NOCMM: ThunderFaggot's promo earlier today was a huge piece of shit. It was so shitty that I injured my arm from pressing the fail buzzer so much. I'm only a fifth of the way through it so far and in that fifth of the promo it accumulated sixteen fails. A word of warning, this promo will be long and some of it will be quotes of the outright worst promo work I have ever heard. If you're squeamish you can stop watching now, but if you're a real old skool fan it'll be your pleasure to watch me explain where ThunderBolt X failed hard in his piece of shit that he shit out and pretended was a promo.
NOCMM puts his left hand over the buzzer and prepares for the awful shit talking and lies.
NOCMM: Without further adieu, ThunderBolt's shit from where we left off.
Quote:Thunderbolt X- "You still think that was my wife" "Fuck off" "The person you fucked wasn't Kelli Berglund, before she was married, or Adriana Cass" "Just because my wife is hotter then anyone you have fucked in your entire life, doesnt give you the right to start false rumours"
Thunderbolt X pulls up a written version of the 2nd statement.
Thunderbolt X- "Oh and your right for once" "My wife, is a famous Disney actress that could slap anyone, really hard, across the face" "I'm surprised she hasn't hit you yet" "I'm well aware she plays Bree Davenport in Lab Rats and she played Mae Hartley in How To Build A Better Boy" "That statement was better then your first one Hero but we are just getting started" "Lets play the 3rd statement"
Thunderbolt X presses play on his phone.
NOCMM: So, you're still in denial of the fact that I bagged your dream girl and get to fuck her three God-made holes and several invisible-man-made holes. That's your problem. Kelli, can you start sucking my cock please.
The real Kelli Berglund enters and takes NOCMM's fat and long invisible cock in her cisgendered female mouth. NOCMM smiles, he's not gay like ThunderBolt so he likes getting blown by women.
NOCMM: She's paying me to do this. She's a Disney Channel whore. This isn't your 'wife', ThunderTard, your 'wife' is a man. I'm not fucking your 'wife's' transgendered female mouth right now. I'm fucking Kelli Berglund's cisgendered female mouth. You see there's a big difference. When your 'wife' sucks your gay little cock it's actually a man doing it, but when Kelli sucks a cock it's straight because she was born a woman and chose to remain a woman.
NOCMM has no choice but to buzz the buzzer for that grandiose fail on ThunderRetard's part. FAIL!
NOCMM: So the person I fucked in the promo "Games Shows Are Fucking Gay" wasn't Kelli Berlund? Let's ask her that. Kelli, did you pay me to cut a whole in your arm and fuck it during a promo for the Lethal Lottery 3 #1 Contender Match?
Kelli Berglund stops sucking the invisible cock and looks straight at the camera to answer the question.
Kelli Berglund: Yes.
Kelli gets right back to sucking NOCMM's cock since it's one of her favorite things to do.
NOCMM: There you have it.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Did you seriously say that your 'wife' is hotter a woman? Even the woman that 'she' supposedly is who is sucking my cock? I'm sorry ThunderBolt, but that line of thinking makes no sense. A man who turned into a 'woman' cannot be more attractive than a biological woman. Only a
or a
would think that which makes that statement a....
FAIL!
Kelli starts lathering up NOCMM's invisible cock with her saliva. It's getting really wet and slippery now. I hope my narration of this isn't making your gay mouth water, ThunderBolt.
NOCMM: ThunderBolt has to be one of the stupidest fucking gays God ever made. False rumors? The
doesn't even know what the word 'false' means apparently. When something is 'false' that means it's not true. Kelli Berglund was getting her arm fucked so that can't be a 'false rumor'. When there is video evidence it can't be considered a 'rumor' either. Before your next promo you should invest in a dictionary, ThunderRetard.
FAIL!
Kelli Berglund's sloppy and wet blow job is really hitting the spot.
NOCMM: Oh, so what I said was fine? Then why did you bother making it one of your nine statements,
? You went through all the trouble of ripping off my promos and you don't even bother to pick my statements apart? My promo must've been really great if you couldn't even come up with another shitty lie for that.
FAIL!
NOCMM: 'She' hasn't hit me yet because 'she's' never met me. I don't fuck men,
, that's what you do, not me. Kelli's getting my cock really wet right now and she likes getting her arm fucked, so there's no reason for me to turn your man into another one of my living sex dolls.
FAIL!
