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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2
Call Me Bitch-Mael
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Drew Archyle Offline
Apex's Weakest Link duh



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#1
07-30-2015, 01:51 PM

As the scene fades in we instantly hear the sound of waves crashing into something hard and unforgiving. The camera pans upwards to reveal a small tourist ship as it traverses the dangerous seas. On the deck of the ship are two men. From this distance it's unclear exactly who they are only that one is at least a foot and a half taller than the other. Not to mention much less chod like. As the camera zooms in one of the men turns around revealing himself to be "The Manager" meaning the other is most likely Drew Archyle. Unless that pesky Thunderbolt X somehow kidnapped "The Manager" and then dropped him on a boat now that he's torn up that pesky restraining order. Unfortunately the mystery of who is standing next to "The Manager" quickly comes to a close as the figure next to "The Manager" turns around and unsurprisingly it is indeed "The Manager's" one and only client, Drew Archyle. In his hands are a pair of black binoculars. Both men are wearing ponchos. Drew's goes down to about his knees while "The Manager's" covers his whole body, you know, cause he's all short. "The Manager" says something inaudible to Drew who responds by waving his hands in the air as if to say "I have no clue what you just said, speak louder." Yes that's right, Drew did all that with just his hands.

"Why are we out on a boat and what is with those binoculars?" "The Manager" basically screams at Drew so that his words can be heard over the sound of the Ocean.

"We're Whale Watching." Drew replies with a faint smile.

"Whale watching? Why are we Whale Watching? You've got a match to prepare for. Why aren't you doing that?" The Manager asks, knowing full well that the answer he is about to get is only going to anger him more than the act of being on the boat already does.

"That's exactly what we are doing. How do you not know that? You are My Manager, my advocate. I pay you to know these things." Drew says with a look embellished disgust.

"How about you enlighten me as to how Whale Watching is preparing for your match. "

"Well Steve Davids, you know Steve Davids right? Former Universal Champion, former TV Champion, two time X-treme Champion? Well he's been very quiet this week. A little too quiet if you ask me and it's making it very difficult for me to get into the mood so to speak. I want to try and get into Steve David's head, see what goes on there. What makes the slightly flabby guy tick? But he's given me nothing. So I thought to myself "Self, what would Steve David's do?" And then it hit me. Whale Watching."

"What? Where on Earth did you get the idea that Steve David's likes to go Whale Watching?" The wee man replies.

"I read it somewhere."

"Where?" He asks again this time with a little more force behind the words. A sign of his growing lack of patience.

"Somewhere." Archyle says as he shifts awkwardly.

"You read it in one of those damn XWF chatrooms again didn't you?"

"What? No! Why would you say that?" Drew says as he quickly brings the binoculars back up to eye level in a desperate attempt to avoid what he knows is coming next.

"Drew I thought I told you never to go in there. No good can come of them. Why were you in an XWF chat room anyway?" He asks angrily.

Drew takes a few seconds before answering but knowing that The Manager isn't going to be struck with a sudden bout of amnesia he relents. "Because I wanted to see what they were saying about me."

"And what were they saying about you?"

"Nothing. They acted like I didn't even exist. Instead all they could talk about was how David's likes to go hunt whales."

The Manager takes a step back and mumbles something under his breath.

"What did you say?" Drew asks.

"How did they say it?"

"What do you mean? They just said that Davids has a thing for whales, he likes to hunt them down and stick his harpoon in them."

"We're done." The Manager says as he throws his arms up in disgust.

"What? What do you mean we're done? We just got here. I haven't even seen a whale yet."

"Ok Drew try and follow me here. Those people, those filthy, disgusting, classless people, who probably live in a trailer or in their parents basement, they weren't talking about the kind of whales you can find in the ocean."

"What are you talking about? Of course they were. What other kind of whale is there?"

The Manager looks around to make sure that no one is within earshot of the two of them. Satisfied that they are in the clear he grabs the straps of Archyle's binoculars and pulls them down and by extension pulls Archyle's head downward thus minimizing even further the chances that someone might hear what he has to say next. "Whale is another term for bigger women."

