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Phillip Pagoda · **01-02-2015, 04:43 PM**

Welcome to the sixth edition of XWF's 'The Pagoda Report.' I am your host, Phillip Pagoda. Today we are discussing everything from Madness to Warfare to The X-Treme 25 to Christmas Shove It! The X-Treeme 25 will rank everyone according to their performances at the past four events and not counting Christmas Shove-It. Will you disagree with me? I'm sure you shall. Alas, this is according to my rubric. I also have an interview portion that will wrap up 'The Pagoda Report.' Now... let's get started shall we?

Universal Championship
Champion: Steve Davids

1. John Samuels
2. Theo Pryce
3. Justin Sane
4. ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane
5. Azrael Erebus

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World Tag Team Championship
Champions: 'The Kings' - John Samuels & Theo Pryce

1. ‘The Underground’ – TJ Wallace & Xavier Swann
2. ‘The Asylum’ – Hysteria & Frodo Smackins
3. ‘Defiance’ – Justin Sane & Gator
4. ‘Patient Confidentiality’ – Doctor D’Ville & LH Harrison
5. ‘Z-Storms’ – Bobby Zi & Adrian Storms

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X-Treme Championship
Champion: Doctor Louis D'Ville

1. Pest
2. Iris Oppenheimer
3. Ruben A. Mitchell
4. Cain
5. Bobby Zi

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Television Championship
Champion: Gator

1. Justin Sane
2. TJ Wallace
3. Adrian Storms
4. Austin Fernando
5. Ethan Donovan

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Trios Championship
Champion: 'The Three Kings' - Theo Pryce, John Samuels, & John Madison

1. ‘Defiance’ – Justin Sane & Gator & corVus
2. ‘The Underground’ – TJ Wallace & Aerial Knight & Xavier Swann
3. ‘The Asylum’ – Hysteria & Frodo Smackins & Ghost Tank
4. ‘The Kliq’ – Shawn Michaels & Triple H & Diesel
5. ‘Maverick & Friends’ – Maverick & Leon Cage & Dustin Cage

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The Prophetic Belt of The Almighty Higher Power Championship
Champion: Hysteria

1. Xavier Swann
2. Ruben A. Mitchell
3. Lucius Fyre
4. Duncan B. Deadly
5. Grayson Stinger

The X-Treme 25

1. Theo Pryce

2. John Samuels

3. Gator

4. Doctor Louis D’Ville

5. ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane

6. Justin Sane

7. Hysteria

8. Steve Davids

9. Frodo Smackins

10. Azrael Erebus

11. Iris Oppenheimer

12. Cain

13. Adrian Storms

14. TJ Wallace

15. Austin Fernando

16. Bobby Zi

17. Ruben Mitchell

18. Patrick Kissinger

19. Aerial Knight

20. Pest

21. Ethan Donovan

22. Jessie Diaz

23. Lucius Fyre

24. Duncan B. Deadly

25. Grayson Stinger

Match of the Weeks

Christmas Shove It Gauntlet Match

Wrestler of the Weeks

Theo Pryce

Promo of the Weeks

"Knight to the left of me, Some prick to the right." - Gator

Welcome to the interview portion of The Pagoda Report! Today I am joined by none other than the #1 Contender for the Universal Championship and the current World Tag Team and Trios champion... John Samuels! Welcome John.

Holy shit a talking Muskrat!

A talking Muskrat, where?! Oh... I see what you did there. Okay Mr. Samuels, since you're in a joking mood let's discuss this obsession with Mr. Gilmour. What's the beef between you two?

I don't have a beef with Gilmour. Hell, this place would be boring without him. Mocking Peter is like having a fat girl's number that'll blow you whenever you want. Should you do it? Probably not. Do you do it anyway? Absolutely, it's funny and a good way to waste 5 minutes.