NOCMM: If your 'wife' does hit people though, then why didn't 'she smack you around for all those shit puns you made? If you guys are going to pretend 'she's' Kelli then maybe you should do more research and actually find out what Kelli would do in certain situations. Your 'wife' is doing a really half-assed impersonation. It's almost as half-assed as your shitty promo.
FAIL!
NOCMM: And the final fail, no your 'wife' doesn't play Bree Davenport. We already saw your 'wife's' shit acting in your first promo. There is no way 'she' could get a job acting on TV. 'She' could try out for one of your shit promos though. That's the kind of low budget bullshit work a bad actor can get. You two are a match made in shit acting Hell.
NOCMM pats Kelli's head while she slobbers all over his.
NOCMM: This is the girl who plays Bree Davenport. Disney would never hire a man to do a woman's job.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Let's roll the ne-
Kelli Berglund: NOCMM, please cut a whole in me and fuck it HARD.
NOCMM pulls out a knife and cuts open Kelli's dress. Then he pulls her bra off and cuts an orifice into Kelli's shoulder. NOCMM grabs his invisible cock with his invisible hand and jams it into Kelli's visible shoulder hole. NOCMM starts thrusting his meaty invisible cock into the Disney slut's wholly shoulder (if Kelli could hear this she'd punch me in the face) and fucks her hard.
NOCMM: Let's roll the next clip.
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: There's no mention of her playing the part of Adriana Cass, so she doesn't even consider your marriage a fake one. I bet she has no idea she's being impersonated and some XWF rookie is pretending to be married to her. If this is some elaborate hoax to get one of my fuck toys to notice you it's obviously not working. Try harder ThunderCunt)
Thunderbolt X presses the stop button.
Thunderbolt X- "Just take a look at the tweet from the 1st statement" "She clearly says the word HUSBAND" "So our marriage is real, you dumb fuck" "And like I said before, she keeps forgetting to change her twitter account name to Adriana Cass" "This one was full of mistakes and lies" "Lets get to the 4th statement before I find anymore"
Thunderbolt X presses play and takes a sip of water.
NOCMM: Apparently ThunderBolt thinks I'm as stupid as he is. ThunderTard, I know that wasn't a real tweet. I'm not
like you. Anyone can make a fake tweet that doesn't make you special.
FAIL!
NOCMM: That's convenient that 'she' keeps forgetting to changer 'her' name on Twitter, considering the real Kelli Berglund is getting 'her' shoulder fucked. Kelli, what is the real reason you haven't changed your name on Twitter.
Kelli's cisgendered female shoulder grinds against NOCMM's cock as it moves around her insides. She stomps moaning to answer NOCMM's question with a question of her own.
Kelli Berglund: Why would I change my name on Twitter?
NOCMM smiles it seems like she is loving the sex too much to even think, let alone keep track of what NOCMM's cutting a promo about.
NOCMM: This guy named Jacob Cass says he's your husband.
Kelli Berglund: I don't have a husband. It would be on Wikipedia if I did. I hate the name Jacob.
NOCMM: I think that one speaks for itself, Mr. Cass.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I never lie, ThunderBolt X, and I think you know that all too well. This pathetic attempt at gouging my credibility isn't a 'face' move by the way. A real 'face' wouldn't need to pretend I'm lying. A real 'face' wouldn't try to destroy a famous woman's reputation by saying she'd fuck a loser like you. Kelli Berglund has standards ThunderBolt and that's why you'll never get to fuck her. Keep fucking that male look-a-like and pretending it's as good as the real thing if you want, but the only way to get a woman in your bed is to turn your back on being a
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: There weren't any mistakes in that statement either. You must be addicted to lying. What do you like more ThunderBolt, lying or child porn?
FAIL!
NOCMM pulls out of Kelli's shoulder and puts a band-aide on it, then he shoves his cock back down Miss Berglund's unmarried cisgendered throat. Kelli tries to get the whole cock inside her mouth but it's way too big for that, so she only gets a fifteenth of it down before choking on it. NOCMM plays the next part of ThunderBolt's green as rookie shit promo.
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: Good luck making me suffer for telling the truth about your 1st mate, butt pirate. I'm invisible. Unless you're talking about my client which doesn't make any sense because he doesn't even know your wife is a man version of one of my living sex dolls, so he hasn't made any comments about her)
Thunderbolt X presses pause.
