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~~Dean Moxley McGovern~~ · **08-09-2015, 10:58 PM**

â€œLet The Magic Begin!â€

Time: 11:02PM
Date: August 9, 2015
Location: The San Jose home of some crazy friggin witch doctor

So doc, you're telling me if I take this stuff it will help my condition playa?

You will feel almost immediate relief. You'll be able to look at even the youngest and most innocent of children without getting any illicit ideas. You will no longer feel any swelling in your pants when your nieces and nephews sit on your lap either.

Dean spits up some of the apple juice he was sipping out of a juice box with a straw. He raises his sunglasses up off his head and his eyes are bulging bigger than the bulge Amanda Hands gets when he rubs another man's ding dong.

Playboy I think you got the wrong idea! I said I'm having erectile dysfunction and I need some sort of supernatural alternative to Viagra to really get me going. I'm getting up there in age mac daddy and I've had a lot, and I mean a lot, and I mean a LOT of attention given to my wiener over the years so it's gotten kind of stubborn. I feel like I need to hook up a car battery to it just to jolt it back to life when my friends come over to play. Ya dig?

The doctor sits there staring at Dean for a few seconds. He blinks a couple times before replying to what Dean just said.

I think we may have misunderstood one another.

Yeah no kidding. Look I came to you because you're close to the area I need to be tomorrow for my match and because somebody on the internet told me you're the best witch doctor in Cali baby. You got some potion or magic rag I can wrap my johnson in to fix my problem or what?

The doctor clears his throat.

Ok let's get a couple things straight. I'm a homeopathic doctor. Not a witch doctor.

Dean interrupts in a loud voice.

Ok yeah that sounds even better then! I'm not full on homo but hey if that's your specialty I can probably still benefit from your spells and incantations. Let's do this! Since you're a homo doctor do you want me to strip naked and let you rub me a little bit?

The doctor lets out a frustrated sigh.

That's not what I..... Look, I'm trying to help you but you're not getting it.

I've noticed! So gimme it already! You're acting all stingy like Darren Dangerous is acting when I ask him for a couple dollars. Gimme my fix, witch doctor wizard warlock man!

I'm not a witch doctor, a wizard or a warlock. I'm not a homo doctor. I'm not gay, and I'm not going to help you get erections so you can have sex with little boys.

Bro I can assure you some girls slip in there too. It's like a 70/30 split my dude. Yeah it's usually the peen I'm attracted to but I don't mind dipping into a...

Stop! Enough! Are you going to take this seriously and listen to me or not?

Fine if you're not going to help me with my main problem can you help me with my other problem?

The doctor seems hesitant but he agrees to listen.

And what would that "other" problem be?

I need a safe concoction to knock out people of a very small size and light body weight for about an hour or two at a time without causing them any serious injuries and without being traceable.

The doctor looks ready to scream when Dean starts laughing.

Kidding! I'm kidding already! Jesus playa haven't you ever had a sense of humor in your life? I do have another problem though and I'd appreciate your help. I've been experiencing some hair loss and I want to get on top of that before other people start to notice. Can you help?

The doctor rolls his eyes but he still tries to help. He does want to get paid after all.

Yes, I have something. You will take something called Arnica Montana 30c in the wet dose thrice daily.

Dean blinks.

Dude what the pluck did you even just say? I think I'm already facing that guy in my match tomorrow.

What?

I'm a wrestler, and one of my opponents is named whatever you just said.

Arnica Montana?

Yeah yeah he's the one. No wait I think it might be Hannah Fontanna. My bad. Anyway what were you saying about getting wet? That sounds good, I'm down with this plan.

The doctor hands a pamphlet to Dean.

This will explain how to properly mix the wet dose for proper homeopathic remedy. You can order the Arnica Montana 30c liquid dilution online or I have some on hand I can sell you but never take it straight.

I never do.

Right....ok anyway never take it at full strength. You have to follow the steps in that pamphlet. There are also some phone numbers in there in case you need to get a hold of me at any given time.

Dean looks confused as fuck as he looks at the pamphlet.

Right on doc, I understand. I'll take some of the stuff you got so I don't have to go online looking for it.

The doctor goes and gets a small bottle of the remedy and hands it to Dean who immediately, right there in front of the doc, just drops trou and starts to pour the Arnica Montana all over his dick and balls. He rubs it in really good and very quickly starts to show signs of an erection. Dean is pleased with the results but the doctor is already calling the police. Dean knocks the phone out of the doctor's hand.

What the hell are you doing? That's not cool! I'm a paying customer or patient or whatever!

Before the doctor can answer, Dean kicks him in the balls and runs off without paying!

Time: 11:40PM
Date: August 9, 2015
Location: The streets of San Jose

Dean has his pants sort of pulled up but unzipped still so he's got to hold them up with one hand while he holds the bottle he stole from the doctor high in the air like it's the Olympic torch.

Yeah! I got it! I'm cured! Kyle, Melissa and the others are going to be so happy when I get back to Compton!

Several people stare as Dean continues his way down the street. A group of teenagers see him and start yelling at him, calling him a but he doesn't even mind. The cameraman has some trouble keeping up with Dean and keeping the camera steady but we can still hear Dean going on about random things.

I can't wait to tell my bro and my sis about this magic potion I got from the homopath witch doctor.

And just like that, sparkles rain down from the sky and a small tornado flies past Dean. When the tornado is gone it has not left behind a trail of destruction but instead has left behind the brother and sister of Dean McGovern! Whoa!

Oh em gee! Dar Dar! EZ PZ!

The duo look like something straight out of a music video with their brightly colored sunglasses and sparkly attire, and yes, their names are EZ PZ (pronounced â€œeasy pea-zeeâ€) and Dar Dar. Obviously EZ PZ is the boi and Dar Dar is the gurl. Duh. They each have coffee in their hands and seem a bit dizzy after the whirlwind ride they just took to get to San Jose from wherever they were moments ago. It's not everyday a person gets delivered to Dean McGovern by a tiny tornado. EZ PZ and Dar Dar grab onto each other to catch their balance and start to chug their coffees to get back their equilibrium. Dean is smiling so big right now he has a sparkle appearing on his teeth and there's even a light "ding" sound to go along with it. EZ PZ and Dar Dar both seem to look surprised to be there but Dean knows exactly what has happened. Dean looks down at the magic potion in his hands. Not only did it fix his erection problem but it also grants him wishes!

EZ PZ and Dar Dar both keep chugging their coffee, putting their fingers up signaling Dean to wait before they say anything. Dean knows how they do so it's no big deal. Dean hops up and down in excitement and rubs the bottle in his hands, making another wish silently to himself. Suddenly the tiny tornado returns and sweeps Dean and his bro and sis away...........but to where?

That's a story for next time, perhaps. What kind of insane shit could those three have in store for us if they really do have a magic potion that grants their wishes? Good grief! First let's see what happens tomorrow night when Dean and HIS Dangerous Alliance takes on the dopest, queerest show of all time in the middle of the ring! Wow, Chameleon's trash talk game was so weak in his last promo that Dean didn't even bother to say anything about it? Wicked!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The family is back together! OMFG!
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