8/15/15

Brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggggg



Brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggggg



Brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggggg



My eyes pop open and I stare into the darkness unable to even see my ceiling, just the way I like it. When you live the lifestyle that I do, you learn early on to black out your windows so that you can sleep the day away. Seriously, nothing good happens until well past noon anyway.


Brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggggg


I reach over and grab the phone then put it up to my ear without even looking at the caller ID.


This better be important.


Well if that's the attitude you're going to have, nevermind.


.....Shane?



Very good, you win a potato!


Always with the potatoes. So why is Shane calling me all of a sudden?


A little birdie told me that you lost a ton of weight and were in the best shape of your life.


Let me guess, that little birdie goes by three letters and two of them are the same right?


I never reveal my sources, the important thing is making sure what I heard is true.


Yeah, it's true, I'm in great shape. I was with my girl last night and was able to last longer than I ever have before! From now on they're going to have to start calling me the all day and all night tranny thriller.


Yeah, that's not a mental image that I wanted. However it's good to hear that you're in such good shape because I have a proposition for you, The Hired Gun.


What?



The Hired Gun, think of it as a role. Something similar to Doink The Clown, Suicide, or Sin Cara only with extremely talented people playing the part instead of losers. You see, The Hired Gun has quite a storied history in both CCWF and XWF. The men that have donned the mask of The Hired Gun have been champions in both federations and the last person to wear the mask even triumphed over T-Money. Yes, THAT T-Money. That kind of history is exactly why I think The Hired Gun will resurrect your career, you'll have expectations to live up to, high expectations. That's something that you've never had before so it made it easy for you to half ass it and screw around. Even when you won your XWF World Heavyweight Title, you had no expectations to live up to because everybody thought it was nothing more than a fluke. You've even said that yourself. However if you agree to this, if you agree to be MY Hired Gun, you won't just be representing me and you won't just be representing yourself, you'll be representing all The Hired Guns that have come before you. Those are some mighty big shoes to fill, think you're the man for the job?


You're damn right I am!


I'll be in touch.


I hang up the phone and I feel my girl sit up and kiss me on my neck. She leans in and whispers in my ear.


Ready to go again daddy?


I reach back behind me and rub my hand over her crotch, rock hard, just the way I like it.


That's right baby, we're celebrating, daddy is back in the game!


End Scene




8/26/15


The scene opens with the camera panning around the Boston skyline as we witness a beautiful sunset. After a few moments the camera stops, showing us a man standing on one of the rooftops, The Hired Gun. He's just standing there silently watching the city, his city. Finally The Hired Gun takes a deep breath, looks into the camera, and begins to speak.


THG: First the CCWF reappears and everybody wants to argue about which side everybody is on. Then I appear and everybody wants to know who is behind this mask or are foolish enough to think that they already know. Not going to say any names.....GILMOUR!!!! Yeah, I lied, sue me. The point is that nobody really knows for sure who I am under this mask so I thought I'd just go ahead and get it out of the way. I'm a guy who at 5'10 and 320 pounds was deemed a failure by his parents. A guy who was never hailed as a technical wrestling god but was worshiped as a hardcore one. A guy who didn't take people calling him an average Joe as an insult but instead embraced it and put the weight of every average Joe on his shoulders when he stepped inside that ring. That's right Jack! The American Everyman is back!


The Hired Gun now pauses a second to let his words sink in.


THG: But how can that be? How can the man standing before you now be the same man I was just talking about? Well XWF, I told you the last time I was here that you will never get rid of me because I'm like sawdust. When you sweep it away, more appears. Unluckily for you this time more than you can handle has appeared! Not only do I still have my moves like Jagger, not only am I still the all night tranny thriller, not only am I still the master of the Green Dream, and not only will I still rock you like a hurricane but now I'm a whole different beast. A sexy beast at that might I add. However what changed me from a fat disgusting slob into the man I am today?


A loud thud comes from behind The Hired Gun and a door leading to the roof bursts open. In the doorway stands none other than Mr. SELF High Five, DDP! He struts over to the camera while giving the Diamond Cutter symbol and slaps The Hired Gun on the back.