Thunderbolt X- "Oh so that's what you and your manager have been fucking in your other promos" "That totally makes sense now" "At first I thought you guys were actually fucking real women"
Thunderbolt X takes another sip of water.
Thunderbolt X- "Anyway another mistake you made was when you said good luck making me suffer for telling the truth" "First of all I don't need luck because I will make you suffer" "And you weren't telling the truth, you were telling the XWF universe and your Old School fans, absolute bullshit" "Well statement 4 was all a load of crap" "Lets see if statement 5 is the same"
Thunderbolt X presses the play button.
NOCMM: I understand not knowing what the word 'rumor' means or even what the word 'false' means, but this
apparently doesn't know what the word 'living' means either. I'm sorry, I'm not sure if everyone caught that logic jump, so I'll explain it. I referred to Kelli Berglund as one of my living sex dolls. That means that she's a living thing that I treat like a sex doll. Common sense, right? Yes it is, but ThunderBolt is
so this type of thing flies right over his head. He didn't know this so he went on a
tangent about how God and I fuck sex dolls and not real women. What a
. If he had any life experience at all he would of known what I was talking about, but the dude is a virgin who never had the opportunity to fuck a cisgendered female living sex doll. He'll never find a woman that loves his cock so much that she'll let him treat her like an object.
FAIL!
NOCMM: During the
tangent, the dumb fuck went as far as to say this was lying. Obviously now that I explained what a 'living sex doll' is it's clear that I wasn't lying. That doesn't make it not a...
FAIL!
NOCMM: So, ThunderBolt was under the impression that I finally told the truth about how I actually fuck dolls instead of real people, right? Then why did he call what I said a 'load of crap'? If it was a 'load of crap' then my 'mistake' where I mentioned that I actually fucked a Kelli Berglund sex doll would be untrue. So that would make ThunderBolt's entire
tangent null, since what I said was a load of crap. If that's so then why would he go on a
tangent about something he thinks isn't actually true? That bullshit doesn't make any sense. Do you think I fuck dolls or not, ThunderBolt? Seriously, pick a fucking theory and stick with it,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Did you guys see how fucking gay ThunderBolt looks when he sips water? The way he drinks water is so feminine that it makes me sick. Drink water like a man,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Change your name to ThunderFail, because that's all you know how to do. Bring on the next clip!
NOCMM thrusts super hard into Kelli Berglund's mouth as the promo plays.
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: Here's more proof that your wife isn't the real Kelli Berglund though. She would never go to your room and get a camera for you, because that's a man's job. Kelli Berglund is a woman so she can't play 'cameraman' with you. She doesn't have the parts, but who knows what your 'wife' has in-between her legs. She probably has the balls to ask you the tough questions. Pun intended)
Thunderbolt X presses the pause button.
Thunderbolt X- "Ok lets get this straight Hero" "My soulmate is a FEMALE or WOMAN by the name of Adriana Cass, formerly known as Kelli Berglund" "Ok now that we have gotten out of the way, its time to point out Hero's mistakes and lies" "Ok so my wife grabs a camera and she instantly becomes a man?" "That makes no sense"
Thunderbolt X takes a sip of water
Thunderbolt X- "Technically that sexist" "Yourbasically saying women can't be camera operators" "You should be ashamed of yourself Hero for even thinking that" "I don't even want to continue with statement 5 so lets go to statement 6"
Thunderbolt X presses the play button on his phone.
NOCMM: ThunderBolt...ThunderBolt...I'm at a loss. Which fail should I start with? They all make you seem so
. I guess I'll go with the easy one. You sure are sipping that water a lot. Is that something that helps you lie,
, or are you so parched from cutting this dry, bland, shitty, and unoriginal promo? Drink up,
. You'll be cutting a lot of dry, bland, shitty, and unoriginal promos in your career so you'll need that water.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Here's another term our colorful
doesn't understand. That term is 'sexist'. What I said was only sexist if you lie about what I said. As you quoted, I said women can't be cameramen, not 'camera operators'. Women aren't men, so of course they can't be cameramen you fucking moron. Like I said, they don't have the parts your 'wife' does. I'm not sexist, you're just lying to make me look bad. That seems to be your favorite 'face' tactic.
FAIL!
