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John Samuels · (04-06-2013)

The scene opens inside of a lavish dressing room. Quotes from famous Republican leaders are boldly printed on the length of the walls, which also house large portraits of men such as George Bush and Ronald Reagan. At the end of the room we see John Samuels seated in a chair in front of a large vanity mirror, being tended to by a young brunette, as Fairchild sits on a nearby couch chatting away on her cell phone. She nods her head after a few moments and places the phone down to her side.

Fairchild: I’ve lined up some free press for you later on. All the local networks will be there, and it’s a human interest piece so you’ll get plenty of air time. Might help your image a little.

Samuels: My image is just fine. What’s the gig?

Fairchild: Speaking to a classroom of fifth graders.

Samuels lets out a loud groan.

Samuels: But I hate kids.

Fairchild: Tell that to all your pro-life supporters.

Samuels shakes his head and makes a ‘shh’-ing sound. The brunette straightens Samuels’ head out as the camera shows that the woman is applying makeup to bruises around his neck. She grimaces as she traces one bruise with her finger, drawing Samuels’ eye.

Samuels: Pretty, huh? You know what that’s from? Those no good cheats that I faced at Gauntlet City. Did you see that? Ronnie Wilkins attacking me from a behind like a coward as I was distracted. What kind of champion does that?

Samuels sees the brunette look over at the gavel placed next to him, the very gavel he used to win his debut XWF match, but ignores her scathing look.

Samuels: That’s why he lost the title so soon, he’s not a real champion. Not like me. No, the belt is back to it’s rightful place because I’m just too smart for these half-wits. And did you see what I did to Mister Mystery!? Talk about your highlight reels- That had to have made ESP’s top 5!

The brunette rolls her eyes

Brunette: ESPN’s top 10? Is that what you mean?

Samuels: Yes, that’s what I said. Pay attention girl. Mystery was going through the entire roster like an unstoppable juggernaut. Dismantling people left and right, it was a sight to be seen. Nobody thought he would be stopped, he was certainly on his way to becoming the King of XWF... Until The brave, handsome and incredibly powerful John Samuels stepped into that ring. Boy howdy, I slapped that big boy down so fast he might’ve gotten whiplash. And then I got robbed, again! Two times in one night. I was prepared for a fair, gentleman’s match and then that... that thing, he ambushed me! I had just solved the ‘Mystery,’ and was well on my way to becoming the King around here, but that freak spilled blood on me!

Brunette: His name is Unknown Soldier--

Fairchild’s jaw drops, along with the cell phone in her hands. Samuels quickly jumps out of his chair and places both his hands over the young girls mouth, his eyes held wide open with a look of pure fear. He slowly shakes his head back and forth as the brunette mumbles, completely confused. A crackle is heard, stopping all commotion from the trio, as the camera moves to the large mirror seated in front of Samuels. The crackling is heard again and the three turn their heads to the mirror, which is slowly frosting over. The Senator’s frantic breathing becomes visible, as the temperature in the room plummets.

Samuels: What did you do? Why did you say his name? You stupid--

Samuels is cut off by a menacing, disembodied laughter. The loud guffaw sends Samuels’ eyes all across the room, his glance dashing from corner to corner. In the corner of the screen, Fairchild faints and drops off the couch into a heap on the floor. The camera flashes back to a trembling Samuels, still scanning the room cautiously while covering his ears.

Samuels: I... I... I wasn’t being serious! That was a great win! I’m a big fan of your work! The blood was such a nice touch, it really shows what kind of... person? Monster? Demon? That you are. And she put me up to saying those things! It’s blackmail, I swear!

Samuels frantically points at the brunette until the lights flicker for a few moments, finally plunging the room into darkness. More laughter is heard, followed by a loud, girly scream. The lights return to show the scream emanating from Samuels’ mouth, a now conscious Fairchild clinging to his arm. The camera shows no sign of the brunette, save for drops of blood leading out of the room. Upon noticing the room is clear of danger, Samuels ceases his screams and nonchalantly clears his throat while straightening his tie.

Samuels: Well... How about that classroom discussion?

Fairchild: Yes... Let’s go...

The two stand up and cautiously back up the door, slowly exiting the room.

The screen flashes to a large picture of a winking Samuels, standing in front of a waving American flag for a few moments before coming to focus inside of a classroom where Samuels is seated in a comically small chair holding a book open, amongst a group of children seated on the floor surrounding him. A portly, elder woman wearing glasses taps a ruler against her desk, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room.

Teacher: Now children, today we have a very special guest! This is Senator John Samuels, and he’s here to talk to us today! Now, Mr. Samuels--

Samuels clears his throat and winces.

Samuels: That’s Senator Samuels.

Teacher: Oh yes, of course. How foolish of me. Senator Samuels, my students are very interested to gain the insight of someone with such an extensive political background. Would you please give them an idea what the life of a Texas senator is all about?

Samuels holds up a book with ‘ABC’ written on it.

Samuels: I have a better idea. Who want’s to learn the alphabet!?

The children all glance back and forth at one another, confused.

Teacher: Actually, Senator Samuels, this is a fifth grade class and my students have an excellent grasp on their alphabet.

Samuels: What about this one? He looks like he could use some help.

Samuels points to a hispanic boy near the front of the class. The boy smiles and shakes his head.

Samuels: What’s your name, senor?

