"Goddamn, Goat is fucking quiet this week. Must be because he's busy gargling on Pest's left nut, based on Pest's announcement at Warfare. Maybe he's finally realized no one wants his stupid fucking shit in the XWF. Kind of like Defiance, notice how despite their shit, and Sane's claims of them being the most dominant stable in the fed, they've all vanished. Except Austin, who once again has flipflopped teams. Good show, Austin, show Defiance how well they can trust you. And to think, the one time Sane beat me, he thought he was top shit. And then he lost the Xtitle, and then the tag titles, and then vanished like a pussy. Good show. And soon, his stupid stipulation will be over. When Tuesday morning rolls around and I'm still celebrating another win. Celebrating in true Frodo fashion, which means tons of drugs, then Goat will realize he's not shit, and Sane will be crying into his Gator pillow case. As he and Gator talk about how they 'visited' corVus in jail, when it was fucking apparent that Harrison took the body. Really guys, really? Just be glad that Scully didn't call you out on it, dipshits. Fucking morons, honestly.

And what's worse? We then have Karl Cross coming in with his flamboyant air of homo-dick-sucking-love, and trying to insult people only to fuck up and get called on it by Samuels and Maria Brink. Samuels who isn't even a real wrestler anymore has to come back from his retirement just to point out how glaringly stupid Cross is. No, wait, pretty sure everyone who faces Cross does that. And boring. That one gets used a lot to describe Karl. So, now we have Sane and Gator being and making shit up to try and better a story, and then we have Karl Cross trying to be clever and being horribly bad at it. Getting mocked by a girl with AIDs. Fantastic day for the XWF. Jesus, it's almost enough to make me want to retire and chop my fucking dick off. Or, nail it to a tree and rip it off the nail violently. Every day, for twelve years. That's how badly the XWF is looking with all of these running rampant. Does anyone remember when this place had standards? When someone like Diaz would have come in and magically grown a dick just to slap some around for not being smart enough? Yeah. Fun times.

You at home probably wonder why I hate so hard. And I hope you pay attention and notice this shit. Notice it hard. Then the next time I got to some fucking event, you maybe won't ask me why I'm so goddamned hostile. Oh, and then to make things fucking worse I had fucking Pest call me the other day. Honestly. I wish I made that shit up. Fucking Pest the Molester. Got my number and called me. I'm expecting a grandchild, and now have a teenager living in my house, and that dude fucking blows up my phone. I still don't have any fucking idea how that baby rapist got my number, but I suspect Madison was involved. I really hope I'm wrong, but on the off chance I'm not, I want to formally announce this, I am changing my number. Only Mandii, Harrison, Kirk, and Doc will get it. The rest of you can fucking use the work emails like normal fucking humans. And no one better email me pictures of Maverick's balls. Maverick. Stop doing that, you bitch. No one believes you were born a man.

We also have Thunderbottle running around like some sort of pimp because he formed a team with a bunch of cocks who failed to win a match, or save some girl's life. Waah! She's dead, niggas, move on. Oh, and Bottle, a new team won't help people take you seriously. You were basically handed a free win by management (in Lethal Lottery when you were paired with my nigga Doc) and you managed to fuck that up. Oh, and no, you're no in the Underground. You're not cool with us. You're a microcock trying to swim with the big dicks. Well, pussylicious, you're not riding my dick to relevancy. Go lose to Hero Xtreme, you giant labia. And stop telling people you married that chick from the Disney Show Labrats. It's fucking creepy, bruh. She's younger than my daughter, and your ass looks 40. Are you Pest's little brother? Sick. Straight up sick. For real, you fuckers make my stomach turn. How did you people not get a coat hanger to the embryo? I blame Bush and his anti-abortion stance. Jesus, I want Shane to die and Eli to take the federation back. Could we bring Amos back? I think the Rot set into this place. If I have to sit through another bullshit promo from some fucking scrub who can't even find his way out of the XWF Locker Room, I will literally kill my family, and it'll be Shane's fault.

And you know the worst part? People don't take me seriously, because they figure I'm some sort of halfman or some shit. They forget, I've taken some beats on in my time. And my time ain't fucking over. So, I'm laying this out. After I get Swagmire out of his fucking debt. I'm taking the tag belts. Don't worry about a partner, bruhs. I got one. A good one. Better than Gator and Sane. Hell, even better than Peter Gilmour's left nut. That's right, niggas, I said it. Suck Peter's left nut."


"Right, but Dad. What does that have to do with mom?"

"I'm not really sure, kiddo. What were we talking about before I got sidetracked?"

Frodo is sitting on the bed next to his son, Joseph-Gordon.

"Mom, and her suicide."

"Oh, right. Kid, I got nothing. Unless she watched a raYne promo, or paid attention to the utter shit spewing from Karl Cross' boring ass mouth, I've got no idea."

"Well, fuck."

"Well, fuck indeed. But, hey. Did you hear the good news?"

"No. What good news?"

Just then Katie bursts into the room randomly holding a pitcher of Kool-Aid. She throws it in Frodo's face.

"Oh yeah!"

"News involve you, sis?"

"What news? I dunno what's going on. I just felt like being the Kool-Aid guy."

She turns and leaves the room. Frodo is sitting there dumbstruck.

"She didn't even break a wall. Who plays Kool-Aid guy and doesn't break a wall. I just don't understand that girl."

"Well, what the hell is the good news?"

"Oh. Sarah's pregnant."

"Dad, Sarah's a Trans. She can't be pregnant."

"Right. Right. Crack's pregnant."

"Crack is a man. Dad, who's pregnant?"

'I don't know. Ask Sarah. Right now I'm too confused at this Kool-Aid thing. Someone's either pregnant, or into horse sex. I can't remember at this point."

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Do you ever make sense?"

"I don't know, son. Ask Swaggy."

Frodo got up and walked out of the room. Joseph-Gordon collapsed on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling.

"Mom, I don't know if you're listening or if the dead do just go in the ground to rot. I dunno. Dad said someone named Doctor D'Ville swallows the souls to power his magical reign of whores and pancakes, but I'm not sure. Anyway, if you're listening I have a question. Why?

Why did you do it? Why did you take your own life? Why did you leave me? Was there some plan at work that I missed? Am I really that intolerable? Was it dad? Did you and dad have a fight or something?"

Sarah hears JG talking to himself as she's walking by his room and pops in. She moves to where he's laying and sits on the bed next to him.

"Sup, kiddo? You ok?"

"No, Sarah. I'm not. My life is fucked right now."

"I know, it's hard with your mom being gone and all. But, and I'm not meaning to replace her, but I am here for you."

"Sarah, lemme ask you something."

"Sure."

"Why?"

"No idea why she did it."

"No. Why does Katie have to strut around in almost nothing?"

"No idea."