NOCMM: So before I get to our next FAIL I want to go over the words ThunderRetard doesn't understand. The words ThunderBolt X failed to comprehend so far are 'sexist', 'cameraman', 'rumor', 'living' and 'false'. Five basic and simple words that everyone who speaks English knows what they mean. How about you learn to speak English before you start making up your own shit words,
? "Yourbasically" has to be the absolute worst made-up word I've ever heard. Shove that
shit back up your
ass, bitch.
FAIL!
NOCMM: You're going to try to get something straight?
aren't capable of such a thing
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I'd like to acknowledge ThunderBolt's fake outrage and say if the comment was sexist then he's blaming the wrong person. God didn't say anything about how your 'wife' acted like a cameraman, I did. God would never talk about you or your male 'wife' because you're a rookie and he doesn't talk to green pieces of
shit
rookies like you, ThunderCunt.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Have you been taking an acting class, ThunderTard? I almost thought your outrage at this case of 'sexism' was legitimate, but then I put my brain back inside my head and remembered that you're a
with nothing to gain by caring about women's rights issues. If a gay begins to care about a woman's problem it is because they have some kind of ulterior motive. Your ulterior motive was to deceive people into thinking I'm a sexist. I guess it sucks to be you since I'm too smart for that.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Soul mates are bogus pseudo-scientific bullshit. So are horoscopes and that Zodiac crap. You have no soul mate. Those are fairy tales. You merely found a man that you like having gay sex with. Nothing magical brought you together. You're gay with your husband because you chose to be. It's a choice.
FAIL!
NOCMM: ThunderBolt, I can't believe you're still lying about your husband's gender. Everyone is sick of hearing this lie over and over throughout all your promos. You may as well come out of the closet already. All of your peers, all of your fans, and all of your superiors know the truth. If you come out of the closet now no one will think any differently of you because we already hate you for being a
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: You're 'wife' didn't become a man by picking up the camera. Your husband was born male and betrayed God plan. He turned into a 'woman' in an attempt to trick me into fucking him. It didn't work because I wasn't born yesterday like the male strippers you like to watch take off their clothes.
FAIL!
Quote:(Hero: He said Hero Xtreme 7.9 had no evidence of the fact that he's God when there is plenty of it out there. He proved that he can fly in a match against Mastermind and Cohen Horne, he proved that he can burn people's flesh with plants in the #1 contender's match at Lethal Lottery 3 and he used his voice to shoot fire and ice at Peter Gilmour on the latest edition of Warfare. There is all the evidence you need to prove Hero Xtreme 7.9 is God. He even had video footage of him smiting someone in 1515, way before video cameras were invented. Show that footage to any veteran historian and they will tell you it's legit)
Thunderbolt X presses the pause button and then laughs.
Thunderbolt X- "I still see no evidence that your client is god, Mr NOCCM" "All I see is a bunch of cool props and special effects" "The only piece of evidence I can't explain is the 1515 video" "Although if there were no cameras in 1515 then how can you prove your client time traveled?" "Oh and you can fly, can you?" "Guess what?" "So can I genius, all I have to do is climb up the turnbuckle and jump off" "To save your client anymore embarrassment I will move on to statement number 7"
Thunderbolt X plays the next statement.
NOCMM: If you don't see the evidence I provided then you're blind. In case you don't know what 'blind' means, in that context I am saying that you can't see. You don't know a lot of basic words so that was precautionary. I don't want you to say that I made up the word 'blind' to make you look dumb, because if you did that it would just be another headache I had to deal with.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Special effects? Are you
? I already know the answer to that. Special effects only work on things that are filmed. You can't do special effects in real life. There were thousands of old skool fans in attendance who can attest to the fact that it was a real fireball shot from his mouth. Go ahead and turn your back on those fans too and pretend they don't exist. The only person who looks
at a result is you when you ignore the facts, ThunderBolt.
FAIL!
NOCMM: A four-leaf clover that burns people would be a cool prop. It's odd that no botanists have written books about it. Oh wait, those don't exist. Obviously Hero Xtreme 7.9 found a four-leaf clover and used his God powers to make it burn people, there's no other explanation for a plant to be able burn someone. That was a common sense...
FAIL!
NOCMM: When you jump off the top rope it isn't flying, that's just falling with style. You can think Toy Story for that own. Since I credited them for the line it isn't plagiarism.
NOCMM thrusts his cock hard into Kelli's mouth sending spit all over the place.
NOCMM: God actually has the ability to fly. Watch that match and learn what 'flying' is. I'm not going to explain what seven words mean in this promo. Six is my limit. The rest you have to learn for yourself, ThunderRetard.
