and that might be true..."

"But those brass knuckles helped you out a little, didn't they?"

(09-01-2015 11:43 AM)Shane Carver Said:  Robbie postures for the crowd. A shockingly lucid Austin reaches into his trunks, retrieving something. Robbie returns to business, bending over to grab Austin and pull him up to his feet when, CRACK!

Austin punches him in the mouth! He's got brass knuckles on!

"With this in mind, let's move on to probably your most notorious event, War Games. This was where you betrayed the XWF. You had your little "It was me all along!" moment and in your own words "annihilated everyone". Here's the thing though, you seem to think from your point of view, which is up your asshole, that you did this all by yourself! In actuality, you did it with help from your CCWF fuckboys. You beat up everyone who wasn't CCWF, even your teammates, with help from your CCWF fuckboys. In fact, the only person you took out by yourself without any help from Shane Carver or any previous beatdown from CCWF members that stormed the cage was Trax, which hats off to you, is pretty impressive, but even then it was a cheap shot! That's what you seem to specialize at Fernando, cheap shots. I understand though, win by any means necessary, that's how I got this belt. The difference between you and me though Fernando is that while I owe up to it, you try to play it off as some sort of accomplishment! Anyway, so in all the chaos that you and your CCWF members caused, you pinned Justice Drake for the three count. That's right, you did that, you pinned Drake, but once again you neglected to tell us how you did it. Let's have a look at how you achieved this amazing feat!"

(09-14-2015 07:04 PM)Shane Carver Said:  Vinnie Lane takes the CCWF/IWGP Universal Championship and winds up as Austin peels Justice Drake from the canvas and holds him...

CRRRRRRRACK!!! Justice is busted open by the shot from the title as the fans go wild. Austin looks down at the fallen Trax and spits on him before dropping down to cover Justice Drake.

"Well won't you look at that shit. Not only did you only pin Justice via a cheap shot with a title belt, you didn't even hit him with the belt yourself! You see Austin? All of your "accomplishments", your greatest moments, are the ones where either Craver and crew carried you to victory or you had to resort to a cheap tactic to win! It's sad really, you are one of the most elite superstars in the XWF, I'll admit that, but when the chips are down and it's all on the line, you can't win without cheating or getting your little jerk circle called the CCWF and Daddy Carver to provide a "little assist". Also, speaking of War Games, this is my favorite part!

(09-14-2015 07:04 PM)Shane Carver Said:  Justice then pulls Fernando up to his feet, before whipping him into the ropes and popping him up on the rebound.


The pop-up superkick lands flush!

"Beautiful isn't it? Now where was I? Oh yeah, you see Fernando, besides listing your great moments you TOTALLY did all by yourself with no help whatsoever, you also decided to complain about the state of the X-Treme belt, saying that it was passed from "One joke competitor to the next," First of all, I don't think Mason Prince, the same man who won two matches for his title in the same night, two triple threat matches no less, one of which was his debut match in the XWF, pinning one of the top stars in the company, Frodo Motherfucking Smackins, to win his second match of the night, and the man who will make sure your little CCWF friends won't interfere and that Trump calls it down the middle, can be considered a joke! Second, you're calling me a joke? Don't count your chickens before they hatch Fernando, I haven't even debuted yet! Plus, even if I'm not a joke, I think my above evidence proves I'm not the only funny one around here!"

"Plus Fernando, from what authority do you speak talking about the title like that when you never have even held it? In fact, in your "amazing" career, you haven't EVER held a major accolade or even a XWF championship! You say we have run of the mill mid carders running around like they own the place? Well Fernando, if you want to end this epidemic so bad, you might want to start hitting yourself! In fact Fernando, considering you consider the things you "accomplished" to put you above everyone else, by that logic, this belt right here makes me better than you! In fact, even your tag partner Luca is technically better than you! Austin Fernando, you are just another loser who couldn't make it big by yourself in the XWF and decided to take the easy way out and join the CCWF! The only reason you are riding such a wave of success right now is because you're the only person in the entire XWF who can rival Vinnie Lane in a "Kiss Carver's Ass" competition!"

"In the end Fernando, you are nothing more than a liar who has built himself a throne of deceit and falsehoods to make yourself feel greater then everyone else around you. You say that me and Drake will face the "real" Austin Fernando? That the Fernando that lost to Cyren was, "An alter ego?". You're fooling NO ONE Austin. That loss was a crack, a weakness on your throne, and me and Drake are the wrecking ball that will finish the job and knock your ass to the ground! Then, when we stand above you with the XWF behind us, you'll realize that the CCWF isn't indestructible and that the "Superior One," isn't all he's cracked up to be."

"Now I would be talking about Luca right now, but it's getting pretty late where I am and I've dealt with as much bullshit as I can for one sitting. So Luca, you're off the hook for now, but trust me son...."

"Until next time, Riot out!"

The camera then cuts to static. The static then fades to black, with these words appearing on the screen,

R.I.P Shane Carver


[Image: RgWkPlt.jpg]

Love me? Good. Hate me? Better

1 Time X-Treme Champion
Snow Job Gauntlet Winner

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Justice Drake (12-30-2015), ♆♍ᵹŗᶀìȡ 卐 Ąᾗᶃḝᶋ ♆ (12-30-2015), Peter Fn Gilmour (12-30-2015), #MemeQueen Luca Torchwick (12-30-2015)
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