Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

AerialKnight · **04-12-2015, 02:54 PM**

We fade in on a junkyard filled with numerous unwanted items in piles of rubbish all across the lot. Some of the items appear to be obviously broken while others look visually unused. The items the little drone can pick up on it's lens are springs that were attached to toys but aren't anymore, tin containers that used to store food, used, disposable razor blades, and other items that might or might not be in working condition. A magnet can be seen picking up a nearby car effortlessly and dragging it towards the compacter to turn it into a decent sized cube. Footsteps can just barely be heard over the sound of metal being crushed and trash being dumped into bigger piles thanks to multiple dump trucks driving to the yard and back.

"HEY! CAMBOT! TURN THIS WAY!"

BEEP BEEP.

The bot turns around to catch the Aerial Knight covering his ears to futilely block out the noise from the yard. The noise of trash being crushed still is heard over his voice. What would normally be a deafening scream from a man is now too soft to be picked up by human ears. To aide the people watching the video, subtitles are added to this promo (as indicated through bold and capital letters on the bottom of the viewer's screen).

"AS YOU CAN SEE AND MORE THAN LIKELY HEAR, I'M IN A NOISY AS SECTION OF A JUNKYARD FOR THIS PROMO! WHY!? I HATE X-TREME MATCHES! THEY'RE GARBAGE TO ME! THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLED GARBAGE MATCHES FROM NOW ON JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH BACKYARD WRESTLING MATCHES ARE RESPECTED IN THIS BUSINESS!

Somehow, a car alarm goes off somewhere not too far off in the distance, making everything even louder than it already was.

"THIS PROMO MIGHT AS WELL BE THE EQUIVALENT OF WHITE NOISE, BUT I HAVE A FEW POINTS TO MAKE ABOUT MY OPPONENTS! I"M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND TAKE SOME BROKEN SHIT WITH ME!"

The loud noise continues as Johnathan goes to grab a couple of useless trinkets as the scene cuts to him sitting in his car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, I know whose ears will be ringing out until Madness. Ah well, at least it won't last for too long, I hope. Anyways, now that I've gotten out there and just about made my little point (as much of it as I possibly could, that is), I might as well focus on my two opponents in this garbage match. One of which is about to face off against Bruce Blingsteen in another garbage match for a belt that someone used as their personal toilet. Honestly, I don't why that belt is still being held in such high regard. Maybe when one shits on a title belt, everyone suddenly wants it so much more. Well if that's the case, expect more competition in the tag division."

There's a few second pause, as if he's waiting for some sort of laughter from the viewers.

"I'll get to him shortly, though. For now, I have the silent Guy Fawkes to take down first. Actually no, not just one guy wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, but the entirety of Anonymous itself. This group of internet hackers are known for...well, hacking, obviously, into many websites and internet accounts for the sake of doing it. Any real reason? No, not really. They're just doing it because, for some odd reason, they find it fun. Of course, this simple group of pranksters turned internet warriors are currently busy with their operations with uncovering the secrets of predators, terrorists, and corrupt government officials, they have absolutely no time to post a video about me and Cross."

He remains dead serious as he keeps his eyes on the road and not on the little bot.

"So, while they're off trying to take down multiple ISIS websites and whoever else might be on their sights other than us, I'll just go ahead and say a couple quick things about them for the upcoming match. You guys can go ahead and hide your faces, acting like the big heroes that you can't be in the real world, but you better be prepared to feel how real the pain you'll receive in this piece of shit match will be. Go ahead, hack my promo and try to prove me wrong. It's okay, I'll wait.

What feels like a minute passes as Johnathan drives on the road in dead silence. After waiting and having nothing happen for the better part of the promo, he turns towards the bot for a split second to utter a quick line.

"Thought so."

He puts on an arrogant smile, as if he knows that he somehow managed to silence an entire group of internet users.

"And then we get to Cross, the man going after the piece of shit belt as if it's some sort of holy grail. I'd keep ragging on the belt he's after, but this is about him, not the toilet seat that is held in higher prestige than many of the other belts for some insane and stupid reason. Now Cross is ahead of the game, yes he is. He managed to make two whole promos while I was kicking back being completely disinterested in the match stipulation, since it goes against my code of ethics and I absolutely loathe people who have to use weapons to win matches. It says something about their skill if they have to rely on, say, a kendo stick to beat me."

He appears to shake his head in disgust before getting back on track again.

"Never mind, let's just hear what he has to say. Hopefully his words won't kill me."

He waits for audio to play out of the Cambot...except nothing happens. This creates an awkward silence created by him forgetting to record the promos from Karl, his opponent that will undoubtedly get the better of him now. Making the best of an awkward situation, the knight laughs it off before continuing with his speech.

"Well it killed the audio logs, that's for sure. Well, instead of responding to the comments made to me in the video, I'd have to remember what he said to the best of my ability. That is, once I get off the road, of course. Cross probably gave plenty of material that would take my focus away from the road, and I don't want to end up crashing into a semi truck I didn't see coming."

With that, the scene cuts out into another once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, watching the videos back in my hotel room near the stadium, I realized that there is absolutely nothing of note to say about Karl Cross. All because I remained as silent as I possibly could and wait for him to strike first. It all the generic shit you'd hear from wrestlers from the 80's and 90's. 'I'm better than you because I beat this guy, and since I beat that guy, I can beat you, yadda yadda yadda, nothing else special.' However, he chooses to take one extra page from the book of cliches and decides to call himself the greatest wrestler in this fed. Boy, I haven't heard that from Maverick, Xavier Swann, CM Punk, The Rock, and several others that tried to parade that every fucking year."

He sighs as he rolls his eyes in a full circle. We notice that he's in a hotel parking lot just beside a local IHOP. He also appears to be the only one there in the Cambot's field of vision.

"Am I claiming to be better than you? Not yet. I haven't really faced you in the ring yet. Am I disrespecting your very person right now? More than likely so, since I have no idea who the fuck you are and why I should waste my time looking you up on this website's archives to find out. You're the first ever European champion? That belt is fucking gone and the people you've fought to defend it more than likely aren't around anymore for me to care. So, I'm going to ask you one question, a question that I want you to answer with the utmost sincerity.

"Who are you?"

Beat.

"I can answer some of that for you. You're an old fox that needs to realize when to let the new wave of fighters step up to live up to your name, if not excel it. You don't want that to happen, so you stepped back into the ring once more just to eliminate all of the fresh faces and let the wrinkly old bastards have another go at fame and 'fortune'. Regular Hulk Hogan, you are."

He proceeds to laugh at his own joke.

"I'm more than certain I got that right. Feel free to give me a good laugh and attempt to prove me wrong. Hell, pull out your thesaurus if you must, but I already know that words won't help you win in this fight. Hell, your face alone won't help you win this fight. Give me one reason why I should care about fighting you other than for credibility. Hell, give me one reason why I should take you seriously, you outdated loser."

He smiles.

"While you do that, I'm going to head on over to this IHOP just behind me to have a simple chicken tender meal. That sounds more fun than listening to you say something to the effect of nothing. Cambot."

BEEP BEEP.

"Turn off."

The scene cuts to black.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode X-Treme Nonsense
Author	Message