12-20-2014, 07:30 PM
"Loverboy" - Long December -->
"Put on something slow and sweet."
BEEP BEEP.
“Is this thing on? Did you turn it on?”
“Yeah Vinnie, it’s ready.”
“You sure you’re cool with us taping this, right?”
“Of course, baby, anything you want.”
“I don’t want some Paris Hilton situation or for you to try and sue me.”
“Oh hush.”
“Ha ha, I’m kidding…”
“I know.”
“How do you want to start? Why are your panties still on anyway?”
“I have an idea. Oh, you’re going to hate it, but I love torturing you…”
“Aw how bad can it be? You want me to go down on you first, is that it?”
“No, not this time… I want you… to respond to Frodo!”
“What!?”
“Ha ha ha!”
“Oh come on! Now?”
“Yes! I won’t give you what you want until you do.”
“Oh that’s cold, baby.”
“Mmm hm. Trust me, I don’t like thinking about him either, but I do love making you squirm.”
“Ugh. I don’t want to. Maybe we can just do this another… hey, no, get back up here, don’t get on your knees and… ah… ahhh…”
“Hmmm hmmm hmmm…”
“Shit. Oh, shit. Do I HAVE to?”
“Mmmmm hmmmmm…”
“God damn it. Fine. Fine. The little fucker needs his spotlight, let’s give it to him. FrooooFUCK! Baby, don’t do that tongue thing right now, wait, okay?
Frodo… Frodo you annoying little bastard.
On one hand, I’m a little impressed. After your first promo was basically the equivalent of you puking in your own mouth and then swallowing it again, you at least came back with something the next couple of times that was almost worth replying to.
I mean, let’s be honest, you still basically did the same shit you always do. Just like I pointed out before, you just call me a over and over. This time, not only did you actually name the title of your segment “Vinnie Lane’s a ” or whatever, you even added pictures. Adorable. More meme shit, more porn, more this and that. “Oh, Vinnie’s a , Vinnie has pretty hair, Vinnie wears tight pants, blah blah blah.” Real good, original shit, you know? Nothing at all like the same exact god damn thing you always say or that everybody else always says.
You think some x-rated picture of a gaping creampie is gonna beat me in the ring, dude? Nevermind the irony of being called a homo by the one guy in the fed who tries to fuck every other dude that comes near him, or being compared to a jizz-filled asshole by a dude who sucks more cum than a strip club vacuum.
The thing about you, dude, is that you’re just here for the sound of your own voice. Next week someone else will just be a and a , just like last week Hawkins was and before that Gator was and before that Ghost Tank and Justin Sane were. It’s old and tired, man. It’s boring. I keep telling you over and over how little you interest me, I told you repeatedly you bore me, that you had nothing that mattered to me, that fighting you was meaningless to me, and here you are demonstrating exactly why, just like I knew you would, man.
Roxy, this shit isn’t working.”
“Guk?”
“I can’t fucking get hard when thinking of this little motherfucker, how is this ever supposed to work?”
“Kep thrying.”
“Fuck. Fine.
Frodo, listen. Heart to heart time, man, no bullshit. No swagger and bravado or anything like that, okay? This match is just a match to me. I know you wanted it to be special, dude, and it can be for you, I guess, though it’s just going to be a special loss for you. For me though, I have plans. I have aspirations and goals, man, and you have nothing to do with them.
You wonder why I’m trying so hard to get in the ring with Samuels? Well, fuck, man, why do you think? He has something I want. He has that contender spot. And why was I so interested in Theo? What, you think it’s a bad thing to set my sights on the Universal Title? Don’t be dumb, dude. That’s why all of us are here. Well, all of us except you, I guess. Mister “I don’t care about winning or titles.” Do you have any idea how dumb that sounds, by the way? That’s like going to work five days a week and saying you don’t care if they pay you at the end. The Universal Championship is THE goal for competitors in the XWF. Championships matter, dude.
Oh, shit.”
“URRGGGKK!”
“Yep. That did it. Thinking about winning that sweet gold definitely got me ready to go. Take a deep breath, baby, you can do it. There you go. Get it all in there.