FAIL!
NOCMM: My client didn't need to time travel to get that footage,
. He just used his God powers and the footage appeared. Before you doubt something so obviously real you should ask a veteran historian next time. This wouldn't have been such a fail if you treated this like it was your job, got off your lazy rookie
ass, and did some real research for once.
FAIL!
NOCMM: No, I can't fly. My client can fly,
. I'm invisible but that just means you can't see me. It doesn't mean I can fly. That shows what you know about anthropology (nothing).
FAIL!
NOCMM: The only person who could possibly be embarrassed by that shit attempt at disproving God is you. Why would God be embarrassed by a green rookie that he can't hear lying through his green as baby shit rookie teeth? Maybe he would be embarrassed he made something as
as you? Was that an attempt at self-deprecation? Newsflash, self-deprecating jokes are supposed to be funny.
FAIL!
NOCMM: If you freely admit that you can't explain why Hero Xtreme 7.9 is able to do all the godly things he's done then you just come off as a stubborn atheist
by not accepting Hero Xtreme 7.9's teachings as your way of life. Everyone who watched your shitty promo now thinks you don't believe in God because you think it's cool to be atheist. Is that the message you want to send to your fans? I don't think it is. You should try being a 'face' instead of a
atheist. It would make your color scheme better.
FAIL!
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: Here's a good one, ThunderBolt says that my client makes and then backs down from challenges that he makes to rookies. My client has never challenged a rookie, dumb fuck. Rookies aren't main eventers so he doesn't make challenges to them. The only people he challenged to matches were Sebastian Duke who ended up adding three others to the match and making it non-title, Justin Sane who ran away and made Mandii face my client instead then dropped the title on purpose so he'd never get embarrassed by my client, and Dr. Louis D'Ville who I assume went to management and threatened to quit if he's booked against another main eventer, so now only rookies like TJ Wallace, Aerial Knight, Gator, and Mastermind are allowed to challenge for it)
Thunderbolt X stops the statement using the pause button.
Thunderbolt X- "Dude when a rookie or a newbie challenges you to a match, you get your manager to post a automated message asking the challenger to pay you Xbuxs just so then they can face you" "I admit you don't challenge rookies but the fact is, your afraid of them" "I better get on to statement 8 before you run away from our match"
Thunderbolt X blares statement number 8.
NOCMM: I don't have a manager,
. I'm my client's manager. A manager having a manager would be stupid as fuck and I'm not surprised a dumb rookie cunt like you thought of it. If managers could have managers eventually every match would be a lumberjack match and those are always shitty. Nobody would watch a Lumberjack Match only show. Your shitty idea would put this company out of business.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I tell rookies how to properly challenge my client because God has a disability and literally can't do it himself you fucking ableist. I bet all your fans in wheelchairs hate you now. Are you going to shout at them and try to bully them into walking? That's fucking disgusting ThunderBolt. Get your fucking act together. You're supposed to be a 'face' by treating disabled people like cowards is fucking dreadful and one of the 'heelish' things you can do. It's definetly against God's will and I'm glad you're going to Hell for it you ableist, rookie, pedophile,
,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: God isn't afraid of rookies. That's just blasphemy. God fears nothing.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Running away is how you win the match on Wednesday,
. It's an escape only cage match. God probably will run away from you on Wednesday, since that's the whole point of the fucking match you're in, ThunderCunt. You would know that if you did your research, but I guess you're too fucking lazy.
FAIL!
NOCMM: God doesn't need to fight rookies. He's God. If he was having shit matches with
rookies all the time then he'd never have a week free to use his title matches, which are the only reason he came back to the XWF in the first place. That's why the pay wall is in place, so he can fulfill his purpose faster. God didn't come here to waste his time fighting
rookies. He came here to make a difference and fix the XWF.
FAIL!
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: However, if that's your mission then you will fail. God can't be hurt. He may act hurt on Wednesday, but that's just for fun. Those are just mind games. Only you will feel pain, ThunderBolt. Win or lose your objective is a suicide mission. All that will occur on Wednesday is God's will)
Thunderbolt X- "I actually agree with part of this statement" "I agree this is a potential suicide mission" "But if I'm going down, your coming with me"
Thunderbolt X takes a sip of water
Thunderbolt X- "Time will tell if I fail my mission" "Oh and stop bullshitting to people that you cannot be hurt" "I'll tell you what, I NEVER GIVE UP and I won't give up until I inflict pain on your client and even then I won't give up" "How about we wrap this up and get to the final statement?"