"What? Impossible. You're saying Steve Davids has a thing for fat chicks?" Drew says with no regard to the decibel level at which he is speaking.

"Not so loud. And yes. I am pretty certain having not been there myself to read what they were saying that they are commenting on Steve David's sexual proclivities and not his love for aquatic marine mammals."

"So you're saying Steve David's is a chubby chaser?" Archyle asks incredulously.

"I'm not saying that, the people in the XWF chat room are saying that. And it's disgusting."

"Come on now. You are my manager. My advocate. You need to advocate for equality. I'm not Dim. We don't fat shame, got it?"

"What? I wasn't saying that liking bigger women was disgusting. I was saying..."

"I know what you were saying. Never again. Now you've ruined this for me." Archyle says as he tosses the binoculars into the ocean. "I guess we should just go home."

"Great idea. And while we are waiting for this boat to take us back to the dock how about you tell me what you learned with this little adventure. If anything?"

"That this adventure was a disappointment. Just like Steve Davids XWF career." Archyle says as he watches the binoculars sink beneath the surface of the ocean and begin their descent to the Ocean Floor.

"You are calling a former 2 time Xtreme Champion, former TV champ and former Universal Champion a disappointment?"

"I sure am. Sure all those titles might sound great to the uneducated person. You know, guys like Dim. But when you dig a little deeper all those accolades are tainted. They should have an asterisk next to them."

"What makes you say that?"

"The truth. The truth makes me say that. Let's evaluate each of his title victories shall we? First Davids beat a guy named Matt Lennox for his first Xtreme title reign."

"Matt who?" The Manager asks.

"Exactly. A nobody. Davids beats a nobody to win the X title. Big deal. Peter Gilmour has won the title a dozen times which that right there tells you all you really need to know about the Xtreme title. But then he wins the title for a second time. But this time it's him versus three guys. Now at first you hear that and you think "Wow. Steve Davids overcame 3 to 1 odds to win the Xtreme title that's amazing." Right? That's what I thought at first but then I dug a little deeper and that's when the disappointment set in. One of the three people Steve Davids faced, in fact the champion at the time was none other than team killer extraordinaire Peter Gilmour."

"Team killer?"

"Yes. Peter Gilmour is a team killer. Any team he has ever been on is inevitably dragged down simply by having him as a member. Tag teams, trios, stables, it doesn't matter. It's the Gilmour Effect and because of that what should have been a problem for Davids, going up against 3 guys actually turned into a massive advantage. Davids was essentially the favorite in that match simply because one of the three people in the ring across from him was Peter Gilmour. "The Gilmour Effect.""

"Ok that explains his two Xtreme Title reigns. What about the Television or the Universal?"

"Well let's see. He beat Tony Santos for the TV title. Sort of. Brock Lesnar, Tommy Gunn and some other scrub, friends of Steve Davids beat down Tony Santos before the starting bell sounded. Santos was basically dead in the ring by the time the bell finally rang and all Davids had to do was place one foot on Santos' chest and let the ref count to 3. Davids basically did nothing to earn that title. Not a thing."

"Really?

"Yes really. I'd show you the results on my own by we are on a boat and I have shitty cell reception. When we get back to land go watch the results from the 7/21/14 edition of Monday Night Madness."

"And the Universal?"

"The Coup De Grace. A title he won via cash in. Not just any cash in. He cashed in after the former champ, Theo Pryce beat both Peter Gilmour and Eli James, pinned them both as a matter of fact. So essentially Pryce had two matches in one and then Davids cashed in on him."

"So what? What's wrong with that? He's not the first person to do it. In fact that's how Pryce won the title in the first place."