Look dude, you and me don’t have anything to do with each other. That Asylum bullshit is stupid, you have no horse in the Madness GM argument, the two or three shitty things I said about your family were months ago and not really even that bad, considering the shit that gets said around here every day. We have no reason to make a big deal out of all of this. We’ll have the match you followed me around throwing a temper tantrum about for months, I’ll win, of course, and then we can both move on. You can go back to trying to finger every rectum in the back room, and I’ll go win championships.
Why do you even give a shit that I want to win the title? Who are you to say who deserves what? You have your tongue buried so deep in the anus of Theo Pryce that you think he’s a god among men, that everything he does is a stroke of brilliance, but he didn’t do anything any more impressive than I have. What he had a briefcase and cashed it in? Big deal! So did Shades. So did Steve Davids, and now HE’S the champ. Are you going to praise Davids and his career the way you did Theo? Tell me how he earned everything he got because in the last four months he’s lost to Gator and beaten Bobby fuckin’ Zi? Come on dude, get real.
You want to know why I deserve a shot? How about because I held the Trios Titles for months as just one man? How about because I overcame nearly impossible odds to win them in the first place? How about the fact that I’m also a former X-Treme Champion? How about because I’ve beaten four of the last six Universal Champions – and the other two I never had the chance? Go ahead, dude, check for yourself. Theo, Morbid Angel, Azrael Erebus, Sebastian Duke… that’s right, all of them have losses to me on their recent records. Let’s not forget the other big names I’ve gotten victories against like Gator, MacAlister, and Luca either. That’s how I earned my shot, dude, by bringing it in the ring since day fuckin’ one.
This is a game of opportunity and smarts, man. Theo made his move and it paid off, just like others before him did. The truth is, all he’s really done is abandon his team at War Games in order to cash in for himself. I don’t see you talking about how selfish that was of him though, do I? No, you’d rather say I was greedy to “demand” that Guppy give me a shot at his belt. Guppy, the guy who invited literally anyone to get a shot at any time they wanted one. The guy who set the date for the match with me, as well as the stipulations. The guy says people get shots, I say I’d like one, he gives it to me… somehow that’ me making demands for things I don’t deserve?
I guess next you’ll say Hysteria did things the right way by somehow earning his shot at Guppy, right? You know, by laying down for Mick Manson at Shove It, like a proud, deserving competitor would do.
I guess you also think it was a cheap move to try and buy the contendership from Samuels, even though it was his idea. And even though… well, here, let’s just look at something real quick, I can pull this up on my cell…”
“Yup, that’s right, look at that. Looks like a certain “Frodo Swagkins” was in the process of getting 30 grand to send to Samuels himself, then gave it back to Morbid Angel after the gig was up. Nice. What did you do to “earn” that title shot, if you had managed to get it? Hell, not only did you do nothing for it, you aren’t even allowed to use it. That’s what you’re all about though, right Frodo? Just going about your troll life with your troll ways, trying to spoil shit for everyone else just because you can? Fuckin’ lame, dude.
Honestly, man, I don’t even really know where to go from here. You’re so all over the place with your bullshit that I don’t really even think you know what you’re talking about from one minute to the next.
You go on and on about me liking shit from the 80’s and how lame it is of me to do it, then you hit me with a quote and, of course, an internet meme from a movie released in 1985.
You talk about how many clicks people have given to different bio pages on the XWF website, as if it means any damn thing. Yet when I go to the ring the fans scream for me, and when I go out in public they tear at me, just trying to get close. When was the last time someone wanted your autograph, midget? When was the last time a kid wanted to buy your action figure or some girl wanted you to take a picture with her for her Instagram followers. I’ll answer that for you – Hashtag, Never.
You jump down my throat calling me a ripoff, because what? I licensed my name and likeness so my girl could run a business? Oh, you did something similar, so I must be trying to be just like you, right? Fucking Christ, dude, I didn’t even know that shit about you. See, unlike you, I spend my time out of the ring having a fucking life. I don’t research every second of my opponents’ history and try to find things to copy. My fuckin’ name is Lane. There are hundreds of people with that name. I’ve never met Hank Lane, and would have probably never even heard of him had you not incessantly brought him up over the past few months. Big fuckin’ deal, we have the same last name. It’s not a ripoff, it’s a coincidence. Same with my dick being called the Senator. I’ve called it that for years, well before I’d ever heard of John Samuels. Nice try though.