Thunderbolt X presses play on his phone.
NOCMM: There he is drinking water like a
again. Is your throat clogged with shit? Water could help wash it down, but it looks like you prefer your shit spit all over our screens instead of down your
throat where it belongs.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Time won't tell shit. Your mission is literally impossible to complete. That's why it's called a suicide mission. That's what the phrase 'suicide miss- nope I'm done explaining this obvious shit to you. Look it up yourself
. If your life goal is to inflict pain on my client then you will live a sad and pathetic life. God can't feel pain,
. Use your fucking brain please.
FAIL!
NOCMM: It doesn't matter if you give up or not. That doesn't change the fact that God has never felt pain and never will. To keep this promise you will have to be fighting God until you literally drop dead. If you ever stop attempting to hurt God you will forever be known as a liar. I don't think you can do it. You'll have to give up eventually if you want to stay alive and be able to fuck your husband again.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Wait, the final statement is next? Fuck yes! Finally I'll be free from this shit promo and all of its fails. I don't think people are supposed to be excited a promo's almost over though. Yep, that counts as a...
FAIL!
Quote:(Hero: NOCMM: ThunderBolt X's promo was boring, bland, fake, gay, lacked the proper trigger warnings, and it was shitty. I predict the 'real promo' will not be an improvement)
Thunderbolt X stops the statement using the pause button.
Thunderbolt X- "Who the fuck do you think you are?" "Are you a fully payed promo critic employed by XWF?" "I didn't think so" "The only people that care about you Hero is your Old School fans and your blow up prostitutes" "My promo was boring and gay?" "You should look in the mirror you hypocritical bastard" "My promo may have been shitty but at least I don't lie in them"
Thunderbolt X grabs his phone and holds up a picture.
Thunderbolt X- "I told my wife that I had some final words to share at a later date and the time is now to reveal them" "You see I tweeted my final words so you don't have to read the rest of this promo" "Here it is Hero"
![[Image: qulKnVh.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/qulKnVh.jpg)
NOCMM: I don't think I'm anyone. I'm not your 'wife' so I actually know who I am and I don't need to pretend to be someone else. Tell your 'wife' to get his sex change reversed and be himself,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: No, I'm not a promo critic. I'm God's extremely qualified manager. I'm pretty much the only opinion people can trust when it comes to whether or not a promo is worth watching, so if you want people to like you I'm the invisible man you need to impress. My opinion on your promo is actually worth something, unlike a promo critic's. I don't think I need to remind you, but all the promos you've ever made were shit and that's the reason you only have seven Twitter followers.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Women who pay men to have sex with them aren't called prostitutes you fucking
. They're called customers. If you still need help understanding this concept then look it up on the Internet,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Not all Christians are wrestling fans,
. Obviously they care too since he made them and they respect him for that. You also forgot me. I care about Hero Xtreme 7.9 too. All the dead people who are in Heaven with God count too. Don't forgot our living sex dolls, they love God's cock in their warm holes. I guess only people who have chosen the right path care about my client, then? That's like saying "All the people that matter care about your client" and pretending it's an insult. Actually, it's not like that, it's exactly what you just did. What a fail. I'd rather have all the people in the world that are going to Heaven care about me then have seven followers on Twitter. It looks like Hero Xtreme 7.9 has more people that care about him than you do.
FAIL!
NOCMM: You lied five times as an answer to the first question of your first promo,
. I'm not going to forget that just because you managed to cut a second shit promo. You lied a shit ton of times in this promo too. In fact, that was a lie! What's it like to have flaming pants,
? Is it anything like being a flaming homosexual?
FAIL!
NOCMM: If I looked into a mirror I wouldn't see anything, dumb fuck. I'm invisible. I have no reflection. That insult doesn't work on invisible people like me.
FAIL!
NOCMM: You're right about one thing. Your first promo was shitty (and fake). It's weird that you tried to hide that all promo long just to reveal it now. It sure made your entire promo seem like a waste of time.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I'm not reading your promo,
. I'm watching it. I'd have to print a transcript to read it and no bothered to make one for this promo since it was so shitty. The odds were your seven fans were just going to watch it and be bored so no one thought it would be worth the effort to describe what happens in this shit show. I can't read your promo it's so bad.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Yes, your promo was boring and gay. You had a heavily scripted conversation with your man 'wife' and you gave him a gay kiss. Look up what the words 'boring' and 'gay' and you'll find that they fit that perfectly. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.