"Oh so now you are suddenly up on your XWF history? You're right. Davids wasn't the first, in fact he wasn't even the last. Two have done it since him And that's a fine practice but becoming a champion via cash in doesn't make you a good wrestler or a good champion. It just makes you opportunistic. Nothing more. Nothing less. And then what happened after he cashed in? He went into Witness Protection and disappeared. Until Management forced him to defend and then as expected, in what was the single easiest bet in gambling history Davids lost. Because Davids loses. Especially title matches. He's great at winning a title with help but when it comes to losing them he does them all by himself. As if he was put on this Earth to do that and only that. And I am going to remind him of how good he is at losing when I face him on Saturday."

"When you and Glisten face him on Saturday."

"Right, that's what I said."

"And what about LJ Havok?"

"What about him? You think because he had the gaul to respond to what you had to say that I am somehow intimidated by him? Why would I be? Why would I be concerned with a guy who can't cut a promo to save his life? Why would I be worried about a guy who literally put words into your mouth so that he had something to say rather than responding to what you actually said."

"You heard that too?"

"Of course I did."

"You want me to respond?"

"No I don't. I let you fire the first shot. I was hoping it would be the only shot because I really didn't want to waste my time on this never was but you let me down so now I'll do it myself."

"I let you down? I'm sorry to hear that. I promise you it will not happen again."

"It doesn't matter. This is good for me. I need this. While I am much more adept at the physical rather than the verbal I am no slouch there either so how about you kick back and watch me school ole LJ on how to cut a promo."

"Lay it down."

"First and foremost, before I get into the meat of what I have to say allow me to offer LJ a free piece of advice and that is this. Low Jack the next time you are scheduled to face someone or multiple people in a match try not to spend 80 percent of your promo talking about a guy who is not only not in the match but hasn't mattered since you were an itch in your daddy's crotch ok? Now, let's do this."

Drew interlocks his hands at the fingers and extends them outwards, cracking all of his knuckles.

"Now LJ you should thank your lucky stars that you were booked at all let alone in a match against me and Mr. Sparkles. You misspoke a bit when you called yourself one of the fastest rising stars in XWF history because of the truth of the matter is you haven't risen at all. Rising is what people do when they accomplish things. You know like winning titles. Which I've done. Twice now. You? Still searching for that elusive title win.

"Let the record show that not I, nor my Manager, who was the person to address you previously, called you old or a dinosaur. In fact my Manager didn't bring up your age at all. You know why? Because it's irrelevant. As in, it has nothing to do with this match at all. You see LJ, unlike you, my Manager and more importantly I don't waste our time with the trivial. Instead I focus on the important. It's truly great that rednecks in Tennessee came up to you asking you to make a return. They missed your technical proficiency you said. I'm sure they did. Everyone enjoys watching a car crash and that's exactly what you are. You are the guy people cheer when they inevitably fail. Spectacularly and often I might add. Not only didn't you win the big one you didn't win any "one". You think your wins mattered? Few and far between that they were? They didn't. No one remembers the matches you won. Hell people barely remember the matches you lost and that's only because you find the need to remind them.

"I have absolutely no idea where you got the idea in your head that my Manager or I think we run shit. In fact if you paid attention at all to when my Manager was speaking previously you would know that it has been made very clear to both my Manager and I that we don't run anything. The General Managers made that abundantly clear when they took the Hart Title from me. So please do me a favor, in fact, do yourself a favor, help me, help you and please stop making shit up so that you have some talking points. Either address what my Manager and I said or say nothing at all. And no LJ I'm not afraid to speak for myself. The reason I allow my Manager to advocate for me is because he's good at it and because it saves me from having to waste my time doing what I just had to do. Which is school an ignorant jackass such as yourself. You see I would much rather let my fists do the talking and that's where The Manager comes in handy but every once in awhile I take some enjoyment out of humiliating someone verbally. Now school's out for the day."


Drew walks over to the side of the boat as The Manager smiles in the background, clearly proud of the verbal beatdown his client just handed out to his upcoming opponents.


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Former:

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w/ Robert "The Omega" Main and and James Raven "Apex" Longest reigning tag team champions in XWF history at 241 days.
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