[REC]

Dustin: It is yet another beautiful day here in Westwood, California. Clear skies, the sun blinding the people watching this tape, green grass and trees, and not a single asshole driving their loud ass motorcycles on the road. Yes, this is a town where everybody knows everyone, at least the people that live here.

[Christopher walks on scene.]

Dustin: And here comes our man of the hour, "The Hardcore Hero", Christopher Isles! This is one of those rare moments where we aren't seeing him getting his ass kicked by your narrator, Dustin "The Superior" Evergreen.

[Chris turns back to the camera with an incredulous look and smile.]

Dustin: Never mind that, let's talk about how much of a badass the man on camera is. Let me tell you, this man once took a couple of chair shots to the face from yours truly and bled so much, that he had to get plastic surgery to look like the ugly mug he is right now. But before he left, he decided to finish up the match before going to the hospital.

[At this point, Chris is chuckling and shaking his head simultaneously]

Dustin: I knew I'd get 'ya to laugh at that!

Christopher: Alright dude, that's enough. Hand over the camera.

Dustin: What are you talking about, dude? You just gave it to me a few minutes ago!

Christopher: I think I can live without a narrator, dude. Just hand over th-

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[PLAY]

[We see Christopher a few years younger than what we saw of him not a few minutes ago. He appears to be watching some clips of early recordings of death matches, some from Japan, others from CZW and IWA. Currently, he's watching a match between MASADA and Ryuji Ito. We must be at the middle of the match, because Ito, a Japanese male, just lit a rectangular turnbuckle on fire and is trying to attack his opponent with it. Chris pauses the video and turns around in his office chair to call over his friend, Dustin, who is currently sitting on the couch while drinking out of a bottle of Gatorade.]

Christopher: Hey, dude, check this out.

[Dustin stops drinking and looks at Chris.]

Dustin: What? What are you trying to get me to look at?

Christopher: I want you to look at this wrestling clip.

Dustin: Another one, dude? Come on, WWE pretty much desensitized my taste in any kind of wrestling. Besides, ever since Edge left, I haven't been interested in wrestling as much as I was back then.

Christopher: Nah bro, this shit's in Japan. And this match is something I haven't seen them do in ever, not even with Edge.

[Dustin sets his drink on the glass coffee table, curious about whatever his friend might be talking about.]

Dustin: Oh, you're watching some of that backyard shit, are ya?

Christopher: More like a death match, but yeah, I am. Come over here and check this out!

Dustin: Hang on, dude. Give me a few seconds to get my ass up.

[It takes a little stretching and a little more than a few seconds, but he's able to stand up and walk over to the computer without a problem.]

Dustin: Oh fuck, man, those guys look awful!

Christopher: That's part of the match, Dusty. The ropes are made out of barbed wire and there's cement blocks in that ring, see?

[Dustin squints his eyes as he looks for the blocks. His eyes widen when he sees them.]

Dustin: Dude, that's fucking messed up.

Christopher: I haven't even finished watching this match, dude. I'm going in this video blind.

[Chris hits play and the video continues on as normal. As he does so, Ryuji drags MASADA over to the flaming corner and places his arm over the fire, burning it and slightly cauterizing his wounds in the process. Both men respond to this spot with 'Oooohs', as if they know what MASADA just put himself through. After that, Ryuji picks up the bleeding American and hits him with a couple of elbows to the face. He then attempts to whip MASADA into the corner, where he stops just a few feet from the fire. The Jap runs at his opponent to knock him into it with a Big Boot, only for the American to evade it, pick him up, and drive his back into the fire with a Overhead Fireman's Carry toss. Out of shock, they drop their jaws and Chris pauses the video.]

Dustin:...Oh my God! That was fucking sick, dude!

[Christopher is still rendered speechless by the move, so he can only respond with shocked laughter.]

Dustin: It's like one of those Hollywood fight scenes, dude! Shit like that should be in a fucking movie, right brah?

Chris nods, a stupid looking smile slowly forms on his face.

Dustin: I don't even think those fuckers are even human! You saw the same shit I did, right dude? Those guys must be stuntmen trained to do shit like this for a living for the triple A shit!

[After that statement, Chris is able to pick up his jaw and drop the smile from his face. He looks at Dustin as if he could also see the lightbulb above his head.]

Christopher: You just gave me an amazing idea, dude.

Dustin: What would that be, dude?