FAIL!
NOCMM: These are your final words, huh? So that means you're just going to sit on your ass and do nothing for the rest of the week then. Way to let your seven fans down.
FAIL!
NOCMM: If your final words are a tweet then I do have to read it you dumb fuck. Tweets don't come in audio form,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Obviously this is a fake tweet. That was more then a hundred and forty characters, rookie. I wasn't born yesterday, so I know how Twitter works. This is very telling and confirms 100% without a doubt that you did lie in this promo.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I can prove this tweet doesn't even exist, too. Here's a link to ThunderBolt's Twitter.
The link appears on the screen.
https://twitter.com/TheBoltNGCW
NOCMM: There you can find that he hasn't tweeted this message or any messages since April 14th. His followers must be pissed that followed an inactive Twitter account, all seven of them.
FAIL!
NOCMM: If you look that this fake tweet and then the others that are actually on his Twitter you'll find that he uses Twitter incorrectly. Instead of using social media as a tool to promote matches he uses Twitter to tweet stupid shit like this....
NOCMM: Which no one retweeted. Because ThunderBolt is a nobody. All seven of his followers didn't give a fuck about his favorite wrestler's new move, OR they simply didn't give a fuck about ThunderBolt. That's probably why ThunderBolt X pretended nine people retweeted his fake tweet, because he's so desperate for retweets. What a...
FAIL!
NOCMM: Now I'll take a look at what his final thoughts actually are.
While Kelli sucks NOCMM's fat invisible cock, NOCMM reads the fake tweet.
NOCMM: Humans can't fly, shoot fire and ice with their voice or get footage from before cameras existed,
. You already said you couldn't figure out how to dispute this, so bringing it up as some kind of final point make you look
. And you should look
because you are. God is a God and not a human. That's how he has all his supernatural abilities.
FAIL!
NOCMM: It doesn't matter what body part of my client you kick. It won't hurt him or magically make him not God anymore. Your kicks are just shitty rookie kicks. They can't un-God God.
FAIL!
NOCMM: God can't be a rookie. God made himself a main eventer on the ninth day. He's been a main eventer since nine days after the beginning of time. That's over four billion years of being a main eventer,
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Then our little plagiarizing
rips off The Hurricane for the second time in a row. He's a lying and stealing
.
FAIL!
NOCMM: And there you have it. All the fa-. Wait...there's more after his final words. That's another lie then,
.
FAIL!
Quote:Thunderbolt X- "There is no stopping me at Warfare, Hero" "So my advice to you?" "Beware Hero, because a Thunderstorm is coming and it is about to hit"
Thunderbolt X superkicks the camera and it turns off.
NOCMM: My client doesn't need to stop you. He just needs to exit the cage. I know you're
, but you should at least know what type of match you're having, dumb fuck.
FAIL!
NOCMM: I read that in your tweet already,
. Now you plagiarized The Hurricane three times without crediting him. Three strikes and you're out. You just guaranteed a place in Hell with that
move.
FAIL!
NOCMM: You kick like a bitch.
FAIL!
NOCMM: Now let's look into this #HeroIsntGod.
The link appears on the screen.
https://twitter.com/search?q=%23HeroIsntGod&src=typd
NOCMM: I guess no one on Twitter agreed with him.
FAIL!
NOCMM: And there you have it. That was all the fails in ThunderBolt X's pile of shit. I'd go back and count the fails, but I have a life. If you're one of ThunderBolt's seven Twitter followers I'd like you to unfollow this pedophile. His next tweets will probably be child porn and if the FBI catches you with that you'll go to prison and Hell. Thank you for watching this promo and laughing at ThunderBolt X's shitty promo with me. If you came out of my last four promos thinking something along the lines of "This ThunderBolt guy is gay,
, and a shitty" then you passed. You're probably a good person who is going to Heaven. However, if you came out of this promo thinking the opposite then you may as well kill yourself now; you'll never get into Heaven if you're that stupid.
NOCMM and Kelli Berglund have sex for many hours and NOCMM cuts holes all over her body and fucks them with his huge invisible dick. After about twenty hours of amazing sex with his living cisgendered female fuck hole he cums in her armpit. The scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.
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