Ricardo: It’s Ricardo, Mr. Samuels.

Samuels: It’s Senator to you too, Ricky. Tell me, where are your parents from?

Ricardo: Mexico, Senator.

Samuels: So I assume you speak Spanish. And as it just so happens, I happen to habla a little espanol myself. Cual es tu animal favorito?

Ricardo (excitedly): “Perro!”

Samuels: Y, cuantos anos tiene?

Ricardo: Diez, Senator.

Samuels: A donde va cuando yo tomo la tarjeta verde de tu papa? I hope I said that right!

Samuels begins to chuckle, as the rest of the confused class goes along with the laughter, while tears begin to roll down the face of the young hispanic boy. Samuels raises his voice to cover the child’s sobbing as the teacher gives a look of concern.

Samuels: Oh he’s just embarrassed because he doesn’t speak English as well as the others. Which is why we’re going to do the alphabet children! Our first letter is A, as in ‘accomplished.’ Let’s use that in a sentence: The Senator, being a three time champion in his short tenure in the XWF is very accomplished.

The students groan as Samuels flips the page.

Samuels: And this one is B, as in ‘better.’ This Monday night, the accomplished Senator John Samuels is going to show you why he is better than his opponent.

C: As in Crimson Cobra. Crimson Cobra has no chance at victory on Monday night, because John Samuels is just better.

D: As in defense. John Samuels sees no reason to schedule an unnecessary defense of his title. Especially to an annoying gnat like Cobra.

E: As in everyone. Everyone is going to laugh when they see Crimson Cobra writhing in pain after I hit him with the Filibuster. Which leads us to...

F: As in Filibuster: The Filibuster is the most dangerous, high impact move in wrestling today. Ask Mister Mystery. And after Monday night, you can ask Cobra too.

G: As in golden: Crimson Cobra made quite a name for himself before John Samuels arrived to Monday Night Madness. Taking him out will be a golden opportunity to rise above the rest of the scum in the shallow talent pool.

H: As in history: History is going to be made Monday night when I walk into Monday Night Madness a champion, and walk out the number one contender for the European championship.

I: As in insignificant: Look at that little twerp, Cobra, he’s tiny. Does he think all that aerial acrobatics and flipping around like an Asian is going to stop me. What an insignificant, terrible excuse for a human being.

J: As in justice: That little vending machine incident? You know, where I took my title belt from Cobra? Don’t expect him to get any measure of justice. I took this belt from him fair and square and he’s not getting it back.

K: As in kingdom: The XWF is my rightful kingdom. I would have become the King of XWF if not for Ronnie Wilkins and ...someone else’s underhanded tactics at Gauntlet City. There was nothing stopping me.

L: As in liberty: I will take every liberty I need to on Monday night. I will beat Crimson Cobra, by hook or by crook. He better watch himself.

M: As in mystery: Did you guys see what I did to Mystery the other night? Oh boy was that great.

Samuels chuckles to himself and looks at his watch, which seems to startle him.

Samuels: Anyway where were we? Oh yes, the best letter of all. The letter T, like in the word thrashing. And believe me, children, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. A thrashing. Crimson Cobra may have been a big deal before I got here, bravo to him. But do you think he would’ve made it to the top of the contendership ladder if he had to go through me? Don’t believe for a second that he would because his climb toward the top would have stopped with me, much like it will this coming Monday. I’ve watched his matches, and calling him a cobra is a joke. He’s annoying, he flies around and quite frankly, he’s not pleasant to look at. He’s not a cobra, he’s a moth. And what do moths do? They flock to the brightest light they can. And when you think about it, who’s shining brighter than me in the XWF right now? I know John Madison is the newly crowned ‘king,’ but I paved the way for him, he wouldn’t be there without be. So that leaves me, the brightest star here.

Samuels looks directly into the camera, his smile fading to a look of disdain.

Samuels: Crimson Moth, it’s no surprise you drew me, it was going to happen sooner or later. And luckily for me, it’s the former. The faster I see you in that ring, the faster I put you on the ground where you belong, the faster I move on bigger and better things. You don’t worry about your title shot, junior, when I’m done with you, you won’t be able to spell the world title, let alone challenge for one. But I have good news for you, serpent boy: After Monday, you won’t be on my radar. You won’t be on the European champion’s radar either, whoever that may be. Simply put: You won’t have to worry. I’ll be busy at the top of the roster, making damn sure that our European champion is a red-blooded American. And while the big boys are busy taking care of important things, you can go back to doing your cute little flips off of ladders and re-living horror movies made for children. Really, it’s a blessing in disguise. I’ll take that position in the spotlight that you no longer deserve, and you can go about your meaningless life, pretending to be somebody without the pressures of disappointing an entire audience.

The camera zooms out, revealing the look of shock on the teacher and students’ faces. Samuels turns to the class and smiles again.

Samuels: Any questions?

One of the children raises his hand. Immediately Samuels points to him, beckoning for him to ask.

Child: What’s U stand for? Unknown Soldier?

Samuels: Not again...

Samuels drops his head into his hands, his breath again becoming visible. The children all begin to shiver as the lights begin to flicker. The whimpering of the children is interrupted by the menacing, disembodied laugh from Samuels’ dressing room. The lights flicker more frantically, before finally going completely out.

Only a girly scream is heard.

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