That's... certainly an interesting assertion. But let's focus on your return. Since you've been back, you've had a tremendous time and have won a multitude of titles. How does it feel to be the World Tag Team as well as the Trios Champion? A task only a few have accomplished.

C'mon Paggy, you telling me you've never made sweet muskrat love to a chunker's face? It has been a hell of a run, and I couldn't ask for two better partners in crime. When I first started in the XWF it was always my goal to become a member of The Black Circle. Fast forward to today, and The Black Circle, in any incarnation, fails to compare to The Kings.

I cannot say that I have Mr. Samuels. Well there aren't too many differences between The Black Circle and The Kings are there? Two of the members are the same after all.

Well look at you! Those glasses aren't just for show, are they? Now, I would never call myself the 'leader' or the 'strongest' of The Kings like you're so heavily alluding to, but it does beg the question: What's the difference between a group that has packed it's bags and rode off into the sunset, and a group that is the most dominant in the history of the XWF? All signs would seem to point to me, would they not?

So despite my 'alluding' to you being the strongest member, you then reiterate the exact same point after claiming to never call yourself that? An interesting take although you are not incorrect. John Madison and Theo Pryce were in both, yet The Black Circle did not accomplish all that you three have thus far. But let's move forward. What's the next thing you'll be baking?

Interesting question. Perhaps I'll be whipping up something special for my next opponent, Azrael Erebus. What does the spaceman eat? Besides dick, of course.

I'm sure he can digest anything you provide. Perhaps you'd like to provide ala Pest?

I don't even think gooks like Neonero would touch that and they eat fermented dog shit cereal. Look Pags, let's just go ahead and address the elephant in the room, shall we? I can see the beads of sweat on your forehead, your hands are getting all clammy and trembling: You're nervous of being in the presence of the next Universal Champion, aren't you?

I'm nervous about being in the same room with you? By the sounds of it, my last three guests are practically on the verge of being Universal Champion. What makes you different from Maverick, Loverboy Vinnie Lane, and Justin Sane?

Oh boy, how am I better than those 3? Save yourself some time and ask me to read the dictionary to you. I'll give you the condensed version: I've been to the top, twice. I know what it takes to get there. You see these guys trembling in fear at the mention of guys that I've beaten with ease. Hell, I beat Poppa Feder, Mr. Satellite and our current champion Steve Davids all in one night. You can't honestly tell me you think there's another man capable of doing that. Everyone turned tail when the great and powerful Angelus decided to come back, do you know why he left? Because he couldn't keep ducking that new up-and-comer John Samuels. These guys today aren't anywhere near that level. I'll give them props, they talk a big game, but none of them measure up to me.

You seem dead-set on having already beaten Steve Davids, but what's next after you beat him?

Well I could make a run for someone else's title but being a black man with all that gold is just going to open me up to Mr. T jokes. Say, Paggy, you're a giant John Samuels fan, how would you like to follow behind me and carry all my belts? I'll get you a fancy little hat.

A fancy hat? Hmm... what sort of hat? Wait, hold on. No, I have too much following around to solely stick to you. Now the next question I have is one I ask everyone. Who would you fight here in the XWF if you could fight anyone you haven't?

Now that's a question! Who indeed? Do I go back to the glory days and wish I could square of against a guy like Cyren or Donathon? Or do I keep it current and go with the likes of Eli James or Evertrust? Tough to say, but in all reality there's only one man who fits the bill. He's ducked me a countless amount of times and it's only a matter of time before I get my chance against the bonafide legend himself...

Crimson Dong.

The Crimson Dong! What an entertaining match that would be! Now I think we're about to wrap this thing up, but is there anything else you'd like to say to the masses?

Eli James is a fat, hairy pussy. Goodnight.

That's all for this interview portion of The Pagoda Report!

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Well that about sums up 'The Pagoda Report' for this period. Be sure to join us in two weeks as we have the next edition of 'The Pagoda Report.'

Thank you for joining me and step up your work. For everyone shall be assessed and assimilated.

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