“Baby, are you ready? We have to get to Arkansas.”

“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane was packed and ready to go; several bags belonging to both him and Roxy were strewn about the floor, ready to be tossed into a cab and flown to middle-of-nowhere Arkansas for Madness.

“I’m coming, babe… just grabbing a few things. Is the cab here?”

Loverboy peeks out the small window next to the door frame, letting the sunshine pour across his face as he does. Looking out, he clicks his tongue and quickly pulls out his cell phone, checking the time.

“No. Fuck, it was supposed to be here a half an hour ago. What’s the deal?”

“Baby, the 405 is a nightmare, I told you. We should have gotten a room at the hotel at LAX last night.”

“Yeah, yeah, you always want to get a fancy hotel room.”

“Well, we’d be on time, wouldn’t we? And it would be a new bed to fuck in.”

“True.”

Loverboy checks his phone again, visibly frustrated with the time.

“Damn it. Hey, what’s this… oh, you gotta be kidding me.”

“What is it babe?”

Roxy has come out from the back room, dressed in a tight fitting purple mini dress and stiletto heels – her signature look. As she works a large hoop earring through her earlobe, she walks closer to Loverboy and peers over his shoulder.

“Justin Sane, again. All of a sudden the dude wants to pipe up with some last minute bullshit after being scared mostly quiet all week. Typical shit.”

“Yeah, you tend to leave your opponents at a loss for words though, babe. Other than Theo. He never seems to shut up.”

“EVER, right? Like, Theo Pryce probably is like the worst guy to go to a movie with. It’s be like we were seeing a Tyler Perry movie in Compton.”

Loverboy presses a few buttons, glancing out of the small window again to make sure no taxi has arrived. Eventually, the sounds of Justin Sane’s recent promo start to play. Roxy and Loverboy watch with smiles, cracking up or shaking their heads periodically. Soon enough, Loverboy’s eyes go wide.

“Rox, did you see that?”

“The song? Yeah, it’s fucking awful.”

“No, not that. I mean, yeah, it’s terrible, and I finally agree with Justin about something there. Not surprising that he’d let a track like that play in his house though, dude, the guy’s from Philly. Philly is about the worst possible place to be, you know? I’d rather be in Lebanon.”

“Philly is pretty much the dirt worst.”

“Yeah… but no, dude, did you see what his girl did? With the costume?”

Roxy rolls her eyes and scoffs.

“Catwoman? Did she give you a fucking boner, Vinnie? Come on, I’m the pretty kitty around here, baby. You want to go fuck trash like her instead?”

“No, babe, that’s not what I’m talking about. That skunt has nothing on you. I mean, yeah, she’s sexy in a way that lets you know she’s totally down with anal, and obviously she has really low standards, but there’s no SANE man alive that would think she could hold a candle to you.”

“Thank you, babe… you’re so sweet.”

Roxy kisses Loverboy on the cheek and rests her head on his shoulder, running her hand across his chest.

“But what would you think if I wanted you to dress up as her?”

“WHAT?”

“I mean –“

“What the fuck, Vinnie!”

Roxy backs away from Loverboy and swigs her left shin in an upward arc aimed directly at the crotch of his tight vinyl pants. Luckily, Loverboy catches her golden calf mere inches from his most prized possession and actually bends down to one knee to kiss the tops of her beautifully pedicured toes.

“Roxy, baby, that’s not what I meant. Listen. In this promo, Justin’s little spinner Michelle bought him an outfit that would make him look almost exactly like me! I mean, an uglier me, like maybe my bass player or something, but still.”

“She did that? This week? Is she stupid?”

“I mean, probably, she liked that song after all. And she keeps fucking Justin Sane.”

“Good points.”

“But don’t you see what this means, Rox? Even Justin’s own slut thinks I’m hotter than him! She’d rather he look like me. Hell, she’d rather he BE me.”

“Can’t blame her though, can you Vinnie?”

“Hell no! I bet she closes her eyes and pretends it’s me pumping her full of man chowder every time those two screw around. I’m sure he ruins the whole fantasy by curling up and crying like a baby every time he gets off, though.”

“He looks like a crier. You’re right.”

“Where’s the fucking cab?”

Loverboy again flips the curtain aside on the small window, looking out into the sunlight with a thin mouth, pressed together by anxiety.

“There’s no way we’re making the flight, man. We’re fucked. We are FUCKED.”

“I have an idea. It’s a little wild, but it could work.”

“Baby every idea you have is wild.”

“Like buying the strip club?”

“Yeah! That’s actually a fucking GREAT idea though, baby. We can all work together you know? My name will bring in the business, your hot ass and your skills with teaching other girls how to dance will keep them there. I can use my TWITTER for something other than talking shit about Justin Sane, too! Hell, I bet we can even find a job for Todd.”

“Todd? Why?”

“Dude, cambots are all the rage right now, man. Robots are popping up everywhere in the XWF. Todd won’t be able to make a living as just a cameraman for much longer, I feel bad for the little dude.”

“Well, he isn’t supposed to be our problem forever though, right? You promised.”

“Baby, come on, he’s just a sad little dude with an apparently gigantic cock and really no personality to speak of. You know I’m a charitable person. Didn’t I pay for that homeless guy to get a blowie behind the El Pollo Loco the other day?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I did. See? I’m a good dude. And Gator is my friend, and he asked me to look after Todd. What kind of an asshole would I be if I just let the little fucker lose his job with no backup plan?”

“You’d be a pretty big asshole.”

“Gaping. Like Frodo’s. But that’s not who I’m, baby, you know that. That’s why you love me.”

“Well… it’s not the only reason.”

Roxy’s hand moves to the bulge in the front of Loverboy’s pants, giving it a firm squeeze as she licks her lips.

“Damn girl. You are like a 7-11 – always open to serve. But we have GOT to get the hell out of here, man. What’s your wild idea?”

“Well, Vinnie, I was thinking… we could ride the rails! I’ve always wanted to, and we can probably find a good one heading East down at the station.”

“Ride the rails? You mean like a hobo?”

“Sort of… come on, babe. It will be so much fun! And I’ll let you do… ANYthing… in return.”

“Even dress you up like Catwoman?”

“Vinnie!”

“Kidding. I’m kidding.”

Just then, a horn honks from outside and Loverboy swings the door to the apartment open. He sticks his head outside.

“About fucking time, Abdul! What the actual fuck, man? Some of us have places to be, you know?”

“Vinnie be nice! He might be wearing a suicide bomber vest!”

“You’re the only bomb that’s gonna be in this taxi, baby. Get that sweet ass out there and I’ll bring the bags.”

“But we’ll never make the flight!”

“Yeah… tell him to take us to the train station.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh baby! Thank you! You will NOT regret it.”

Roxy scampers out of the apartment, jiggling in all the right places, and Loverboy takes one last look at the paused promo on his cell phone before following her out.

“Fucking idiot.”


To Be Continued…