[Chris stands up from his chair and looks at his buddy without skipping a beat.]

Christopher: If people in Japan can do it, then so can we. If men like Mick Foley and Terry Funk can do it, we can too. If people can dedicate entire federations to shit like this, then by God, you know we're going to make one as well.

Dustin: Chris, are you telling me that...?

Christopher: You know it dude.

Both: We're going to make our own wrestling federation!

[Both men high five each other and chuckle at the same time.]

[STOP]

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[REC]

Christopher: And that's how I became interested in backyard and hardcore wrestling. It's all because of that match in 2008. Of course, we didn't watch the whole match in 2008. I think we watched it in 2012, but I'm just guessing, ya know? There's more to that story, what with how we ended up fucking up our faces out of tribute to that sport and how stitches were stitched on and removed after we were body slammed into plates of glass and shit like that; but that isn't important right now. What is important is my first opponent in the XWF, Marek Matthews.

Now what have we seen Marek do on his debut in Bad Medicine? Well, besides throw a pipsqueak over the top rope? Well he took his focus off of the champion in that match. Then he received a wedgie from and was tossed out by the Southern hick. Not a strong start, but that's alright. I don't consider myself to be as harsh as everyone else in the roster, but your views might differ from mine somewhat.

Dustin: Just get on with it, dude.

Christopher: My bad. Anyways, he opened up the recording with him talking to his...wife, I think? I don't know, most athletes think they can get away with a few one night stands while living the life of a millionaire or something of the sort. I'll just stick with calling her his wife because I haven't seen this guy go after anyone else yet. So after talking to his wife like he's going to depart to Afghanistan, he then says that this match is going to be a big one.

I mean sure, it's big for us. After all, we're just making our debut in the XWF in a fucking football stadium for crying out loud, but to others? Not really. Looking down at the card, I see Bruce Blingsteen, which is an awesome name that he chose for himself, fighting the Demolisher-

Dustin: Dude, no, that's not how everyone else pronounces his name. They call him the Dimallisher.

Christopher: I'm trying to be nice, dude. I don't want to call him because it's in his name. Anyways, that match is bigger than ours, at least according to the card and the belt. Just have fun in this match, dude. I'm probably not going to take this as seriously as you. Even if you or I kick our 'rosy red butts' in that match, it won't really matter to everyone else because we haven't beaten anyone worth a damn or aren't holding a belt that'll get everyone's attention because of how prestigious it is. So don't take yourself too seriously, alright dude?

Oh, and you have suits upon suits in your closet. Good for you, man. That doesn't really tell me how good you are in taking a chair shot. All it tells me is that you're rich, richer than us by far.

Dustin: Maybe it's supposed to symbolize how much money the boss gives him by putting his face in front of a camera or something like that.

Christopher: Now that you mention it, that's probably what it is!

[Chris laughs for a second or two.]

Christopher: Well, after he packed up for the event, which we still have to do, by the way, he goes on to make threats to me about how my first will be my last or some bullshit like that. Dude, I've crashed myself into barbed wire after Dustin moved out of the way and broke my shoulder after landing on it wrong, do you think I haven't conditioned myself for what you have to offer? And I know it's a falls count anywhere match, dude, I can read the card they sent me. Do you have this firm belief that everyone in this federation is a skull fucking that eats books for breakfast?

If you do, then I think those roids you're obviously taking are going to your head.

Dustin: You accepted his challenge, brah. You should be prepared for whatever insane bullshit he has for you every time a video is uploaded on the website.

Christopher: Oh great, I'm fighting Scott Steiner during his period. That's going to be lovely for the people in the crowd. Look, dude, I don't expect you to fear me. I'm not going to dress up as the crow and kidnap babies for the sake of horror. No, I just want to fight and leave a good impression on the crowd. If you aren't for that, then you might as well head on back to your Canadian town and surrender because you have the French in you. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised that your threats are like people talking about how they'll destroy some womam they just met in bed.

You know the kind of guys, right brah? The ones that say that they'll wreck the pussy only to be slow and timid as a turtle? Yeah, those guys. So you better actually kick my ass to the point that it caves in and gives me two basketball sized craters, otherwise you just hyped yourself up for nothing.

Dustin: Dude, that was fucking radical! You sounded like a real pro for a minute there!

[Dustin continues to praise his buddy as the scene fades out.]