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Goat Face Killa · **02-15-2015, 08:49 AM**

Ghost Face Killa has won recently in life. He hasn't won a single match, or even lost one, but was still fucking awesome. Since being fucking awesome, Ghost Face Killa is still fucking awesome and will continue to destroy all the scrubs that stand in his way. Ghost Face Killa could only watch and laugh as Scully failed again and again. Failing to grab a clipboard. Failing to win a match that was relevant. Failing to BE relevant. Failing, failing, failing.

Ghost Face Killa also watched as Scully failed a royal rumble match. He eliminated someone who nobody gives a shit about and got eliminated almost immediately because... guess what? He's a failure. Scully is entering the TV gauntlet first, fighting him against all odds and making him have all the odds stacked against him and the most unlucky. Or, he can't fucking grasp the meaning of what a gauntlet match is and know that I am at number two and will prove to the world again that he is a failure.

Alfie, whoever the fuck that is, (probably a goat that's called Alfie) had set up a camera in front of Ghost Face Killa's van.

"Hello, XWF Universe. Or should I say, XWF Pooniverse, to Killy Cam."

I laugh. It's not funny is it? Do you think that your shitty puns are funny?

"Nothing happened in the previous promo. I was just trying to get you to watch this one. First of all I need to tell you a bit about me. Okay, so this isn't a Ferrari, it's a van. Just thought you'd like to know that if you didn't already. It's fairly hard to notice these things. It's not as expensive as a Ferrari, isn't that interesting? A shocking revelation. A van isn't the same amount of money as a Ferrari! Holy shit. It isn't that new but it's all I can afford as I give handjobs on the street for coke and the leftover money I spend on lesser things like vehicles. I am a

little smack head aren't I? It isn't that good and I am an asshole. Please give me sympathy for being an asshole or I will cut myself. I tell it as it is and I beat around my dads bush because the hair gets caught in my fingernails. I hope that gives a prologue into my life. I'm really shit and I'm trying to find excuses for why I am shit but I can't so I just say it as it is and hope that pest doesn't widen my anus even more.

I have an opportunity to becoming the number one contender at the TV title, taking it from my fellow friend, Gator. I say fellow friend because I want to lick his asshole clean so that when I fail to win this match, I can try and get him to give me another one. Insert childish elementary school insult here, such as butt slut and then I will continue with the promo. Standing in my way are the power rangers- oops I meant gays. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! ISNT THAT FUNNY?! HOHOHOHO-"

I straighten myself out and continue with this incredibly Scully-like promo.

"It has been said that I am facing someone who's entering first, which means he's the toughest even though I enter at the exact same fucking time as him. That's cool with me, atleast I know my opponents are mentally

and I can take advantage of this. The victory will taste that much sweeter as I've added a bunch of seasoning to it. I also preheated the victory to 15 degrees. Anyway, let's talk about my opponents, or should I say, oppogays. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

First up, Dana- I meant Scully. Damn, why'd you gotta rip off Dana Scully, the character from the X-Files? Taking the name from a person in a fiction-supernatural series! Alright, I can't fucking do this anymore. You're so FUCKING CRINGEY It's unreal! Are you actually so fucking boring,

and a massive failure? I'm sick of all your pathetic puns that you think are funny, when they are so

and non funny. Your little fucking Frodo petition got so much shit, people pointing out exactly why you're a cunt that you ran away, but now you come out with this piece of shit? FUCK ME!"

"Can I keep the name Alfie?"

"Scully, you are from a

breed of humans. You say that goats are intelligent, realise that you've complimented me and then you go and pull off some shitty butchered job, trying to redeem yourself. Holy shit, fuck you. For the last time... you fucking idiot...

I AM NOT A FUCKING GOAT! I AM A HUMAN!

Are you that

? Do I look like a goat? Really? Does a goat fucking talk?"

"Yea-"

"No! They don't! Stop trying to be funny too. That shitty little video you gave me as a 'gift' made me want to kill myself with utter cringe. That stupid fucking one hit wonder was enough, but a goat remix? Why the fuck did you give me that? Are you trying to impress me?"

"It really wasn't funny."

"Yeah. It wasn't. It was fucking lame. Nearly as lame as you're

promo. Also, you try to be smart and witty by using the whole Billy Goat's Gruff thing? You butchered that as well. How about this."

I cough, as I rally my goat lungs to sing my amazing nursery rhyme.

"Scully, Scully was going through strife,

Scully, Scully wanted to end his life,

All of the XWF locker room grabbed a nearby knife,

And stabbed the fuck out of that boring midcarder for life!

How was that? It may of been shit, it may of been good. However, anything is better than sitting through and trying to decipher a stupid fucking Scully promo."

"Holy shit man, calm down."

"Oh, we've done the bad bit, now it's time for Caroline."

"Who's that?"

"Exactly. She's one of those people who thinks that everyone knows who she is and that everyone should bow down to her. Well, I've got news for you. Nobody does. The only people who care about you are the ones who want to fuck you. So, let this be an invitation. Everyone knows you want a piece of the Goat Face Killa's quiche and I would love to slip my wand in your wizards sleeve, so how about that? Does that sound good? I'm sure it does, because all you've proven while here is that you are a slut and want to fuck everybody here. Well, you better not have any STD's because it's my mission to ravage your cabbage. Oh and you're a shit wrestler."

...

...

"You finished?"

"Yep. Let's go."

The scene fades as Ghost Face Killa and the Boer get in either side of the van that sports the 'FREE CANDY' on the side, before driving off into the sunset, showering the camera in dust.

Da end, Killy has spoken?

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