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Tommy Gunn · **02-17-2015, 01:30 PM**

I have to be honest with you all. I really struggled with what direction I wanted to take this promo. At first I thought about borrowing from the book of Samuels and film a parody promo where I basically just shit all over that wretched piece of flaming garbage that was Mastermind's first promo against me but where's the fun in that? What fun is there in paying actors to make fun of Mastermind when I can just do it myself?

Then I thought about cutting a 45 minute promo of which 40 minutes were actually just clips of old matches and calling that my own original work but let's be real here for a second. I could pay a bunch of middle school kids A/V class to do that which would sort of defeat the whole purpose of cutting a promo against someone.

Then I thought maybe I'll just go and steal some 13 year old girls Polly Pocket Diary and start writing down all my feelings and memories because apparently people care about all that nonsensical shit. Or at least that's what Mastermind would have you believe as evidence by his first promo, and I do use that term lightly. But then I thought to myself, why bother with all that bullshit when you can just do what you do best and that is rip people apart physically, mentally and verbally?

The first of which will have to wait until next Monday but the second and third, yeah I can get to work on that right now.

Mastermind I want you to understand something. It's very basic but I think your comprehension of it might completely rock your world. When you spend the majority of your promo showing clips of and giving your thoughts on me repeatedly getting involved in your matches you forfeit the right to say that I am avoiding you. Do you understand what that is? You see avoiding someone is what Peter Gilmour has been doing with me. But as you so clearly exemplified in your promo I have done the exact opposite of avoid you. I'm so deep in your shit that I might as well have come from your own asshole.

You see when you say that months worth of frustration will finally come to an end on Monday not only are you lying to yourself but you are also further driving the point home that I am not avoiding you. See if I were avoiding you then you wouldn't be having this sense of frustration that you have.

Now before I get into addressing some of the things I've noticed about you allow me to answer the last question you posed to me.

"What am I going to do when you get your hands on me?"

For starters, I'm going to remove them, then I'm going to kick your ass and when I get tired of doing that I'll pin you and let the ref do the rest. Because that's what I do. Repeatedly.

Now let's get into the meat of this promo shall we?

First I want to congratulate you on your well deserved and hard fought victory over Peter Gilmour. Truly you worked your ass off for that one. Though I do wonder what would have happened had say a certain fellow not gotten involved? Would you have lost again like you so often do or would you have beaten Gilmour all on your own? I guess we'll never know. Unless of course you go the route of giving that bumbling idiot a rematch in which case you'll probably end up losing because as bad as Peter is, you're worse.

Much.

Much worse.

Now you might be tempted to fire back at me with some bullshit argument about how you've won the X-treme title twice and I have not. While factually accurate it's not the road you want to go down and here's why.

Peter Gilmour has held that title about a dozen times, give or take a time or two. Any title that Peter Gilmour is able to win is automatically looked at by the rest of the world as nothing more than a participation trophy. The fact that he has won the thing as many times as he has means no one will ever take that title seriously. Not me, not you and not the mother fucking man on the moon. The X-treme title while in theory is the 2nd highest title in this business, in practice it's a God damn disgrace. Sure guys like Mark Flynn and Doctor Louis D'ville try and bring some honor back to it but then assholes like Peter Gilmour, or Bobby Charles, and you go and ruin it by strapping it on.

Hell, the simple fact that you've won that title twice without actually having a match for it is a huge red flag for me. The fact that you've lost every title match you've ever had just further backs up my point. And please, please don't do yourself the disservice of trying to turn around what I am saying by pointing out the match at Leap of Faith where you won the Ark title twice. It's the fucking Ark title ok. I won that shit once and I wasn't even trying to. It just happened by accident, that's how much that piece of crap means.

Speaking of crap, the list of people you have lost to is a fucking who's who of shitty wrestlers. It's almost as if you've made it your mission to rack up as many embarrassing losses as possible while trying to pretend like you aren't a terrible wrestler.

Just look at this list for christ sakes:

Clyde Baker?
Frodo Smackins x 2?
Waylon?
Kraven?
Swagmire?
LH Harrison?
Woeful? - Ironic since that's one of the words I might use to describe your track record.
Aerial Knight?

Pause for a moment, I watched Aerial Knight try and train my 8 year old nephew when he had to face Peter Gilmour and let me tell you something. To say that Aerial Knight knows fuck all about wrestling would be an insult to those who have never heard of the sport. Oh and by the way, my 8 year old nephew beat Peter Gilmour so try not to get too high on your victory. The guy loses, almost as much as you.

Now back to the list of people who have beaten you:

Diesel - a guy who is 55 years old
Bobby Charles
Robowrestler 1
Gator

Ok at this point I gave up on listing all the people you've lost to and I barely got halfway through.

Do you realize that in the span of 26 days you lost 10 times. You managed to win once which I'm sure must have been a fluke but 10 times in 26 days?

Mother fucker you have literally turned losing into an artform. You should consider selling recordings of your matches at various auctions, maybe even on ebay. I can see it now. "The Pitfalls and Non Pinfalls Of Mastermind: The complete catalogue of how not to win wrestling matches." I bet you could make some serious money off of that.

Oh and speaking of money, do me a favor, print up one of those cool t-shirts you give out but make sure to put your own name on it and then give it to yourself after I beat you. Hell you can even wear it to the ring on Monday if you want and save yourself a step.

Now, I'm going to sit back and relax and see if you can remember how to cut a promo that isn't 95% clips of the adventures of Tommy Gunn.

Oh and PS: Thank you for that wonderful backstage page you've set up for all the XWF fans. It really made pointing out just how atrocious you are that much easier.

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