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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Turning Point PPV
The King of Cute and The Duke of Darkness
Author Message
Tri Bute Offline
Justice Integrity Zankustility Zeusrion



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(cheered BECAUSE they break rules and bones)


#1
01-22-2015, 05:03 AM

Previously….On Days of Our Tri Bute…

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=15952

"...We’re lucky you know Batman. After ‘To The Wonder’s’ Ben Affleck passed away we all thought we were goners, but your friend gave us hope and even if we’re all dead by Thursday, at least we had that.”

The scene fades to black for a moment until two words appear on the screen in bold.

"Bat Wing."

“This kind of bullshit makes me sick. Future Ebola? Angry chinchilla? Tri Bute’s Gender Term Tossing Tirade? Eminem? WIND WALKER OF FURY? Loverboy?

How much stupid shit did you make up for this? Was my rich lore not enough for you, Stevil? I sat there for six months future writing page after future page of one hundred percent true stories for you to rip-off, but hey, who am I to question the future genius?

I say ‘future’ a lot, but that’s about all you got right. There are no talking future clothes, no talking future rocks, and no future armless people. Why would you do a Tri Bute rip-off with none of the future thematic elements? That’s why everyone loved my stories, Stevil. They were so rich and colorful compared to the trashy shitty promos that like John Austin made, but John Austin plucking guitar strings beats ‘tranny rape statistics’ any day.

Steve, if I knew you were that stupid I wouldn’t have offered you that job. Maybe you were a different guy before you met Guppy. You tried so hard to become the person the person you wanted to marry wanted to marry. I couldn’t let you do that in good conscience. Why would I ever let the two people who ruined my future business find happiness in each other?”


Tri Bute reaches into the darkness and pulls out his iFuturePhone10,010,008S. What an amazing Future Apple product. Tri Bute displays the iFuturePhone10,010,008S's future home screen and notices an abundance of Twitter updates.

“@futurebute Your well dried up on its own accord.”

“@futurebute Stevil made your dumb comics better!”

“@futurebute Why would I ever click ads on some dormant website? It’s not Guppy’s fault you big bully!”

“@futurebute Batman would never fuck over a fellow comic book hero!!”

“Your Twitter followers don’t let up, Guppy. It looks like I caused quite a stir in the neckbeard community. Their blind devotion is awfully cute. I’m sure you’d give them all warm hugs and big wet kisses, but that’s your specialty. You love them all unconditionally. You’re a nurturer. By today's standards you're The King of Cute. I don’t think we could be anymore different.

Maybe I won’t kill you after all. Maybe I could just keep you as a pet.

Not that there’s much of a difference, considering my track record with future pets.

That’ll be old news by Saturday though. We’ll move on to our other beloved king, so beloved that he doesn’t rule his own planet.

I guess they make anybody the king in this time period. It seems to have very little to do with actual power. In the future we had standards. We had future cities, but those future cities did not have their own kings. To be a king you had to at least own your own a planet. Anything less was a joke. Those little kings didn’t control anything. They just followed orders from the real king, which was usually me.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there really is some planet named “Darkness” out there and Sebastian Duke built a compound on it. Maybe all the Darknizens know his name and hum his theme tune. The odds are I missed that promo. I get bored of past people really easily. You all just lack something. You’re all un-relatable. Because of this, these promos are so hard to sit through. I was only able to watch this one and Stevil’s stupid one because it mentioned me.

Anyway, aside from our cultural difference, the Duke of Darkness had other things to say that were concerning.”

Quote:
Being the King of Darkness is not a nickname. Being the King of Darkness is not a monicker. It's not a slogan to sell t-shirts. I've never offered my name, my likeness, or anything about me to the merchandising representatives of the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. I'm not for sale. Being the King of Darkness is a way of life. It's something I've worked at every day of my life to become. I've dedicated my life to becoming the epitome of fear. Regardless of what some might say in a public forum in order to build up their false bravado, I've succeeded.

“I hope Duke doesn’t mind if I sell those shirts. I’ll have to have Law Yer check if ‘King of Darkness’ is trademarked or any of that legal shit. I don’t want to leave money on the table. Everyone will want to buy his shirt when they find out he’s facing the evil future man who killed Guppy! Wrestling is a business after all.

But would the King of Darkness really be the epitome of fear? Is it the epitome of fear if a nightlight solves the problem and then you get rid of it when you’re older? No one is still afraid of the dark, right?

Epitome of fear?

That would be the King of Public Speaking, right? Well, it’s just a saying anyway. I guess it doesn’t really have a reason to be accurate. One could say this is me building up false bravado, but I haven’t been afraid of the dark since I was six and someone called me a for still having a nightlight.

Hopefully my words about his nicknames don’t stop people from buying shirts with them plastered on the front and back. This match, killing Guppy, and the sales of Duke’s unofficial shirts are the only things keeping me in my humble future abode.

Heyman’s Chamber of Horrors seems like the perfect place for the 8000 time future king to make his return. Many future wrestling matches had timers, and an abundance of crazy things happening every five minutes. Usually the matches that crowned me King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion were a bit more…technologically advanced, but I didn’t expect 2015 to be anything other than what it was. My 8001st match with timers will go where they always have, under the win column. A bit of ‘every five minutes flair’ might be enough to keep the people entertained and clicking my ads ag-”


The future limousine came to an immediate halt.

“We’ve future arrived,” announced Mr. Ver.

“Very well, Dri, very well.”

Tri Bute’s future expression changed. Maybe this is the future face he makes when he’s about to kill someone. Tri Bute future stepped out of the future limo and the scene faded to darkness.

"Pink is my signature color!" - Elle Woods
[Image: fpUoGTE.jpg]
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