THG: That's right bros, DDP Yoga changed my life!


DDP: It was tough but with my help even a fat piece of shit like Barney Green can better himself. Hell, I'm even going to make him my new spokesman as long as he doesn't touch little kids. You don't touch little kids right?


DDP looks over at The Hired Gun with an eyebrow raised.


THG: ABSOLUTELY NOT! I only touch trannys.


DDP: Legal trannys?


THG: I'm not going to lie, my twenties were a blur but as far as I know they were all legal.


DDP: That's good enough for me, for me, DDP. Just make sure from now on that you see some ID before you let any shemales.... FEEL THE BANG!!!!


DDP once again throws up the Diamond Cutter sign then pelvic thrusts before making his exit out of the same door he came from and leaving The Hired Gun all alone.


THG: With that out of the way, I have a simple question to ask. Oni, what makes you think you stand a chance against me? Much less inside of steel cage? Bitch, I've been caged and fucked in the ass by trannys who look ten times better than you do! Seriously, I've sweated, cried, and anally bled all over the world! I worked my way up out of the slums from having nothing to being rich only to go bankrupt and then claw my way back to having a nice chunk of change again. I've fought through countless injuries, so many in fact that it's a wonder I'm still breathing but I am. All of that and my last achievement trumps them all, I BEAT OBESITY!!! So tell me Oni, what the fuck could you ever hope to be able to do to somebody like me? I'm bigger than you, stronger than you, in the best shape of my life, and I've finally got something else to fight for. I have expectations that I need to meet, a name that I actually care about, The Hired Gun.


The Hired Gun closes his eyes and runs his right hand over the hood covering his head as well as the mask on his face. His eyes then fly open and they seem to have more fire in them than ever before.


THG: No longer am I merely Barney Green, the man who was disowned by his own parents and no longer had a reason to give a shit about anybody or anything. Now I'm the next great wrestler carrying on the legacy of every person who had this name before me. I'm sorry Oni, you may have stood a chance against Barney Green but you simply don't against The Hired Gun. I'm more motivated right now than I was when I won my XWF World Title, a title your wannabe princess ass will never come close to sniffing. As a matter of fact the only thing you're going to be sniffing any time soon is my size thirteen boot as it embeds itself into your skull. Then you'll smell my sweet manly musk when I'm grabbing you and bashing your face into that cage until your blood stains mat. I'm telling you Oni, you're going to regret asking for this match because matches like this are my specialty. I've made a career out of being xtreme, so as far as you asking for me in a cage match goes, good call bitch.



It appears as though The Hired Gun is going to end it there but decides to keep going instead.


THG: Oh yeah, and then there is the little matter of what stipulation I'm going to choose for this match. I swear to God Oni, if I knew I was going to have a child like you I wouldn't just abandon her, I'd have her aborted. Your chances of beating the man with the tranny plan in a cage match were already nonexistent but then you actually agreed to letting me name a stipulation not knowing what it is? Honey, you may try to distance yourself from when you used to act like a brain-dead bimbo but I have a newsflash for you, apparently you weren't acting. There are two reasons for somebody to agree to do what you've agreed to let me do. Number one, they're good enough to overcome it or number two, they're brain-dead.


The Hired Gun points to his temple repeatedly then shakes his head.


THG: Since we all got to see what happened when you were in the ring with Mr. Aries, it's very apparent that you aren't good enough to overcome having the odds stacked against you which only leaves option number two. I mean I could force you to fight with one hand tied behind your back, both hands tied behind your back, blind folded, naked, with your legs shackled together, and literally anything else I could think of that doesn't involve rape or bodily fluids. After all, I did make that promise. So what is it going to be Oni? How should I stack the deck even further in my favor? Make one of my CCWF brethren the special guest ref? No, I've got the perfect solution to this little stipulation problem of ours. our Steel Cage match will now be an............
























































EVENING GOWN CAGE MATCH!


With that The Hired Gun just walks off.



End Promo