But wait a minute… again, in your special type of hypocrisy, you call me a copycat for being born with the last name Lane while simultaneously you’re running around as a man named fuckin’ Fred who calls himself “Frodo,” after the name of a character in one of the most popular books ever and a blockbuster film series. Somehow I’m the guy ripping something off, though. Oh, it must be that jacket I had made that I guess resembles Scorpio’s, another guy who I’ve met maybe twice and never seen wear a jacket. I mean, the first time I heard of his was when you mentioned it to me, while I was wearing mine, but yeah, I must have stolen the idea from him. Because Scorpio is the first guy to ever wear a rhinestoned-up denim jacket. Just like you’re the first guy to ever run a strip club. Jackass.
Want more hypocrisy? You can’t wait to point out that I’m joining forces with Kirk MacClay’s Underground because you say it makes me a pot calling the kettle black for calling out the front office’s cronyism and then doing the same thing myself. Hey, dipshit, not only did you flat out admit I was right about you using connections to your advantage, you said you would keep doing it. That BS is the whole god damn reason I agreed to MacClay’s ideas in the first place, dumbass. It’s called turnabout being fair play. It’s really simple, as long as I’m just a single competitor like anyone else without the right connections, I keep getting passed over. It allows for guys like Samuels to pull the crap he did with the number one contendership, dangling it out like a carrot and not giving the payoff he promised, when he’s got a guy like Madison to back him up. Yeah, I know, Madison is a wrestler. He’s also the second highest ranking member of the XWF staff. You’ve never heard of a conflict of interest before? You don’t think it’s bullshit for a manager like Madison to declare himself a contender and put himself into title matches after months of inactivity? Of course you don’t, not when it’s helping out your mancrush Theo. Theo doesn't matter to me anymore, dude, did you think I was hung up on him, personally? I don't need Theo, I already proved I can beat him. I just wanted his title, that he's now lost to Steve Davids - who has gone straight to the top of my priority list. See how that works, dude? For real though, Is that where the animosity comes from, you think I'm trying to take your husband from you?
“Oh, oh, Theo, did you watch my promo? Did you like the stuff I said about Lane and about you? Did you? Do you love me? Can we be friends?”
You sound like a butthurt ex-girlfriend trying to win back her man at the junior prom by giving away her virginity. It’s probably something you learned from your own mother birthing you in an alley behind her tenth grade homecoming and dropping you in the first dumpster she found.
Frodo, you’re not a big deal, dude, as much as you want to be. You’re just a short, dumpy little white guy who got fired from his geek job and who wants to make fun of people for wearing anachronistic clothes while running around dressed in oversized acid wash jorts and grabbing his crotch like a background dancer in a 1996 Puff Daddy video. Yeah, it’s insane that I’d like music from around the time that I was born; that makes no sense at all, right? I mean, nobody under the age of 70 likes the Beatles or anything, what right do I have to be into hair and glam when I’m not even 30 yet? It makes much more sense to be pushing 40 and dressed like the last wigger to leave the club by himself on ladies’ night. You remind me of this one jackass punk I ran across in an internet chatroom who kept trying to convince everyone that Kurt Cobain was a shitty musician and nothing more than a junkie,just because he was still shitting in diapers back in 1992, so the other people in the chat would think he was edgy and cool.
Like I said, you’re nothing. When I described you as another rung on a ladder toward the Universal Title, that wasn’t a compliment. Every match I have is a step in that direction. Starting with when I pinned Bobby Zi on your wedding day, counting garbage matches like Darren Dangerous or Shelby Cobra. Every one of them were rungs on the ladder too, dude. You’re no better and no different than they were. The target is still the same. The goal is the same. The title. My destiny. My time to shine for all of my fans around the world.
What’s your destiny, you might wonder? Same as it’s always been, man. Being an ugly fucker whose most athletic achievement is running his fuckin’ mouth while patting himself on the back and jerking himself off at the same time.
"Loverboy" - Long December -->
over and over. This time, not only did you actually name the title of your segment “Vinnie Lane’s a ![[Image: MxCLcEO.png]](http://i.imgur.com/MxCLcEO.png)
![[Image: Gz87KnQ.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/Gz87KnQ.jpg)
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